Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Crime and punishment

The sun sets on another day. Closer to another school at home week. Yes that’s right – no return to the classroom yet. Actually that might not be such a bad thing.

I’ve mentioned this before but I find some of the syllabus just completely baffling.

Hawklad loves History. He really loves History. I’ve never seen him ever find History anything other than awesome. He has a passion for it. Until now. Until the School History Programme. One third of the course is on Crime and Punishment. So far he has spent weeks learning about Jack The Ripper, Victorian violent crime and Capital Punishment. He has months more of this to come.

Yesterday Hawklad said that he was finding this all seriously disturbing. It was making him really anxious and stressed out. A few phrases struck home

“I found some of the images really disturbing.”

“Some of the crime descriptions and autopsy details I just can’t get out of my mind.”

“It’s putting me off History…..”

This is school history, it’s not criminology, it’s not a Stephen King Horror Novel. I know history will often have to cover really distressing topics but does that really have to include graphic details about a notorious serial killers crimes. Yes they are graphic….. Of all the history in the world to go for and the Authorities had to pick this. I know the Government has a bit of a fetish about Victorian times. They like to hark back to ‘good old’ Victorian Values. Why… Is it about the unrestrained power of the rich that is appealing or is it the downtrodden lifestyles of those without. Maybe it’s those in charge liking the idea of having Victorian punishment regimes at their finger tips. But whatever the reason, do we really have to suck our children’s education into this area as well.

“It’s putting me of History”. A subject he loves. Not on my watch…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 51 Comments

They’re at it….

What on earth is going on the conservatory window. And yes the conservatory needs tidying up. Out of focus dinosaur toys have taken over.

So it’s the first full week back at school for families in our area. Already many children have taken the quick but problematic virus test. Our Government is really pushing them while other countries are deeply sceptical of the test we use. Even our own Doctor Groups have expressed concerns. Some parents are refusing to let their children take them. Some schools have run out of the test kits. But the tests are the only precaution left in our schools.

From the parent comments on our school’s forum, a number of children have tested positive and are waiting a full test. A number of parents are isolating due to contracting Covid. But the Government rules have changed. Schools are not allowed to track potential cases without the approval from the authorities. They are not allowed to notify parents of potential or confirmed cases. Parents will only be notified if the number of cases escalates beyond a set national threshold. It seems odd that if a child has head lice then other parents are immediately notified but no notification now with an infectious disease. It also seems bizarre that under the current rules a child who tests negative using the inaccurate quick tests must still attend class even if that child’s parents have Covid, and if the child’s siblings have Covid.

Not an ideal backdrop for Hawklad to be wrestling with going back to school or not. He is still struggling with crowds. Still struggling with OCD. Still struggling to touch objects. Still struggling to venture inside.

School have said that they will try to be flexible about his return but do they really get it . His health professionals recommended a number of changes to help but these have not been acted upon. We asked if he could be put into classes with at least a few friends to help his potential return. Most of his classes have now been announced and guess what. Where are his friends……NOT in his class. It’s as if they had tried to put him in the worst class groupings possible. Let’s hope that the last two subjects fair better. Classes are full, the year is over allocated and unless a pupil leaves then switches can’t happen apparently.

Yes they’re at it again…. And it’s not helping.

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Wrestling with a decision

Still no word from school. A day of planning for a potential return lost….

Still no final decision on the return to the classroom. The case for school not helped by the Politician in charge of Education in my country. Remember him, the person with a horse whip on clear display on his desk. In his words schools are ‘safe and protected’. When asked how that was during a pandemic with up to 40000 new cases per day, he floundered and waffled. Then he said that because ‘The Government’ has installed CO2 monitors in schools. They would indicate where air quality was a problem. Windows could be opened, classes could go outside, they could consider other stuff…. He was then asked a simple question, had any schools received monitors for the start of Term and the answer was ‘NO, they will start to be issued later’. They have known about this for 18 months….. Why can’t they just invest in proper school ventilation and reduce the excessive class sizes in English schools….Why enforce masks on school buses but not in school. Finally just decide on what is happening with child vaccinations.

