First taste of winter. Hardly alpine skiing conditions but at least it feels like winter. In some parts of Austria they have had 10 feet of snow falling over just 15 days. England grinds to a halt when we get 6 inches…..
Our son had been clinging onto the hope of a Monday school closure. I always suspected he would be disappointed. The school has many faults but it does seem immune to the weather. It never seems to close.
It feels so cold in my heart today.
You get mornings when you are tired and then you get mornings when you are TIRED. Today I just can’t get going. Lack of sleep eventually gets to everyone. It did this morning and I hate it.
As the school bus trundled down the road.
“Dad I don’t want to get on the bus, will you drive me”.
I realise how daunting that trip is to our son and my usual answer would be – don’t worry, no harm done let’s get in the car.
Not today……..
Today I told him to get onto the bus. As soon as he was on the bus my mind had cleared. What was I thinking of. What a prat…
Am I just looking for excuses. Probably it’s just down to awful parenting. Part of me is hoping I can blame fatigue. The other part of my brain is looking to give myself a good kicking. Will certainly try to make it up to the little fella tonight. Must raise my game, son deserves better than this…..
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not bad parenting. When he’s back tonight tell him how proud you are of him .. he did something that he didn’t want to do and he got through it. It was ok. You’re human and it’s ok and normal to be knackered! He helped you out today – what a kind lad! Keep going, you’re doing fine. Katie
LikeLiked by 10 people
Thank you so much Katie.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Indeed. I think the tiredness just caught up with me.
LikeLike
Indeed!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beating yourself up does not help him or you, it just uses up vital energy. What’s done is done. For now just be your usual supportive self. Sometime when you are past this event, talk to him about the effects of fatigue and lack of sleep on you. Get him to tell you how he feels about lack of sleep. All parents know how exhaustion and lack of sleep affects their parenting at different times, you are just one of many in this difficult situation.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thanks I’ve got it out of my system now.
LikeLike
Excellent. You do have a particularly hard path to follow.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lots of people have far worse. But thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes you gotta take care of you too! You are no good to anyone is you let yourself get too wore down. You know doing things we don’t want to in life is a good thing. It teaches us skills of adaptation we would not otherwise learn. Don’t beat yourself up. You are too hard on yourself. You are doing a great job!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you so much Laura
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are most welcome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We get those days now and then 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
We all do I’m afraid.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hit the ‘like’ button because I didn’t know what to comment. And sometimes all we can do is let people know we’re still reading and still with them. It’s ok to have off days. You don’t even need excuses. The day may get better, it may not, either way, it’s ok.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks. The bad moments make the good ones see, so much better.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, and my sister’s a teacher, and she lives for snow days. Haha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I never got one as a kid. The parents would always go out and clear the snow. Strange that the teachers never seemed to help….
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can’t always be a saint. Often you think you’ve got it wrong and it turns out OK. Let’s see what tonight brings
LikeLiked by 2 people
Indeed sir. Hope you are recovering well today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Dad. Slowly but surely 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good
LikeLiked by 1 person
We all feel this way sometimes. What you did wasn’t bad and being that you want to do something special later on means that you are a great parent who wants the best for your child. That’s awesome. Hope you have a good day and better night.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Christy. I hope you have a great day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are being too hard on yourself. It’s okay to say no once in a while. He will be okay.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You feel guilty because you denied your son. You feel like a hypocrite because you indulged yourself. Also, you are honest about these difficult feelings with yourself and others.
You hold yourself to high standards as a father, are willing to learn from your mistakes, committed to making it up to the lad, and you are resolved to doing better next time.
I suppose even the very best parents can have a slip on a bad day.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you so much for your kind words
LikeLiked by 1 person
We all have off days so don’t beat yourself up. Instead, whilst he’s at school have some much needed ‘you’ time, even if that means having a nap 😴
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks that’s not a bad idea.🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
The guilt never leaves you no matter how old your son is. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 😔
LikeLiked by 3 people
It doesn’t thank you.
LikeLike
It’s so wonderful that you care so much. Your son is naturally your Number One priority. But please don’t feel terrible about what happened today.
I do remember plenty of times when my parents could not deliver perhaps the way we would have really liked them to – but there were seven of us children. It was pretty much impossible.
There was one day when I was about five or six, when Mum had to deal with my baby sister and my three year old sister who were ill and she asked me to go and tag along with the neighbour’s children and go to school with them. (It was a much safer world back then, there were lots of children in out area who went to the same school). I walked in the direction of school but could not see anyone. I think I missed the school procession by a few minutes. I ended up at the dual carriageway that divided our houses from the fields that led to the school. That was the first kind of panic attack I remember having. I froze next to the busy road completely useless. I was terrified to cross on my own and terrified to go back because I didn’t want to disappoint my Mum. I just stood there for ages and in the end lay down on the floor in tears. In the end I decided I was going to have to go home and I just hoped my lovely Mum would understand I had failed to get to school. Poor Mum still had both of the little ones throwing up. But she was so lovely. I explained there was nobody around on their way to school and I just could not face the road on my own. Mum was fine, she said the school would just have to understand that it was one of those mornings and we could not help being late that day. I was so relieved.
