Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 63 Comments

Downton

The village went all Downton Abbey like last weekend. Can’t think why 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Bizarrely we watched Downton the other night. Hawklad is rather taken by the whole thing. It’s fictionally set somewhere round here but filmed mostly outside of Yorkshire. Just like the cool start to an American Werewolf in London, that spooky Yorkshire Pub and foggy Moor was randomly filmed in Wales – clearly real Yorkshire is even TOO scary for a Horror Movie. The Earl, his family and servants keep visiting places right around us. It is most unsettling when they look nothing like the real place. They went riding just a few miles from us and I had a thought, I hope I remembered to pick up the mad dog’s morning constitutional poo. Would hate for the good noble family horse shoes to step in that.

It’s been one of those few days. Actually it’s been one of those few weeks. Not enough sleep, school issues, work issues, life issues, just ISSUES. Never stopping, running around in ever decreasing circles and actually achieving absolutely nothing. Where do those 24 hours go…..

So I walked through the village looking at the bunting while thinking, odds on that our mad dog will at some stage try to pull all that lot down and then bury it in our front lawn. Out of nowhere a villager stuck his head out of the village hall and shouted, “When are you bringing the cucumbers for the sandwiches”. This villager could have well been a head butler in a past life. A head butler with remarkably bad eyesight as his next words demonstrated. “Oh I’m sorry, you are not Margaret…”. Never been mistaken for a Margaret before. Never even mistaken for a woman. Even when I dressed in a full on and very well ventilated French Can Can costume and ended up walking through a town centre searching for the Uni Party, I was DEFINITELY NOT ladylike MOST DEFINITELY not mistaken for a woman.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

By the numbers

Some days the brain just won’t engage. Some days like that merge into some weeks. Some weeks even merge into some months, then you find the seasons feel the same. I try not to admit it but that’s what happens when your tired. You learn to push through it but your still tired.

It does strange things to you.

Hawklad fancied a cake today. The type of cake doesn’t matter, let’s just say it’s one I haven’t tried to bake before. But what could go wrong. I had a step by step recipe and I had all the ingredients.

So I started. Carefully following the steps. Initially felt like it was high end baking but then nagging doubts set in. This seemed an odd recipe. The ingredients seemed right but the measures seemed very odd. Very random. Then the brain fog parted briefly, but just long enough. It’s not random, the measures are going up in order.

1 measure of lime juice

2 measures of melted butter

3 measures of brown sugar……

Ok but now it’s 6 eggs. How can it be SIX eggs.

Oh pants. I was misreading the recipe. What I thought was measures was in fact the STEP numbers. It wasn’t SIX eggs, it was STEP SIX which if I had read it correctly would have required TWO eggs. Definitely OH PANTS…… Well in for a penny. Might as well stick to the mistake. So yes I used 6 eggs and continued with the sequential measuring system.

The end result. An absolute DISASTER.

A rather sickly tasting bread. Definitely more bread than cake. Sickly might be stage 7. Ended up with 7 measures cinnamon. Well at least the Birds enjoyed it.

Yes tiredness does strange things to the mind. Messing up baking is one thing, I just hope I’m not messing up much more important things.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 60 Comments

Added

Another dusting of the white stuff. It’s such a wonderful world filled with the best dreams and breathtaking beauty.

It’s bizarre how tiredness works out in practice. Yesterday on a few hours sleep I was a walking single parent zombie disaster zone. Bogged down in the minutiae of life. I couldn’t even make bread……

That was my bread after 3 hours in the poor bread making machine. Not sure if I should butter it or use it as a facial exfoliating rub…..Yet today on even less sleep I feel fine. Feeling like I’m almost competent at this parenting gig. I could even explain Calculus and Ionic Bonds this morning. Definitely NOT at home to Mr Zombie Head today.

So is even less sleep good for me? No not really. What is good for me is focusing on what is truly important to me. Doing that makes me realise just how beautiful this world is, just how wonderful life can still be. All the ingredients to happiness and fulfilment are there, just need to remember to us them.

It’s makes such a difference when you use all the ingredients in gluten free bread making 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Same bread just with added water……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 48 Comments

Alarm call

Oh how I missed the delights of setting the alarm clock to go off one hour earlier. All to fit in with the demands of the school week. I’m not sure I had an hour of sleep I could really afford to drop in the first place. It doesn’t sound much but dropping from somewhere over 3 hours to just over 2 hours sleep a night definitely brings on that semi permanent morning dull head feeling. The return of the ZOMBIE. I hear you cry – GO TO BED EARLIER …..But the thing is that it’s not as simple as just going to bed earlier, my sleep refuses to arrive much before 4am regardless of what time I get under the blankets.

