Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 60 Comments

Miss it

A few more hours of snow before the warmer weather arrives.

I think I’m going to miss it…

As I was looking at our lake set in a winter wonderland. Briefly illuminated with a beautiful sun beam. All very fleeting and temporary. All too soon it will be blasted away by our normal Yorkshire weather. Soon the snow will be gone. Soon the lake will be gone.

Our little family lockdown feels way more permanent and long lasting. No chance to travel and explore. The snow covered Alps, Scottish Highlands, Snowdonia and the Lakeland Fells seem so out of reach at present. No prospect of walking on the moors and the beach. So it was kind of nice that the snow came to us. Bringing the wilds to us.

But just all a bit too fleeting.

Once it’s gone then it feels like the lockdown will really kick in again. More about grinding the days out than setting out on adventures. But at least we have had a taste of what it’s like to be out there. A reminder of what a beautiful world we live in. Why there is always hope and something to live for.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 92 Comments

Who do I listen to

Another day and another pompous government minister telling the kids what best for them. Not listening. Not accepting differences. Not accepting that some will be ready to jump back into life, others will not. Not accepting that his form of education is really about serving his needs and the economy. Not prepared to listen and work with what individual children and families need. Wanting schools to go backwards towards Victorian values. Totally against the notion of moving schools forward and turning them into wonderful places of learning and personal growth. To make them enjoyable and yes FUN. But what do we know, he clearly knows best. Just do what we are told.

So this middle aged pompous bloke will shut up and tell you exactly how Hawklad sees where he is. This is what he told me last night when I LISTENED to him.

  • I love to go back to school. But not because of the teaching. To meet up with my friends again.
  • Most of the teaching is so not me. Doesn’t suit me.
  • I hate being told what to learn and how to learn it. Getting no choice. Being told what to think and how to remember it
  • Hate always worrying about breaking the rules. Worrying about getting negatives.
  • Hate having to put my hand up in a lesson and ask for help. It’s so hard in front of all the other classmates admitting I can’t read something.
  • Being told it’s perfectly safe to go to school when I know I can catch covid. Being crammed in a class with someone who might have it and not know it. Having to share equipment without them being cleaned. Then being told that I won’t get the vaccine as I’m low risk. Reading about mutations that no one seems to understand. To me school is not safe at all. Just can’t go back for a long time. Until it’s really under control. Until I’ve been vaccinated with something that really works. Until I get some space in school.

That says it all to this middle aged pompous chap. Tells me where he is. That’s who I will listen to. Not some pompous government minister living his closeted life who doesn’t care and doesn’t listen.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Easy

Not quite snow drifts yet. Maybe not this time.

I keep thinking back to a childhood memory. The family house had no central heating and just two fires. A fake burning log pile electric fire in the back room and an old cold fire in the living room. I can remember having to help dig a path through the piled up snow to the outside coal bunker. That woke you up in the morning. It also focused the mind. No coal. No fire. No heat in the house as the electric fire used up the coins set aside for the electric meter far too fast.

Looking back I am so in awe of my parents. How on earth did they cope with 5 kids without the help of things we so take for granted now. They didn’t even have a fridge for so many years. They either grew they own food or bought it from the local small estate shops. No supermarkets to fall back on. Both had to work as well. Work hard. No overseas holidays to recharge for them. A holiday for them was catching the train to local seaside tourist towns. Whitby and Scarborough. No overnight stats as well. Jump on the train. Potter about for a couple of hours then grab fish and chips for the train journey back home. That’s one of my other vivid childhood memories. The family jumping back onto the train with our fish supper wrapped up in newspapers. As the train set off we started passing round the bottle of tomato ketchup. Proper ketchup, the stuff you had to shake vigorously before unscrewing the bottle top and copiously spreading a think layer of the red stuff over the chips. Unfortunately someone had forgotten to screw the bottle top back on. My dad started to vigorously shake the ketchup bottle just as the Ticket Collector appeared. The top flew off and dad sprayed the carriage – very very red. I still can’t work out who was more angry. Dad or the Collector. It was definitely a frosty trip home.

Seems like a different world now. As hard as I think my parenting life is these days, it pales compared to those times a few decades back. I so need to remember that the next time I start to complain about how hard my life is. Nothing compared to what my parents had to survive.

It’s a relatively easy life now.

L

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 69 Comments

Trampoline

Not bad mobile camera work given I was bouncing on a trampoline. Who needs to be 7ft tall or balance precariously on ladders…

Yep it’s still wet and that farmers field is a tad damp under foot.

I must admit to being still a bit of a kid at heart. I know it’s not my trampoline but it’s there so why not have a bit of fun. My childhood as deprived of such fun. We never had a bouncy trampoline. Not one of my friends had one. The seaside Yorkshire town never had a public one. The first time I ever bounced was when I tested this one out before Hawklad would venture on to it. I finally have a use as a crash test dummy.

Not only is it fun and can take me back to childhood feelings but trampolining is a great exercise. Not many exercises which are actually fun doing and this easy to do. Plus when I fall and I always fall, it doesn’t hurt. Now it’s a photographic tool. But there is more. It keeps on giving. It’s a great safe store for things like balls. It’s so far been storm and pet proof. AND it’s such a comfy place to lie down on. To cloud watch and to star watch.

Just had a thought. For Pancake Day maybe it’s a super place to get really spectacular pancake tossing going.

I love Hawklad’s trampoline. That’s another little thing to be thankful for during these months of lockdown and isolation. Although I might give it a miss right now for some reason….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 53 Comments

Am I missing something

A bit of a return to the white stuff again..

