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Coming to an end

Do all good things come to an end?

The Daffodils are now on the turn. They have been spectacular this year. It makes you think about life and how you spend your time.

Things change.

The world keeps shifting.

People move on.

What is working.

What isn’t working.

Are we doing stuff which we had high hopes for but is in reality falling short.

Is it better to leave a field to people more able, more gifted, more talented. Listen and learn rather than preach.

Stuff you have enjoyed and it’s been enriching and outside your comfort zone but maybe it’s time has passed.

Do new challenges exist.

Do we revamp projects.

We all sometimes need time to think.

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Mothers Day

Three wonderful mums have set off towards the light over the last 3 years.

My Partners Mum. A wonderful Quaker who always looked for the potential good in everybody.

My Mum. Gave her whole life for her family. The most resilient person I will ever meet. All she wanted in return was to watch a good movie with a cup of tea and a cream bun.

My Partner. The perfect parent to our son. She was just the most beautiful person.

While trying to sort out our son’s school iPad I came across this few words which made me cry. Not sure what the school lesson was about but the message he conveyed was abundantly clear.

I miss you so much you are the best mum you can have. You gave me life and I owe you everything because you gave everything to me and all your love. You are the best. I miss you so much but I would do it all again. I miss you so much Mum but I know that you will be with me forever.

Thank you to all the mums out there. Thank you for being brilliant everyday of the year. Sending you hugs.

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Happy Days – Spiez

Looking out at the rain and the trees bending in the wind. It’s all just a bit too grey. Sometimes you soul needs more. For us that was a holiday in Switzerland. We probably couldn’t afford it but was it worth it – you bet.

We always used the small town of Spiez as our base. A stunning and friendly place sitting by the banks of Lake Thun. A transport fanatics dream. On one side you can take the regular boat service (sometimes an old steamer) to explore the lake from Thun to Interlaken. On the other side a brilliant train station offering precision perfect links to the rest of Switzerland, Germany and Milan.

After a hours of exploring we always ended the day with a walk up through the vineyards to a small hill top with stunning views across the lake to the Alps.

Memories and views like that are worth so much more than money. It’s why my beloved partner indicated that she wanted some of her ashes scattering here. A perfect choice. One day hopefully I will do the same. So our souls can wander here forever…..

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Daffodils and that pesky problem.

It might be cold. It might be windy. It might feel nothing like Spring. But at least the daffodils are out in force.

I couldn’t sleep last night. On a hill the wind tends to howl. And wow did it howl. It’s been like that for days. A number of the local tourist sites are closed on safety grounds.

So today my brain has been running a bit in neutral. Processing a barrage of questions.

“Dad why does Gordon Ramsey swear so much?”

“How is May still Prime Minister?”

“Has the Champions League draw taken place?”

“When can we go to see Captain Marvel?”

“Why do Daffodils have such a short flowering season and why is it in a time period which is notorious for poor weather?”

“Why haven’t they made a new series of Gravity Falls?”

“Why do we focus so much attention on the Battle of Hastings and William the Conqueror. Yet we never talk about the years proceeding the battle. They are just as important.”

“What’s a Gravity wave?”

“How old is Alice Cooper?”

and on and on.

And yet I managed to hold my own. It was that sort of day. Maybe not on top form but ticking off jobs.

  • Cleaned the Gerbil Cage without accidentally releasing the little darlings to cause havoc around the house,
  • Managed to negotiate a cheaper broadband deal,
  • Get the old laptop working again,
  • Completed this weeks work requirements,
  • Change a wiper blade on the car,
  • Repair some knee holes in jeans,
  • Sort out some problems with son’s school iPad,
  • Prepare meals for tonight,
  • Replace a hose in the hoover,
  • Finish the ironing,
  • Clean the bathroom,
  • Get all the outstanding bills pad,
  • Convince the Council to give us a free replacement wheely bin as our old one is held together with 2 rolls of tape.

But then the success came to a grinding halt. Failure in the face of an insurmountable problem. Defeated by a super complex Riemman Hypothesis. My version of Star Treks Kobayashi Maru.

Changing our son’s Duvet Cover.

How difficult can it be. The cover comes off so easy. But when you try to put it back on. Suddenly it’s like trying to play a game of Twister with Ninja Octopus. Gets twisted, Rides up. Goes in the wrong way. Decides to turn inside out. Suddenly the duvet appears to be covered in the worlds stickiest Velcro. It’s just a nightmare. SIXTY PESKY MINUTES later and the only thing I had achieved was to go into full Hulk Rage.

Come on Spring. Please arrive soon. Bring in the warmer weather so I can ditch the duvets and those demonic covers – for a wonderful couple of months. Daffodils remind you that those happy days are coming.

