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Years

Night time in Newcastle.

Walking to the first concert of the year.

2025 still finds concerts as a dependable friend. A break from the routine, a link with my earlier self for me. An adventure that Hawklad has confidence in and can rely on, a bridge for him. While holidays are still feeling a step too far, concerts take their place.

Some of the concerts are for me, some are Hawklad’s idea, most we agree on. This year is an eclectic mix. Springsteen, ELO, Al Stewart, Iron Maiden, Guns n Roses and Andrea Bocelli.

This one was my idea. Finally getting to see Fish after years of waiting. Left it late, this was his fourth last concert, his last one in England before he retires to his Croft on a Scottish Isle.

I wonder if quite a few in the crowd had the same feeling as me. Got really into music listening to artists like Fish, followed their careers as time passed. Now decades have passed, the bodies aren’t so willing to stand for hours now. Most of the long hair and tight jeans have gone. Yet we are still fans, the music sounds just as wonderful as it did at the start of this adventure. But increasingly we are attending final concerts of our music heroes.

Where did those years go……

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Lost time

Sat in a surprisingly quiet cinema, watching Despicable Me 4. I could hear Hawklad laughing, along with his fellow Minion Movie Goers…. I smiled then slowly an emotion swept over me. One I’ve had before in these nearly 8 years of single parenting but never this strong, this striking. Would she recognise his laugh, it’s been 8 long years, so much has changed.

His mum never got to see or experience this moment, all the moments. In 2016, when he was just 8, she left this stage. She has missed out on so much, the highs, the lows, the laughs, the tears, the struggles, the adventures, the family time, seeing all the great strides he has taken. Would she even recognise him now.

She missed so much.

Missed so much precious time.

I know the value of that now, I didn’t a few years back. Maybe that’s the thing about LOSS and BEREAVEMENT. You get to see the fragility of life and what is lost. You start to develop a better focus on the value of time and the pricelessness of the precious moments.

Lake Thun, Spiez, Switzerland
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Inevitable

I was sat quietly trying to figure out some bizarre game Hawklad had loaded onto my phone. It wasn’t going well, I can now add not being able to cross strange characters across busy roads to my litany of other incompetences….

As I unintentionally squashed more and more characters, a couple that looked about my age came into the sparse waiting room. Sounded like their daughter was having a counselling session at the same time as Hawklad. Unlike me they weren’t particularly quiet…. As my character death toll climbed relentlessly I had to listen to a families not so private backstory. Let’s just say it’s a family dealing with some stuff.

But one thing the bloke said stood out.

For whatever reason he had clearly missed quite a lot of stuff, important stuff and he knew it. To something his wife said, he mentioned having to miss his daughter’s school concert because he had a meeting. His wife pointed out with clear frustration that he missed last year’s concert as well. This year he had also missed her awards ceremony and sports day. To this he responded with

“Work is work, I will make it up to her, definitely NEXT SCHOOL YEAR.”

The sigh I heard from the woman to that sounded like she might have heard that before.

Maybe Work is Work but LIFE is DEFINITELY LIFE. Time rolls on. You only get so many chances to show up to things life school concerts, award ceremonies and sports days. All too quickly the chances end for good and you are either left with wonderful memories or painful regrets. That is inevitable.

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Longest Day

Well the longest day came and went.

We have a bit of a tradition going now. On the Longest and Shortest Days, we head off to the Moors to hopefully see the sun slowly set over the distant hills. A favourite little parking spot on a hardly used byway is the perfect spot. We only share these moments with sheep…

We like this spot because quite often, immediately after the sun sets you get a few brief moments of optical illusions. Often it appears that we are now looking down on the coast. A golden sea with islands. This always takes me back, back to my climbing days and the trips to the West Coast of Scotland.

Always poignant thoughts. I vividly recall standing by my car, near Torridon, watching a stunning sunset over water. Then getting in my car to drive overnight back to the rat race in England. Thinking, I can’t wait for my next climbing adventure here, already drawing up plans as I drove. That was over 20 years ago and I still haven’t returned.

Time moves on….

Here’s the crazy thing, if I had been told back then, it could end up being at least 20 years of no returns, then I would have almost certainly made more of an effort to find the time. To actually make that trip way before now but life can have a habit of just slipping through our fingers if we are not careful.

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Not for the first time

Not for the first time – sounds a bit like a Foreigner song.

How many times before I learn.

Why are life lessons so easily forgotten.

The older we get the more we are visited by loss, the more emotional baggage we carry.

Not for the first time, a character, a personality, someone with a rich story to hear, explore and understand. Let’s have that coffee next week, after this and that, let’s set something up tomorrow, maybe the weather will be better in a few weeks. Sorry busy, there’s a delivery I need to stay in for, shopping, work, housework, family….

Let’s have that coffee soon.

Time sometimes runs out…. I know…. I should know…. It’s happened before….

For months been talking about having a coffee with a wonderful chap in our village. A few decades older than me, lost his partner similar time to me, an artist. Much to talk about, share and discover. For this reason and that the coffee kept being put off till next week, then next week, then…..

