Good to see the local motorway is busy…. It’s still too busy for our son. I got special dispensation to step 10 yards out of the front gate to take this photo. Life on the edge.

It really does feel a bit like that at present. On one hand we have what apparently counts as our Government rapidly relaxing restrictions and on the other hand kids like our son….

His social and health phobias are in a pandemic fuelled maelstrom. Every few minutes he feels the need to wash his hands. To repeatedly rinse his mouth out. The fear of germs and hidden dangers becoming a real nightmare for him. He struggles to touch items like taps and handles. Even putting potentially unclean shoes on is a challenge these days. Deliveries have to go into garage quarantine for at least 4 days. Clothes need changing every few hours. And then another spanner in the works. The old house boiler completely failed. So a service call out is required. It’s now way beyond a temporary Dad patch up. That means an additional new threat to sons safe area. A house visitor! After much discussion we agreed a plan. The service engineer would come into the house only via the back door. The engineer must wear a mask at all times. I will keep 2m away from the engineer at all times. When the work is finished we will effectively lock down half of the house. We won’t venture into the areas the engineer visited for three days. Not ideal but it’s a plan. Son’s stress levels will rise but hopefully not too far. The damage to his safe area minimised.

Yet individuals like our son are expected to just re-enter the world by July 4th. The date our part time PM is declaring as the day he defeated the virus. The date he can heroically restart England. It’s perfectly fine to open overcrowded public schools in September. A few more hand sanitisers in the corridors and relaxing the rules further to allow for even larger class sizes to cope with increased teacher sickness is now the best way to deal with a pathogen. We are told ‘everything is now fine’ by the very leaders who have been proven to be wrong on virtually every single major decision they have made over the last 6 months. The very leaders who now widely seen as charlatans and pathological liars. People see this. Our son sees this. This just adds fuel to his anxieties. It’s making a bad situation even worse.

So when England reopens on the 4th July a small bungalow in Yorkshire will not. It stays on lockdown until son is able to face the world again. Who knows how long that will take. Much patience is required. We won’t be the only family facing this prospect. Again my country further fragments. I’m not entirely sure it’s ever really going to come back together again.

101 thoughts on “Fragmented

  1. It is similar here. Things are moving from yellow to green on Friday. In the yellow phase, I was shocked at how crowded some areas were. Then I thought of all the people like your son and realized, “No, this is just half of us.” We mask, we wash and are only doing about half of what we used to, but we are doing some. In a lot of ways, I feel like we are that family in the movie Jaws – the ones the mayor encourages into the water after he reopened the beaches after the shark attack. Scarily looking around but still going in the water.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I feel a major rant coming. Here from the 4th July it will be ok to be socially distancing while drunk in a pub yet you can’t go to a gym. For months it’s been 2m and masks don’t work. Now it’s 1m if you think about wearing one of those wonder masks. Yep that Jaws scene is just the most perfect description for us as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad that you speak up about all of this. I would say keeping doing this, but I know that your dad heart will do what it takes, and can’t help but do it. Even those who don’t have children who are fearful are leary of their children going back to school. It isn’t just the kids. My youngest brother doesn’t want to send his kids back. You can’t just flip a switch. That’s forsure.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. ☺ I had a sudden realization the other day. I might be a Muppet. I fell off the sofa (in a box) yesterday as I tried to get pictures for a blog post. 😁 Yes, in a box. 😂 You’ll have to wait for that one. I’m still reviewing the photos and deciding if they are worth using in my post. At least the box made for a soft landing… 😂 My tablet survived the crash too.

        Can’t wait for the disaster video! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Don’t be sorry. It made me laugh too, especially when I realized that our cats have performed similar stunts. They were both staring at me wondering what in the world I was doing. I shall proudly embrace the inner muppet! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It is just so hard for your son Gary. I do not understand our govt. at all. And I can really feel for your son becayse I have germ phobia and fear of illness too. I do exactly the same things as he does, and the fear levels are so high. We can only do as we can do, in order to feel safe. That is the most important thing – to feel safe. The wirld out there is such a scary place at the moment, and like you, I cannot see it getting much better, ever. A day at a time. An hour at a time. A minute at a time. A second at a time. It really is like that for some people. Lots of love to you Gary. It’s a hard road, but love always wins and you have loads of that.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I know. I understand that. So frustrating. And all the more so because of your depth of live for him. It’s a nightmare at the moment. Hope it all buggers off soon! Xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am sosorry Gary. Your son is a total wonder. Highly intellugent with original thinking. Very gifted. And THIS happens. They just cannot see the wood for the trees. It makes me angry so I can only guess at what it makes you feel. Your son has got SO MUCH to offer the world, if only they could see. But as all have said, you have an amazing partnership and SO much love. Love is what matters. But my heart bleeds for the both of you at what is happening. And i can understand about the fear rising. And fear is the most horrible emotion in the whole world. Iam so sorry Gary xx

