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Chaos Theory

Guard duty…

Scrap the guard duty, is that a biscuit I can smell….

I think we all have that sixth sense. Mine kicked in during the early hours. Son had just popped his head round the bedroom door.

“Are you awake Dad?”

At the time I was reading about chaos theory. Got to explain my cooking disasters somehow.

“I’ve got a question in my head and I can’t sleep.”

Sixth sense fully kicked in. My mind better get up to speed quickly.

“It’s to do with the Royal Family and the rules surrounding the line of Succession.”

Relief as I feared a bird and the bees type question.

“I’m guessing my question won’t be adequately covered in the Succession to the Crown Act”

Must admit in all my many years, I still haven’t got round to reading that real page turner.

“I bet the Act doesn’t reflect the progress made in genetics, physics and quantum theory.”

No, I think that is a safe bet. Already my mind is braced for impact. A wander into his world is truly joyous but often feels like my mind isn’t quite able to take it all in. Maybe a bit like a modern and much safer version of a Psychedelic Trip.

“Ok the rules on succession are quite straightforward and a lot fairer now. But what happens if we spiced it up a bit. What happens if through the advancement in genetics we managed to bring back a former King or Queen. Or maybe we develop time travel and can bring forward a previous monarch. A King or Queen who didn’t lose the throne in battle. Say Henry V or Queen Victoria. So the question is…. Would they still have a claim to the throne. Maybe it would lead to a civil war between those supporting the current monarch and those supporting Henry V or Victoria. Victoria won’t be best pleased with the current state of her empire. Henry V will be distinctly horrified at the current leadership of the country.”

And with that mind altering nugget he went back to sleep on it. Suddenly chaos theory seems so clear now.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 53 Comments

Life and a bag of sweets

A beautiful cloud but wow does that hedge need trimming….

You take a photo of a cloud and it ends up giving you another job to add to the list. Everything is connected. Yin and yang. My parents always talked about good stuff and bad stuff being linked. If something good happens to you, immediately prepare for the kick up the backside. Or if something bad has happened, remember to look out for the rainbow.

About a year after my partner died, I was asked to speak to someone who was in a similar position. Spouse had died and was now a single parent. I remember he asked me to think of one positive from the whole bereavement gig. According to my parents something good must have come after the bad. I could think of four positives

  • You get to spend more quality time with your kid(s). Your not sharing responsibility anymore,
  • It can make you into such a better parent,
  • It shows how much you loved your partner (so easily forgotten),
  • We got a pet dog…

So yes good and bad stuff must be linked. So why do I keep forgetting that…

Yesterday I got the munchies. A real bad case of the munchies. I needed something full of sugar and bad for me to eat. Nothing in the kitchen cupboards, so off I went into the garage on my desperate quest. Then a RESULT. I found an opened bag of my favourite sweets. I should have immediately remembered that where there is a good thing then bad is lurking close by. As I walked out of the garage I just couldn’t wait to tuck into the sugar filled heaven. So I started to open the sweet pack on the move. The bag ripped asunder. Bad stuff lurking. The little bits of sugar filled heaven suddenly became Exocet guided missiles. Only one target. The cat litter tray. Yep every single sweet hit it’s target. Only one word can describe that feeling. Bugger…..

I most admit the sweets are proving quite an effective absorbing material for the big boy cat. But once again good and bad are linked. Happiness is intrinsically linked with life farting in my general direction. So that beautiful cloud has gone and left a hedge that needs cutting. Life……

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What a drama

“Son, just go outside and look at the flowers. At this rate the school iPad is going to smash into the wall”

It was one of THOSE lessons. Why is it so often Drama…..

“Dad I just can’t do this. It’s only the first task and it’s going to take forever.”

Tell me what will you learn about acting and the performance arts by doing a glorified word search. Read a 29 page script and find which character had to say these short phrases. Most of the phrases were in the middle of long paragraphs. On what planet is that exercise tailored to help kids with dyslexia.

Only after you had successfully completed that exercise was Son allowed to move on to the half term assessment. And what a beaut that was as well. Three options.

  • Costume design for a character in the play. Describe the theory behind your choice, draw the design and then develop the design with what materials you have at home. The pupil must then model the costume and be photographed.

“Just NO Dad. We don’t have any clothes we can use, I can’t draw AND if they think I‘m having my photo taken wearing it – they have another thing coming.”

