Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 91 Comments

Tired

I’ve never really been much of a threat to the great thinkers of our time. This is especially the case when I’m tired. Today I’ve tried to function on 2 hours sleep in the last 24 hours. The results have verged on spectacular:

  • The picture above was mini cake attempt 3. No idea why they refused to rise this time. The first attempt I used Pea Protein Powder rather than Self-Raising Flour. The second attempt had the right ingredients but not necessarily the right ingredients for a cooking time of 2 hours – completely forgot about them.
  • Took the dog out into the garden for his morning constitutional. After a few minutes he was missing. Had a 5 minute panic until I realised the poor dog was still in the house..
  • Put dog food into the cat bowls.
  • Poured orange juice over my cornflakes.
  • During my early morning workout I actually fell asleep for a few seconds while trying to do floor presses.
  • Had to go to a meeting but put the wrong postcode in the sat navigation so my 15 minute journey took 50 minutes.
  • When I did get to my meeting and took my coat off. T-shirt inside out.
  • The final straw was opening a tin of Tuna to make our son a Tuna and Sweetcorn Sandwich. Funny looking Tuna more like sliced peaches in syrup. Can’t remember buying them…..

So today has been one of those days. Plenty of mistakes but no damage. In fact it’s been quite a lucky day. I posted a while back about stupidly booking two different sets of concert tickets for the same night. I spoke about our son deciding to see Ozzy rather than Thunder, but asking me to wait until the last minute as “this is Ozzy we are talking about”. Well today we found out the Ozzy concert has been put back a few weeks due to a bad case of Ozzy flu. So next week it’s Thunder. So yes I’m tired, very tired but kinda happy. Bring on Tuesday…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Getting To Know You

LAURAVENT69 has come up with a new question challenge. I was kindly nominated to have a go. In her own words

I thought I would come up with a fun questionnaire type challenge. Here are the rules:

The “Getting to know you” challenge. Just copy and paste the rules and the questions listed below and tag at least two people to take the challenge. Use the “Getting to Know You” pic and pingback to this post. Easy!

Now since I created this challenge, I will be tagging more than two people.

  1. Name a moment in your life when you felt you were most courageous.
  2. If you had to choose only one breakfast cereal for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
  3. When have you felt the most scared?
  4. If you could sing like any musical artist, who would you choose?
  5. Do you collect anything?
  6. If you could live inside a tv show or movie, what would it be?
  7. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? If so, what was it?
  8. What’s your Zodiac sign?

My Answers

  1. I’m not sure I’ve ever been that courageous. A coward at heart. Petrified of snakes, spiders, scorpions, wasps, heights, confined spaces, sickness, Selma and Patty Bouvier, zombies, Medusa, swimming, Professor Moriaty, Tomatoes and dancing.
  2. Cornflakes.
  3. Without doubt the night after my partner died. Sat at home with a young child asleep in bed – thinking what on earth am I going to do.
  4. I love LAURAVENT69 choice of Pat Benatar. But me doing that would be kinda odd. So either David Coverdale (Deep Purple, Whitesnake) or Paul Rodgers (Free, Bad Company). Both born within a few miles of my birthplace.
  5. Do things like bruises and bills count? No but son collects Lego and Wrestling Figures.
  6. Always want to live in a place which is just nice and filled with happiness. So somewhere like In The Night Garden, Peppa Pig world, The Moon with the Clangers or ScoobyDoo Land.
  7. As a kid had a reoccurring nightmare about my older brothers punchbag. Over last few years often get a dream about being late for something but trying to run in what feels treacle.
  8. Leo

My Nominations

Mom Life With Chiari

Baffled Mum

Katherine’s Blog

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 68 Comments

School thoughts

How to banish those school thoughts…

It might be the weekend but our son just can’t get the negative thoughts about school out of his head. So much stress at such a young age…

“Dad I just can’t stop thinking about school. I don’t like being so sad about school and it’s a Saturday.”

