Going through some old photos for this post and a TV news item about the upcoming election sparks memories. The Swiss Hotel Owner would always want to hear updates about UK politics. After the update he would always say something like

‘In the UK people don’t seem to go into politics to help communities, it’s about helping themselves. They want the political power too much…’

Oh that is so true, and my mind wanders. Some folks do want political power way too much 😂😂. This post is going off on a tangent now.

Recently I went to vote in the local Mayoral election. A trip to a little used, tiny village hall. The Presiding Officer, clearly bored, was having a good giggle at not accepting my photo id, as to her it was not a true likeness. Apparently my beard shape was different to the photo and she wanted me to restyle it before I could vote.

Maybe more ZZTop, or maybe more Idris Elba…..

In front of the bored official, on the desk, apart from the voting forms and electoral register WAS a Stephen King Book, a food pack up, several Mars Bars and a flask of something.

Memory time. I had completely forgotten that years back, I had been a Presiding Officer, just as bored as this beard focusing prankster.

The Election Team could never get enough people to volunteer to run all the polling stations, so the day before the election, desperate officials would walk round the government building where I was working, trying to entice people to volunteer. AND I was one of the willing….. Why was I so willing….

Run this past me again, you want me tomorrow to not come into work, at this really busy time, to go to a deadly quiet village hall. Then instead of working my butt off, I can read a book, drink coffee, have a picnic, and I just have to hand out a few voting cards for 12 hours. I’m your man…..

But the secret was not to look too keen, make it look like a real chore, a real inconvenience. Eventually they would agree to pay your normal salary for the day rather than just volunteering.

And you are going to pay me to do nothing for the day…. Just GRAND. Now you can sign me up.

You would turn up at the voting centre and basically vegetate. In most of these remote polling stations your were lucky to get 10 voters turning up during the whole 12 hour shift. Normally a super relaxed shift. Yes, sometimes boring. One time I can remember trying to convince a voter that I could sort out a special voting bone for his dog, so the dog could vote as well. Yes I so understand her beard jokes….. But one year I had to do the voting centre gig with a trainee planner as an assistant. Way too keen. Have you done this, have you done that, is that wall poster on local conservation appropriate during voting. Never stopped. On top of everything, he then accidentally put his empty crisp packet into the vote ballot box rather than the bin. I forced him to fish it out with tongs I managed to find in the village hall kitchen. After about an hour it was too much for my sanity.

Ok, I’m going to make you Acting Presiding Officer.

Really, can you do that.

Yes, I will even get you a name badge to tell everyone about your new role. You can then run the process and I will just sit over there and de stress.

He was so happy, even happier when I stuck a postage note on his chest telling everyone of his new role. Then I sat in the corner and read while the new Acting Presiding Officer enthusiastically dealt with the handful of voters over the passing hours, only once did I have to intervene to stop some form of bureaucratic madness from him. Always thinking, when will he look at his name badge. He never did, at the end of the day, he threw it in the bin and went off a happy bunny, full of the new political power he had exerted. I kinda hoped that at least one of the voters had read his name badge.

No it didn’t read……

I’m the Acting Presiding Officer

Much more importantly it read….

I’m the Acting Prime Minister.

I’m sure that act of personal silliness broke several electoral laws and Revolutions have started over much less.

30 thoughts on “One man revolution”

  2. Hilarious! The people manning our voting locations are either totally gung ho about everyone doing their civic duty or on the verge of slipping into a coma. I would be bored to tears … or ready to jump out the window if paired up with the likes of your “Acting Prime Minister”. I pray the presidential votes this year end up in the right place (instead of land fills) and actually get counted; otherwise, what’s the damn point? Great read!

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  3. 🤣🤣🤣 Oh what FUN!!! Wow … I cannot believe they keep a polling station open for so few voters … here, they would have shut it down and made people travel miles to another polling station in a more populous area! Fun story and beautiful pictures, dear friend. Sigh. It looks so peaceful … I long to go there, a little cottage nestled in the outskirts of a village …

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  4. That’s so funny. 😂 With upcoming Euopean and council elections coming here, the voting card arrived for my daughter who has been living abroad for a while. She’d like to vote but she isn’t here. “Can’t you just vote on my behalf?” She asked. To which I replied… “No, you have to bring identification… and no amount of botox is going to make me look like you. Anyway, it’s illegal…” 🤦‍♀️

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  9. The Swiss hotel owner was right. I naively thought, when I was young, that you voted for whatever was best for the majority, regardless of whether it wouls actually benefit yourself. What a laugh. I don’t know how we will fix the current mess.

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