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Downton

The village went all Downton Abbey like last weekend. Can’t think why 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Bizarrely we watched Downton the other night. Hawklad is rather taken by the whole thing. It’s fictionally set somewhere round here but filmed mostly outside of Yorkshire. Just like the cool start to an American Werewolf in London, that spooky Yorkshire Pub and foggy Moor was randomly filmed in Wales – clearly real Yorkshire is even TOO scary for a Horror Movie. The Earl, his family and servants keep visiting places right around us. It is most unsettling when they look nothing like the real place. They went riding just a few miles from us and I had a thought, I hope I remembered to pick up the mad dog’s morning constitutional poo. Would hate for the good noble family horse shoes to step in that.

It’s been one of those few days. Actually it’s been one of those few weeks. Not enough sleep, school issues, work issues, life issues, just ISSUES. Never stopping, running around in ever decreasing circles and actually achieving absolutely nothing. Where do those 24 hours go…..

So I walked through the village looking at the bunting while thinking, odds on that our mad dog will at some stage try to pull all that lot down and then bury it in our front lawn. Out of nowhere a villager stuck his head out of the village hall and shouted, “When are you bringing the cucumbers for the sandwiches”. This villager could have well been a head butler in a past life. A head butler with remarkably bad eyesight as his next words demonstrated. “Oh I’m sorry, you are not Margaret…”. Never been mistaken for a Margaret before. Never even mistaken for a woman. Even when I dressed in a full on and very well ventilated French Can Can costume and ended up walking through a town centre searching for the Uni Party, I was DEFINITELY NOT ladylike MOST DEFINITELY not mistaken for a woman.

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Added

Another dusting of the white stuff. It’s such a wonderful world filled with the best dreams and breathtaking beauty.

It’s bizarre how tiredness works out in practice. Yesterday on a few hours sleep I was a walking single parent zombie disaster zone. Bogged down in the minutiae of life. I couldn’t even make bread……

That was my bread after 3 hours in the poor bread making machine. Not sure if I should butter it or use it as a facial exfoliating rub…..Yet today on even less sleep I feel fine. Feeling like I’m almost competent at this parenting gig. I could even explain Calculus and Ionic Bonds this morning. Definitely NOT at home to Mr Zombie Head today.

So is even less sleep good for me? No not really. What is good for me is focusing on what is truly important to me. Doing that makes me realise just how beautiful this world is, just how wonderful life can still be. All the ingredients to happiness and fulfilment are there, just need to remember to us them.

It’s makes such a difference when you use all the ingredients in gluten free bread making 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Same bread just with added water……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 48 Comments

Alarm call

Oh how I missed the delights of setting the alarm clock to go off one hour earlier. All to fit in with the demands of the school week. I’m not sure I had an hour of sleep I could really afford to drop in the first place. It doesn’t sound much but dropping from somewhere over 3 hours to just over 2 hours sleep a night definitely brings on that semi permanent morning dull head feeling. The return of the ZOMBIE. I hear you cry – GO TO BED EARLIER …..But the thing is that it’s not as simple as just going to bed earlier, my sleep refuses to arrive much before 4am regardless of what time I get under the blankets.

That serious dull head feeling is made worse by one thing in particular. When there is no school, that extra hour provides a safe place to slowly wake. Waking on my own terms. Unfortunately the school alarm is too early for that and everyday I need the artificial alarm. That sudden jolt to just messes me up. At this rate I’m going to seriously harm my George Clooney looks 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 Especially if I keep zombie walking face first into stone walls.

But it’s reassuring to see so many others who are clearly suffering from zombie dull head syndrome. As I went to pay for petrol this morning, I walked past the ‘please wear a mask in the shop’ sign in the safe knowledge that my mask was on my face (albeit inside out). Strangely the other 20 odd people in the shop had not realised they had not put there masks on. How very tired they must be….

And it’s not just the great unwashed like myself who suffer from lack of sleep induced forgetfulness. It also happens to so called world leaders as well…. When your tired you clearly forget things like masks even when everyone else has taken the trouble to put one on. Or maybe in this particular case, Johnson is just an arrogant Bell-End……

If anyone knows the photo source, can you let me know
Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

A Yorkshire Summer

Almost too wet for the iPhone to cope….. That’s wet……

Later in the day, thankfully we can finally record a few hours of sunshine.