So we are trying something different today. It not aimed at directly treating the school anxiety issue it’s just a distraction exercise. An attempt to to get rid of the bad thoughts for a short while. The idea is that he will tell me as soon as he has bad school thoughts and I will ask him a random question which he needs to answer.

Worry alert: What animal would make the best Horror Movie Star?

“I think a Hippo Dad. The way they can appear so friendly but are so dangerous. The way they can disappear under the water and then suddenly attack from below”

Worry alert: Which other animal is our mad dog most like?

“It’s a cross between a playful monkey and a dolphin excitedly swimming in the ocean”

Worry alert: If an alien came to earth what would be the thing which scares it the most?

“Your singing. The new Star Wars story arc, it’s that bad. Brussel Sprouts”

Worry alert: If you were a superhero what would be you talent?

“Being Dyslexic in every language on every planet.”

Worry alert: If a universal tyrant super villain attacked earth, someone like Thanos. Who could save us?

“The wrestler Becky Lynch. She would sort him out.”

Worry alert: Thanos the mighty foe of the Avengers, What is his favourite singer or band?

“The Beetles. Similar hair cuts and it’s kinda funny that the ultimate destroyer of life likes music about peace and love.”

Worry alert: Which story would you like to change the most?

“Make Santa more real. Make the Hound of the Baskervilles a real demon dog and not just a big ScoobyDoo dog.” Strangely when I was a kid I remember making up stories where the Hound of Baskervilles was a demonic beast summoned by Moriaty.

Worry alert: Invent a name for a new animal.

“Jeff”.

How about a more scientific sounding name.

“Einstein Jeff, Stephen Hawkin Jeff”

Can’t you make it sound a bit more animal like.

“Four legged, long tailed Einstein Jeff”

Worry alert: What’s the best nickname you have been called.

“JimBob SquarePants”

Worry alert: Merge two movies together to get a new film name.

“Star Wars and Star Trek. You get Star Trek.”

Haha you know what I mean. Something like The Empire Strikes Back and Back to the Future. You get The Empire Strikes Back to The Future. He just looks at me with one of those looks.

“Superman and Batman. Merging together you get Superman”

I give up on that one.

Worry alert: Change the name of a country to something better.

“England should be Rainland”

And on and on.

Most admit it did work as a temporary fix but it doesn’t permanently banish the worries. But it’s something we can add to our armoury of anxiety help tools.

If anyone has got any ideas we can try to ease these school worries, please let us know. It would be greatly appreciated.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Walls Work

The snow has left little old Yorkshire. Still cold but no white stuff. At the edge of the garden the thaw has revealed the first signs of spring. At last some colour. Before this photo we had four flowers. Unfortunately a slightly excited dog obliterated one. So now a hastily erected wall of stones – eat your heart out Mr President – is protecting the remaining delicate buds. And as we are told walls do work.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 81 Comments

Acronyms

I was sent a report to read this morning. I couldn’t work out what it meant when it said D.A. and FUWSM. When I phoned to ask, the report sender was really apologetic as they were local office acronyms. Apparently Diagnosis Awaited and Follow Up Within Six Months.

I went for a run today and a white van passed with B.O.N.G down the side. What could that mean. All I could think of was something to do with a Kangaroo.

This got me thinking about acronyms. We seem to get more of these pesky things everyday. I have come across a few I really like:

LMAO – Laughing My Arse Off. Someone much wiser than me introduced this to me. I really like this one. I might not like it so much if an employer said that after they read my job application.

TIFU – Today I Fudged Up. Maybe the F stands for something else, can’t think of anything currently.

TMI – Too Much Information. I fancy having that tattooed on my forehead.

NOYB – Non of Your Business. I fancy having that tattooed to my bottom.

LOL – Lots of Love. Thinking about it could also be Laugh Out Loud.

