I have a confession, a secret deep inside that haunts me. Something deeply embarrassing and just rather sad. Yes I’m an ACCOUNTANT. A pretty bad one, but still a BEAN COUNTER. I have no idea how I managed to first qualify and then subsequently fool several employers with financial skills that never really progressed much past counting the fingers on one hand, even that would need to be an estimate. I’m one of those FINANCIAL WIZARDS who as quickly as possible moves the conversation away from those problematic and eternally perplexing numbers.

But recently there is some mathematics that I can’t seem to move on from.

I don’t know why it popped into my mind suddenly, but it did and now it’s THERE….

Hawklad’s Mum who passed away in 2016 has now missed well over half of his life. She missed out on well over half of his childhood. I just find that thought so deeply sad and tragic. Definitely for Hawklad, I so wish no child had to ever go through that trauma. But also for his poor Mum, she has missed out on so much, so many experiences, so many years. Too many years, I do keep hearing a variant of that sad Clapton song in my head, would she even recognise him now.

57 thoughts on “Accountant”

  1. Aww, Gary! Yes, that is very sad math. Hugs to you and Hawklad. I 🩵
    It is hard to think how time keeps going after we lose a loved one because for us, life as we knew it stopped, and we are forever changed by their absence.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  3. Oh Gary, you are the rare poster who can make me laugh and cry at the same time within just a few paragraphs. I had an inkling you might’ve been an accountant. 🤣 And your reflections on Hawklad’s mom really touched my heart. It’s not fair. There’s no other way to describe it. But I hope you know that Hawklad experiencing life with you has also been a great gift and blessing to him. Please don’t ever sell yourself short.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Those calculations are hard to ignore and ones when you can’t mention too much about a future when the person you are chatting with doesn’t have one. Brave man admitting that you are an accountant 😉

    Like

    Reply

  6. My sister was an accountant. It can happen even in the best of families. Sometimes, as in this case, numbers come back to haunt us. In this case I have to congratulate you – through the worst of times you have kept going and now you have brought up a fine young man on your own for half of his life . It’s a tragedy, but it’s also a great achievement.

    Like

    Reply

  8. My man Keith is an accountant; but, he makes up for it by wearing very loud shirts with even louder braces and a bowtie to make your eyes water – of which he has many. Yes, I am serious. He is the loudest accountant I’ve ever met. Numbers don’t lie; it’s true. There are some numbers that just hurt. But don’t forget; Hawklad has been blessed to have a great dad by his side through some very messy and hard battles – even if he is an accountant… 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  11. I think she wouldn’t have trouble picking out Hawklad even in a crowd coz she’s been with you every single day since she left. You might not have felt it as much as you longed for but I think one day you will know this truth and I pray I will too. It’s a thin veil between this world and the next, Gary.

    Like

    Reply

  15. You made me laugh with the accountant bit—been there with the finger-counting math! 😂 But then you hit me right in the heart with that reflection. Life really has a cruel way of taking the most precious moments away too soon. She would be so proud of both of you.

    Like

    Reply

  18. I’m so sorry about that Gary. But what a wonderful Dad you are with your son! My daughter often talks about the sizeable (chunk/fraction) taken out of her life when she was diagnosed with cancer at a young age and the effects of treatment on-going. It’s not the same at all as your bereavement, but we understand a little and our hearts go out to you. On a lighter note, I rarely admit to having worked in the Inland Revenue for years. 🤦‍♀️

    Like

    Reply

  19. I’m a number cruncher, and you’re right, when something numerical lodges in your head, you can’t get rid of it. You have your memories as does Hawklad. Times are different now, but you have grown together.

    Like

    Reply

  22. I never knew you were an accountant! So am I! I was a CPA here in the states until I retired in 2008, though I still do some tax and royalty work. It is indeed sad that Hawklad has spent more than half his life without a mum, but he is so very lucky to have such a dedicated, caring and loving dad as yourself. Hugs to both you and Hawklad.

    Like

    Reply

  23. All right, I’ll admit you had me giggling at the accountant confession. But the math about Hawklad’s mom is startling indeed and I cannot truly imagine what that must feel like. I can’t help believing that his mom would recognize him at any stage as love transcends all. 💛

    Like

    Reply

  24. They had nine years of being themselves together with you. That love is to be cherished.
    As for being an accountant (some sort of a management consulting job), well that is what you have descended from. It could have been worse, it could have been hairdressing, telephone sanitizing, or marketing, but I’m guessing my ancestor Golgafrincham 🌎 was a jingle writer.

    Like

    Reply

  25. My husband Bo feels the same–his mother passed away when he was 20 due to cancer. Sometimes he can remember moments with her, but then other times he cannot remember her voice, and it hurts every time. What matters is that we continue to share the love we know and have so the love of those no longer with us is not lost xxxxxxxxx

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment