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Punishment

A much needed late afternoon walk. Feels like we have the place to ourselves.

Next week the School starts the mock exams for Hawklad’s Year Group. We are still waiting to hear what the arrangements are for Hawklad as he is still not in school. We know when the exams are and the clock is ticking. We are assuming he is sitting them in some form so he has been revising. Like for most of us – he is not enjoying the experience. But he is trying. Many pupils will be trying. I wish certain teachers would realise that.

One particular Teacher approaches revising by setting shed loads of homework. And I mean SHED LOADS. Question after question. But also setting tasks such as getting pupils to write out detailed revision notes and then submit them so that the teacher can make sure sufficient work is being undertaken. If a pupil doesn’t complete all the set homework then punishments will be issued. The Teacher emailed all her class and emphasised that if all the homework was not completed by the end of the weekend to a high standard then Detentions will be issued…..

Hawklad asked me how School would operate a DETENTION if he was issued with one. I gave this much thought since we don’t have a suitable classroom. Best option would be to send him into the back room. The room which has his XBOX which I’m sure will be ON.

Hawklad just doesn’t learn facts by writing out comprehensive neat revision notes. His mind doesn’t work like that. He watches videos and podcasts. He reads books. He thinks about stuff while pacing around the house. He creates images and visual maps in his mind. That’s how things stick for him. That’s certainly not helped by the threat of detentions for doing things that just don’t work for him.

I’ve emailed the teacher to explain this and stressed that revision notes will not be submitted. Maybe I will get a detention as well. Maybe we can play FIFA 21 together while serving our punishment.

Detention might be a good break from the chores of revision.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

Expelled

Well that was a different home at school week. A first, I believe. Not one interaction with school. With quite a bit of digging on the school online system we found a few pieces of work to try. We also found a homework task about Serial Killers which had been set for the rest of the class. But no emails, no communication from the teachers. Hawklad was completely left to himself. When he submitted work, it’s remained unmarked. I’m not sure if they would have noticed if he had stayed in bed all week watching Jumanji.

As the next school break is not for a few weeks ……… Has Hawklad been EXPELLED. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Sea

A sea of yellow.

If Captain Chaos made it in there, I’m not sure we would get him out this side of Christmas. If I played golf I bet my ball would definitely land somewhere in that.

So the home at school project is back. Over two years now. Wow two years.

It’s only been a two week school break but so much has been forgotten, by parent and pupil. Trigonometry was mastered, two weeks later it might as well be a cross stitching pattern. Intricate, perplexing, ultimately an unfathomable jumble. Forgetting things is very understandable with my Sinclair ZX81 of a brain (an ancient first try at a home computer which was as powerful as my left buttock). But Hawklad should be different, he has an amazing memory. No he can’t remember any Trig from two weeks back yet ask him about things that interest him and it’s almost PERFECT TOTAL RECALL. Remember stuff from years back. That’s the secret, stuff that interests him.

Sadly British Secondary Education doesn’t fall into that interest bracket……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 54 Comments

Hidden secret

My favourite tree. Has been for over two decades now, everyday I see it from the garden, standing alone and proud. Surviving several lightning strikes and countless storms.

But today after all these years I discovered something special about that wonderful tree. A magical hidden secret…..

Hawklad sat an exam today at home. Two hours worth of work. I set him off and kept out of his way. No need for two teacher referees this time. I was asked to keep an eye on him to make sure he stuck to the exam rules. Deep sigh….. They could just ask him and he would straight away tell them the truth. On one trip to Switzerland I gave him a sip of a shandy drink. At the end of the holiday we went through Swiss Customs. We were asked if we had anything to declare. Hawklad immediately owned up to that shandy….

No I didn’t enforce the exam rules. He walked about. He finds sitting still difficult, not moving for two hours would be torture to him. He had some noisy crisps and really loud wrapped up mints. He talked to the pets. The key things he stuck to. He didn’t use any sources of help, he observed the time allocation. If only school exams could be this flexible.

So the hidden secret.

The other side of the much loved tree has a face…

An angry face. Can you see it.

Wow. How did I miss that. Just goes to show that you can never be certain that you know everything. But I do know that school exams are forms of legalised torture. Why do we do that to them.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 53 Comments

Exams or not

That’s a gnarly tree at night. It looks like how I feel…..

Finally we have some exam clarity. The exams papers will be sent out to Hawklad who will complete them at home. This is ok (this time ) as they are internal school exams. Mock exams.

After that the problems are clear.

Hawklad has not been in class for two years now. He has worked really hard at home, but let’s be honest, he is no where near returning to school. As the Psychologist working with him points out, a return might not be feasible before his final exams. If this ends up being the case school have provided the following options.

1) undertake the exams in the main exam hall with the other students,

2) sit in a separate room with two members of staff and sit the paper,

3) sit the exam at home with two members of staff watching over him,

4) resit the entire course

5) get no qualifications from the courses he has worked hard on.

He can have access to a scribe. He might be eligible for up to 5% mark consideration for exceptional circumstances, but he might lose a similar amount of marks for using the scribe.

Here’s the thing. None of those options fill me with any confidence. Fine if he gets back into the classroom in the upcoming months. But that looks unlikely and if he did, it’s going to be a huge shock to his system. He can’t even go into a shop for a couple moments so how could he get into school and stay there for an exam. Something like 10 exams. How much damage would that do to him.

The exam at home option has flaws as well. Apart from one boiler service repair visit, we have had no visitors in the house since 2019. On that boiler repair visit, Hawklad stayed in another part of the house and refused to go into the boiler room for weeks afterwards. His house is like his safe, protected area. Even family visitors are use to sitting outside in all weathers. So how will he react to two strangers being in the same room as him for hours. Maybe we could try for an outside garden exam but that’s weather dependent (this is Yorkshire).