But there were plenty of times when things did not go quite right. But learning to accept that whether we are adults or children we all have bad days, we all have limits, we all sometimes have to try to do what we feel we cannot, and sometimes admit we are overwhelmed and need to keep working on it, and sometimes we are just doing what we are told we ought to but have zero motivation and any little discouragement makes it even harder to do as we ought…. we all had to learn it and it has helped us be balanced in life I am sure.
Perfection is not possible. But courage, understanding, empathy, forgiveness and balance are all very possible and make us richer. Challenges – little and large – mold a very fine and genuine human being who is endearing to everyone.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you so much. It’s a kinda sad but lovely tale. You must have been terrified. When I was 10 I had to walk to school about 3 miles. First time I did it I was terrified. My parents were great but had to work. You are so right. Sometimes because it’s just me I think that I have to try harder. Unfortunately trying harder often doesn’t mean the quality goes up. I will try to do the last 2 sentences. That’s the key.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh no, don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay. We have all been there!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. Somedays it just gets to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can’t get it right all the time, but from what I’ve read of your boy and your relationship, he’ll not hold it against you. I fostered teenagers for four years, and they were tiring, frustrating and a challenge most of the time, but when I got it right, oh the rewards!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yes the bad times make the good days even better.
LikeLike
It’s what keeps us going.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s special then
LikeLike
It was one of the most rewarding times of my life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s what makes life so special.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Take of you! It’s okay to not always get it right. I can be tough on myself as well, so I can relate. From your posts, you are a wonderful father! Cheers!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Wow thank you so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We all have those days. I know you WILL make it up to him. Just explain how you felt. He probably felt the same way. Love in our Christ.:)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Bless you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And you and yours.:))
LikeLiked by 1 person
Been there, done that. Wheel Barrow seems like a man’s way to blow off some steam. My husband and I recently got into a good argument. He went out and stacked wood for a long time. He said next time we argue send me outside, I almost stacked a cord of wood! Women…we cry in a corner somewhere.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I do that corner thing to. Yes the wood thing is an option if we had a real fire.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s not bad parenting, it’s just being a parent. Even with two parents it is the most difficult job on earth. Do not feel guilty. You need to take time for yourself too, to be at your best when you are together. 👍🏻🤗
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you for the reassurances. You are so true it’s just being a parent.
LikeLike
Many good comments here already, and I’m not sure there’s much I can add that hasn’t been said already. I *do* agree that sometimes you have to take a little time out for yourself. You just burn out otherwise and turn resentful over time.
Secondly, and I only saw this hinted at a couple of times, remember a parent’s job is NOT to shield a child from every challenge or discomfort. It’s to give them the tools and confidence to face challenges and discomfort confidently and in a positive manner. I’m fairly new to the blog here, but from what I’ve seen, it looks like you’re working hard to do just that also.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much and thank you for reading this. Yes the temptation is to try and shield everything but even Captain America can’t shield everything…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I bet he came home that evening and had forgotten all about it! You’re doing better than most, my friend can’t get out of bed since her son died on the 9th January, you seem like a great Dad to me, and I bet your son agrees.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I thank you so much. I’m so so sorry for your friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re being too hard on yourself, I’m sure that what seems like a big thing to you won’t be to him. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you on your own, I struggle and I have help. Definitely try and get your head down xxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s often too easy to be hard on yourself. Like you just want the best for our kids. I will try. Thank you for reading this. xx
LikeLike
🧡
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t you fret. Blondie’s not keen on the bus either but it means not having to drive with her brothers, and for that she’s grateful. It’s the little victories, overcoming the little strifes (whatever, I’m making it a word), that helps us better prepare for the bigger problems.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I might be prepared in about 30 years, well it feels like that somedays. But you are so right the Little strifes are needed before we tackle the big mountains.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And who knows how much or how little time will pass for that? We will only know when we’re through the worst. xxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
As the lad I know who climbed Everest would say you only know you are at the top when you can’t get any higher to fall. xxxxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
xxxx 🙂 xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
interesting post, don’t blame yourself, kids always wants to skip school at any cost, my kids sometimes says they want hurricanes to come so the school close, they don’t even know what they are asking for, lol
LikeLiked by 2 people
Our son would go for the hurricane option as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol , I know
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah. My spouse left with persuasion from the Sheriff’s department, for alcoholism and abuse. Still…my fault. And my burden to make it up to them. However…sometimes you’re just TIRED. I feel this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Tired. I hope that you are ok.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I am now, after a while.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m seeing this post 7 months later but I bet such beyond tired days are still around. There are no words for them, are there? Chore after chore, mistake after mistake, mess after mess.
At least I give myself the liberty to lose my temper when it’s too much to hold it in and together. I don’t know if that’s ever an option for you.
So if you told that precious one to get on the bus when he didn’t want to, you were responding as any beyond tired parent would. And it’s very good for kids – this tough love. Apart from giving us some precious time to recoup and relaunch, we’re also prepping our kids for a world that won’t always look out for them the way we do.
Every kid needs this prepping, Gary. Tougher it may be on your son but you’re teaching him something he needs to learn to navigate what’s out there.
One day, he’ll thank you for it – even if he no longer remembers this lesson.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or he will kick me out of the house – he’s going to be much taller than me. But still running in tired mode.
LikeLike
I don’t know if this will help but I feel more tired when my water intake is down. It makes everything that much worse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s worth a try
LikeLike