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I saw in the news that one of your “Leaders”, Farage (dont know what he does or is supposed to do) got special permission to fly over and attend The Orange Idjit’s rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma on Saturday. 🙄

    I havent heard about how school is being planned for Ben but there were only 6 or 8 kids in his class. The school has a small enrollment because of the needs of the kids. I don’t have the same fears for Ben. Even on the bus, he sits alone. Most of the kids do.

    I didn’t do very much before, I don’t think that’s likely to change. It will be nice to be able to go to the ocean by myself for an hour or two… once summer is over and fewer people will be there.

    Poor Son! I feel so bad for him. You both are doing great at keeping things manageable for him without any help, which your Health people should giving him! All this talk about mental health… where is Sons help?? You shouldn’t be the only one helping him.

    It just makes me angry to think of how many kids and adults have been let down by the government that supposed to help them. There and here.

    You guys will figure it out together, the way you always do.💌💌

    Liked by 2 people

    1. However bad our ‘leaders’ are, and they really are bad, fortunately Farage is not and never has been one of them. He is a nasty piece of work and given far too much of a voice by the media but he’s not an elected anything. I think we all hoped the one upside of ‘Brexit’ was that he would vanish for good, but somehow he still keeps popping up. So if you could keep him over there for a bit longer, we’d all be grateful.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. He’s not a leader. He is a self serving, racist, freeloading cretin. Was going to call him a reptile but your chap is super nice unlike this git. You can keep him there. Safe and better schooling is only possible with small class sizes. Less than 10 feels a great number. In Europe they are pushing towards 15 at most. Here the plan is to go back to class sizes of 30 and more if teacher sickness kicks in. x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. 😮 oh wow … on the 4th … I don’t like that myself. I like the 4th… I don’t like it used in bad things

    London’s public transit had a bombing on my birthday one year … I don’t like bad things happening on days I love. They make the day heavy and bad.

    And reopening… what happens is… we have the economy… and everyone’s economy is in a struggling right now because of corona and if your area had riots and looting it made it worse.

    Also some people do struggle for money and to survive.

    So what do you do? You need that economy running, and people do need to survive … and there is a deadly virus that we do not have a good grasp on just yet.

    What do you do? It is the ultimate catch 22… life or survival ??

    Is kind of like… which came first? The chicken or the egg?

    Without survival you don’t have life … but yet with out life you don’t need survival

    If I was leader, how would I handle? That is pressure – no wonder their hair goes white.

    You want to protect your people, but at the same time you need to keep your country strong.

    Is scary. Sucks they picked the 4th to do that!! The 4th is our day lol ✌️

    My best… stay safe and take care ✌️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve got a monumental moan building about the shambles. It is a catch 22 but at no stage has either of our countries got anywhere near a balance. Not achieved any side of the argument. I ignore the government now. They have ceased to be. We look after ourselves.
      It’s the 7th then. x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha you made me laugh… you “ignore the government now”… I don’t really hear too much from your government only that they are doing it wrong ? And everybody is mad at them. But yours don’t stand out in the worlds face like mine does 🤨

        I have to deal with Trump and that is a fluid situation DAILY!!! I stopped listening a very long time ago. ✌️ He doesn’t know shit! Fricken narcissist up there leading my fricken country!!! Ugh every word out of his mouth or every move he makes… just ugh!!! Dude!

        So yeah… totally know the feeling ✌️

        Nooo!! The 7th is untouchable – that is MY personal day!! No bad stuff on the 7th – that is my day! Lol

        You can’t have the 4th cause that’s our celebration, and you can’t have the 7th – cause that’s just my special day lol – I claim those days! ✌️

        All other days are fine, make note 😄✌️ 😘 (I tease a lot but I am sure you are getting used to my humor by now lol ✌️)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ahhh a Leo, that is funny … you roar like a lion with your emotions?? Warm passionate and dynamic. Ok I see

        My middle child falls on October 23rd which is the change day… can either be Libra or Scorpio.

