Hawklad was playing online with his best friend so I had an afternoon to burn. Let’s go for a local walk.

I have issues with HORSES. Always have. Some say its because they like me for some reason but I know differently. The truth. They are after me.

As a child I once went to Africa to visit my sister. At one stage I was asked to stand next to a horse so my family could take a CINE film. Remember those…. As I stroked this particular fella, much laughter ensued. The horse literally ate my T-shirt. From then on the vendetta took hold. A few years later I was trying to get into a Football Stadium to see Newcastle get beat again. Stood in the queue chomping on a chocolate bar when a police horse stood on my foot. As I spun round in pain another police horse ate my Mars Bar……

The theme continued. I was walking on Dartmoor when a wild pony pinched my sandwich……

If only it was always that end. I was walking through a city centre to a meeting one afternoon when I came across a crowd. A new Betting Shop was opening and the famous Racehorse, Red Rum was the guest of honour. I found my self in a queue which I thought led to a free T-shirt but no, it was the queue to stand next to the great horse. I patted the huge horse with some trepidation and he repaid me by crapping on my shoe….

See they have issues with me. Maybe it’s because they know that I once voted for that horse loving movie, The Godfather as my favourite soundtrack ever. They know….

So on this particular grey Yorkshire afternoon I found myself walking across a field when over the hill a pack of ravenous beasts appeared. They came closer….

And came closer…

And closer….

And closer….

And sensing blood, even closer….

I was surrounded. I now knew what it felt like for Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum to be surrounded by a pack of blood thirsty Jurassic Raptors.

And remembering the best Jurassic Park survival strategy, I legged it. And when I got back home guess what. I had stood in horse poo….. See they have issues with me.

73 thoughts on “Issues with Horses”

  4. Oooh my gosh! Too funny! 😂😂😂Sorry, but thanks for the laughter! You did make a great post out of it with the pictures of those beautiful, majestic creatures. 😂

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  6. Lol!! I once had an issue with a horse on the Ampleforth estate, where I was out walking. Or rather it was with this woman who had walked with it for miles unable to get on its back. . Even me whose nearest ref point was the seaside donkey ride could see if she yanked that bit and bridle any harder, the horse’s neck was gonna be on the public footpath. Anyway, after the Mr, no-one was more astonished than me to be that up close and personal in terms of holding the reins, while she finally got onboard. The power and beauty and size was not to be underestimated shall we say.

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    2. I love that type of story, as it reassures me that instant karma really does exist. I can only imagine the speed at which the karma came all so sudden to for woman, with the expression “Whoosh an’ there she were gone!”

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  7. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 – I think when I was little, I heard that if a bird flew overhead and pooped on you that it was good luck….
    Maybe horse poo works the same way 🤔 😕 🙃

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  13. My grandfather was nearly killed in 1916 when one of his gun horses panicked under shell fire and kicked him in the chest. My Dad was once cornered by a plough horse. Can trust them . . . not allowed to eat them . . .

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  15. Humans mean treats. They are looking for treats. Cut up some apples into quarters, core included, and they will love you. Just put them in your palm, and they will take them. But keep your fingers flat until they are taking the apple bits. Hawklad will love this, I bet.

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      1. Do you know the horses’ owners? In the pictures I did not see a fence separating you from the horses, though I hope there is one. Horses getting treats can become pushy, especially the alpha if he or she thinks someone is getting more than they are. Solution: if the horses have direct access to you, find out who owns them and see if they will put a horse or two in a corral where you and Hawklad can stand outside the fence and give them treats until you get used to the horses, and the horses get used to you. In small numbers they are very gentle beasts. In larger numbers, over 3 or 4, they can overwhelm just with their size. Most horses loves to be touched. And once they know you mean them no hsrm they will enjoy seeing you. They will even hug you to tell you they like you. (A horsey hugs by putting his head over your shoulder and pressing you between his chin and chest.) Anyway, just some suggestions to get both you and Hawklad to get to know and maybe love horses. Horses are very loveable, and loving.

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  17. Lol, this was a funny read, I encountered a foal in a field in Wales that wouldn’t let me walk past, it kept blocking my way each time I tried to go left or right, and kept sniffing around my neck – it’s mother (I think) was close by watching – eventually I dodged quickly and managed to get passed 😝

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  19. That’s very funny, but what beautiful creatures. I have always been somewhat fearful of fast-moving animals that are bigger then me, cows in particular and there was one time when I encountered a large number of camels….terrifying!

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  21. Try to think of them as just a few big bunnies, as they just want to have you rub them just below and between the eyes where they can’t reach and if you greet them by putting your nose to their nose, then gently breath, they’ll be your friend forever. Thing is it’s easy for me to say all this, but you’re dealing with those irrational whatzits ain’t yer BABASP, I know, they’re the type I have with cows! {{{shudder}}}

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      3. Strange. But then l know someone who lives in England but is terrified of being eaten by a Great White Shark off the coast of England and because of that hates GWSs? Go figure.

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  23. Pingback: Soup, and all the other gifts: April 17 – A Silly Place

  24. HELLO! Oh my goodness, my friend, your houses sound like the Canadian geese that camp out here so often. Those suckers are MEAN! If they see you feeding ducks, they’ll literally chase the ducks out, come right up to you, and hiss at you to make you give them food. One nearly took Biff’s nose off.

    Horse poo aside, it’s lovely to hear Hawklad’s enjoying some online social time with a game. We’ve got to have him and Blondie catch up! xxxxxxxx

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      1. Those must be the most aggressive seagulls I’ve ever heard of! Though, there was a seagull who once plucked a bat out of midair and carried it off screaming. That was a surreal sight.

        Yes, we must get them writing again! Blondie’s been doing a lot with her art and writing. xxxxxx

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  25. Oh my goodness!!! At your expense, sorry, I can’t stop giggling. I took pics recently in the same position! Poo and all! This is a great post and it made my Monday. “Here a neigh, there a neigh, everywhere a neigh, neigh 🐴! 🎶🎶🎶” sorry my friend! 💛

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