Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Life

“Sir can you read out the unique software licence number again, our system isn’t recognising the code.”

Any call to a Help Desk is a challenge, especially when your tired. Tired and brainwashed. Softened up by hours on hold, listening to the drone of a lame b-side singles and the endless ‘your call is important to us’ mantra.

Can I ask why your licence number is so long…

“Its to improve core security and improve the client interface.”

I so wanted to scream ‘Will you speak in English please’ and I have a degree in IT. Don’t hold that again me……

You do know that licence numbers are frequently between 10 and 20 digits long. Yours is about 60 characters long, Why can’t I just copy and paste this, or I forgot, your App turned that function off for Security and Customer Care reasons.

‘That’s why our system is so robust”

It’s also why I’m smashing the phone repeatedly into my laptop in frustration. Here goes again then. Let’s see if I can read out the code perfectly. Would be easier reading out War and Peace.

3ZH8AWE4A11ZZ4DF099SD80683D5F2988C0DDC9ABEE9724201A2512E36620CC6E1E7FSDSZEH1

A true test of my eyesight, my memory and my oral skills. After about 15 failed attempts where I started doubting my sanity, the penny finally dropped. The person from London can’t understand my northern accent. C in not a Z… and H is not a E

Happy days . That’s 4 hours of my day I won’t get back. Hours I could have been outside focusing on what is really important in life. When will I learn.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Beards…..

The last couple of years I have had a beard. Not a world class ZZTop beard. Beards like that will never be forgotten. But it’s a beard. My beard. My strategy is more facial hair means less of me on show. Don’t want to step on George Clooney’s shoes 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Today the beard came back to haunt me.

I needed to set up the works bank account app on my home computer. All was going well until I got to the identification check. Take a picture of either my passport or driving licence mugshot. Then record a short video of my weathered face to match the mugshot.

Time and time again the verification failed. Then it dawned on me. My ID photos are all pre beard….

So here’s the moral dilemma. Do I wait 7 days for the postal verification verification code to arrive OR do I shave my beard off. Do I like work that much….

Not a chance.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 21 Comments

Satisfaction guaranteed

I was sat blankly gazing at a featureless spreadsheet on my work laptop. It was all numbers, letters, formulas, data ranges and macros. A few changes here and a few changes there. It might balance soon.

Wow

I hate work.

No hang on let’s get that right. I hate this work. I hate accountancy. I hate using spreadsheets and word. I hate putting on a work face and being all professional. I hate hiding my incompetence and acting like I have the faintest idea what I’m supposed to be doing.

I work to pay the bills (well some of them 😂😂). That’s it.

It took me years to work out I was the official Mr Grumpy Work Pants. But actually the signs where always there. Wearing bright ties and waistcoats to try to be cool. Spending much of my life stressed out. Looking on enviously at other people and their jobs. Pilots, Mountain Guides, Astronomers, Health Professionals, Artists, Chefs. Reluctantly setting off for work every day. Only funding a spring in my step on a Friday afternoon as I leave work for a few days.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. We all have dreams and talents. Interests that can be made to work for you. I’ve heard parenting been described as an unpaid job. Well if it is then I love that job. Yes tiring but so rewarding.

I certainly don’t want Hawklad to get stuck in an unrewarding job. You invest too much time to waste that. I want him to live out his dreams. I don’t want him to be me. I want him to avoid the spreadsheets and get to smell the roses.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 25 Comments

Hard work

Apparently I was wrong yesterday. My inner Lefty took hold and clouded my vision. I made an inappropriate attack on politicians who benefit from expensive and exclusive private education while refusing to properly fund pupils in the rest of the education system. I wasn’t the only person to get annoyed at that thought. But we were slapped down by the Eton educated Prime Minister. Children enjoy exclusive education because their parents work hard.

Many do. Can’t argue with that. But then you turn the argument around and what does that mean to a poor child in a poor school. It means that they should blame their parents for not working hard enough……

Clearly I’ve let my son down by not working hard enough…. That explains the gaps in his education.

I should really follow the example of our illustrious leader. Travelling 200 miles in a private jet to attend a summit of world leaders where he says he wants to talk climate change. Clearly getting a readily available and environmentally friendly train is not working hard enough for him. Treating himself to £13000 worth of gourmet food during the lockdown while refusing to give our poorest children free school meals when they need it the most is clearly hard work. Getting a rich friend to pay £200000 for a designer makeover on his flat while cutting 40% of the overseas aid budget is real grafting

Hard work people. That’s all it takes.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 19 Comments

Flower

Came across this rather marvellous flower just outside the church walls. That good that even Captain Chaos opted against cocking his leg against it. The ultimate sign of respect. Unusually the dog only passes up on such treats if stinging nettles are in the immediate locality.

Stinging nettles in the locality.

