Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Waiting

Apparently a heatwave is about to hit Western Europe. I’m not sure the required paperwork and clearances have been signed off for Yorkshire yet. As a result it’s gone back to cold, cloudy and very wet. Here this is called proper weather.

Anyway let’s see if the much vaunted hot stuff arrives. Knowing our luck it could be a long wait. But we are accustomed to waiting for things.

  • Snow at Christmas … 10 years
  • My so called football team winning a domestic trophy … 64 years
  • A U.K. Van Halen Tour … 35 years
  • Last Total Solar Eclipse in Yorkshire … 92 years, next U.K. one 2090

We can add to these the following waits.

  • Bereavement counselling for son … over 2 years and counting
  • Waiting to have son’s dyslexia initially assessed by an Education Psychologist … over 3 years
  • Aspergers Review and Assessment … 2 years
  • Dedicated Aspergers Therapy … 1 year
  • Anxiety Therapy … 6 months
  • Speech Therapy … 4 years
  • Paediatrician Assessment … 1 year
  • Parent Training on Autism … Never going to happen So far 5 years

You get the picture. Nothing comes easy. As a parent. As an Autism Parent. As a Aspie Parent. You have to push for the support your kid needs. Constantly chasing up contacts. Everyday seems like a new or recurring battle. Letter after letter. Chasing up phone calls. That’s something which isn’t mentioned when you start your new life journey. You sort of assume that the professional help will be there when you need it. You quickly find out that the professional help is withheld or is delivered at times to suit the system rather than the child.

What the system doesn’t seem to appreciate is that you get such a short window of time to foster real progress. As one psychologist said

Up to about 14 years is the development sweet spot. That’s when the real, long lasting progress is usually made. That’s when you have a chance to start closing the educational gap. After that it becomes increasingly difficult. If it’s left too long then its probably just about trying to stop the educational gap widening too quickly.

The frustration that causes you. It’s hard to explain that feeling. Maybe constantly walking in treacle. Every step forward is such an effort and yet you are so far away from your destination. But the fight has to be fought. As long as our son wants me to keep pushing then I will keep pushing. That’s what parents do.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 119 Comments

Tell me why

In my voice – Tell me why

  • My partner was taken from us when she was so young.
  • The system continually fails our son.
  • The Government can find billions to bribe other parties to keep it in power but can’t find the money to fund education support for the kids who need it.
  • I don’t sleep anymore.
  • They say the world is getting smaller yet I feel so isolated.
  • Chocolate has so many blooming calories.
  • Hair doesn’t like growing on my head yet it sprouts like an Amazonian Forest on the back of the my hands.
  • The cat continually finds a way into the wardrobe.
  • I can’t find any socks in this house.
  • They never made a Captain Scarlet movie.

In our son’s voice – Tell me why

  • My mum had to die.
  • Both my grannies had to die.
  • My hamster had to die.
  • My girl cat who was like a sister to me had to die.
  • I can’t read.
  • Some people think I am stupid just because I am autistic and dyslexic.
  • Shops have to be so busy.
  • Hazard is leaving Chelsea.
  • Do people have to kiss in films.
  • Marvel Movies are way better than DC Movies.
  • Most kids don’t like rock music.
  • Broccoli wasn’t deemed an inedible plant.
  • My Dad can’t cook.
  • In our dogs voice – Tell me why
      • I get shouted at for pinching socks.
      I get shouted at for digging holes.
      I get shouted at for eating garden tools.
      I get shouted at for eating garden furniture,
      I get shouted at for digging up plants.
      I get shouted at for burying stuff like socks.
      I get shouted at for pulling bits of the apple tree off.
      I get shouted at for escaping.
      I get shouted at for climbing in the hedge.
      I get shouted at for eating cat poo, cow poo, sheep poo.
      I get shouted at for pinching food.
      My best friend isn’t with us anymore. I know I am a dog but she was a really cool cat.