It doesn’t look like it but the fields are drenched. Two miles away a large concert became a mud bath at the weekend. Thankfully tractors came to tow cars out of the field car park. A Yorkshire summer….

As clouds roll in and the once again hidden sun sets, I find myself in the backroom. Putting off work that needs to be done this evening by writing these words. Listening to crackly copy of The Godfather soundtrack on vinyl which kinda sums up my mood. Drinking Chamomile tea to try to sooth a nervous stomach which isn’t very happy. Feeling fatigued after far too little sleep again, yet realising insomnia will win out again tonight. Hawklad is in the living room trying to forget about his rising anxieties. He’s playing games online with a close friend who has COVID. Yes a very Yorkshire summer……

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Breakfast

There is nothing like a good breakfast to kick start the day. Especially when it’s been another largely sleepless night. Today it was going to be cornflakes and flaxseed with a thick topping of fruit. No fresh fruit was available this week from the store so I opted for tinned fruit. Tropical Fruit Salad in juice. That will do nicely.

The reality was somewhat different.

As I poured the fruit over my cereal my brain tried to reboot from its reduced power standby mode. This doesn’t look right. Then the penny finally dropped just after tin was emptied. . Why was I tipping tinned baby carrots over my cornflakes.

Waste not want not. Wow that’s a taste sensation. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

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4.33am

You know that sleep is going well when you find yourself outside in the cool Yorkshire air. Outside at 4.33am. Ok I could be sleep walking with a touch of sleep photography, but unlikely. Not great when the alarm is set for 6.30am. But if I was in bed I wouldn’t be seeing this. You can still dream when your awake.

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Don’t do this

Kids don’t try this…..

Lack of sleep does strange things to the mind and body. It took me 30 minutes into a yoga session before that the odd sensation I was experiencing was attributed to me putting on my compression shorts back to front. If only it stopped there.

I decided I needed a milky and sweet coffee to get me going. The sugar is next to the kettle. So what sleep induced madness sent me to the cupboard. Made me reach out and grab a large bag. Open that bag. Carefully add two spoonfuls of the white powder into my drink. Then stir and stir. Rather puzzled at the enfolding congealed mess. Then taste what was clearly something approaching wallpaper paste.

Only a lack of sleep ends with self raising flour being added to coffee.

Well at least it cut down on the calories…..

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Gaze falls

How far does my gaze stretch this week. Far and to big dreams let’s hope. Just got to get through the next couple of hours. Sleep still not here and it is light.

In two hours the alarm will go off and the week will commence. A week of homeschooling, home working and housework . Not the time for being tired. So why am I still feeling so far from sleep.

So maybe one more attempt. Close my eyes and see where my gaze falls.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

Recycling

Meet my new Garden Helper. She hasn’t quite worked out that green waste goes directly into the brown bin….

I must admit that was just about beyond me today. Should it go in the green or brown bin, the recycling containers or the compost heap….. I’m clueless today. Lack of sleep and the second vaccine doesn’t help. So today was a struggle. Trying to stay awake, trying to think, trying to work, trying to be a parent. Today was hard work. Very few smiles. A survival far.

But at 12.40am I’m still here. I’ve not burnt the house down. Not crashed the car. Ok I did drop the mobile and cracked the screen. But I got through the day. Now tomorrow is almost here. New start. New hope. Another chance.

Maybe me and that cow can even figure out the recycling ……

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Insomnia the gift

99 times out of a 100 not being able to sleep properly is a real pain in the posterior. It really is. It’s been like that for months. Yes the body gets use to it but it does slowly wear you down.

But there are some advantages. The quiet at night is a blessing. Our world is just too noisy. It’s a great time to think and daydream. In those moments you truly realise what is important to you. What you care more the most.

And

You get too hear and see the dawn. The new day start. The morning chorus of the birds is one is the great natural shows. The views are stunning in that new light. Even views you normally take for granted become epic.

Yes even insomnia can be wonderful.