Sometimes needs must.

The UK School Summer holiday is 6 weeks of much needed rest and recovery. A chance to unwind for Hawklad but it brings one big problem.

CROWDS

Any visits have to be carefully planned and precisely timed. Exposure to those pesky, anxiety spiking crowds have to be minimised. So when he says he wants to go to a particular popular tourist area, over 130 miles drive away, it takes some working out.

Three hours drive on some narrow roads….

Crowds probably start building up just after 9am….

Need time for a decent walk, some sight seeing, a picnic…..

Maybe catch some Osprey hunting just after dawn…..

So Needs Must.

Last Saturday morning we set off for Kielder Water while it was still dark, just after 3am. Arrived just after 6am.

It worked, we had the place to ourselves. Three glorious, relaxing, refreshing hours before the first cars started to stream in. When that happened, we set off home. Hundreds of cars and caravans heading West, one rust bucket heading East. A good trip out without anxiety.

Last week I briefly popped into a supermarket. At one of the checkouts was a mother trying to cope with a boy clearly having a meltdown. Sadly some of the other shoppers were not exactly understanding. Too many were being horrible to the mum, yet they had no idea of the back story. No idea what the child was going through, what the mum was trying to deal with.

I have it easy, some parents definitely don’t. They are doing what they can. Needs must.

40 thoughts on “Needs Must”

  2. What a beautiful morning out. It continues to inspire me the thought, care, detail and attention you put into each day for Hawklad.

    And I hear you on the Mom at the supermarket. So easy to judge when they are not in her shoes.

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  7. A lot of times of late, all seem to come under the heading of needs must. We get through via needs must. We must not however, forget our true human needs, as they too must be acknowledged. The need to be in touch with nature, the fresh air, the clear waters, the skylark or puffin. the willow or oak, the feelings that quiet in the presence of wild beauty. You instinctively know this and make this available for your modest family of two.

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  8. My son is autistic so I completely get the amount of planning it takes just to go to the grocery store. Enjoyed reading this.

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  9. Sounds like a beautiful day out with the kiddo! It always brings a smile to my face when I hear or see parents finding ways to help their children on the spectrum and taking their needs into consideration. I manage my own life much the same way where I go early to whatever it may be, a day at the beach, shopping etc….to avoid crowds because I simply cannot function in them.

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    1. It was a beautiful day. Some places do make an effort. Our local Toys R Us store (sadly now gone) ran 1 hour autism shopping hours. They restricted numbers, no loud music, or flashing lights. So many things they tried and it worked. Sadly these ideas are still rare. If I take son shopping, we always go to the 24 hour stores and go really early in the morning

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      1. That is so lovely! Yes I wish they had more shopping options or just options in general in the public to support the autism community.

        I work 3rd shift(night shift) at a grocery/bulk store, it is a lot of work, but I love not having to deal with so many people over night. Causes too much anxiety. It is really quiet and peaceful, especially since the pandemic and we are no longer 24 hours where as before we were, just like wal-mart. It kinda sucks that we are not 24 hours and I feel bad for those who like shopping at quieter hours, but it kinda caters to me right now and my schedule, so I can’t complain I guess. Lol.

        They actually did some test stores to see if our stores would make more money if we go back to being 24 hours since we have accepted covid is never going away. 😛 So they wanted to put all our stores back to 24 hours, but the stores they tried it in lost profit instead of gained profit or even just relatively breaking even. So they announced about a month or so ago we will not be returning to 24 hours except for like a select few in the busier areas of the nation. It was a big deal because they deleted a pretty big manager role out of all the stores being closed overnight now claiming we don’t need it because we are closed. All those managers either had to take a pay cut to stay in their store or look for a similar job title at a different store, except on days instead of nights. I am telling you it is all a big corporate game and why they don’t cater to society or even their own workers. It is all about how much money they can make.

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  12. On Sunday afternoon, I popped into a supermarket to get a few things. A man there was having a meltdown. His screams were disturbing the store workers and their customers. When I got to the scene of the action the man (with Down Syndrome and probably Aspergers) was sitting on the floor very upset, with a huge cop towering over him. I watched for a minute, then went over, told the cop I was a retired Personal Care Aide, and asked could I talk to the gentleman on the floor. He gave me a look like “Get the hell out of here. This is my bailiwick!” So I said “All you are doing is making matters worse. Standing over him and barking orders will not work.” After a few minutes I got jim to back up maybe 3 feet but no further. He WAS IN CHARGE! Just as I knelt down to talk to the gentleman, I felt a soft tap on my shoulder, and a voice saying “I’m his PCA, Thanks, I’ll take over now.” While I had been talking to the cop the man had stopped screaming, though he was looking at me like “Who are you?” Once his PCA took over he got up and walked out of the store. But the cop was hoveting right behind him, and was determined to arrest the man for disturbing the peace. I said to noone in particular, but hopefully loud enough for the cop to hear, “Then arrest yourself, you’re the asshole who caused the guy to scream!” Just then the cop’s superior arrived and I got out of the store before the cop could come back at me. I watched from my car and it took about 5 minutes before the cop backed off, got in his car, slammed the door, and burned rubber leaving the scene. He was upset because he was not allowed to make his arrest. That’s when I left, so I have no idea what the outcome was with the Sargeant in charge, but I hope he let the guy go home. But, on my way out the door, I had heard a clerk say it was about time they got some silence. The incident had started 4 hours earlier.
    Can you imagine Hawklad being held against his will by a 6’3″ cop for 4 hours in the middle of a grocery store aisle? I have no idea what started it, but the cop had no idea what the real situation was. Every word that came out of his mouth while I was in the store was a harsh sound at a vety loud level. Yeah, maybe he was frustrated, but that is no excuse for not trying to be human!

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    1. It’s awful. Why did being human suddenly just become an option. Too many just don’t care, well they do care, care about themselves. There are some horrible prejudices and stereotypes. I go back to a senior member of the the UK government who openly said that ‘disabled children are generally less intelligent’.

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  14. Oh, yes, people are quick in judging thoughtlessly.
    It is not the worst idea to leave early for a special place in general. You may not have that peace and atmosphere at any other time of the day. How wonderful!

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  15. I prefer to visit nature especially without crowds too. And those poor kids/adults and their caregivers… people are so rude!!
    I sometimes offer a smile or a “awww… someone’s having a rough time. I feel the same way sometimes”
    A little compassion goes a long way!!
    💌💌💌💌

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  16. I know all the planning and logistics it takes. And I’m very grateful that when my son was younger and had public meltdowns there were no judgmental biddies standing around gawking. Hawklad is lucky to have you, and your venture sounded wonderful.

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