He passed away a few days back. So many stories unheard, didn’t get to hear about his artist life. Just have to treasure the chats outside his house as I passed on the daily dog walk. Chats often quickly reverting to mutual disbelief at what is becoming of our country and its so called government. Little glimpses into each others worlds, a few tantalising snippets gained on an artist’s life.

If only that coffee had happened. If only I had asked this question and that question. Spent some more moments talking.

How many times have I thought that. Family, Partner, Friends.

Maybe this time, I’ve really learnt the life lesson.

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How long

I have a friend from university who has steadfastly shunned as much new technology as possible. He has no home computer, still uses video and vinyl, has no cd or dvd player. Doesn’t own a mobile phone. Actually he doesn’t really like any phones. The result is any communication is handwritten letters, it’s like a blast from the past.

During one protracted letter exchange, a conversation which would now normally take seconds was played out over almost a full year.

Remember that climbing trip to Glen Coe…

Oh yes, that one…

How on earth did you fall into that stream….

Effects of gravity probably, wow it was smelly, but you found that cowpat to fall into….

That was the biggest cowpat ever, covered head to toe….

That was not produced by a cow, size of that thing, it was a dinosaur….

We looked a right state sitting in that cafe that evening….

We did, but it was a great climb….

Happy Days….

It’s been a while since we have climbed….

It is, life happened….

How long is it now, must be 10 years….

I’ve just checked my photos, I think our last climb was 21 years ago….

Really, wow, where does that time go………………..

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Time

Hawklad’s Mum had a bucklet list of places she really wanted to visit. She was blessed to tick off quite a few locations from the list but sadly a few still escaped her. One such place was in Switzerland….

A small lake called Blausee found near the river Kander in the Bernese Oberland. A deep blue lake set in stunning surroundings which is completely fed by underground springs. As a result it is crystal clear and you can clearly see the bottom of the lake, even though it’s 12m deep. It’s apparently MAGICAL.

Photo from My Switzerland

Frustratingly we were frequently in the area but never quite made to the lake. It was always one of those,

We will get there NEXT TIME…..

TIME does run out, so if you have those places to visit, don’t let time runout on them.

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MUD

Some more rain on the way.

You can never have enough MUD.

Those of a certain age like me think ‘Tiger Feet’ when MUD is mentioned.

Apparently our area is still under a DROUGHT order and we are banned from using hosepipes. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

How is it possible to lose stuff in a small bungalow. Only so many places to look and still things go missing. Maybe one day I might stumble across a goldmine of lost treasures. This time I was looking for some of mum’s cds. Now that would be a musical goldmine. Sinatra, Martin, Cash, Crosby, Davis Jnr. Where had I stored them in this small bungalow back in 2016. Absolutely no sign of them but I did come across my partners cd’s, quietly collecting dust in one hardly visited corner of this little old building. More music untouched since 2016.

Back 6 years ago those cd’s were far too painful to touch. Today I thumbed through them, without pain.

TIME heals.

With TIME things can change.

Going through these cd’s one thought kept crossing my mind. Wow she had some appalling tastes in music, well at least to an old headbanger like me. Yes there where one or two gems but wow, so much nameless dance club music. I had forgotten just how little our musical likes ever coincided.

With zero chance of most of these cds ever getting played, a decision was made to relocate them to the attic until I can get them to the charity shop.

CDs should be played and not just sit there collecting dust.

‘And not just sit there collecting dust’, thinking about it, you can apply those words to people as well. I should remember that.

,

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Eggs

Still not feeling very Spring like.

Somebody’s been busy….

These EGGS make a cracking Egg and Soldiers. Mighty fine very local honey as well. Every few months the Bees do a mighty impressive fly past directly over our house. There is something much more regular than that. Every morning the Cockerel provides a morning alarm call at 6am. Not always welcome.

If only we could bribe the big fella to call out at other times. Hawklad would appreciate that. He really struggles to get the concept of time. Digital or Analog, doesn’t matter, he just struggles to tell the time. Sometimes he can work it out but it’s a real effort. Thankfully he can use his iPad to read out the time for him and to set alarms.

Unfortunately iPad audible alarms and time prompts are not allowed in the exams. Exam timekeeping will be a huge issue for him. So as Hawklad pointed out, “I wonder if they would rather me take the cockerel into the exam hall instead.”

Why not, I bet Cockerels are not specifically mentioned in the regulations.

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New Years Day.

2022….

Well the most has gone. That might even be the smallest patch of blue sky.

Can you spot the bird of prey gatecrashing the photo.

No zoom on the mobile, so this is the best I can do. The Gatecrasher.

I meet this gatecrasher every morning when I come down this lane, usually sat on the overhead power line. Such a thrill.

Soon we were on the road to the local wildlife park. A New Year Day Tradition which went on covid hold last year. This year we will arrive as it opens, wear masks and keep our distances. To protect others. Make sure we leave before the crowds arrive. The two of us have done this every year since Hawklad was a toddler. Just the two of us. His mum always decided to give it a miss, preferring a day at home. Maybe TV. Maybe catch up on sleep. It is an early start and a 90 minute drive. A quiet house can be very appealing. If she had realised time was so limited would she have stayed at home. Put things off repeatedly for another year.

I think I know the answer to that…..

Some choices you don’t get a second crack at them.