Do you get those times when you look at something and you get a completely different answer to the official one. According to the Government the vaccine programme is going so well that it’s time to get ourselves in shape so we are ready for our normal holiday filled summer. Think warm beaches and the sea. The virus apparently is back under control again to such an extent that schools can be potentially fully reopened at the start of March. So that’s the official line.

So why am I seeing a completely different picture.

Vulnerable groups are getting vaccinated but many of those have just only received one of the two doses. The second dose probably not being received until at least 12 weeks after the first one. What happened to the 3 week maximum gap. Even if everything goes to plan by the summer well over half of the population will still not have had any vaccine. The young are not even scheduled to get the vaccine even though they can catch it. The vaccine is not 100% effective and it doesn’t stop vaccinated people still spreading the virus. We don’t even know how long any protection will last and it will be different based on the individual, the number of shots you have had, when you had your last shot and on which vaccine you have had. We have mutations occurring and spreading. We have a health service beyond full capacity, with its professionals beyond exhausted and at breaking point. They can’t run like this for much longer. We haven’t used the time the lockdown offered us to make the required changes to crowded places like schools. They places even the Government yell us are vectors for transmission. So basically schools are in the same position as they were when they were deemed not safe. But this time we will be trying to reopen them with pupils, parents and staff not vaccinated at the time we are desperately trying to control the spread of mutated covid.

Sorry I’m seeing a different picture.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 60 Comments

Sky

I was outside exercising in the chilly morning Yorkshire air. Definitely chilly. There is a local expression for this weather. It puts hairs on your chest….

That’s all well and good but hair on the chest is not really helping. But more on top would be more use.

Anyway I was chucking a kettlebell about when I noticed the sky. So special. Another reason to be thankful. And yes there are so many reasons to smile. It’s a good life. Yes tough. Yes a bit constrained but still good. So much to hold on to.

Look at that view. Breathe the fresh air. Enjoy the peacefulness. Listen to nature. Wonder friends. Hawklad. Our tree.

Then I dropped the kettlebell. Got a little over excited. And unbelievably the 14lbs of bone crushing hell MISSED my toes. Another reason to be thankful.

Today the mindset is much better. More positive thoughts than bleak ones. For too many days I’ve focused on the stressful in my life. Today feels more like a day for focusing on those things that I’m thankful for.

Today it definitely feels like I can do this. We can do this.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 47 Comments

Trust

The sun setting on another school at home day.

The schools are still kind of shut. Open for essential worker parents. They have been for a few weeks now. In that time not much has been done. The Government’s great pupil testing plan has been thrown into chaos. Any child who self tests negative is good to get into the classroom was the plan. Apparently a plan not approved by the medical agencies. But that’s ok as the teachers had been trained up as health experts. But that’s it. No great push to make the classrooms safer. No change to mask policy for pupils. No drive to establish a robust national homeschooling alternative.

But again that’s ok. Our schools are perfectly safe we are told. Parents are found to reinforce the message. Photos are issued of half empty, modern classrooms with lots of social distancing. Unfortunately when the classrooms fully reopen that won’t be the reality for many. Full to bursting classrooms, no social distancing, antiquated facilities with little meaningful ventilation. But it’s ok as children don’t get covid bad apparently. This is clearly NOT backed up the Government’s own statistics service(ONS). The following shows the percentage of patients who suffer significant covid for longer than 5 weeks

17% at age 17-24

15% at age 12-16

13% at age 2-10

Everybody wants schools to open as soon as possible. The Government want them open so parents have no excuse not to return to work. The economy needs a few sacrifices. Others want schools to open safely so many of our kids can learn and socialise. That means changes to schools and education. Creating space. Changing practices. Offering a well established homeschooling option. Even the Government’s own scientific advisers are arguing for this. We are still waiting….

At present Hawklad is able to access all of the lessons virtually. It’s working ok. Unfortunately the school has confirmed that once schools reopen again they will have to switch much of the online system off. The Government currently wants as many pupils to return to the classrooms as possible. Homeschooling options would potentially discourage many parents and pupils from doing this. Don’t want to let people make up their own mind on things like education.

It’s as if the don’t trust us….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 64 Comments

Cold

It’s cold. Bracing on the hairy knees.

I remember my old grizzly rugby coach during those freezing cold evening midweek training sessions. Shouts of

“It’s like summer”

“Stop whinging, a bit of frost bite is good for the soul”

“Your not a southerner GET THOSE #£###%%@@@ GLOVES OFF…”

If you were found wearing gloves, hats or even a training top it meant trouble.

“Take them #@@@%%#### OFF and do 20 press-ups, then sprint round the pitch twice”

Today looking over the fence at the ice I definitely won’t be running round the pitch or doing press-ups. Will just grasp my hot drink just a little tighter. Think of memories. Many good ones. Some sad ones. It’s no surprise that the sad ones make me feel just a little bit colder.

I can remember walking across a field just after I had lost my partner. Wandering aimlessly across a snow covered field having just dropped our son off at school. Looking back and only seeing one set of tracks.

Yep grasp that hot cup just a little bit tighter.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 84 Comments

Open my eyes

Too often I can’t see the wood for the trees. I’m looking but my eyes are shut.

Focusing on stuff that will probably never happen. Still hoping to walk down paths that are closed. Looking out into a landscape which is grey. Trying to find new adventures to find colour in life, but too often failing.

But then….

Two feet from the front door. Just a little bit of colour. Just a little bit of hope.

Just needed to open my eyes.