So what is Hawklad’s decision. Still no final word but here is a potential indication. He loves watching Wrestling. He loves going to see it when they tour. He can go to see a Wrestling Event in a few weeks. Normally he would have snapped my hand off for tickets. This time his answer was different.

“If I can’t manage school then I can’t manage going to see wrestling. No Dad don’t get tickets……”

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 70 Comments

Is it over

Is the pandemic over. Have I missed something.

Yesterday I took Hawklad for a drive through takeout at the local Taco Bells. The drive through was coned off. After much reassurance Hawklad let me go inside to buy him some food.

Well I was wearing a mask and keeping my distance……..

The only other person with a mask was the lad preparing the food. The girl taking the orders, the chap making drinks and the person on the till were maskless. Everyone inside at the tables were maskless. Even the customers who came in after me were maskless. I even had to ask the person behind me to move back as he was no more than a foot away from me. AND the looks I got. No comments this time as I think my eyes gave away the current mood level. What’s the phrase – if looks could kill……

So have I missed something. Is it over…..

Just had an email from school saying that masks are still recommended on school buses but they are not required in any part of the school including classrooms. All social distancing rules have ceased. This follows Government instructions to schools. The email also notified parents that from the opening of schools next week, classes will now not be sent home if there is a positive case in the class. A significant outbreak would have to occur for that to happen. That decision would now not be the schools to take, it was up to area officials. Further if positive cases occur in a household then the any pupils are expected to still attend school until they test positive. Parents will now not be automatically informed of any school or class outbreaks. They will not be informed of any close contact with confirmed cases. This will only occur when a threshold of infection is reached. The school is seeking clarification on these new rules but they will have to follow them as they are Government instructions.

So have I missed something. Is it over…..

ONE MORE THOUGHT….

The Government was asked in a Freedom of Information Request to reveal what its own expert advice said about its school mask removal policy. The Government has refused to release that advice or a summary of the expert opinion as it is ‘not in the public interest to release that information’. I wonder what it says…….

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Responsibility 1

Luckily Hawklad has found his way on to the replacement health specialist list. He has an appointment in the future. Really lucky as a 5 day a week full time specialist has been replaced with a one day a week specialist who has to cover over services on the other 4 days. Cut backs….. This Government does not take child mental health and well-being seriously. So much unmet need. Children let down by their own Leaders.

But our leaders don’t care full stop. As millions of the poorest loose £20 a week in benefits I hope the Chancellor taking that decision to cut enjoys his newly built heated swimming pool, tennis courts and state of the art gym. As the Prime Minister lectures those losing the losing the money that they most learn to stand on their own feet as he sits in his new apartments paid for by a rich donor. Oh sorry no, he is apparently on holiday again……

Apparently it’s all about personal responsibility.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 61 Comments

Twilight walk

Late evening dog walk. Normally a time of beauty, quiet and peace. A much needed feeling of solitude for Hawklad. But not this night. The sound of the farmer had at work as the light gives out. No sound of silence tonight.

Another day has started and the Government ‘schools are perfectly safe’ campaign is in full swing. Children are are very low risk of getting ill from COVID. Crossing the road is much more dangerous. So all children should return to school immediately and there is no need for any COVID mitigation strategies in the the classroom. Forget your masks and go for it. This even applies to Extremely Clinical Vulnerable children. A Government Health Agency has just wrote to over 55000 families to inform them that now their extremely clinical vulnerable child should not shield anymore. They are expected back at school. Previously they have been informed to fully isolate due to the health risks associated with COVID. Now it’s suddenly become safe. Reassuringly the Head of that Agency also claimed last year that the UK had a world leading COVID strategy. Also argued that effective track and trace of cases was not needed. Also claimed that Large Scale Mass Public Gatherings carried no risk at all (days before they were stopped on safety grounds). Argued that the UK would not suffer significant deaths (currently 132000). OK….

