Still some flower action here in October.
I remember sitting in small meeting room as a Doctor and a Psychologist talked through Aspergers. How would it effect the future and parenting. A word that kept being mentioned was COMORBIDITY. Aspergers frequently co-exists with other additional conditions. It all depends on the individual. Sometimes you can work on one piece of the jigsaw, other times you have to look at the bigger picture.
Dyslexia, ADHD, Dyspraxia, OCD.
But the single most life affecting word
ANXIETY.
Social anxieties, health anxieties, anxieties.
It’s a constant struggle for Hawklad. The struggle is much harder during a pandemic. More anxieties all around him. But it’s not just about focusing on covid fears. As he briefly gets on top of one anxiety, another one takes over. Last night he struggled with
– infection fears,
– wider health fears,
– fears about touching surfaces and objects,
– return to school anxieties,
– anxieties about random lights in the sky,
– unexplained noises,
– eating anxieties,
– pet anxieties,
– school work,
– meeting strangers,
– life in general.
It’s a constant struggle. Reassuring, trying to manage the environment, talking. Some things the parent can help with but it’s Hawklad’s battle. Somethings need input from experts like Psychologist. Somethings just need a bit of help from life. Some fears may come and go, some fears may be overcome, some fears may become stronger, new fears may appear. It could be a life long battle for him. Over time let’s hope he can develop a range of techniques and strategies to help him manage his own anxieties. The parent is getting older. Soon what support he does get will vanish from the experts. In the UK adults are expected to ‘just get on with it’. That’s Britain for you.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 
As a parent to a son with anxiety and other diagnoses, I hear you. And Hawklad will eventually make his way in the world, one step at a time, with your support.
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It has to be one step at a time. Over time it does wear you down.
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Life has posed so many challenges for him. I do hope you do get some help from professionals.
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A little fur a couple more years, fingers crossed.
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🤗
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Please read my blog
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You are his best advocate
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The problem is if the parent doesn’t push, who would step in.
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Quite so
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Personally I use the four questions & turn around method called “The Work” to cope with my anxious moments. I’ve got it down to a tee without having to write each stressful thought down now. It’s worth learning, practicing and going over the method… The world becomes an easier place to live in. You’ve probably heard me banging on about it and the fact that it is free, but here I think this is the actual thingy on a website:
https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/
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Here’s an example:
“I need to touch that surface, but it looks 💩 grubby, so probably has lots of bacteria 🦠 🧫 🧪 on it and I’m gonna get sick!” 🤧 🤒 🤮
Q1. Is it true?
Q2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Q3. How do I react / what happens when I believe that thought?
Q4. How would I be without that thought?
A1. Yes/No
A2. Yes/No
A3. Badly… I get apprehensive 😬 and angry inside… I worry… 😵 I frown…
A4. Calm, composed… Smiles happen… I’m more productive and get on with life.
Turn arounds:
“I do NOT need to touch that surface”
“I can touch the surface and then wipe my hands after”
“That surface has NOT got lots of bacteria on it, it’s just grubby”
“The surface has too little amount of bacteria on it to infect me enough to make me sick”
“I’m NOT gonna get sick, because I’m looking after my body with good food, 🍓🍊🍌🥦🍇 I exercise and keeping a check on my thoughts”
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I can see that working over time. Just have to get through the spikes in anxieties in which reality goes out of the window.
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It’s shocking and I cannot comprehend either your world or Hawklad’s but surely you both should have regular support so long as you need it. You would certainly get it in France but that’s no consolation.
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We all just muggle along, gleaning the best bits from any situation we find ourselves in. I can’t do “Should” anymore, but replace it with “Could” in many sentences e.g. “I could fit into that size 12 pair of jeans 👖 one day, perhaps.” 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣
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Good luck
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Sadly it’s only going to get worse under the current bunch of leaders.
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I would happily move to France.
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Or Switzerland?
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Kind of sounds like the UK Government is just expecting all the UK to do it on their own.
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That’s exactly right. The line is it’s never the governments responsibility, it is up to the individual. If you can pay then you are fine.
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🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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Thank you
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It’s a very sad situation. What are the chances you could move to a more compassionate country? I suppose Brexit has made that difficult as well? When I think of the small anxieties that overwhelm me and compare them to what your lad deals with…it is appalling. But he is a very smart kid which can only help. I think of you both often with these problems. Not that it helps one bit, sadly.
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I keep looking. The problem is I’m a single parent. What happens if…..
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I realize you must worry. I just can’t imagine how much but try to remember that worrying never accomplishes anything. Words from the world’s greatest worrier!
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I hope that, together, you can find a way to alleviate his anxieties.
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Thank you
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So tough. No one understands unless they have walked in your shoes. Thoughts are with you both.
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Thank you
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I am very sorry for all the struggles Hawklad faces with anxiety. You are doing your best and I hope that in time and over time, Hawklad will develop the tools and skills to deal and cope with them one step at a time. 🤞🏻
Those purple flowers are beautiful!
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He will get there one day.
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Well the good news is that as he gets older, life will become easier. He is lucky to have his knowledge now of his diagnosis, with a father that is also aware of autism as much as his son. Hawklad is in a way better position today even with all the flaws and breaks than many older and elder Aspies today were in yesterday’s world.
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That is so true
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