    In our boy cats voice – Tell me why

    • My sister isn’t with us anymore.

    • My best friend, the really lovely woman has gone. I miss siting on her lap.
    • I get shouted at for missing the cat litter by several feet.
    • I get really shouted at for missing the litter by so many feet I hit the wall.
    • I get shouted at for sitting in front of the TV when a movie is on.
    • I get shouted at for sneaking into the wardrobe and getting white hairs on all the black clothes.
    • I get shouted at for falling in hot plates of food.
    • I get shouted at for always tripping people up.
    • I get shouted at for sleeping on the laptop.
    • I get shouted at for sleeping on the toaster.

    In our gerbils voice – Tell me why

    • We don’t live in a toilet roll factory.
    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 55 Comments

    More school days like this

    We have had some big anxiety attacks and tough times recently so it’s nice to have a stress free post.

    “Dad I shared a desk with a ladybird today. He watched a bit of history with me.”

    It’s always good to get close to nature. Especially when you are at school.

    “I wish all school days could be this good”

    The school has a system that everyday a pupil is taken out of classes and assigned to school reception. Basically for the day they deliver messages, photocopy stuff and do admin tasks. It’s supposed to broaden their horizons. Today was our son’s turn. It certainly broadened his.

    “Basically every so often I would deliver a message to a teacher. It was funny when the receptionist asked me to deliver a message to a teacher and the teacher was stood at reception. I delivered it without moving. Then I had to deliver a message about a kid who couldn’t come in today as he had come down with flu – he said he was doing this yesterday as he hated French.”

    “Greta would be very annoyed with me. Every time I used the photocopier I kept getting the paper upside down. Wasted so many sheets. I did get a great copy of my hand”

    You can’t believe how relieved I was when he said hand….

    So what happened when you had no work to do.

    “I went to see the teachers and they just sent me back to reception. Finally one teacher told me to go to the library and get a book to read. Ha ha he doesn’t know I’m dyslexic. So I improvised”

    Did it involve your iPad and games.

    “Not entirely. Yes I played some very educational games like Space Invaders and Sonic. But I also watched a historical thing about how bad the British Empire was and how the navy went after Pirates.”

    So you watched Pirates of the Caribbean.

    “Yes. What a top day.”

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 93 Comments

    Storm Bunker

    We had a large thunder storm pass over this afternoon. The cat was taking no chances. After the first bang he made his way to his storm bunker.

    Unbelievably the early morning cinema screening was very full. The cinema was mobbed. Not seen crowds like that since the ‘Everything for a Pound’ Store had a sale. It’s not a statistical significant sample population but from the early morning hordes I guess that The Avengers movie is going to pull in some astronomical numbers.

    And yes it is an astonishing movie.

    Yes the crowds unsettled our son but we took our customary place on the front row so no one could be in front of him or to the left of him. It’s so close to the big screen that I come away feeling like I’ve been chewing on magic mushrooms but it works for him.

    For 3 hours we both lost ourselves in the Marvel Universe. All our problems and anxieties forgotten. Heroic deeds fill your heart. With even a bit of free grief counselling thrown in by Captain America. But sadly it doesn’t last. You eventually find yourself back in the same place with the same issues.

    In fact it feels like we have regressed. Fifteen months ago we eventually secured some anxiety counselling for our son. I say ‘we’ as the fight to get some help started while my partner was still very much with us. It seemed to really benefit him. Progress was starting to be made. But now due to cutbacks that support has dried up. The anxieties are building and it feels like the system has cast him adrift again. We have been lucky really – far too many families get zero help – all they get is patronising comments from politicians who have no interest beyond their off shore bank accounts and rich friends.

    So as the thunder rumbles on we try to fight demons. Health anxieties, fear of death, school anxieties, friend anxieties, social anxieties, reading anxieties, fear of being left alone anxieties…..

