Important life lesson number 1 – If you ever rip your running shorts on a fence don’t try to repair them.

A few weeks ago I managed to rip asunder my running shorts when I jumped a fence. As money is a little tight I decided to repair them and I have to say I think I did a rather fine job. Several runs later they were as good as new. Until today….A couple of miles into my run this morning I experienced the dreaded unusually cold under carriage feel. Yes the shorts had completely ripped again. In effect I was running in a short miniskirt.

As I pondered my options and with perfect timing a couple of female joggers appeared in the distance. Panic. Only tactic was to try and keep the distance until I could branch off onto another path. Unfortunately the two joggers were quicker than me. The gap kept closing. All I could think about was the sight the two poor runners would be exposed to. One last option. Stop and pretend to tie my shoe laces.

Important life lesson number 2 – if your in a hole don’t dig it any deeper

Have you ever tried to tie shoe laces while keeping your buttocks as close to the ground as possible. Just a couple of seconds after I was passed by the the joggers my balance gave out and I ended up sitting backwards in a muddy puddle. So now I had to get back to the house with ruptured shorts and an embarrassing muddy patch. Then a moment of genius take off my red running jacket and tie it round the waste. Much more protection unfortunately for one area although the thin Red T-shirt left on is not really designed for Yorkshire conditions. Distinctly chilly.

Thankfully the next few paths were wonderfully deserted. Within a couple of miles of the house I opted for a prudent shortcut across the farmland. As I passed the first gate I noticed a new sign but assumed it was the usual keep your dog on a lead. As I jogged through the cow field. I noticed one particularly well built cow clearly eyeballing me. Then it dawned on me what the sign said.

Important life lesson number 3 – always look we’re your going in a cow field

Do not enter Bull in field. Hang on a minute I’m yards from a bull and I’m wearing a red T-shirt and have a red jacket around my waste. I told myself that bulls are colour blind. So I did the only rational thing and engaged numpty panic mode. Quickly I ripped off the jacket and T-shirt. Quickly hiding them behind my back. The ultimate bull protection – go topless. Then I set off walking backwards as I kept my eye on the big fella. Bad idea as I tripped over a tuft of grass and now landed in a cow pile. Bare back and Cow Stuff is not a great feel.

So yes I made it home in one piece. Clearly wearing significantly less clothing than I set off in. My buttocks and back having enjoyed a free detox and toning application. AND desperately trying not to think of how much counselling those two unfortunate joggers will end up needing.

Important life lesson number 4 – just stay in the house it’s a lot safer.

86 thoughts on “Life lessons

  1. LMAO!! Still lmao, can’t stop.
    I’ve been treed by Jack donkey, so not quite as risky, and I was almost fully clothed (used the jacket to try to blindfold the blighter), but … lmao, still.

    Hot bath time, beer and chips, a book to get lost in.
    Still lmao.
    And I hope the two joggers get over it and take notice of the sign!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Well, if your aim was to entertain your blog followers/readers – Mission Accomplished!!! πŸ™‚

    If your aim was to gain healthy exercise and enhance self-respect – mebbe not?

    It seems like only yesterday someone was telling me of the importance of reading signs and noticing the little things….

    Wait, it WAS yesterday and the someone was YOU!??

    and you were doing so well…..

    I hope you have better luck remembering today’s life lessons tomorrrow?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. All exercise is stressful…. it’s kinda the whole point. πŸ™‚

        You get broken a little so you can rebuild and grow stronger over time.

        Overdoing it or doing it when rest is required to recover from serious level injury is unwise – you heard it hear first folks! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I shouldn’t laugh, but I did. Sorry. Reminds of when my sister bent over and split her trousers completely round the ‘under seam, back and beyond’. Her fiance of the time walked behind her like the back end of a pantomime donkey until they got to the car.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha. Once a lot of years ago went with a group to the golf driving range. Something kind of rude happened which caused fits of laughter. Unfortunately one of girls from uni wet herself. She refused to move in case people saw her. So we ended up circling her like the Presidents Bodyguards and we edged out the slowly.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ” just stay in the house it’s a lot safer.” This just makes so much sense. Wonderfully penned down. Do have a look at my blog too. I pen down daily rants on my blogs. I have around 96 posts till today and I am sure you will find a lot of connecting posts. This post of you is so smartly and aptly put up. Congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

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