  • Learn the role for one character. Describe the theory behind your acting approach and then film yourself acting the role.

“And that’s a big fat NO as well. I’m not being filmed for anybody.”

  • Design the stage set. Describe the theory behind your design. Draw a detailed picture of the stage. Then build the stage with resources you have at home.

“Well I guess it will have to be this option. At least I don’t have to suffer being filmed. But looking at the example then we don’t have any of that stuff in. Suddenly Drama has become Art. Painting backdrops. Making or drawing miniature curtains. Building miniature props. And I will be starting after everyone else because the word search took me longer than probably all the other kids. Deep Joy.”

And he was right. We don’t even have a cardboard box to build a rubbish one. The teacher clearly doesn’t live in a house with three gerbils… Thankfully Son understands that I don’t care what grade he gets for this assignment. Let’s just get it done and then we forget about it. So after he had cleared his mind looking at the flowers, he did a quick paper stage design. Then for next weeks final assessment lesson he will build a Lego stage. I wonder if the teacher will appreciate Darth Vader and IronMan mini figures playing completely different roles. I do hope so.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 87 Comments

Get my head round

The sun is shining. It’s still cold but we will settle for this.

So it’s almost official. School has emailed parents to say that looking at the latest government guidance – which apparently isn’t much – only some Primary pupils and those sitting final exams next year will get any direct teaching over the next few months. The earliest Son will be back in school is going to be September. So it’s time to get our heads round this.

Looking at the government’s plan for the economy – doesn’t take long as it’s basically wrote on the back of the PMs hand – probably means the company I work for won’t be operating anytime before September. That’s being extremely optimistic and requires an awful lot of good fortune. Being realistic there is a high probability it will not survive. So it’s time to get our heads round this.

It’s also time to get my head round the likelihood that I won’t be seeing my brother and sisters much in 2020. If things improve then maybe visits at Christmas might be a possibility. Realistically meet ups are not happening anytime this side of September. Already one Government official has said Summer family holidays and meet ups are cancelled, as these are unsafe – but apparently getting on a packed bus and going to work is completely safe.

AND WE HAVE TO GET OUR HEADS ROUND TWO EVEN MORE PRESSING MATTERS.

  • How are we going to celebrate my partners birthday in just over a weeks time. We had been planning on doing a camp fire party. Unfortunately the fire pit didn’t survive the Yorkshire winter. Yesterday I tried to pick it up to clean and the metal just crumbled, leaving me holding just two wooden handles. At least they can be used as fire wood. The other idea was to have my partners favourite meal – Chinese. Unfortunately the local takeaways are still closed and the local supermarket is completely sold out of Chinese food – apart from crispy seaweed. Which brought the response “well the gerbils will eat well then….”. I did offer to cook Chinese from scratch, but that brought the response “I’d rather suck on a gooseberry….”. So we are in plan F territory.
  • “Dad I am so missing not going on my trampoline.” A couple of months back our garden pigeons decided to nest right next to the big bouncy thing (thats not my tummy before you say anything….). When I say right next to, I mean within 10 centimetres (not using inches will really upset Boris). Well the pigeons and chicks are showing no sign of moving, so I have two options. One is to dismantle and then rebuild somewhere else. Problem is that it’s in the only flat part of the garden and it’s like trying to assemble a Super Tanker. The instructions helpfully explained that you will need three reasonably fit adults to assemble. They failed to mention at least one of those adults must be an expert in structural engineering and the other two will need to have the strength of The Hulk. The other option is to try and drag the complete trampoline. We tried yesterday and after 30 minutes had shifted it 1 cm (up yours Boris). So we are also on Plan F here as well.

But at least the sun is shining.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 82 Comments

Options

I’ve lost my Idiots Guide to Parenting book again. Just when I really need it.

“Dad so the options are Man & Woman, Man & Man, Woman & Woman, Genetically Created, No defined sexual orientation, weird different species options…. are there any other options. I guess Guardians of the Galaxy opens up the Man & Alien option.”

This is not the first time I’ve faced this question. Since the last time he’s added at least one other option. My stock answer can’t be used now. Why don’t you ask your Mum, she’s good at that sort of thing….

So how do I answer this. Thinking back to my childhood doesn’t really provide much help. At school we had one lesson about the birds and the bees. The teacher said watch this video and went outside for a smoke. The video started with a couple holding hands. We then got a cartoon description of some of the body parts then finished with footage of an actual birth. Unfortunately a lad called Martin was sick at the sight of the birth and the video had to be stopped. After Martin’s mess had been cleaned up the teacher finished with the immortal line.