That serious dull head feeling is made worse by one thing in particular. When there is no school, that extra hour provides a safe place to slowly wake. Waking on my own terms. Unfortunately the school alarm is too early for that and everyday I need the artificial alarm. That sudden jolt to just messes me up. At this rate I’m going to seriously harm my George Clooney looks 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 Especially if I keep zombie walking face first into stone walls.

But it’s reassuring to see so many others who are clearly suffering from zombie dull head syndrome. As I went to pay for petrol this morning, I walked past the ‘please wear a mask in the shop’ sign in the safe knowledge that my mask was on my face (albeit inside out). Strangely the other 20 odd people in the shop had not realised they had not put there masks on. How very tired they must be….

And it’s not just the great unwashed like myself who suffer from lack of sleep induced forgetfulness. It also happens to so called world leaders as well…. When your tired you clearly forget things like masks even when everyone else has taken the trouble to put one on. Or maybe in this particular case, Johnson is just an arrogant Bell-End……

If anyone knows the photo source, can you let me know
Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

A Yorkshire Summer

Almost too wet for the iPhone to cope….. That’s wet……

Later in the day, thankfully we can finally record a few hours of sunshine.

It doesn’t look like it but the fields are drenched. Two miles away a large concert became a mud bath at the weekend. Thankfully tractors came to tow cars out of the field car park. A Yorkshire summer….

As clouds roll in and the once again hidden sun sets, I find myself in the backroom. Putting off work that needs to be done this evening by writing these words. Listening to crackly copy of The Godfather soundtrack on vinyl which kinda sums up my mood. Drinking Chamomile tea to try to sooth a nervous stomach which isn’t very happy. Feeling fatigued after far too little sleep again, yet realising insomnia will win out again tonight. Hawklad is in the living room trying to forget about his rising anxieties. He’s playing games online with a close friend who has COVID. Yes a very Yorkshire summer……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

Breakfast

There is nothing like a good breakfast to kick start the day. Especially when it’s been another largely sleepless night. Today it was going to be cornflakes and flaxseed with a thick topping of fruit. No fresh fruit was available this week from the store so I opted for tinned fruit. Tropical Fruit Salad in juice. That will do nicely.

The reality was somewhat different.

As I poured the fruit over my cereal my brain tried to reboot from its reduced power standby mode. This doesn’t look right. Then the penny finally dropped just after tin was emptied. . Why was I tipping tinned baby carrots over my cornflakes.

Waste not want not. Wow that’s a taste sensation. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 21 Comments

4.33am

You know that sleep is going well when you find yourself outside in the cool Yorkshire air. Outside at 4.33am. Ok I could be sleep walking with a touch of sleep photography, but unlikely. Not great when the alarm is set for 6.30am. But if I was in bed I wouldn’t be seeing this. You can still dream when your awake.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 59 Comments

Don’t do this

Kids don’t try this…..

Lack of sleep does strange things to the mind and body. It took me 30 minutes into a yoga session before that the odd sensation I was experiencing was attributed to me putting on my compression shorts back to front. If only it stopped there.

I decided I needed a milky and sweet coffee to get me going. The sugar is next to the kettle. So what sleep induced madness sent me to the cupboard. Made me reach out and grab a large bag. Open that bag. Carefully add two spoonfuls of the white powder into my drink. Then stir and stir. Rather puzzled at the enfolding congealed mess. Then taste what was clearly something approaching wallpaper paste.

Only a lack of sleep ends with self raising flour being added to coffee.

Well at least it cut down on the calories…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 13 Comments

Thorns

A rose with thorns. Big ones as well….

Parenting is filled with so many highs but wow does it come with some mightily sharp thorns. One of the peskiest of those thorns being the lack of sleep. As much as you kid yourself, you never seem to catch up with those missed closed eye moments. So far it’s 14 years of sleep deprivation and more to come I suspect.

BUT whisper it. Just like those roses with the thorns. Parenting is so worth the thorns.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 13 Comments

Gaze falls

How far does my gaze stretch this week. Far and to big dreams let’s hope. Just got to get through the next couple of hours. Sleep still not here and it is light.

In two hours the alarm will go off and the week will commence. A week of homeschooling, home working and housework . Not the time for being tired. So why am I still feeling so far from sleep.

So maybe one more attempt. Close my eyes and see where my gaze falls.