Summer on the North Yorkshire Moors.

Just a few clouds make such a huge difference to the mood here.

Did I ever really grieve, TWICE

Back in 2016, almost to the day. I was sorting out mum’s funeral, broken yet my mind was on my seriously ill partner. It felt like grief had been put on hold. Then a few weeks later I’m sorting out my partners funeral and again …..

Was I really grieving, how much was I allowing myself to grieve.

My focus was on our son, trying to keep my head above the single parenting waves. Looking back I was living through Hawklad. If he was happy, I was happy. If he struggled, I struggled. Did I ever really think and meditate about what grief and death truly meant, how it was changing me.

Probably NOT.

Probably figured out way more about me as a PARENT.

Maybe the Mood will change one day and I can start to seek a little more clarity on grief and how it’s changed me, still changing me.

29 thoughts on “Moors”

  6. Losing parents is sad but it is inevitable, expected. This makes it acceptable, since what choice is there? That sort of grief eventually resolves. When you lose someone young, it’s a whole different thing, a different league altogether and I think that sort of grief does not leave. It becomes manageable but it remains and can be summoned by anything that was familiar to yourself and that person. It is very tough and I am so sorry Gary. Your photograph of the moor is lovely.

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  7. You’ve had to deal with so much loss in such a short time and then continue to keep your head above water for Hawklad. You are such a hero and inspiration, Gary.

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  8. Your situation is so different to others. On one had losing ground when you lost your mother and, almost at the same time, your partner while on the other hand, trying to stabalize for your son. Grief may not have had the room it would have needed since you had to focuse on the first priority: the well-being of your son. A long, hard, and confusing situation. You are one of the strongest and most admirable people I know, even when you don’t think so. I do!

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  10. Two of my family members died that year. One in an unimaginable/imaginable way at only 48 years old, by their own desperately anguished hand. I will carry their passing, but also all the other memories and especially attempt to keep their happy times memories to help combat the heartache of those thoughts.

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  13. You did what you had to do in the moment, what your heart told you to do and you were there for your son! That is a priceless gift that you gave Hawklad and what has helped him become the guy he is today. But yes grief is a journey, and I imagine you will keep growing as you can take a deeper look at yourself now. Hugs, my friend!!

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