This photo is from a couple of days ago. It was reasonable weather.
Over the last couple of days the weather here has been a little more damp. The Photograph below from The Guardian sums up today’s dampness. Welcome to Yorkshire – the worlds best cyclist competing at the UCI World Championships and enjoying the welcoming Yorkie weather. As my Dad would have said that will put hair on their chests. Bet the poor riders didn’t expect to be riding through lakes. Amazingly the race was completed. Thats commitment for you.
Parenting is about commitment. Even I realised that before our son was born. The bizarre assumption we made was that at some stage the kid(s) would fly the nest and we would go back to something like our old life’s. Maybe after school, after college, after university, maybe a bit later. But at some stage it was happening. At some stage parenting becomes more part time and the stuff we had to park can be resurrected. In my case socialising with friends, climbing, playing sport, career, astronomy….
“WE” would get our life’s back – yes I never envisaged one tragedy…..
But maybe the full time parenting commitment may last longer. I remember our sons lead health professional telling us
“It is possible that your son will be largely independent at some stage. However on the current evidence this might be the least likely outcome. You need to prepare yourselves that he may find it very difficult to live independently at any stage.”
As a family we are so fortunate. Son is making great progress in many areas. So many families don’t get this level of progress. But there are clear areas where progress is not being made. We have to be realistic that progress may never be made. Support may be needed life long. That’s a sobering thought and raises so many knock on considerations.
Those parts of my life I assumed would restart at some stage may in fact not happen. I don’t like admitting it but this thought makes me sad. But that’s life. I now realise bad things happen and you have to deal with them. You never know son might one day take up something like climbing. I suspect not in the case of climbing. He is a natural risk assessor. He might make sufficient progress to become fully independent. We just have to see what happens.
I know I’m not the only one who is in this position. I was reading a similar thing from a blogger I really respect just the other day. Parenting sometimes doesn’t work out the way you have imagined. Parts of your world are lost. Dreams become unattainable. Although parenting is the best gig in the world it is so hard to explain to others how part of you can still feels so sad.
I now know that this is parenting. Its about sacrifices. It’s about commitment.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 
Oh, I can SO relate to this! I had older daughter 6 weeks before my 21st birthday. I didnt plan to get pregnant at 20 but things happen.
I thought okay, have my kids young, I’ll be in my 40s when they’re starting their independence. Ben was born 6 months after I turned 40. His father is a bum, best for Ben that he left early.
But here I am, having made a choice with eyes wide open to continue parenting into my 50s…60s… possibly the rest of my life.
I feel the loss of things I wanted to do. I feel sad. What I DON’T feel is resentment. I dont sense any from you either.
💌
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No resentment at all from me. It is a blessing. Sometimes part of you is still that self interested strand which feels the loss.
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Truth.
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Parenting is really a lifelong commitment. Even when everything is going like usual.
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I could be wrong but i suspect the commitment of the professional cyclist to his sport and training schedules are a lot better rewarded, financially speaking, than that of any parent!
(And that they far better supported in their ‘struggle’!) 😦
This world has serious problems with it’s priorities – or rather, I have serious issues with the apparent priorities of much of our modern human world.
I don’t think i’ve ever seen a cloud formation like that – it’s like someone cut and pasted the sky from two days onto one picture?? Awesome.
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It was a weird one. Completely grey behind us. With you on the priorities.
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🙏
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Life is always an unknown road we can’t second guess, as you’ve seen yourself. And it has a way of going in a different direction while we are making plans indeed. Our girls are grown up and married with their own wee ones but even now..well… yes indeed we have a couple’s life back after times when truly things happened that we thought this is how it’s going to be. But there are still days, phone calls times that turn that right on its head and we realise cradle to grave indeed. So while you make your plans… as you must and abso have to I aye say…. regard them as contingency ones etc.. etc.. because you know, one fact is certain, you never know what is round the corner or what life may bring.
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You never do. I’m certainly not resentful about parenting. Best gig on the planet. The issue is sometimes being brave enough to switch off a part of your old life and move on. xx
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I know. And I know how much you give your boy, believe me.
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That’s so kind. Means a lot.
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It all comes over, believe me.
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“Parenting is about sacrifices. It’s about commitment.” If only every parent would realize this and live it out! Our world would be a much better place.
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It really would.
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Some bits of our pre-kids life will never return. Some will but differently. I think it’s wise to expect changes, to learn to embrace them and to help ourselves to find joy in them. It’s not always easy but we must if we are to avoid becoming resentful and bitter.
I learned this for myself through my mother. She was never happy with us kids, when we were young, it was always that we took life and all its glories from her. Now we’re middle aged and alright but she’s still not happy with life although she lives comfortably and has few health issues.
There is never a day when she doesn’t rue this life she now has because it returned to her differently to what she planned and dreamed. Because she persists in holding on to what should have been, she misses the graces and every beautiful bloom in the life that has come to be.
I decided long ago that I didn’t want to live this way.
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It’s ok to feel sad about not doing something but it should never go past that. Just have to move on.
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Yes.
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🙏
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Parental responsibility never goes away – and if we are lucky it doesn’t stay hands-on forever.
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Indeed sir.
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I’ve made my peace with not having my kids ever move out. In a way, I feel it might be just as good for me if they don’t. I’ll have some company in my old age. I don’t think it’s good for old people to live on their own.
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That is so true. Has crossed my mind.
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Thanks, Gary. It’s another adult acceptance thing, isn’t it? *sigh* I guess I’ll keep trying for the “find happiness in the moment” philosophy I ought to have.
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I think there are many of us trying to find that place. It doesn’t stop me looking at Scottish Mountain Books and dreaming (and making myself sad). xx
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Parenting isn’t easy like you said. It involves a lot of sacrifice and that changes us as a whole – makes us more generous, understanding and flexible. But that said,in your case for instance getting help temporarily whenever you want to do something you like could be an option so that you dont feel sad and like you’ve had to give up so much more than you bargained for. It’s important for parents to get a break so that they don’t break. You’re doing a great job!
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That’s very kind of you.
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