During the summer months two things happen. The Sun beats down from cloudless skies….. And we get constant nosey Parker’s…..

Another largely sleepless night. A combination of a touch of tooth ache and another crazy dream. Great time to get a tooth problem as my dentist is just reopening having been closed for months. Reduced capacity and a horrific waiting list – deep joy….

Yes the crazy dream woke me up but it was so funny. Strangely featuring talking cows. I was trying to garden and the cows were helpfully chipping in with gardening tips. I hadn’t realised that cows knew so much about stuff.

While waiting for the early morning rain to stop, I was pondering life. And not just about talking cows and whether it’s a woolly hat exercise routine. I was thinking about thinking. Some of my thinking is good. Other types of thinking is not so good. It’s taken me years but now I can see this. I do have a habit of overthinking. My thinking starts good. I look at a problem or an issue or a memory. The first thoughts are constructive. How to make things better. The happy stuff. The sad stuff. What to do next. How to live the moment. How to make Son happy.

Then the overthinking kicks in. The second, third, fourth thoughts are hardly ever positive. My internal voices start.

  • What a mess.
  • I caused this.
  • I got that wrong.
  • People will be shaking their heads at me.
  • I am rubbish at this.
  • Why did I do or not do that.
  • People will think less of me.
  • I have so many faults.
  • I am going to make these mistakes again.
  • It’s going to go wrong.
  • I am a loser.
  • I look weird.
  • I talk funny.
  • Poole think I’m an oddball.
  • I am such a let down.
  • Completely useless.
  • They will be laughing at me.
  • And on and on.

Suddenly a never ending downward cycle is perpetuated. I’m spending all my energy on negativity. Living in the past. Forgetting about living today.

So yes thinking is good. But I need to stop the second and third thoughts. Stop the over thinking. That’s easier said than done. It’s a life long battle for me. One thing has got me through life. Helped ease the pain when I have fallen. That is to make sure that I never take myself too seriously. I’ve learnt to poke fun at myself. Ok it might not be great for boosting the confidence. But actually it means that I can accept myself better. It’s also a way of switching off the overthinking. Plus if it makes other people occasionally smile then it’s a complete result. In life it’s often easier to poke fun at others. I’m so not keen on that. Hopefully I will only do that when I know the other person likes it or by their self centred actions – they earn the right for a bit of parody. Unfortunately these days there are a lot of deserving targets. Just got to ensure I save the best put downs for me. You see it’s good for me.

55 thoughts on “Thinking

  1. I can so relate – the negative self-talk is my total demon. This is what I gave up for lent. I promised myself every time I went to my negative self-talk I would stop. Forty days of being nicer to myself. My social interactions decreased significantly with the quarantine which totally helped (as I always am the hardest on myself after one of those) but I still found myself countering the thoughts in many other places. It really pops us everywhere. And I am sorry about your toothache – I hope you can get to see the dentist soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Laughing at myself definitely helps me stay positive.

    My pattern is to think of one bad memory, then every similar memory, then feel that no one appreciates me and my existence is both oblivious to others and pointless. I’m very good at the downward spiral… nearly made an art form of it.

    I love the talking cows!!

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  3. However you decide to be “for yourself” is good, whatever floats your boat or makes you happy.

    I always look at it like this… I am going to be who I am, some gonna like it, some are not

    No one has walked in your shoes but you. It’s ok to be whoever you are. Don’t worry too much on what others think… being free to be whoever you are is amazing!! And what is meant for you comes to you that way. I dunno, just an opinion.

    For the most part – I can be whoever I am… however, I myself, have areas in my life I keep silenced from others in real life – but my silence is more of security than worrying what they think?

    Here on WP… totally waving all my flags lol 😄✌️- those who fit you – will be there and enjoy you!

    And be happy cause you do good and you’re funny… and the fact you always wanna make sure you do right by your son – that means you are ✌️

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s ok to have things private to only you, for whatever reason… nothing wrong with that… unless it makes you feel heavy?

        When it is right for you, if ever is – that is your decision. I understand the privacy.

        Just make sure for the most part you live happy for yourself…

        I will try NOT to write a novel here … but when I came out with the cancer diagnosis to literally everyone – I came out really raw with that…

        It touched others emotions… I was getting private messages and emails from pretty big wig people who never speak to anyone, some in government – they would say – please keep this quiet, but here is my story… and they would share … they shared their most private things to comfort me during that!!

        And that made me realize how much people hide… or feel they need to hide or feel its private … with some of that info would be in the news if they mentioned – but to comfort me, they did that ❤️ they trusted me to comfort me ❤️

        Everyone has a battle, and everyone has issues, or insecurities – whatever … those who judge are not perfect either

        What’s that saying? Those who live in glass houses, should not throw stones 😄✌️ I am the queen of cliché’s FYI lol

        I still keep the domestic violence I went through quiet… even here I had to hold my breath, close my eyes and hit publish – but whatever judge me then. You wanna be there, be there – I am strong and confident with the person I am.