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Feel the pain

I often hear fitness experts say that you know when exercise is really working because it starts to hurt. No pain no gain. Well I think I successfully disproved that theory this morning. Pain means PAIN.

*******************

Somedays it’s good to be brought back down to earth. An Aspergers child with beautiful honesty is a perfectly designed tool for this job.

At school the kids had to tell the class one thing their parent(s) were brilliant at. Apparently talents such as football, rugby, accountancy, building, driving, cooking, singing, languages, science, nursing, making money, horse riding, swimming, judo, gardening, running, pottery and writing we’re all mentioned. But not in one case…

A certain boy said “well it depends on your exact definition of brilliant, in my Dads case I may need to think about this for a while….”

The boy knows me too well.

*******************

Maybe his hesitation on awarding brilliance was influenced by a little accident this morning. I have a little bit of a sore eye. During my early morning workout I somehow managed to hit myself in the face with a 14lb Kettlebell… So going back to the pain theory – experts would say that my pain was a sign of a most rewarding workout. Really!!!!

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Tree

“Dad did you just say a money tree. Can you really get a money tree?”

Son will often take things very literally. I’ve talked about this before. It is something which is fairly common with autism. I must admit I did this as a kid. You often find yourself trying to re-explain phrases that you often through into conversations (I am sure my parents had to do a similar thing).

My explanation of a money tree was rudely interrupted by Captain Chaos.

“Dad the pup is running round the garden with a sock. Correction. He is now burying the sock.”

I really can’t wait for the Sock Tree to grow….

Then we started thinking about other really useful trees we wish we could grow in the garden

  • The Money Tree (obviously) or if that’s a problem then we would settle for a Pay Your Bills Tree,
  • The Hugging tree – readily available hugs would be nice,
  • The one our cat can climb without getting stuck Tree,
  • The Anxiety Absorbing Tree,
  • The Children’s Clothes Tree – not having to constantly go to the sewing basket and fix knee and elbow holes would be lovely,
  • The Pancake Tree – would have been really useful today after my rather soggy attempts,
  • The Remote Control Tree – why do remote controls have stealth technology built into them, bloody thing is always going missing,
  • The Brexit Tree – would have to grow within the next few days….,
  • The Prune itself Tree – really essential after my last eye injury,
  • The Mirror of Erised Tree – if Harry Potter can have his deepest desires mirror then surely we can have a tree that does the same thing. Having said that I would prefer a Take you back 6 years to happier times Tree,
  • The Bird Dropping Missile Defence Shield Tree – how good would it be to have a tree that can eliminate bird droppings before they hit the ground,
  • The Chocolate Tree – now we are talking,
  • The Donut Tree – horticultural heaven.

So as I go outside to see if the Sock Tree has started to grow (probably next to the Pants Tree) can you think of any better ones.

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Sequel

When you need a smile here comes our own member of the Avengers. Captain Chaos.

As we surveyed the second attempt at a fudge cake.

“Well Dad the first one was burnt to a crisp. However the sequel has completely collapsed in the middle and smells of curry….”

This brought on a discussion about sequel (sort of) films.

Son thought the Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was warmer and did not feature Charlie breaking rules. In his opinion Mike TV should have won the first movie.

The first Guardians of the Galaxy beating the sequel. Son believing the second was too sad at times.

The second Paddington movie just edging out the first one. Son thought the first one had a better story but the second was funnier.

The first Home Alone winning over its sequel. Son thought Kevin was just too annoying in the second and that the poor criminals were just unnecessarily tortured.

The second Jumanji edging the first one. Son found the second one just a bit more funny.

Any thoughts. Now onto the third fudge cake attempt.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 66 Comments

Changes

We had a lovely trip to Doncaster Wildlife Park today. It was a relatively brief visit. He was a bit uncomfortable with the crowds, but as we got there early so we had an hour of relative quiet before the masses started to arrive. The animals all outside – basking in the warm sun…Yes warm sun and Yorkshire.

On the way back home he was getting increasingly agitated at the amount of building work appearing in the countryside. I have to say it is staggering and so frustrating. The amount of derelict and unused land in built up areas and we still decide to encroach on what is left of our unspoilt areas. Can we please leave just a bit of our beautiful planet for future generations.

A few miles later I asked our son what things he would change in the world today. Reading my mind he initially said

The last 4 Star Wars Movies

And

Buying that Alvin and The Chipmunks DVD

And

Giving the pup that really annoying squeaking Toy Crocodile

And

Buying those Lycra Cycle shorts (I added that one, what was I thinking of)

But eventually he answered for himself and the changes he proposed were revealing.

