I can memorise phone numbers, the stars in constellations, virtually every of the Mr Men books yet every year I can never remember what the tree which overhangs our garden is. Every year I have to look it up……

Dad why do I find some long words easy to remember yet some small words I have to keep relearning every time I see them

It is one of the great frustrations of dyslexia. When you read some words, maybe all words it’s always like your reading them for the first time. Doesn’t matter how many times you see that word it’s always like you have never seen it before. Constantly having to decode and relearn. Speaking with the health professionals there can be hundreds of potential neurological, physical, visual, environmental reasons for this. Often it will be a spiders web of causes. Some get answers, many don’t. With our son we have only just started to scratch the surface. Maybe the best we can hope for is by trial and error we come across stuff which help but we will never fully understand why.

I can sort of understand what our son is going through from my own experiences. I was a reading late starter. I eventually found a way that worked for me. But there are words that I still constantly struggle with. They stop me in my reading track for a few seconds. Thoroughly is one that I have to almost relearn every time I read it. I struggle with spelling. Autocorrect is such a godsend. Then you get words like There, Their, They’re. Every time I use it I have to relearn the rules on which variant to use. It’s as if my brain just blanks the rules as soon as I’ve used it once. It’s not that I don’t understand the rules, I just can’t see them, just see static. Never will understand why.

It’s like trying to fully understand grief. The brain processes it in different ways. Some memories are painful. Some items I can’t touch or look at anymore. Yet other items bring happiness and are almost like a comfort blanket. I drive past the first house we lived in as a couple and I often stop. It brings good memories and smiles. Yet I can’t look at my mums last house. It’s filled with good memories but …. When I go to the Dentist I should drive past the house yet I take a much longer route to avoid the street. I can go by the hospice where my partner died yet I become a shaking wreck if I walk past one of the wards where she was initially assessed.

Some days the brain relishes working on its own. No complications, no alternate views. Isolation is a boon especially when the world seems so alien to me these days. No awkward social moments. Peace and tranquility. Yet other days the brain can’t cope with the isolation. It’s a cold dark prison. The world is living outside yet I feel so adrift here in these four walls. No love for the prisoner, just got to do my time. It’s the same house and same brain yet different outcomes.

How does the mind work – it’s beyond me.

36 thoughts on “How does the mind work

  1. I hope the workings of our minds remains a mystery. There are dark moments but they are compensated by the fun, light ones.
    I like to kind of step back and observe my mind’s connections, how it gets from A to Z. Sometimes it goes letter to letter in order, sometimes it jumps straight to the end, sometimes it meanders and wanders in circles… like now.😉😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Since my brain injury 5 years ago my emotional response is the least predictable. The unpredictability is both in response to losses and to situations of love and considerations. With greater love comes greater loss. Living life to the fullest, touching both ends of the spectrum.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I totally understand this Gary. My mubd is so contrary. What ut kikes ine munute ut diesn’t kikevtge rest, abd what it doesn’t like ine munute it kikes tge rest! Sometimes I can go past my Nan’s house and sometimes I can)t, duh!

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  3. The mind is a wonderous thing. Sometimes I notice it with music – some songs I can’t listen to because they take me back to a time I now don’t want to remember. Other songs I love for where (or when) they take my mind to. Weird brain!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh I know this. Some days I’m so thankful for a few silent hours in the house, but then other days I’m literally making up errands just to get out of the same house. There’s just something in the chemistry within us and around us that mixes differently from day to day.

    Liked by 1 person

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