It’s a dark old day here. This is midday…..

Sometimes it’s hard to tell from a photo but just past those buildings the land drops down quite steeply. Dropping about 150ft to sea level. Then it’s flat for miles. Sometimes it’s not easy to see these big details.

A few weeks back I was talking to my sister on the phone. I remember she said that I sounded ‘Happy’ and ‘was clearly doing well’. That’s odd as that day I was struggling. Feeling really low, down and so unhappy. Definitely not how my sister had seen me. That’s the thing about relationships. Often the people who should know you the best are the ones who actually get you the least. You can care and still not understand. You can care and still not really listen. You can care and still not see the reality.

Please don’t think I’m picking on my sister. We really care for each other but we don’t understand each other. I can think of so many in my life that applies to. Maybe it’s just me. Not prepared to share. Too quick to hide behind my smiling mask. But maybe we don’t often find people who truly understand us. Tuned into our thinking. Can see our pain and anxieties. Maybe that’s a rare gift. One we need to continue to search for.

63 thoughts on “Do you understand

  1. This is a tough one. I can sound perfectly normal on the outside and yet can be utterly beside myself inside. I can do the most brilliant cover-up to those I love and in many ways I hate that because it seems false. I’m sitting here watching a film with my other half and yet he doesn’t know that only five minutes ago I went to the bedroom to have a damn good cry. Why? Probably just a moment of madness, a tiny minute in the film that reminded me of my late mother …. it just brought back memories and was a kick in the teeth about how I still long for her. So often we can disguise how we feel and yet sometimes we want others to see our unhappiness and comfort us. I don’t know the answer except that I guess for me it’s up to me to tell my husband how I feel rather than to expect him to to know. I know he’d like that because he’s a ‘fixer’. However it would make me feel too needy and demanding. I’m sorry I can’t help, but I do understand. Kx

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  2. It’s definitely hard to find people who truly understand us. It’s also sometimes difficult to share. Sometimes it’s just easier to hide than try to get someone to listen and understand. When we do find those people (or that person) it’s good to hold onto them. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Superdad.

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  3. Hmm… I do agree… somewhat-ish …

    There are people who will be VERY close to you and not catch on to subtle things? Maybe a switch in voice or not mentioning something always mentioned. People do not always pick up things… but then looking back at ourselves … do we always pick that up from others also? I’m sure we miss small things also

    And people do hide certain things… whether it be too painful to speak of or share, or there is embarrassment or just a feeling no one can relate? Whatever it is, whatever reasons someone has for being silent or private about something… we all kinda have something… again for whatever reasons

    You can love your family and they may not always understand you… and maybe friends too?

    That’s alright, enjoy them and cherish them while you do have them!! Just simply to cherish while you can.

    Not everyone will get you… not everyone has walked in your shoes or similar shoes … and then if you do not speak openly or keep something close to your chest … they have no way to relate to you.

    It’s what you feel comfortable with though …

    So… what is it you feel not understood with? Cause you actually have many things … you have what you have been through, I can relate there… you have the isolation – I can relate, but I am also forced to still be out and around somewhat (I have no choice) … I know you miss interaction… I know you miss that a lot … I wish I could fix that for you… I know you handle the issues that come with your child and this whole situation… I have not walked in those shoes so I can only relate to things you say, but not to the actual situation… I know you feel alone. I can relate to that

    You can’t really depend on others to see anything unless we let them ? But you have to truly let them, if you want that, you have to let someone in and not keep holding people back.

    You know… it’s ok to say or be whoever you want. It’s ok to let it out truthfully and honestly … say the things you want to say.

    Look at it like this… here we have this really crappy situation – it took our lives away and continues to…

    So maybe this is a lesson on how to really let go of anything that holds back…

    Not be afraid to be who you are and say what you want?

    Not only will that take a lot off your chest, but make you feel free …

    Cherish what you can while you can, and express yourself honestly because hmm…

    You once said that you wished you had actually married your partner – and you meant to but life happened… and then the next thing you know things changed … you didn’t get a chance

    Don’t let that happen again… you want something …say it… you want to feel something from others? Tell them, show them. Make them understand

    Words have power… all kinds of power… the power to feel, the power to love, the power to laugh or cry, but if you don’t say the words – it never becomes

    I understand your dispair … I think maybe with this we all have a little bit of that… maybe in different ways? Different views

    If you truly want to be understood – lay that shit out – what holds you back?

    I also have something I keep close because I am not ready to speak about my domestic violence moments – even saying that sent a dagger in my heart so yeah. That’s just something I wish to have privacy with… I do not need anyone to relate to me with it – I know there are many who would unfortunately.

    I will speak of someday maybe? I don’t really know? Cause that is my past… that’s doesn’t define me, and does not do anything for me to bring it back up… the only reason I would ever speak of… is to help another. But for right now I am ok with not speaking about – I want to be related to for other reasons not that.