  • Tackling Climate Change
  • Not one more tree felled
  • U.K. NOT leaving Europe
  • Finding a way to end Terrorism
  • Replacing President Trump and Prime Minister May.

I really can’t argue with theses changes.

What would you change?

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 52 Comments

Cragfast

Somedays you wake and the world is full of hope. Yes it’s a challenge but you stride purposely towards the light.

Whether it’s the alignment of the stars, or the moon, or the lack of sleep or the weather or the cards are stacked against you or the demons have woken ….. but for whatever reason somedays the world appears different. You are alone and operating without a safety net. It’s is dark, cold and scary. Often I liken the feeling to a Tolkien like scene. You are stood on the ramparts of Helms Deep. It is cold and the rain pours. You are besieged by an evil army of Orcs. But this time you are stood alone and Gandalf isn’t riding over the hill top to save you that day. You feel like hope has deserted you. A battle you didn’t ask for and one you cannot win this day.

In climbing the dreaded word is cragfast. Basically you are stuck. You can’t go up, down or sideways. Less polite terms also exist for this ……

My mind drifts to The Eiger. Back to 1936. Four young climbers attempt to be the first to scale the infamous North Face.

Andreas Hinterstoisser, Edi Ranier, Willy Angerer and Toni Kurz.

On the ill fated ascent Hinterstoisser opened up the mountain with an astonishing traverse now named after him. Tragically they decided to remove the ropes they had fixed in that section. A huge storm set in so they tried to retreat. They discovered that the Hinterstoisser traverse could only be completed in reverse with the aid of fixed ropes. They were suddenly out of options. A suicidal decent was attempted. Over the next few hours three climbers died. Rescuers got close to the remaining climber Toni Kurz. But they did not have enough rope to reach him so they had to retreat leaving the young climber stranded. They left to the echos of a climber pleading not to be left alone. The next morning a second rescue attempt was launched but they found the young climber close to death. He quietly said “Ich Kann nicht mehr” – I cannot go on. He died feet from rescue.

The German 2008 movie of this tragedy “North Face” is one of the bleakest movies you will ever see. I have stood at the bottom of the North Face. Your mind can’t help thinking of those brave young climbers. Too many climbers have been lost here. It’s a truly cathartic experience.

What is the point of this post. I am not sure. Maybe it’s just about saying that life can be bleak and dark. You will come across times when you become stuck – cragfast. You find times when you are on the ramparts alone. You hope that when that happens people will come to save you. But rescues sometimes fail – even heroes stumble. These are the times you have to stand alone. Those are grim times. Times we must endure. You hope to just make it through the night. The morning may bring new light or a hero. Or you may have to struggle on for another day alone. It’s a sobering thought.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 88 Comments

12 uncomfortable things

Our son realises that he doesn’t naturally fit into this world. Certainly not in its current format. His attitude is basically

I might wait for the world to come round to my way of thinking but just in case I had better dip my toe in the icy cold water which is the big bad world. It’s something I’m not going to enjoy but it’s probably worth it….

As part of this process we have agreed to visit 12 new places this year. Doesn’t sound a big commitment but in-fact it’s huge for our son. We will have our first new excursion next week….

Tonight we started discussing potential places to visit but somehow the conversation careered off topic. It suddenly became name 12 things you like about you and your life.

I went first and it was a really uncomfortable experience. I do find it difficult to think constructively about myself these days. So much easier thinking about negatives. Anyway for someone who basically hates himself I kinda did ok

  1. Son
  2. Memory of my partner
  3. Family
  4. Pets
  5. Friends
  6. My eyelashes
  7. I am pretty fit
  8. I occasionally can be mildly funny
  9. Musical taste
  10. Decent imagination
  11. I’m kinda resilient
  12. I’m still here

Son went next with his 12 things he likes about his life

  1. Family
  2. Jimmy – Dog
  3. Bluey – Cat
  4. The gerbils I am going to get for my birthday (mad scramble – news to his dad)
  5. My dreams (don’t care if people think it’s not right for me to have dreams, I still dream)
  6. My house
  7. I’m funny (don’t care if lots of people think otherwise I still think I’m funny)
  8. I’m cool (don’t care if lots of people think otherwise I still think I’m cool)
  9. I’m clever (don’t care if lots of people think otherwise I still think I’m clever)
  10. I’m tall
  11. My memory (don’t care if lots of people think otherwise I still think I have a good memory)
  12. My ambition to be a scientist or a zookeeper or a wrestler or a goalkeeper or a falconer or a historian (don’t care if people think I can’t do these things …)

I think this reveals that he is quite comfortable with himself. The problem is that he doesn’t have that much faith in the outside world. I could go on but GERBILS are a pressing concern……