    I’m no psychologist. I’m no health professional. I’m no education specialist. I’m not a grief counsellor. I’m just a parent trying to figure out this increasingly bizarre world with no one to help guide me. Doing the best I can. Deep down this scares me as what chance do I have when I can’t even come close to fixing myself. Queue worried face. 😱

    Pleased to report the immediate threat to life and property must have passed as the cat has made his way back to his favourite chair again. That’s one less worry to deal with.

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 56 Comments

    Hermione

    On the other side of this Bush is a stunning view yet it’s blocked by plant beauty.

    Our Son loves history. You often see him watching very in-depth documentaries about a vast range of historical subjects

    • Romans
    • Viking
    • Pharaohs
    • Greeks
    • Persians
    • Incas
    • American Presidents
    • British Kings and Queens
    • Battles and Wars
    • and on and on

    Unfortunately he doesn’t get the chance to extend this knowledge at school (yet).

    It’s probably due to being put in the bottom set due to his dyslexia but the teaching is at such a low level. Son says he will keep watching historical videos as it’s the only way he learns anything new. He smiles when he calls himself the Hermione Granger of the History class. If the teacher asks a question he is always the first hand up but is never selected to answer.

    I think one incident really sums up the problem.

    In a test the class were asked to name facts about King John. Our Son then provided an in-depth answer which talked about

    • When King Richard the Lionheart was captured on the third crusade John (his brother) negotiated with the captors to keep him imprisoned
    • He lost most of his fathers empire
    • After he was forced to retreat from France he alienated himself from the many of the barons and a rebellion started
    • Eventually the two factions started negotiating after months of conflict. The end result was the Magna Carta which limited the power of the crown.
    • He then got the Pope to declare the Magna Carta invalid sparking more civil conflict which spilled into the reign of the next king – his son Henry III
    • He may well have killed his nephew (Arthur of Brittany) a potential rival
    • John was excommunicated when he refused to let the Pope have a say in the selection of a new Archbishop of Canterbury
    • He probably died of dysentery

    That is my son speaking not me. My knowledge of John ends with the Magna Carta being signed under his rule and the stuff in Ivanhoe.

    His teacher spoke to our son and basically told him that he provided too much information. That he was in Year 7 and he shouldn’t know this stuff until Year 10. That’s a way of inspiring his love of the subject. To be fair to the teacher her approach to learning is what the government wants. Sadly the government understands as much about education (and actually most other areas) as does that Bush in the photograph.

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 46 Comments

    Angles

    Son came back from school with news of a maths test tomorrow. So we probably won’t get round to looking at the French Test which is Thursday. It seems like test after test. When I was at school the only test was really the daily trying to avoid being eaten by the Sabertooth Tiger.

    Son wanted to have a look at angles. So we went through a number of angles listing them as acute, right, obtuse or reflex. Went well until he started to struggle. As soon as you started rotating the picture and he couldn’t process the information. For example these angles proved very easy for him.

    Yet with the same angles but reversed he couldn’t visualise them at all.

    This replicates some of the stuff we have encountered with the way he scans words and number patterns. Maybe it’s something he can work on. Maybe it’s something he just has to adapts to. It was an area the Health Service wanted to look at but the specialist team was closed due to budget cuts.

    I need talk. I remember putting together an IKEA wardrobe. The bloody wooden demon took 2 days to assemble. It wasn’t until I came to stage 85 out of 86 that I realised I had put it together back to front. The door side screwed to the wall and the rear happily facing out. Partner not impressed with the idea of maybe knocking the wall through so we could gain access to the wardrobe from the kitchen.

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 63 Comments

    Spelling….

    Some roads are straight and easy to navigate. Other roads are not….

    A few years ago the U.K. Government changed the way children were taught and tested. To ensure that ‘children are better equipped for jobs a greater emphasis should be placed on spelling, grammar and punctuation’. As a result marks are now specifically set aside for these factor in exams. Labelled SPaG marking. It was argued that the previous inclusive educational approach was wrong.