    I just mention things because I remember things you say, and then I mention myself because I want you to also understand – I have things you might not relate to either … and also both of us have things we feel we want to keep to selves?

    So ya know… understanding lol ✌️ Nothings perfect

    But my point is… if you really want something and you need to make that happen… put that out there… we already enjoy you and like you lol 😘✌️… a lot actually… so I highly doubt there is anything you can say that we won’t relate to – someone does – but if you don’t say it… they don’t know.

    I always tell people… look be direct… I do not read minds, I do not follow clues… come at me head on… I’m an adult, I can take it… don’t be a Trump and keep things because you think we can’t handle it ✌️😘

    Totally wish could give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be ok, really wish could. It would be quite the release to just hold on to a hug and breathe for a minute – I get it… is hard being alone… totally relate to that… I also wish got that to not be the case especially right now when you could really use the support

    So anyway… virtual hugs – while not the same… just imagine

    You aren’t alone. Just remember that ✌️

    And sorry if I say things that might bring sadness – is ok to face that…

    In my life – the only way to get past the bad or the demons or Satan (lol) is to face it… look right at it and take it down then you be free ❤️

    But I never mean to make you feel sad just maybe to see perspectives ?? I want to make you think 😘

    I also don’t mind the same so always feel free to comment freely to me. I am always open to seeing perspectives ❤️✌️I like discussion and helping each other ✌️

    Anyway, I’m sorry you are feeling heavy or sad with stuff ☹️

    You can also tell me “that hurts my feelings” lol cause I don’t want to do that… so is ok for you to always say what you like and what you don’t like

    I am American remember – we say lots of stuff lol ugh lol… we mean well ✌️ … except Trump… he doesn’t … he’s fired!!! 😘✌️

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      1. Yeah. Probably not best timing for actual human body hugs lol 🤨🙄 … but eventually 🙏 2021 almost here – so close!!! I want that so bad lol and is just a year… I’m just so over 2020!

        Well yes working towards something is good, but life likes to throw wrenches 🔧

        And right now there really isn’t a way to plan actual stuff until things get handled 🤨

        5 more days and we gonna handle first thing

        You are very sweet lol…
        We about to have a shit show with that election, ugh here we go…

        And then this virus ya know, whew – I don’t think I need to say anything.

        I stay as safe as I can 🙏😘❤️ you do the same, I heard is getting worse in Europe too. 😔

        Can I just have this vaccine please – god how much slower can they be???!!! Hello we dying!!! Can they speed it up? How much longer????? (I feel like that kid asking her parents how much longer, every 5 minutes lol)

        But until then, we just do what can 🙏

        If we get out of this alive and well… you are so coming to visit California lol

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  4. I think it’s all too easy for others not to see what we’re really feeling, even those who know us well and love us. Sometimes the only answer is to tell others what we need from them. I’m glad you recognize that your sister really cares for you, even if she is not tuned into you and may not understand. That’s very perceptive of you. And I’m sorry you’re feeling so down.

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  5. It’s just being human, I find. Even if you find a connection with someone who can read your moods. They’ll have off days themselves. I find it helps if you know who you can talk too. Then even if they do have an off day, you can feel comfortable to say “Can we talk”?.

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  6. It is SO very rare to find someone who just “gets” you. It’s a blessing when you do though! Someone who knows what you’re feeling just by a few words, or a tone, or by what you don’t say.
    My Empath abilities let’s my tune into people TOO much. It’s not 100% accurate with everyone, but with my daughters it’s 99.9 and I’ve learned to listen to their words. Sometimes they don’t wanna talk about how they’re really feeling and I have to give them that privacy.

    The sky may be dark, but the Sun is up there shining, and the clouds will move… things are always changing. Keep looking at the sky! And stay off ladders. And if you stomp in muddy puddles, you must wear your boots!😉🤣🤣🤣🤣💌💌💌

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  7. I sometimes think that it suits folk to ensure themselves and you that you are doing fine about anything, can’t have your bumps in their busy lives after all. Just you keep sharing here on the flat lands beyond cliff where we can all see you.

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  8. Understand completely, Gary. I also have a facade that very few see behind. When I’ve invited people in, I have almost always been disappointed, so the front goes back up! Maybe it’s that those who love us can’t bear to think that we are other than happy? Or don’t know how to offer support?

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  9. I can understand this. It’s incredible to me how others, especially your loved ones, think they know. Sometimes, you don’t feel ready or just feel like sharing.its strange, but sometimes I don’t want to share because it’s me and holding on to it feels good that it’s mine to keep in. I don’t know if that made sense. It’s hard to explain. ❤️

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  10. Sometimes, perhaps, we don’t look deeper, don’t see another person’s pain, because it’s easier to believe that person is fine, then we can end the phone call or visit with a clear conscience, not left worrying. Just my thoughts on it. Hugs, my friend.

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