Resitting the course. He would know no one in school at all. how daunting would that be.

Does that really leave Hawklad with the real prospect of getting no qualifications after his school days finish. He has worked so hard.

So I’m sat typing these words and I’m feeling parenting angst. What on earth do we do. I really don’t know. Unfortunately doing nothing is not an option. Deep sigh. I’ve been single parenting since 2016. I. I might have got this right. I might have done the best I could possibly have done for Hawklad, but….. Have I got this so badly wrong. Have I messed up the most important job of my life. That is a deeply unsettling feeling.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 26 Comments

Vexing exams

Why is school so vexing. Do all parents end up feeling this way.

Important exams start tomorrow. Well I think they start tomorrow. This is based on three bits of evidence

1) One teacher has sent a calendar invite for something called an ‘Exam’ is his subject. To be fair to him he has also sent some revision notes. I can live with that…..

2) Many of the other classes have disappeared, I assume they have been revising.

3) A PE teacher emailed Hawklad’s Year Group this evening to tell them that Netball was cancelled tomorrow due to ‘your exams in the main hall’.

So important Exams I guess start tomorrow. Not sure if Hawklad is sitting them or not. Can we do them at home or not. If so are they online or written. When are they. What happens if he is not sitting them. Why are they important.

We wait with baited breath for news. Yes, school is most VEXING.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

what’s the point

Proper Yorkshire weather. Two waterproofs, two jumpers, extra thick thermals required. No umbrella in the world will last 5 seconds in this.

Definitely had the country lanes to ourselves. In fact even too bad for animal or bird. The only exceptions, two intrepid swans on the lake but even those probably had wooly hats on.

As we hunkered even further down inside our waterproof Ironman suits we talked about life, school and Aspergers.

“Dad, now that I can read, can I get dyslexia taken off my medical record. I never got any help with it anyway..”

The conversation went on until….

“How do I get Aspergers taken off my medical record.”

Here’s why. To summarise this was Hawklad’s thoughts.

“I know I’m not cured. You can’t cure Aspergers. It is just who I am. It’s just that too many people don’t understand. They don’t bother to see, they just hear the word Aspergers and they just assume, assume wrong. Plus I don’t get any extra help for being listed as Aspergers from school and only a little bit from the Doctors. It isn’t doing me any good”.

What do you say to that. Especially when he’s right about too many people, the complete lack of adjustments from teachers and that the little bit of health support he does get is being phased out. Any support which had to be fought for is removed as the teenage years are reached. Adults are expected to fend for themselves. The Aspergers label helped explain some things initially, it probably helped the parents more but as Hawklad concluded

‘What is the point’…….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 28 Comments

Tree

That’s a tree which needs to be in the next Lord of the Rings remake.

Another school at home week is about to unfold, will it be academically more productive than the last one. I’m not hopeful. At least we have a better balance for Hawklad. The missing school lessons are replaced with Hawklad selected learning and time spent outside. I’m really hoping that is helping Hawklad, this is what this is all about. It’s kinda scary that after 14 years it still feels like I’m winging this parenting gig.

Winging it more than ever. I guess one advantage of being a single parent. I’m official the best parent in the house. Actually I’m also the worst parent in the house. Best baker, worst baker. That’s where is stops. Hawklad is the best in everything else. He’s even the tallest now. How emasculating is that for a Dad 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Well at least I’m still the heaviest in the house, that’s one crown he is never going to take from me. I knew eating all those donuts would come in useful one day. I just hope in the greater scheme of things, I’ve been more useful than a hinderance as parent. And with that thought I’m off to find the next box of donuts.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Poems

Who are EWE looking at…..

Hawklad had an English assessment to do at home today.

Compare how poets present attitudes towards a parent in ‘Follower’ and one other poem from the ‘Love and Relationship’ anthology.

One poem was provided the other poem had to be recalled from memory, the class has been trying to memorise quotes from the other poems. 45 minutes to answer this one…..

Hawklad was suitably impressed…..

“Dad that was 44 minutes too long to answer that….”

“Dad don’t you think the poets would have hoped people would read all of their poems, rather than just trying to memorise little bits of their work like parrots”

“If I’m going to memorise some prose, then it’s going to be Shakespeare”

“I’m as bad at poetry as you are Dad….”

He did his best and that all that counts.

I was suitably not impressed with the question as well. I just wish schools and exam boards just thought a bit more about the questions they are setting. A question about parents and poetry seems relatively innocuous but of the thousands of pupils answering it, how many have lost a parent. One of the poems the class had to examine stresses the importance of a mother to a child. How’s that going to make kids like Hawklad feel. How many don’t have a parents at all. How many haven’t seen a parent in years. How many are going through hell because of their parents. This question could be really distressing for some pupils. Surely that’s not fair, surely that’s not right.

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Looking

Another early finish to a Friday school at home day. A few bits of work, some random, time consuming bits of homework. All done by 1pm. So time to head out for an afternoon stroll. A much needed stroll. I could get use to these Friday school days. Good for Hawklad as well. He finds it easier talking about his worries when he’s outside. Talking is good. Bottling them up is not so good. A few worries talked through then he can call the start of the weekend. Talk switches to fun stuff and we all need a bit of fun. Fun is good for the soul.

A very Yorkshire weathered statue. No it’s not in our garden…..

Walked past this statue so many times over the years and yet I’ve never taken the time to notice the details. But this week I took that closer look and look what I discovered on the plinth.

You just never know what you will find.