Always two sides to every story..

Dad it’s been nice. On our walks we haven’t seen anyone. No one has been to our door all week. The phone hasn’t rung at all. Your mobile has not rung. Even when we went to the little local shop it was empty.

In the quiet moments of this week I had been fretting over the isolation. The increasing physical loneliness. Failing to adapt to the new world forced on me by bereavement. Yet one persons silent hell is another persons dream land. And when that person is our son then that is all that matters. The single most important thing. He is happiest when he distances himself from this strange alien world. So be it then

So I need to adjust to this new reality. So many others have had to. The wonderful comments I’ve received over the last few days have demonstrated this. It’s also demonstrated the indomitable human spirit. You can do this. I can do this. WE CAN DO THIS.

Friends. Good Friends. Close Friends. They are to be cherished and loved whether they are stood in front of you or if they are sat in front of a screen seemingly a million miles away across an ocean. Thank you for being there.

Let’s leave it with the fine words of Henry Rollins.

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better

64 thoughts on “Million miles”

  3. I feel for you as its a clash of needs and I feel you have ones that are so genuine and necessary. I also trust your son feels as he does. Sending you both a lot of love. There are so many who really care and your presence here and gentle honesty gives so much to so many, even when you are struggling. Big bear hug, Gary. ❤

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  4. I believe you have this. Your son is lucky to have you as you are lucky to have him. . He sounds so content and that is good . So embrace that breath enjoy this quietness with him. And yes you have so much support! Hugs!

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      1. I am so happy you are heading to the coast that will be so good for you . Soak it up . Thank you for saying that I inspired you . I’m happy I could be a part of giving you smiles . I hope you post pics if not understand if you want to keep them to yourself . Hugs🙂

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  8. Its interesting when our perspective changes. It’s great that your son had such a memorable time and felt secure and loved. That’s what we want for our kiddos!
    Never doubt that you’re doing a great job of parenting. Your heart and your love for your son are in every word you write.
    Hugs💌

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  10. I feel you have to consider your wellbeing for both your and your son’s sake, reach out to your local health centre. Isolation is at epidemic levels and there have to be support groups, parent groups etc not too far away. If you are in a good place your son will benefit from it. If you neglect your mental health who will your son have to rely on in the future. You are doing a great job but you are not an island.

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  11. Well loneliness does. You can do this. And you know, some may disagree but online friends ARE friends. I have a miniscule amount of friends and they don’t live here. I don’t see my best friend any more. Not only does she not live near but she is terminally ill, so is her husband and I don’t know she wants people to see that. I have always preferred having a few friends who are friends, people I have time for than a ton of folks who really aren’t, who are just taking up my time. I guess at heart I am a loner. On here, I have met some wonderful people though and I have found them far more supportive and giving than some friends or relatives. Those who are here are here for you.

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      1. Well I have had friends who stabbed me in the back. I have family I never see Not my daughters or that. I had to go down the line and haul my wee cuz and his wife up from London so I had some family at my younger girl’s wedding. But yep online people are very different and I met an author pal last week, I have known online for years and it was great.

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      3. it was fabulous to meet Cat at last and you know you arrange things and it could have been really awkward but it was brill to chat to her. I don’t know where half my family is to be honest but this cuz is moving up her permanently soon and is great pals with another cuz who lives where we used to live. Used to be just round the corner, so here’s to seeing more family soon. They are wonderfully creative people these cousins so it is always good being with them.

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  12. There are times in our life when we must adapt to our particular circumstances and put the life we’d prefer for ourselves ‘on hold’.

    This is normal – don’t be overly concerned about it if you can.

    You can rely upon us to be as close friends as virtual friends can be and some might even be able to turn that into ‘real friend’ visits once in a while as circumstances allow?

    Your son is young and therefore may have a more innate ability to change and grow than his ‘old man’. If YOU think he might be better off developing some ability to make a few real friends (he has to deal with people at school – it may be of benefit to him?) maybe at the right time you can both move a little more back into a less isolated lifestyle. How is his team joining going?

    It is ok to live in your current reality, but you can also consider what future might be best for you both in the longer term – yes?

    Whatever else you do – you can still obviously have fun together! 🙂

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      1. You should be ‘in charge’ of making it work, but you can accept help/get ideas from others who know of what they speak! 😉

        I have confidence in you Sir. You are doing a great job with your boy – now be as kind to you as well, OK?

        ( He says knowing full well how darn stubborn some Yorkshire men can be!)

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    1. Thank you Robyn. I was thinking about your running last night. Have you tried changing the brand of running shoes. I always had ASICS and Reebok. As soon as I changed to New Balance things have improved a lot. The consultant who tried to sort my problems out also mentioned Brooks.

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      1. You know, I have thought about my shoes as the culprit. I started with Saucony went to Asics, tried Brooks Ghost and now I am in love with my Hoka Bondis. BUT my Hoka’s are old. I really should get a new pair but at $150 a pair I am hoping to hold out for a pair for Christmas.

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  17. One of the hardest things as a parent is not being God, not being able to paint the world in the colours I want, not being able to bend the world to suit me and my family. So, we settle for the “next best thing”:
    1) We make decisions others won’t like / won’t understand / won’t accept
    2) We learn to cope
    3) We learn to adapt too.
    In recent years, I’ve noticed that we’re doing Number 3 more and more. It requires ingenuity. It requires determination. The kids balk quite a bit at it. They want us to smoothen out the world for them.
    But that’s not always possible or wise.
    So, whether here or in Yorkshire, we do what we have to – with an eye on the future 😀

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  19. You are a great Dad. Take comfort in the solitude. It is a definite advantage over the manic life of cities these days. You have lots of social contact through your blog to stop you feeling isolated… Your readers are always here. 😊❤️

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