I’m not going to bother restarting the video now as we can start the Games lesson early. Surely you get the picture now. Remember you can’t start having babies until your 18. Any questions go and see the school nurse…

My parents approach was very much – well that’s schools job. So that was it for my birds and the bees education.

So having quickly reviewed my extensive memory banks I was pretty confident with my answer to today’s question. I think that probably covers it really. I decided to gloss over the Man & Android option you get in some Sci Fi movies. It’s amusing how even after all these years I still get hot under the collar with this type of question. It feels way easier answering questions like what is a magnetic field and what’s the French for hairdressers. Maybe after society finally gets round to completing my birds and the bees education, then I will feel so much more relaxed with this question.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 97 Comments

The Big Screen

Sometimes sitting in the garden feels like the biggest ever BIG SCREEN.

“Dad I’ve really got use to our home based movie nights. I was thinking that I’m not sure I ever want to go to the cinema again. Too many people. Too much stress.”

Going to the cinema has always been a bit of a lottery with our Son. We need to carefully manage the process. Arrive before the queues start to form. Carefully select a movie time which will be quiet. Sit on the very front row as this is likely to be empty and you won’t get anyone in front of you. Then keep you fingers crossed that no one sits close to us. Wait till everyone else has left before we depart. So many stress points for both our son and parents. We’ve had to leave movies within minutes (or even before they have started). Slowly the number of movies he would endure the cinema stress would reduce rapidly. Before the virus took hold it was down to just Marvel movies. So no I am not surprised that he’s backing away from cinemas. Sadly I think he won’t be the only one.

It’s not helped that our cinema options are limited. The only cinema he would go to in the end was a large muliplex in the city. It ran early morning showings which where usually empty. Unfortunately they have redesigned the cinema. Bigger, armchair like seats have been installed. Bigger seats means less seats. Less seats means fewer chances to find space. Which means the screenings feel so much busier. For someone with Aspergers that is a major issue. So are the cinema trips over? Well if they are then I have so many memories from them

  • Taking mum to see the Horse Whisperer. She hadn’t been to a cinema in many many decades. She was a little taken aback (and very relieved) that PATHE News wasn’t shown before the movie and she was amazed that people didn’t wait for the credits to finish – as a child she had to wait for the national anthem.
  • Taking son to see one of the Smurf movies and realising we were the only people watching it. Having your very own giant big screen is such a cool feeling.
  • My first date with my partner was to see The Phantom Menace. Unbelievably our relationship survived that experience.
  • Going to our local cinema in the nearest market town. It always looked such a small cinema from the outside. Unbelievably it was actually way smaller. We watched Black Panther with a couple of his old school friends and it felt like we took up half the seats. A screen probably smaller than most peoples TV and with just a handful of rickety old seats. That was the main screen, lord knows how small the second screen is.
  • I was brought up in a seaside town where the cinema was on the beach. During a high tide the gents toilets would flood.

Photo from Trip Adviser

  • Went to see the Blues Brothers at that cinema and someone let off a stink bomb. Only the very hardy got to see the end of that one. Luckily a head cold and a blocked up nose gave me a distinct advantage.
  • Went to see BMX Bandits there as well. It was absolutely heaving. Unbelievably two kids sneaked in bikes and started riding them around during the film. A week later a famous Oscar winning movie was on and no one turned up. Summed up the town really.
  • My first trip to a cinema was to see Digby The Biggest Dog in the World. Yes I am that old.
  • Before I met my partner I remember going to see JFK with a long time girlfriend. Foolishly it was the midnight screening. I fell asleep after the first few minutes and woke as the credits started to role. Strangely I was able to fill in the missing 3 hour gap and actually felt that I had not missed anything.
  • My partners mum wanted to go to the cinema as she hadn’t been in years. She was a devout Quaker so we looked at various religious film options which the local specialist cinema would offer. One film looked very promising. It was a 2 hour documentary about monks living on a remote site. The monks had taken a vow of silence so the movie only featured background sounds, no talking and no music. After seeing the various options her mum opted for the cartoon, Chicken Run and loved it.
  • I took son to see Captain Marvel. Unfortunately his muppet Dad took him into screen 3 rather than screen 2. As soon as the movie started it was clear that the movie running here was Dumbo. Unfortunately Dumbo in 3D. We didn’t have any 3D glasses so we had to rather embarrassingly trudge out.