Covid is such a difficult area to manage. I accept that. But children are catching Covid. Are suffering from severe and long Covid. They are in intensive care. Too many have died. It’s time my Government was honest with us. We are averaging well over 30000 new cases per day. We have 26x more cases than this time last year. Most days sadly over 100 people die. Most other countries are vaccinating children. Most other countries are installing improved ventilation in classrooms. Most other countries are maintaining sensible precautions in schools. My Government has decided to drop all precautions. Let’s be clear the Government and it’s officials know this. They have an level of child illness, suffering and death which is acceptable to them. They will see that as manageable.

But then rather than trusting children and parents with making a decision on their families safety (which will be different for each family), they are forcing the issue. Forcing families into sending children back into school regardless of the individual circumstances. Threatening legal action. Sending Government Officials after families. Regardless of family health risk profiles. Regardless of any mental health concerns. The only view that matters is the Government’s.

Parent views only matter with this Government when they provide a convenient excuse for the friends of the PM to justify the few ignoring the rules while everyone else has to obey them. One rule for them, one rule for us.

And on top of that the Government is now saying that responsibility for controlling covid in schools is purely the responsibility of parents and teachers. It has nothing to do with the Government. I wonder why that is…

Hawklad will go back to school when he is ready. He knows best. I trust his judgement. It is his health and well-being. Sadly I don’t trust those in power who are supposed to be on his side. They don’t care.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 30 Comments

Direction

If you look in the right direction and it looks like Summer in Yorkshire. For those cloud spotters out there, can you see the really chubby bird being chased my two smaller, slightly more streamlined birds…

Turn in the other direction and it’s grey as more weather is about to sweep over us.

Yes Sunday the 15th is cool here. That cool that the car heater was given a much needed whirl.

That’s just over 3 weeks to schools reopening here. Yesterday another trip out. Another attempted step towards bridge building. Yesterday’s trip felt a little more discouraging. Having seen Hawklad’s extreme anxiety at being within just a few paces away from a handful of strangers, 3 weeks does not seem much time at all. He was spooked by people not wearing masks. Spooked by strangers not interested in social distancing. This was outside. A million miles away from an over crowded classroom with no social distancing. In cramped rooms with inadequate ventilation. Places which have always been a breeding ground for germs and bugs. Places which are frequently unpleasant places to sit for hours. Not conducive environments for learning. It was that way when I was at school, it hasn’t changed now my son is there.

As other countries invest millions in installing classroom ventilation my so called Government has decided to trial ventilation in 30 schools in one small city. See how that goes for 6 months or more, then systematically review the results. Only after that can they start to think about better ventilation for schools. So maybe in a couple of years time, maybe some money can be found. Strange how on the eve of a vital Climate Change world summit, the Government approved a giant new oil and gas field within days…

Priorities….

So today we will try to head out again. To a different destination. Try to find another place to visit which is slightly less busy with more space. Try for another step forward. Maybe these steps may need to start heading in a different direction. One not focused to heavily on forcing an imminent return to the classroom.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 27 Comments

Saturday

A Tree on a Saturday but not this Saturday. Its different today. It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s windy. Thunder is rumbling all around us. Not really sunbathing weather. Not really the weather to stand anywhere near a tree on an exposed hill top. Another bright flash. Now hail.

A day for staying inside and dreaming.

Maybe in a few hours a trip out in the weather to an historic site. Should be quiet. That will help Hawklad.

This Saturday is now only 35 days from the start of the new school year. 35 days sounds a long time. Something like 3,000,000 million seconds. That does sound such a long time. But it isn’t. It really isn’t. Is it enough time to build life bridges. To move from finding quiet outdoor sites. Where the few people there are distant. Where you don’t touch any surfaces. You nervously cast glances at strangers. If space shrinks then you ask to leave. Is it enough time to build a bridge. To move to overcrowded classrooms. Classrooms with no ventilation. To being within inches of others. To sharing table surfaces, sharing learning materials, sharing classroom objects.

It feels like not enough time to build secure bridges. That’s the thing that some don’t understand. You can’t put a set timeframe on these things. There is no set time. Hawklad feels like he should try to go back to school. He should try for September. Any later and he’s joining a class part way through the year. Never an easy experience. But he is having doubts. Maybe it’s October. He has decided to push those thoughts and decisions to the back of his mind. Deal with those anxieties as September hits.