But some acronyms I either don’t get or I just think they sound odd. Some notable ones include:

FTW – For The Win. I once had a football coach who would continually shout ftw ftw ftw …. why couldn’t he just say win please.

ICYMI – In Case You Missed It. How on Earth are you supposed to remember that one. It’s only practical use is to employ someone with a big ICYMI sign and have the sign pointing at my tattooed rear.

TWAT – The War Against Terror. Controversial project and not an acronym you can use if your mum is in the room.

Acronyms do have had a habit of causing trouble. I once worked for an organisation which went through a merger process. The merger project team was called TRTHMG. I never found out what that stood for. My Finance Team had to be combined with the other organisations Budgeting Department. The TRTHMG decided on a new name for combined team. Unbelievably they came up with Transitional User Resource Department. So for 6 months I could walk round with T.U.R.D on my name badge.

Not sure why but I qualified as an accountant, maybe I craved excitement. Anyway I got to put CPFA after my name. Strangely this could stand for the Canadian Pigeon Fanciers Association. But for years I thought that my CV proudly displayed these letters after my name. Unfortunately I recently discover that my spell checker must have at some stage auto corrected it to CACA. No wonder I never got many job offers.

While we are on the subject of auto correction my last thought has to go to a time when I was doing some work for a Police Force. I sent a report to the four senior Police Officers in the area. I blame a faulty auto corrector as the report ended up being sent to the Arse Commanders.

LOL

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Winter ?

I’m seeing so many photos from around the world of epic winter snow. Does this count – best it’s been this winter.

It’s strange that the weather can have such an effect on our moods. As soon as the snow started falling my morale fell. The House seemed very cold and unwelcoming. I thought about a trip to the coffee shop but I didn’t have the heart for that today. The outside world seemed less appealing. I needed to do something to stop the Darkness taking hold.

Maybe it was time to make another stew and see what CATastrophes it brings.

Thankfully like the snow, the dark mood didn’t last too long. A run in the snow cleared my mind. For some reason I decided to run in just a T-shirt. Maybe frost bite is the ultimate mood changer. Maybe it was the white van that passed me with the following abbreviation down the side. B.O.N.G.

What does that stand for. Anyway more of that later tonight..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 40 Comments

Safety Net

Photo taken from the top of The Niesen.

I never really thought about my own mortality. Before I met my partner my attitude to risk was “it will be alright and if something happens to me I’m not too great a loss to society”. After we became a family I started to become more responsible but I still had a reasonable risk threshold. If something happened to me our son would still have his mum and his granny.

This all changed when I lost my mum and then partner within 6 weeks of each other.

The first few days after my partner left us are still a blur. But I remember one incident like it was yesterday. It was my son’s first day back at school and I was driving to register the death. Suddenly a sports car pulled out in front of me. A suicidal overtaking manoeuvre. Luckily I saw him and managed to swerve onto the grass verge and miss him – just. At that speed it would probably have been game over. All I could think about was our Son. One second slower reaction time and he would have been parentless. The whole incident shocked me. Suddenly there was no backstop for our son. No cover if I couldn’t be there for him.

A couple of years later and it’s a new life. With new dreams, new hopes and new feelings. All the climbing and contact sports have been permanently ditched. No more drinking. No more stupid risks to my body. I just can’t take those chances anymore. I’m even more boring than I once was but much more importantly I feel that I am a much better parent now. Yes the world has changed. But hopefully I have adapted to it. The reality of parenting without a safety net…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 90 Comments

Cat Stew

Sometimes wonderful views take your breath away. This was taken on our last holiday. While my partner and son slept I would sneak out for an early morning run. The run would take me along a path which ran along the edge of Lake Thun. It was just stunning.

Sometimes it’s other things that take your breath away.