So just maybe our cinema days are over for the foreseeable future. That’s kinda sad but if that makes our Son happier then that’s fantastic. There is something reassuringly nice about watching a movie premiere wearing your old comfy jogging pants with a big bowl of popcorn on your lap. Also in full control of the movie options, so we can decide to switch films at any stage. So here’s to the days of the home based cinematic experience. Time to create some new memories.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 145 Comments

What happened to the Bank Holiday

It’s a Monday. According to my cute animal calendar it’s Bank Holiday Monday. But apparently it isn’t. This week because of VE Day commemorations it’s going to be a Bank Holiday Friday. I must have missed that memo. So our plans for a late start ended rather abruptly. Feels like it’s going to be another odd week. Most of today was actually spent trying to get my head into school mode and convince son that he can’t really do the whole day’s schooling from the comfort of his bed.

Little success on either…..

“Dads whose to know that I’m going to school in bed today. It’s not as if the headteacher has a Eye of Sauron all seeing power.”

If the schools stay too much longer under the control of the current Schools Minister then I wouldn’t put it past schools adopting that form of teaching.

“I can effectively enforce social distancing during lessons. Apart from pets and my cleaner, no one would dare venture into my bedroom”

Somedays even his cleaner tries to avoid venturing into that place.

“If a bed is good enough for Lennon to have a peace protest then it’s definitely acceptable as a comfy classroom.”

Eventually Son was enticed out of bed with cookies. An impending attack by a dog returning from playing out in a sodden garden also focused his mind….. But I must admit I quite like the idea of bed at present. Maybe Bed Parenting might work tomorrow. So while I warm up the hot water bottle, I want to say thank you to Claire and Riya.

Thank you Claire for the nomination for the Liebster Award.

We’ve struck up a great blogging friendship over the last few months even though she keeps beating me at our daily balancing challenge. I’m sure she’s cheating…. So here’s goes with answering her questions.

  1. If you could have had any job/career what would it have been?  As a toddler I wanted to be a captain in Captain Scarlet. As a kid I wanted to be an Astronomer or Dr Who. Then I wanted to be a mountaineer. Then it was to be a goalkeeper for Newcastle and finally to captain Yorkshire at cricket. Ended up being an Accountant – figure that one out.
  2. If you were stranded on a desert island what three items would you choose to have with you? A helicopter. A person called Bear and a nice house. Guess that’s not the answer you wanted so…. A Swiss Army Knife. A fishing rod. The Lord of the Rings omnibus.
  3. What the thing you like most about yourself? My eyelashes.
  4. If you could relive one day again, exactly as it was before, what day would it be and why? Think it was in 2013. We caught the train up to Kleine Scheidegg. On a gloriousday we then walked down Lauterbrunnen. We played all sorts of games with our 6 year old. It was the best two hours ever. So much laughter and views to die for.
  5. If you could only see one more band/singer live, who would it be? AC/DC, never seen them.
  6. What is your biggest achievement in your life so far? Son…
  7. What’s your favourite way to relax (keep it clean please!)? Climbing, but I’ve had to ditch that. So now it’s running, exercise and blogging. Least favourite being watching Newcastle United.
  8. You can have a superpower for a year. Which one would you choose? Captain Marvel stuff so I could travel the Cosmos.
  9. What’s your favourite time of day and why? Friday 3.30. Schools finish so Son is off for the weekend.
  10. What are you most afraid of? Snakes. Wasps. Spiders. Drowning. My brothers old punchbag with a boxers face on it. Alvin and The Chipmunks.
  11. What are your ‘words to live by?’ Name the three most important for you. Chips, Crisps, pizza. OR love, laughter and listen.

Also thanks to Riya for the Vincent Ehindero Blogger Award.

1. What’s the best thing you like about blogging? And your advice. Making friends. At present I don’t get to socialise much these days. Blogging allows me inflict my bad and make new friends. And I do mean real friendships. My only advice is always have hope …. if I can do this then YOU certainly can.

2. What do you do to relax? Climbing in the pre parenting days. Now it’s blogging and running.

3. What is that one thing you are very grateful for? Three things. Our Son. Spending part of my life with such a beautiful person as my partner. Having been brought up by the best possible mum.