For what it’s worth I think a September return is way too early, fraught with so many risks that could bring those fledgling bridges down. His departing Health Professional feels exactly the same way. School thinks this is the perfect time to reintegrate him. The Government thinks that I am a bad parent for having these doubts. Childhood is about getting those qualifications the economy needs. Anxieties, mental health issues are excuses. Purely reasons for extended holidays.

So this Saturday feels stress filled. Maybe Hawklad is right. Put these thoughts to one side. Let’s see if we venture out. If we do then let’s see if some bridge building takes place. Let’s wait to see where those bridges lead to. You never know it could be to a better place. A place of dreams and contentment. Happiness. That’s what really counts this stormy Saturday.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 57 Comments

Deep sigh

Thought for the day. Latest data reveals that in the UK 34,000 children are suffering from Long Covid. In Scotland it has been announced that when schools return they will maintain Covid precautions such as masks. The Scottish Government is also spending millions on improving classroom ventilation. Meanwhile in England, all Covid precautions have been removed from schools as they are deemed perfectly safe….

Deep sigh.

There have been many DEEP SIGHS recently.

We have just found out that the Psychologist supporting Hawklad is leaving in two weeks time. At this stage the Service is not able to confirm when a replacement will be put in place. They can’t even confirm if the support will continue.

Deep sigh.

It takes Hawklad a significant amount of time to build up confidence in new faces. It took a lot of work from this professional to establish a bond, unfortunately now it’s all change again. That’s been the story over the last 5 years. So many new starts….. Even if a replacement is immediately put in place it will take many many months before any kind of meaningful link could be possibly established. That is at a time when his stress and anxiety levels are rocketing with an impending return to classroom teaching (?). A time when he is likely to require high levels of support.

This service is the last remaining support that Hawklad gets these days. But like most areas of child mental health, it’s a service under stress. Service demand rapidly outstripping its limited resources. The service has to prioritise those children most at risk of immediate harm and many families miss out on the help they so badly need. We may well start to miss out. Too many children suffer. Parents and families try do their best. Muddle through. But some of these areas are highly specialised and parents are just not equipped to deal with the issues. Plus many parents are already running on fumes and are struggling.

My country can find the money to buy additional nuclear missiles, can find the money to buy a new luxury royal yacht, can find the money to build a High Speed Train link that few people want, can find the money to pay Government Ministers legal fees and cover bullying damages awarded against a member of the Government. YET the country can’t seem to find the money or desire to protect its very own children.

Deep sigh.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 32 Comments

Missing

One of those days for staying inside. Heating on. Welcome again to the Yorkshire summer.

No excuse then to avoid baking. So here’s my honey and sunflower bread. Dairy and gluten free.

I don’t know what happened to the sunflower seeds but it tastes not too bad at all. Will go well with my completely plant based Cream of Tomato soup when I get round to finding where I put the pesky red things. How can things go missing in such a small kitchen.

Talking about going missing. While I was getting stuck into the bread dough I was listening to the local radio station. I caught the back end of a phone in about people living on government benefits. It wasn’t the must sympathetic range of callers. Out of the 5 callers I endured, 4 came up with the same opinion. Single parents are living the life of luxury, they get shed loads of taxpayers money, do no work and spend the benefits all on, wait for it. Designer clothes, cigarettes, booze, nights out, restaurants and holidays.

I did try to phone in to get on air but the lines were closed. Shame as this single parent wanted to point out a few things….

a) I get pennies in handouts from the Government and I work…

b) I have never bought designer clothes in my life,

c) I have never smoked a cigarette in my life,

d) I have been tea total in over 5 years now,

e) I haven’t had a holiday since 2015. In fact since I have been a single parent I have not spent one night apart from my son. Strangely 2015 was also the last time I ventured into a restaurant.

PLUS some people should wind their necks in and stop prying into other peoples life’s. These people phoning in don’t have the faintest idea what it’s like for the vast majority of single parents out there. Just how tough a slog it is to keep paying the bills while trying to be the best possible parent they can be. Just how little support there is and just how isolating a life it can be. But you hardly ever hear that side of the story. Like too many things, it’s gone missing.