Wet old day here in Yorkshire, it’s been wet for days now. Unbelievably we are still covered by drought rules and a hosepipe ban. Well there isn’t much need for our hosepipe presently, it’s been pretending to be a sleeping snake in our long grass for months now.

Yes it’s WET, yes it’s NOVEMBER, but there is still a touch of orange if you look hard enough.

A good walk to just switch off.

Hawklad goes through phases where THOUGHTS get stuck. Anxious thoughts, stressful thoughts, negative thoughts, confusing thoughts, possible upsetting thoughts. Thoughts that just won’t go away. They seem to take on more meaning, seemingly acquire more permanence. I remember reading a Psychology Article that labelled these thoughts as Mind Bullies. These thoughts try to bully you into thinking that they are more significant, have more meaning than other thoughts. Not just thoughts that quickly disappear, these try to take over. Try to ruin the day. Try to bring a person down.

Today Hawklad decided to write down the problem thoughts. He wrote down 168 Bully Thoughts in just a few hours…. As he said.

Definitely overthinking.

I try to help but I’m no specialist. Am I doing more harm than good, I have no idea. But here’s the problem, there is no access to specialist help for many. School only focus on academic performance, huge waiting lists and insufficient capacity effectively rule out mental health support. Hawklad is not self harming, not violent, not suicidal, so he is viewed as low priority and has little chance of getting specialist help. Limited resources have to focus on others. Then all too soon he will be classed as an adult and then the support completely dries up. So families and friends do their best to help.

We will keep fighting these bullies.

60 thoughts on “Touch of Orange”

  1. I hate liking this post, but understand it because Isobelle goes through similar issues. She is 18, and should be able to have education until she is 23. However they are saying that she can’t learn the simplest maths and English, so they are trying to drop her in September. These kids are just numbers 😡

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  2. Very sorry to hear about the mind bullies, Gary. They sound awful. It does sound great though that Hawklad was able to write them. Articulating them hopefully helps him work through them.

    I agree there simply is not enough resources and such a shame that our vulnerable children suffer because of this.

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  4. That’s a lot of mind bully thoughts! I’m sorry he has so many of them. I’ll be adding his bully thoughts to my prayers. There must be a way to battle through them and find some peace. I know it seems an overwhelmingly enormous task for both you and Hawklad, but nothing is impossible for God. We’ll just have to keep asking God for a hand and keep watching for signposts.

    “Knock (and keep knocking) and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks (and keeps on asking) receives. He who seeks (and keeps on seeking) finds. To him who knocks (and keeps on knocking) the door will be opened.” —Matthew 7:7-8

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  5. I have an orange cat. If I could I would send you his picture. Except, my partner does not allow him to go outside, so nobody but you, I, and your readers would see him.
    Imagine a big ball of orange wool, with pale white tabby features and a bright white chin and belly. That would be Tecumseh (Te-cum-say’ in Cree, or Ta-kum’-see in English)! The most layback cat you could ever meet.
    We love orange!

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      1. I do. The first cats I lived with as a child were orange, and while I love all cats, orange are my favouites. I always try to have at least one i my home.
        My biggest regret though was an orange female we got as a kitten. Orange females are extremely rare in our part of the world, and my partner convinced me to get her fixed before she ever had kittens. The responsible thing to do, yes, but not the kindest. All female cats should have at least one litter before being fixed. Having babies is their main purpose in life.

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  8. I can’t believe you are left outside alone with this. When even if you know your son better than anyone on this planet, you are not an expert (as you said), and being that close is not a good pre-condition for treating someone. The words “mind bullies” make so much sense to me. I think we all understand what that is. At least I know, what it means when your own thoughts take over and push you unnecessarily into desperation. So, I can only assume that Hawklad has more difficulties getting them under control.

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      1. I see, it is already overwhelming for an experienced adult. So how shall a young person deal with it that overthings everything so intensely that it leads to anxiety.

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      3. I know, it is a diffuce feeling hard to catch and eliminate. Experiences of the opposite may be the necessary way to take the energy out of fear.

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  9. The idea to write them all down is brilliant. I think many of us have moments like this and I hope your son will take comfort in knowing he isn’t alone. Thoughts bully each and every one of us at some point in time or another. All the love 💕

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  13. Are they actual bullies, or are they more unhappy thoughts he has? You are doing wonderfully well , he really could not ask for a better Dad =D ❤ Just let him know that a lot of people are right there with him, he is not alone! ❤ Always feel free to message any of us!

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  15. So sorry to hear the pesky thoughts are dragging him down. Did he say if writing them out helped at all? I’ve found writing a good coping strategy for times I’ve had depression spells and my husband writes sometimes to help with anxiety.

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      1. Yes they are, but overall as we both know that is the effect of climate change, all these nay sayers need to smell the coffee. Despite the approaching winter, nature is still working due to the mildness.

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      3. Hey Gary, yes very much so. But it’s been like that for a few years now, l remember seeing Daffs springing up in January 2017 like they were meant to be there and then not showing up when they were supposed to in the spring.

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