    The Government approach is to focus on a limited number of correctly spelt words. Let’s produce kids who can spell one word perfectly rather than have kids who can use an extended comprehension.

    Where does this leave kids with dyslexia.?

    Teaching Groups, Charities, Dyslexia Associations, Parenting Associations and Health Bodies objected. But what do they know….

    Dyslexic Kids can apply for extra time in exams. They can apply for a scribe. They can apply to use a reading pen. They can apply to use a keyboard rather than pen. BUT.

    They have to demonstrate a level of independence to gain access to the spelling, the grammar or the punctuation marks. If they can’t then the marks are not available to them.

    Looking at our son’s case it probably means that when he takes his final exams if he opts for reasonable levels of assistance (as required under Equality Legislation) he will at best be able to access only 33% of the total SPaG marks available.

    In my eyes this is wrong. But this is modern U.K. education policy.

    Sadly it doesn’t stop there.

    The Government decided to change the course content for Computing. Computing underpins everything now. The range of potential computing skills are endless. So many of our kids have passions and untapped skills here. The opportunities are boundless. Let kids tap into this. NO. The Government decided that the course should now focus on coding and structured programming.

    Not often can I talk about a subject with anything other than guesswork, but computing I can get to amateur level. This is way beyond the dogmatic ideological buffoonery that underpins Government thinking. Why in God’s name have they picked the most uninspiring and regimented area to focus on. The approach seems to be let’s push out kids who can code rather than develop kids who can utilise the potential computers offer. Yes let kids have a basic grasp of coding then allow those who want to take it further the option to do so. I remember training in 3 programming languages – all becoming obsolete within 5 years.

    AND yet again the Government – The Government which is on our side – have penalised kids with dyslexia. Coding and programming is built around specific commands and symbol patterns. Dyslexics struggle with this. So our son is stuck in a weekly computing lesson which focuses on programming. He flounders as he can’t spell the commands. His confidence gets battered. His struggles with spelling are cruelly exposed. His love for computing is fading. The school knows this but cannot change because it’s the set teaching method. Madness.

    Sadly I could go on about other subjects and more Government interference. But the point has been made.

    Education is so vital that it should not be left in the hands of our self absorbed and incompetent politicians. How about the politicians just focusing on screwing up Brexit and leaving education to the teachers, the parents, the area experts, the kids. In today’s language that probably gets me labelled as a dangerous socialist. A Traitor. Frankly I don’t care. What I care about is the kids going through our educational system. Clearly that’s something our leaders clearly can’t comprehend.

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 54 Comments

    Decibels

    Currently the mad dog is being completely bonkers. It’s a kinda let’s bark at everything type of day. Currently the apple tree is getting it. But as the decibels rise my mind wanders to that quiet little pup. What happened…..

    Son is not impressed. If you look closely at the photo you will notice that the duvet cover is Peppa Pig themed. It’s a perfectly good cover so is still used today when his Jurassic Park one is being washed. Son doesn’t really see the practical benefits.

    “You do know Peppa Pig is for little kids. It’s not as if I’m watching it. I know you do when you get the chance, but not me. I was watching about the Black Death last night..”

    I do have to admit that a quick bit of Peppa Pig, or the Clangers or In The Night Garden is strangely therapeutic. And yes I can’t remember the Peppa Pig episode which featured the Black Death.

    All my parenting waffles are subject to a major caveat. As statisticians would say – it’s based on a very limited sample size. Like one child. One child on the autistic spectrum with dyslexia. So when I see something I can’t be sure if that is just particular to our son or is a common thing. The only other benchmark I can use is my childhood. That seems a long time ago…..

    Son has a lot of areas where he is more developed and refined than his Dad. Seemingly way beyond his years. But also in a number of areas he probably still reverts back to the Peppa Pig years. Cuddly toys. Not wanting to leave the safety of the family nest. Mr Men stories. Petting Zoos. Toy cars….

    Maybe it’s a fear of growing up.