Not an area you ever see Captain Chaos lifting his rear left leg off the ground to ….. Even the farmers cows avoid here…… But it is a great area for harvesting nettle tea….

It’s also a great place to drop something. This afternoon I was taking a works call. In a desperate attempt to stop falling asleep or going crazy, I went outside. Outside with the mobile, pen, paper and mug of coffee. As the work call dragged on the duel prospect of sleep and madness increasingly beckoned. To distract myself I moved to the fence adjacent to the mutant nettles. Why, I do not know…… Then the inevitable disaster. The pen and paper toppled off the fence and with unwavering precision they were consumed by the monster stinging jungle. Taking the notes I had made during one of the worlds most boring ever phone-calls into oblivion.

Two options

1) get seriously stung fishing the notes out,

2) own up and basically restart the dreaded work call again recapturing the facts and data.

Only one sensible option I could ever take. Neither….. End the call and just guess……

Does that make me a bad person 😂😂😂😂

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 46 Comments

Seeds

Nothing better than blowing a few Dandelion Seeds about in the air. Normally you get one or two to play with. But occasionally it becomes an epic undertaking….

I’d rather spend my time working my way through this seed patch than deal with work emails. Why are so many of our fellow souls just so confrontational, self absorbed and difficult. Talk about opinionated and judgemental. So quick to pick fault with others. So quick to tell you exactly what they think of someone. I don’t mind it when people are praising or supporting others but mostly it’s so negative. All based on such limited understanding or awareness of the actual facts…..

For some reason I keep dreaming about an isolated tropical island……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Next day

It’s been a wet old day here in Yorkshire. Grim.

One of those days. A day that was an effort. Nothing seemingly would go to plan. Felt like my face was filled with grimaces rather than smiles. Everything just seemed out of kilter. Hard work. A slog. One step forward, two back.

But I’m still here. Made it through the day. Just about in one piece. And you know what. My dreams are still intact. Let’s see what the next day brings.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

And more work emails

So a few more hours of work. More work emails. More searching for the work stuff amongst the never ending personal reviews of restaurant meals, pub visits and nights out. Month after month of lockdown has sent a few too many at work into email padding frenzy.

Well this afternoon I was sitting with the computer on the lap and wading through the work crud. I was listening to the Ghostbusters movie blast out on the TV. I was good, I didn’t watch the movie but I did listen. But it was tempting, too tempting to look at the TV. It was a real struggle at times. Trying to force my eye focus to stay on the emails and not onto the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Too hard. Too many potential distractions.

Movies without the picture is the way to go…..movies on cds…..

Why didn’t they ever do proper soundtrack cds for movies. Not just the music, but the dialogue, the sound effects – the whole movie. I’d happily listen to movies while working and trust my imagination to fill in the visual stuff. That would definitely ease the work pain.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 35 Comments

Space

If only life was always this open and uncluttered…..

I was unfortunately wading my way through a mound of work emails when I could have been getting on with being a parent. Suddenly the world here looks like it’s caught up in a crazy stampede to open up again. I work in the events and sporting field. A pandemic is not conducive to full diary. For over a year our little companies order book has been as empty as a Yorkshire mans wallet after he sees a sale at the ‘Everything for a Pound’ store. But suddenly it’s gone mad. So much is now being planned, all without any formal regard for social distancing. All based on the assumption that the pandemic is over, everything is fine. I just think that we are still teetering on a knife edge. If we are not careful now then a lot of people are going to be at best disappointed, at worst, very ill. Will these events actually happen?

Anyway I was wading through the work emails. Wading is the right expression. If people just stick to the point then it would be so much quicker. But no. Let’s talk about what meal they had out last night. Let’s talk about the night at the pub. Squeezed somewhere in that social stuff will be the work bit.

Wow have I become The GRINCH ……

As I was wading through those emails a thought struck me. Wish I’d become something like an Astronaut rather than an Accountant…. I bet the Astronaut wouldn’t have to read about the stuff I’m suffering here. Having said that I bet you can probably get work emails in space now.

No one can hear you scream in space was the old horror movie line. Now it’s become ‘no one can hear you scream at your email inbox in space’.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Dinner plate

That’s some dinner plate. Newly planted vegetable seeds. What to start with…..

It’s been one of those school at home days. Only one communication from a teacher about lessons today. That was ‘just revise’ for a test which is coming up. The other lessons it was just about trying to see what bits we could find on the online system and then trying to fill in the blanks. Which is quite apt as alongside the homeschooling I was also trying to get work done for the company that bizarrely likes to employ me. Apparently I’m a ‘valuable asset’. I’m sure that has been autocorrected at some stage from the original description.

Voluminous Ass….

Apt because today I was scratching my head at WORK and blankly trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. Yes definitely filling in the blanks. I can’t have been doing very well at either tasks as I ended up watching our garden pigeon and his dinner plate.

At least somebody knows what they are doing today….