Oh how I missed the delights of setting the alarm clock to go off one hour earlier. All to fit in with the demands of the school week. I’m not sure I had an hour of sleep I could really afford to drop in the first place. It doesn’t sound much but dropping from somewhere over 3 hours to just over 2 hours sleep a night definitely brings on that semi permanent morning dull head feeling. The return of the ZOMBIE. I hear you cry – GO TO BED EARLIER …..But the thing is that it’s not as simple as just going to bed earlier, my sleep refuses to arrive much before 4am regardless of what time I get under the blankets.
That serious dull head feeling is made worse by one thing in particular. When there is no school, that extra hour provides a safe place to slowly wake. Waking on my own terms. Unfortunately the school alarm is too early for that and everyday I need the artificial alarm. That sudden jolt to just messes me up. At this rate I’m going to seriously harm my George Clooney looks 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 Especially if I keep zombie walking face first into stone walls.
But it’s reassuring to see so many others who are clearly suffering from zombie dull head syndrome. As I went to pay for petrol this morning, I walked past the ‘please wear a mask in the shop’ sign in the safe knowledge that my mask was on my face (albeit inside out). Strangely the other 20 odd people in the shop had not realised they had not put there masks on. How very tired they must be….
And it’s not just the great unwashed like myself who suffer from lack of sleep induced forgetfulness. It also happens to so called world leaders as well…. When your tired you clearly forget things like masks even when everyone else has taken the trouble to put one on. Or maybe in this particular case, Johnson is just an arrogant Bell-End……
Almost too wet for the iPhone to cope….. That’s wet……
Later in the day, thankfully we can finally record a few hours of sunshine.
It doesn’t look like it but the fields are drenched. Two miles away a large concert became a mud bath at the weekend. Thankfully tractors came to tow cars out of the field car park. A Yorkshire summer….
As clouds roll in and the once again hidden sun sets, I find myself in the backroom. Putting off work that needs to be done this evening by writing these words. Listening to crackly copy of The Godfather soundtrack on vinyl which kinda sums up my mood. Drinking Chamomile tea to try to sooth a nervous stomach which isn’t very happy. Feeling fatigued after far too little sleep again, yet realising insomnia will win out again tonight. Hawklad is in the living room trying to forget about his rising anxieties. He’s playing games online with a close friend who has COVID. Yes a very Yorkshire summer……
There is nothing like a good breakfast to kick start the day. Especially when it’s been another largely sleepless night. Today it was going to be cornflakes and flaxseed with a thick topping of fruit. No fresh fruit was available this week from the store so I opted for tinned fruit. Tropical Fruit Salad in juice. That will do nicely.
The reality was somewhat different.
As I poured the fruit over my cereal my brain tried to reboot from its reduced power standby mode. This doesn’t look right. Then the penny finally dropped just after tin was emptied. . Why was I tipping tinned baby carrots over my cornflakes.
Waste not want not. Wow that’s a taste sensation. 🥺🥺🥺🥺
You know that sleep is going well when you find yourself outside in the cool Yorkshire air. Outside at 4.33am. Ok I could be sleep walking with a touch of sleep photography, but unlikely. Not great when the alarm is set for 6.30am. But if I was in bed I wouldn’t be seeing this. You can still dream when your awake.
Lack of sleep does strange things to the mind and body. It took me 30 minutes into a yoga session before that the odd sensation I was experiencing was attributed to me putting on my compression shorts back to front. If only it stopped there.
I decided I needed a milky and sweet coffee to get me going. The sugar is next to the kettle. So what sleep induced madness sent me to the cupboard. Made me reach out and grab a large bag. Open that bag. Carefully add two spoonfuls of the white powder into my drink. Then stir and stir. Rather puzzled at the enfolding congealed mess. Then taste what was clearly something approaching wallpaper paste.
Only a lack of sleep ends with self raising flour being added to coffee.
Parenting is filled with so many highs but wow does it come with some mightily sharp thorns. One of the peskiest of those thorns being the lack of sleep. As much as you kid yourself, you never seem to catch up with those missed closed eye moments. So far it’s 14 years of sleep deprivation and more to come I suspect.
BUT whisper it. Just like those roses with the thorns. Parenting is so worth the thorns.
Meet my new Garden Helper. She hasn’t quite worked out that green waste goes directly into the brown bin….
I must admit that was just about beyond me today. Should it go in the green or brown bin, the recycling containers or the compost heap….. I’m clueless today. Lack of sleep and the second vaccine doesn’t help. So today was a struggle. Trying to stay awake, trying to think, trying to work, trying to be a parent. Today was hard work. Very few smiles. A survival far.
But at 12.40am I’m still here. I’ve not burnt the house down. Not crashed the car. Ok I did drop the mobile and cracked the screen. But I got through the day. Now tomorrow is almost here. New start. New hope. Another chance.
Maybe me and that cow can even figure out the recycling ……
99 times out of a 100 not being able to sleep properly is a real pain in the posterior. It really is. It’s been like that for months. Yes the body gets use to it but it does slowly wear you down.
But there are some advantages. The quiet at night is a blessing. Our world is just too noisy. It’s a great time to think and daydream. In those moments you truly realise what is important to you. What you care more the most.
You get too hear and see the dawn. The new day start. The morning chorus of the birds is one is the great natural shows. The views are stunning in that new light. Even views you normally take for granted become epic.
Saturday arrives and the Yorkshire summer is still trying to hold on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic to feel warm but….. I don’t sleep well these days at the best of times. To have a chance I need to be snuggled under a warm duvet, not lying on top of the covers feeling uncomfortably warm. So the warmth has made sleep even less likely. I’m now getting use to operating through the day with two hours sleep at most. Weeks upon weeks on that. That’s not ideal, it’s not healthy but that’s how it is.
The brain so easily just boots up in auto pilot mode. The body is awake, the brain less so.
It’s Saturday, so I start the day with a yoga session. And thats what I remember doing. So why then after about 15 minutes do I suddenly realise yoga isn’t about throwing a kettlebell about. I can’t even remember taking the kettlebells outside with me. Maybe it was sleep kettlebelling….. Still could be worse. At least I was clothed. At least it was my garden I was in. At least I hadn’t just fallen asleep on the yoga mat.
The worry is that the home at school project restarts on Monday for another 7 week block. The return of the early morning alarms calls are not going to help the sleep.
But on the bright side I have not resorted to early hours QVC or pointless reality TV watching. I am using the extra hours awake to focus on what is truly important to me. That’s why I can still do this. That’s why I might be tired but I’m smiling this Saturday Summers day in Yorkshire.