Last night I had made a stew. I left my steaming plate of food on the kitchen table while I delivered our son his stew and 2 tons of tomato ketchup. Crash. On my return to the kitchen I had an out of body experience. We have a very accident prone boy cat. Yes you have guessed it. He was lying in my stew. Waiter there appears to be a cat in my food. He was covered in gravy and vegetables completely oblivious to the world. He seemed most puzzled when I pushed him onto the floor. He was even more puzzled and slightly terrified as the dog decided to feast on the four legged plate. My option b meal, a cuppa soup was far less appetising.

I’m still finding bits of stew strewn around the house.

Usually the dog won’t have anything to do with the boy cat. His bestie is the girl cat. However today it’s a different story. Now he’s discovered the boy cats talent as a mobile dinner plate. He is hopefully following him around trying to be friends. Let’s hope the boy cat has learnt his lesson as tonight it’s a curry.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 56 Comments

Like a Swiss Train

“Dad if the bus was like a Swiss Train then I might be happier about getting it everyday”

My son if it was like a Swiss Train and served the same chocolate I would live on the bus. To someone who has been brought up on the infamous UK train network the concept of clean, comfortable and sometimes opulent carriages is rather alien. That’s before we even think about precision punctuality and a nice food service.

I remember waiting for a train in Switzerland one morning when the station announcer informed us that an avalanche had blocked the track (the announcement was in 4 different languages). In the U.K. that would mean the track would be shut for about 9 months. Or if our Prime Minister is sorting it out maybe never. A few minutes later the station master started speaking to all the people waiting on the platform. In perfect English he informed me that the specialist team was on site and he genuinely seemed horrified that the train would be late. After a couple of minutes it was announced that the avalanche had been cleared and they were deeply sorry that the train would be 10 minutes late. Ten Minutes……

Son survived today’s bus trip but it wasn’t a bundle of laughs. Although he did appreciate Dads attempt at a slushy drink when he came home. The dog enjoyed chasing the ice around the kitchen when someone forgot to put a lid on the blender. Silly dad.

When budgets are tight it is difficult for councils to run a school bus service. We actually should be thankful that we have one. But the school bus run is often so difficult for many kids, especially those spectrum kids. I’m not sure I like that phrase for some reason, may not use that again.

So many factors contribute to the difficult school journey:

  • Different drivers everyday. Our son would really appreciate just one familiar face and it spooks him when a new driver appears,
  • Frequently dirty bus interiors. Let’s be polite and say they tend to be not that clean. Again to someone who hates touching potentially dirty surfaces this is not conducive to a relaxing trip,
  • Poor behaviour. I think the term bear pit comes to mind. To someone who finds social settings challenging this type of behaviour is really distressing,
  • Different sized buses used daily. Because of his Aspergers he likes routine. Not knowing what type of bus will turn up can and does disorientate him. It is a big issue if the bus randomly changes from minibus, to medium size bus, to large super coach,
  • Because the bus size changes and the large number of kids using the bus, seating position is random. On an ideal day he can have a window seat by himself just behind the driver. However when smaller buses turn up, seating is restricted so he is often forced to sit next to someone who he probably does not know. This is an absolute nightmare for an Aspergers kid.
  • The buses have such a tight timetable. On arriving at school the kids only have a few minutes to get to the first class. If you are late you get an automatic negative. After the final lesson the kids only have 10 minutes to get on the bus before it leaves. Added to this it is a big school site and also due to its age it’s a bit of a maze. That’s a lot to cope with especially for someone who can go into meltdown when he needs to rush and who struggles with the concept of time. He also takes a lot longer to pack his bags and put things like coats on. It’s a recipe for anxiety and stress.

I haven’t got an answer. I have contacted the school and council. Our Health Service has repeatedly raised similar concerns in connection with many of its patients. Nothing changes. My last offer was that I would be more than happy to volunteer to work with the authorities in designing the next tender process for school services. I suspect I know the two word answer to that, something like **** off. In an ideal world we could get the Swiss Public Transport experts to run the school bus. That would be problem solved and wow the chocolate…..