4. What is your happiest moment? Being handed our son after he had just been born.

5. Would you prefer a Cat or Dog? Got to be careful as we have both and gerbils. Let’s base it on this morning. The Cat missed the litter tray with his poo and the dog got excited and wee’d all over the kitchen floor. So it has to be the Gerbils currently.

I won’t nominate anyone as I have a rather bad habit of nominating blogs that are then deleted within weeks of the nomination. The last time I did, it was something like 5 of the 8 blogs were gone within the month. So best not nominate. I’ve been so grateful for the nominations over the last few months. I really have. But I think the time has probably come to do no more of these. Don’t want to risk deleting my own blog.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 103 Comments

Asking for trouble

This is my fault. I finally got round to ordering some factor 50 sun cream. It was always asking for trouble here in Yorkshire.

Asking for trouble has been my new middle name recently.

  • It’s 6am and I’ve crawled out of bed. With my indoor gym clothes on I headed outside for my workout. That black cloud looked menacing. Should I go back inside for a waterproof. No can’t be bothered and the forecast said no rain until after lunch. Asking for trouble. Ten minutes later and the heavens opened. Absolutely drenched. I was wetter than Aquaman.
  • Son asked if our lockdown was continuing. I said yes then added and nobody is due to visit us. Asking for trouble. Two minutes later a loud knock at the door. Someone asking if I wanted the windows cleaning. I clearly forgot that was classed as an essential service.
  • I had been such a good boy. For ages I separated out wash items into separate piles and then strictly followed washing instructions. Then I became lazy and started randomly throwing items in the machine. Asking for trouble. For some bizarre reason I decided to throw my favourite jumper (woollen sweater) into a wash with grass stained clothes. Strangely wool does not take kindly to the nuclear reactor like soiled item setting. Now my jumper has been shrunk. It might have fit me when I was say 10…..
  • I tried to bake some bread yesterday. Put the bread dough in the oven. I won’t bother setting the timer, I won’t forget. Asking for trouble. Three hours later my beautiful gluten free loaf was harder than iron. I’m going to sell it to the military as a missile defence shield. On a separate note. Even after three hours of incineration the gluten free loaf came out looking like all it’s colour had still been sucked out of it. One day I will learn how to make gluten free food look cooked.
  • Our freezer is not very big, so space is premium. A couple of months back we had a home shopping delivery which replaced some items with some random frozen vegetarian pies of different flavours. I removed the pie packaging and didn’t label them. Asking for trouble. Last night I fancied a treat. So I had mashed potato, peas, gravy and a pie. Unfortunately I forgot that the pies which had been sent all those months ago where Apple and Summer Fruits filled. Apple pie and gravy is not a great combo.

Asking for trouble…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 115 Comments

Look what’s cropped up

Some call it a weed. Some call it a flower. I’m definitely in the flower camp. It’s amazing where these things crop up in the garden every year.

Now we have had several weeks of schools version of homeschooling, I guess it’s time to look at the parent side of the process. What have I learnt during these weeks. The first thing to say is that it’s NOT been impossible. That was my fear when I always thought about homeschooling. I’m going to mess this up. I just won’t be able to cope. Well I’m still here. Son is still here. No huge disasters. Son doesn’t hate me. School haven’t demanded my sacking as a parent. So yes I kinda must have coped with this homeschooling lark.

Another thing I’ve learned is this IS NOT TRUE HOMESCHOOLING. This is schools version of teaching when the classrooms are locked up. Some lessons might come close to true homeschooling but others are just the same classroom lessons delivered in your living room. The Government and the Schools set the agenda, decide on what areas are covered and how they are delivered. The children and parents largely do what they are told. The point about true homeschooling is the freedom that it offers. You can tailor the education to suit the child. This version of homeschooling feels more like forcing the child to fit the needs of the system.