        😱😱 you are on the change date also!! Oh wow!! That just hit me…

        You are a cusp’er lol

        Very interesting lol … now I see you lol ✌️😄

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I can foresee that on the 4th July half of the country will be out, queuing to get into places they suddenly have a desperate need to visit, celebrating, drinking elf going wild for ‘freedom’. The other half will remain where they have been for the past three plus months. Cautious, nervous and watching from the safe haven of their protected bubble. I’m in the latter half and I intend to stay there for a good while longer yet. I’ll watch and wait.

    I am so sorry for your son. I can just sense the anxiety and stress this is causing him and it must be exhausting for both of you. X

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ooh and the 2 metre rule that still stands in theory (because in all honesty it’s safer) but only if possible and actually anything more than 1 metre will do … in fact just do what you like really because we just want to open pubs and stuff …

        No confidence in this shambles. I’ll be remaining in my own personal lockdown for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I went for a “contactless pickup” of meds today, prepaid, only to find the driveup was closed… aftermath of the riots 2 weeks ago and forcing me into the store. I was surprised by my fury… but decided it was gawd telling me to buy booze, which I did.

    I wad surprised that the cashier, who’s tattoos clearly indicate gang membership, mentioned something about knowing we haven’t even hit the 2nd wave yet.

    I wish the best for you and your son!!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Health has to come before anything else, and mental health as much as anything else. The Governement keep banging on about ‘Common Sense’ but I don’t think it means what they think it means…

    Liked by 2 people

  9. However frustrating it feels here in Scotland for our government still to be so cautious of lifting lockdown, maybe it will turn out better for us in the longrun… so I’ll be keeping you company in staying at home! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. These leaders are also the very people who scared the shit out of people to start with, aided and abetted by a rabid press with no thought whatsoever to the mental health of the population in general and children like your lovely son in particular. But look, even the visit by the engineer is something to work with and from here I’d say. For many people the first step IS that small. So he’s not alone there. Neither are you in helping him take it. That is a wonderful pic of your village. SO-OU Yorkshire!!! King of counties.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I can’t say this loud enough. We have to think for ourselves sometimes, not just listen to authorities. If he has such severe anxiety, keep him home. The other option is a recipe for a complete meltdown. My friend’s niece has so much anxiety about it that she has to be kept home from school even after they re-opened and her mother teaches her. There is nothing wrong with homeschooling. Especially if it means protecting your son’s sanity. I wish both of you the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Chances are, the one who comes about the boiler will have a mask on anyway, so at least that’s set! (When our dishwasher needed fixing, the guy came with a bunch of personal protection equipment, right down to bootie covers for his shoes.)

    Gosh, my little Bs are SO excited to just go anywhere and see anyone. A trip the library is a thrill these days, and they want to jump in a pool with strangers because WATER. 🙂 A lot of fear in them’s probably tapered off because I stopped watching the news months ago so MY anxiety levels wouldn’t be through the roof every day. We just need to re-integrate at our own pace, right? Honestly, I wonder if your school’s will really go totally open, though. Ours still aren’t sure. The favorite model right now seems to be a half’n’half–kids take turns attending in-person part of the week while attending online the other part. I get the logic, but damn, if it doesn’t throw any idea of a proper job schedule out the window…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Our PM has decided to bluff his way through this. The great British spirit will win the day. He’s has already scrapped the maximum class size rule so that if teachers are sick then either one teacher or a nine teacher can look after class sizes way bigger than 30. Oh dear…. no it has to be at our own pace.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. HOW IS THAT….oh heavens. See, when that is the logic, then it should stand to reason that aaaaaaaaaall the other crowded places can open, too. Just ridiculous. But then, who knows? Our own schools may wind up doing something similar as there are teacher shortages here, too.

        Liked by 2 people

  13. Such a nightmare and I wonder how many other people are suffering from the same sort of terror but with no one standing by to help them. It is heartbreaking. Things are pretty much the same in the USA. Our “Leader” spouts so much rubbish his own people can’t keep up anymore. He wants less testing because then there will be “less numbers”, then his people say no, he was joking. He comes right out and says “I don’t joke”, but in fact no one has told the doctors to stop testing. If we get the second wave in the Fall, I can’t imagine how the hospitals will cope. I am so lucky. I just carry on staying home, but I worry for you and your Son. So sorry you have to deal with all this alone. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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