        In real life I am extremely private with that. When I can stand strong and say – here is what happened to me, and here is how I stood up… then I will speak … because at that point I don’t need their pity or their help… I don’t want that in this area…

        When I can stand, I be like the Phoenix rising from those ashes … and not out of vengeance but you better believe I’m fighting that stigma and laws! I can help others who go through these things.

        I have met other women, in same situation… some are truthful… but I do know some are not. And that is why there is a stigma and judgement.

        I am better when I can fight for others… I can do for myself too, but it makes me panic more cause it effects my life lol ✌️

        I have too much on my plate to give 2 shits about someone judging me

        I hold my private stuff and I’m ok with that for right now…

        However you chose to do or be… that is for you… don’t let the pressure of others weigh you down ✌️ not worth it.

        Free your mind and your soul will follow ❤️ takes time, and that’s ok… just do you for you.

        Ok I think I’m done? Lol -ish 😄✌️ sooo sorry for the novel – I knew that was gonna happen 😑

        You take care also.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We each have to find our own way through this imperfect world. Whether that is being private or being more communicative. You have been through so much yet it hasn’t broken your spirit. Here the law and the media is still not right. Seems to protect the wrong party too much. That’s one reason many still suffer in silence. There is an awful lot to take from your words. Thank you x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Okay, poking fun at yourself IS good. I poke fun at myself all the time. I dont take myself too seriously. Oh, and I hereby give you permission to poke fun at me anytime you like. Friends do that😉

    Now… you’re NOT rubbish, you’re doing a fantastic job…ALWAYS putting Son’s happiness, security above everything else. So what if people laugh at you.🤷🏼‍♀️

    “The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind don’t matter”

    learn it, live it, love it😂😂
    You WILL make mistakes. Own them and try to do better next time. 💌💌

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  5. Just a hint: Never care about what other people think of you, unless you want to care what they think of you. Don’t give others the right to judge you, they don’t know you like you know you. Whatever you did or didn’t do was right at the time. Second-guessing yourself will only cause misery. IMO.

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  6. Ah yes, i know this well. Self deprecation as an art form. As you have clearly shown on your blog having children means you’re never far from helpful redirection if you accidentally slip into a moment of rising self esteem. We Muppets need our own society, though no one would be able to organise it, of course…

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  7. I can understand the overthinking Gary. Sometimes my mind goes off on a tangent which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but other times, the ‘What ifs,’ or ‘Perhaps I shoulds’ kick in, or worse, it’s a downhill spiral of doom and gloom and worse case scenarios.
    We all do our best with the cards we’ve been dealt in life…………. sometimes though I wish I’d managed to master ‘Cheat’ as I always lost.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I get finding the humor in your faults, or for me it’s more my hang-ups that I poke fun of, like being intimidated by new situations or people, but I really don’t like it when my friends put themselves down.

    I shouldn’t have tried to leave a comment first thing in the morning. I wanted to write a little more, but my tired brain is saying I need more sleep. I may come back to this one if my brain kicks in.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I couldn’t sleep, but my brain is more awake now. I’ve been thinking about thinking. I was really over thinking things there for a while, and if I’m not careful my thoughts can spiral quite easily. So I can understand what you’re saying in this post.

        The thing that has helped me the most is to not try and figure everything out or look too far ahead. That’s not always easy to do. I really have to trust God to let things go. That’s why I started my “processing” posts. I had to learn to take my thoughts in smaller portions. This really did help! I stopped over thinking. It’s one day at a time. One thought at a time. I have to leave the past in the past, and place my future in God’s hands. That definitely takes the pressure off.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you Tina. That’s such good advice. I really need to look at it. I do need to think about the important stuff. The stuff happening now. But not too far ahead or too far behind. But try not to question why. Just live. Be as good as I can. But I will promise that yes I will poke a little fun at me, It does make me smile, but I will never pot myself down. You are allowed to throw pencils at me if I do.

        Like

      3. 😀 It’s a deal. By the way, I passed 16… I was curious on Sunday… I made 28 pencil juggles now. So watch out, I’m getting good with those pencils. I’ll be a sharp shooter in no time. 😆

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Over thinking is the creation of the devil. I made that up btw. Middle of the night over thinking is THE worst. That’s when tree pose and the balancing game comes in handy. If all else fails … remember “all we are is dust in the wind, dude” x

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  10. Why don’t the positive thoughts ever proliferate like the negative ones (at least in my experience). It’s good to not take yourself too seriously, as long as you seriously appreciate your good qualities too! You are funny; that’s a gift. And your humor remains in tact despite your challenging circumstances… that’s strength! 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I know what you mean about the negative self talk. And quite unexpectedly learned how to not only come face to face with it, but dissolve it, bit by bit. (When I was using hypnosis to heal emotional triggers). Loving the cow photos! We have lots in my area, but no safe spot to pull over for a photo op.

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