So what have I learned as a kinda homeschooling parent then

  • I know diddly squat about Art, Music, Religious Education and Drama.
  • I can look like the worlds most intelligent parent when I hide my iPhone in my shirt pocket and find a way of discreetly typing in questions to google.
  • Homeschooling is far more tiring for the parent than the child.
  • My spelling is worse than my dyslexic son.
  • For homeschooling to work really well you have to engage the child. Focus on the things that make him or her tick. What seems to work for me probably doesn’t work for our son.
  • I need my own school stationary cupboard. The amount of time I waste hunting in draws for things like pens, paper, paints and art materials.
  • Science hasn’t half changed since I got my A-Levels in Physics and Chemistry. Was Quantum even a word back then?
  • I might have a master degree in computing but that counts for nothing when you are trying to get the iPad to talk to the school computer.
  • Things like housework and working for money are really not going to happen during the homeschool day. For the parent homeschooling is as time consuming as it is for the child.
  • I’m so lucky just having one child to homeschool.
  • Me trying to explain French pronunciation is a complete waste of time. Maybe investing in something like Rosetta Stone is the way forward. But that’s a key point. Some of the homeschooling will be beyond me. I will need to invest in online support, book tuition time and additional help so as to make this work.
  • Getting son to just read a textbook is not the best approach. If homeschooling is going to truly work it will mean doing things like taking son out to historical sites and geographic locations. The parent needs to fully commit to this.
  • As the home school day has to replicate the normal school timetable I have learnt to be fairly strict on the time Son spends on each lesson. Trying to avoid overruns. Once these start they just accumulate and that just drags the day out for Son and ME.
  • Homeschooling increases the urge for things like strong coffee and biscuits.
  • I don’t care how many weeks I do this – I still can’t remember the school timetable.
  • Broadband failure just as work is being submitted is seriously stressful.
  • I’m very good (as are the PE teachers) at reminding the kids to warm up before the do exercise. I of course forget to warm myself up. Although I like to think of myself as fairly fit, I also tend to forget that I am basically an old fart…. So without warming up and then trying to do something like a forward role is basically asking for trouble.
  • How much paper does schooling use ….. far too much.
  • Homeschooling is tiring. But it doesn’t help with nighttime sleep. Too many school things to think about.
  • If I pick up the courage I can make things like homemade play-doh without the need to panic buy off Amazon.
  • As the homeschooling week unfolds my dress sense deteriorates. By Friday I look like a badly chewed dog rag doll. Don’t even start me on my hair.
  • Just go with the flow. If Son wants to learn outside, or walking about or stood on his head or whatever … work with that. I need to keep telling myself that what works for me will probably not work for him.
  • Over the years I’ve often had sleepless nights wondering what mystical substance has the chemical formula C12H22O11. Now I realise it’s Sucrose.
  • I’ve also found out how difficult it is to try and type chemical formula properly. Surely in 2020 we must have found easier ways of typing numbers which are littler than letters. AND Don’t start me on trying to do French and typing things like acute accents and circumflex’s. The process extends writing an answer from seconds into months. On these I have been no help to our Son.

So basically I have survived this form of homeschooling so far. Yes it’s not always easy. Yes I’ve resorted to pulling my hair out in some lessons. Occasionally I have sworn. It’s demonstrated that homeschooling and work don’t really go together. But actually I have also smiled quite a bit. Sometimes even had fun. That’s just for schools version of this. How good could we make proper homeschooling.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 89 Comments

Rolling in

This week along with some more flowers blooming, the school emails have steadily been rolling in. I’ve been lucky with 6 emails. Son not so lucky. So far he has 35 unread teacher emails and another 5 this morning. I thought this was the Easter break.

“Dad I’m not reading these until the weekend. I’m on holiday”

Couldn’t agree more. Can we just let kids have some fun and have a break from all the crap.

“Next holiday I’m putting on out of hours message. Something like – I’m now on holiday which finishes on xxxxxxx if you have any concerns please email my Dad.”

Yesterday was one of those rare Yorkshire days. A day when you here the little used words

“Dad I think we need sun cream, do we have any”

Mad parenting panic quickly followed by a mad house search. This is Yorkshire. I remember going to a Test Match (cricket) here many moons ago. The helpful announcer kept playing Government warnings about the need to where hats and use sun lotion to avoid the harmful effects of sunburn. It was ironic as it chucked it down all day and we never once had a glimpse of the sun. Everyone was huddled under umbrellas or seeking cover from the torrential rain in the beer tents. Our county is many things but if you had to list the top 1000 things about Yorkshire, the words hot and sunshine are never going to feature.

After a chaotic search a tub of factor 30 was found. Probably last used on a trip to Switzerland.

“Is it still in date Dad?”

I didn’t need to look at the date to confirm the answer. But in the spirit of accuracy I checked. It was only slightly….. 2018.

“Well it will have to do but I will be informing my solicitors”

We needn’t have worried as this is Yorkshire. In the time we had been protection hunting, the dark clouds had rolled in. Now the most appropriate form of protection was a jumper.