It’s weaponised baking time. In my defence this beast was created without dairy, eggs and gluten. It’s also created without the slightest modicum of baking talent.

If you quickly skip over the earthquake damage it actually looks like a carrot cake. Scarily it is almost edible.

Today was a bit of a struggle for me. Just an hours sleep last night. Woken by a vivid dream about being late to pick son up from school. Every route I tried was blocked. Nobody to phone someone for help but I had no one. Complete feeling of hopelessness. That was it unable to sleep again. So tired and still with that nagging cold. A day when you just want to slump. Still feeling uneasy after that dream. That realisation that I am now running without a safety net. No backup. It’s down to me to navigate the next few years. It’s such a sobering thought. Yet it’s not just me feeling this way. Too many are basically flying solo with no co-pilot to take over if things go wrong. Whether that’s parenting, or caring, or putting food on the table or just surviving.

So like everyone else in this position you just have to force yourself on. So wearily and reluctantly breakfast was made. While Son wakes up and eats I get some house jobs done. Then it’s exercise until he is ready to roll. At least by this stage I’ve got out of first gear. So it’s time to try and fill the house with happiness. Once Son kicks into gear then I have to synch with his world. A world which spins much quicker than mine. So off we go

Talks

Football

Board games

Talks

Lunch

Baking

Nerf Guns

Talks

Football

Trying not to fall asleep during Pokémon

Board games

Talks

Dinner

Talks

Movie

Bed

Blog

Collapse

Unable to sleep

Blog and here I am at 2.55am

Yes today was a struggle but the only thing that matters is that Son laughed and smiled a lot. He’s happy so I’m happy. Flying solo worked today. In fact even the baking worked today. So a good day. Yes a tired day but a good one. Job done…. So we dust ourselves down, hopefully sleep at some stage and we go again tomorrow.

78 thoughts on “Baking

  1. I’m awake too lol. Sounds like you had a packed dayvGary.n glad that Son smiled and had some fun. I know that feeling all too well of having no backup. But I haven’t got someone relying on me. Hope todaybgoes okay and that you get sime sleep now. Zzzzzzz. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That looks tasty, even sans sleep.

    I think the joy of your son outweighs lack of sleep and a thoughtless government. Even bad weather… Haven’t seen many shots of big boy kitty or Cap’n Chaos, lately. Still sad about girl kitty…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Is it the weather, or the season or that political state of things??? Is it Mercury retrograde??
    Seems like a bunch of us are having wonky dreams that are interrupting sleep.☹ I love the peace of 3am, IF I’m awake by choice. It’s the worst time when you’re exhausted and in serious need of sleep. I hope the dreams leave you be, you need REST!😴😴😴

    That cake looks edible, even taking out all the dairy🥕🍰🤤
    💌

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re one fabulous dad, and human being. Unpretentious too. What gifts in an Age of indifference. So glad to have been here and read your beautiful blog. Wish I could say all the right things, but I know how it is to be a parent. We have three, our youngest is blind and with post seizure meds’ side effects. There are days I want to just hide, the exhaustion and mental aloneness… blogging helps, but praying changes everything, esp me. I’m praying strength for you, pleasant surprises and help. 🌻🌼🌷⚘🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Despite the lack of sleep, it wasn’t too bad a day. While the cake’s exterior isn’t promising, the interior reveals it’s a success. I personally find baking to be very relaxing and there are loads of dairy, egg and gluten free recipes out there to try.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. He, he the cake looks nice!
    You do not need to feel so bad, it is okay to be depressed, it is okay to be sad and tired. Everyone of us it is in a specific amount, sometimes more than admitted by the law 😅 but that is okay.
    We have to accept what we have today, to be thankful for what we have, to cherish the ones that surround us and to move on.

    BTW, you made ma wanna make cookies and I don’t have any time 😅😅.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Such dreams can really take the air out of the blown sails. But after having such a good day, I hope the wind blows again. To tell from your “To Do List”, I am not surprised your son laughed. You are a really cool and loving dad. Wishing you a very good night tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This definitely sounds like a good day. I know the feeling about crappy sleep–last week I had a nightmare where someone broke into our garage and I chased them, but then I couldn’t get back home to the kids. That hopelessness, you know? But the sun rises, the kids are home. They are ok. We are ok. Just keep hugging your son, and hug him tight!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We’re all well today, I think! Dreamless is best sometimes, that’s for sure. Praying your day has some moments to smile about, and that you can still function. I’ve got one more day of grading to do in the midst of making sure teens to chop each other to pieces in shop class…. (construction type stuff)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ha! Bob the Builder…ah,for us I think it’ll always be Thomas the Tank Engine and all his friends. 🙂 Hmmm. I can try to find a bit of Wisconsin around here somewhere for some fun…we’ll see… xxxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m glad the day worked out.
    I’m having a hard time learning to ask people for help, esp after previous requests have been rejected. But as my body betrays me, and my finances are gone, I have no choice but to rely on the kindness of others.
    Sending you good juu.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah. I’m the person who isolated myself due to being strongly independent and then hurt by people I loved. It’s difficult to admit that I can’t survive like that anymore and to risk more rejection.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. You just baked a cake I can actually eat! And it looks just fine and delicious. (I happen to love carrot cake). So sorry to hear about the bad dream. I have them too – dreams about not being able to get to my son or to parent him in some way or another. Stress is real, even with another parent in the picture. In my dreams, it’s just me and me alone. I remember when my son was about 4 or 5 and as I read to him at night, I’d be so tired I barely realized I was reading, and couldn’t wait for him to finally pass out. I hope you sleep better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Well, plus side, the cake looks incredible. I can understand your fear about not having a co pilot too but it sounds to me like you are very level headed and have got this in check. Extraordinary things tend to happen to extraordinary people, I find. They can handle bigger challenges. I don’t mean that flippantly. Have you heard of Tierney Creates by the way? She is bereaved too and a brilliant blogger..I find it incredible to see creativity coming out of a dark and difficult place. You should get a book deal for your blog, by the way. Your raw URL grabbed me instantly and I would pick that up if it was a book on the shelf. Have a good weekend x

    Liked by 1 person

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