    But I can relate to this. Not wanting to completely forget your early childhood days. Now where is that Peppa Pig dvd….

    Speaking about not forgetting things.

    It’s the Great Bloggers Bake-Off this Sunday. It’s all about having a bit of fun. Pop over to Mel’s blog – Crushed Caramel (Learner at Love). She has done so much work to set this up.

    Our special judge is A Jeanne in the Kitchen.

    Let’s go Sunday Spongecake mad.

    Please send photos of your creation(s) to crushedcaramel@gmail.com

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 61 Comments

    18 minutes

    This is a week of school tests. At the moment it’s due to be 4 tests. French (x2), Science and History. I’m pretty sure they will sneak in a couple more before the week is up. I keep reminding myself our son is still only 11 – just too many tests for someone so young.

    French could be interesting. One of the tests is a reading test. The kids need to read french text and then get the pronunciation correct. No reading help can be provided. The positive is our son is currently quite relaxed about this test. As he says

    “I’m dyslexic so I will just do my best. On the basis of probability I should fluke a few words. And the worst thing that can happen is I get to be dyslexic in another language.”

    Today was the History test. When I asked how it went the response was interesting

    “It went well. Didn’t get much help. All about Kings and Queens. But the questions where just too easy. As long as I guessed all the questions wording right then I probably got 100%. Probably a few minuses for spellings. I finished a bit early”

    How early did you finish?

    “Well it was a 60 minute test. A couple of the other kids finished after about 40 minutes. I was a little bit sooner.”

    So how soon did you finish?

    “I was finished after 18 minutes….”

    Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 100 Comments

    Let’s break some rules….

    Our school like so many others prides itself on discipline and the behaviour of its pupils. This is achieved with an inflexible set of rules. If a pupil breaks a rule then it’s an automatic negative. Four negatives in one week means detention. Repeated detentions bring the sanction of isolation. A serious negative can lead to an immediate spell of isolation. It’s all a bit Dickensian – was going to say Shawshank Redemption but that’s probably not a good example to use really…

    The rules must come in about 7 volumes so too many to list. But let’s give a flavour by quoting some of the negatives which our son has seen issued.

    • Unbuttoned shirt
    • Incorrect positioning of the tie
    • Throwing a snowball – after school and not on school premise
    • Small coloured markings on white sport socks
    • Parent not signing off the weekly planner sheet
    • Forgetting your planner or text book
    • Incorrect colour pen used. Has to be black, unless it’s a correction which has to be green – still haven’t worked out what blue is supposed to be for
    • Forgetting to bring your cooking apron
    • Bringing the wrong measurement of food ingredients
    • School iPad running out of battery
    • Carrying snacks in a rucksack
    • Going to the wrong lesson if you misread the timetable
    • Getting lost in the school – it is a big school area with several separate buildings
    • Bringing the wrong type of calculator
    • Repeatedly asking to go home if you are unwell
    • Pointing out that the teacher had got a fact wrong (son’s only negative so far)

    And on and on

    Our son came home yesterday to say that he had to complete a series of corrections in his book. Failure to do so would result in two negatives…. When I checked he had one answer correction to make – fine. But he also had to correct spellings. As you can imagine with dyslexia he had many. We had the dreaded red “spelling mistake” label on almost every line. I gave up counting at 30.

    The school has another rule which says that for every spelling mistake the pupil has to write out the correct spelling three times.

    Call me awkward but he’s got dyslexia. How can this be right. I have spoken to the school on several occasions but I am told it is the rule for all pupils. Well bugger it. I have emailed school to tell them that he is not doing the corrections. We will add the words he has struggled with to our home reading work. But he is definitely not writing out the corrections three times. If he gets a negative for this then I have warned them that I will consider legal action against the school. U.K. organisations need to take reasonable steps to avoid discrimination on the grounds of disability. Under the Equality Act Dyslexia is classed as a disability. OR the school could just give me the detention – that could be really interesting (unbelievably I have never suffered that punishment).