Another cold and beautiful morning. Doesn’t look like the expected wet and windy weather forecast.

Robyn on her brilliant blog was taking about someone who played Death Metal music during a gym session and yet looked so UnDeathMetally. I remember a few years back going into a HMV record store and trying to buy a Hardcore German Death Metal CD. The young guy at the counter looked at me then looked at the cd and said “this might be a bit heavy for you”. I managed to stop him before he directed me to either the Country Music or Dire Straits sections. Clearly I didn’t look like a head banger. I should have warn my Motörhead Tour T-shirt.

I remember another time at work when a particularly gruesome Salesman barged into the office and asked to speak to the Chief Accountant. When he was pointed in my direction he walked up to me and announced “you don’t look like a Chief Accountant” and laughed. In an unusually sharp response I came back with “you don’t look like a person with an appointment” and proceeded to ignore him until he sheepishly left.

But apart from these two moments ‘not looking like something’ has not been applied to me much in my life. Well apart from this year. It feels like it’s been open season on me. The following have all been said to my face over the last 12 months

– You don’t look like a vegetarian

– You don’t look like someone with depression

– You don’t look like that photo on your driving license

– You don’t look like your passport photo

– You don’t look like a boxer … the physio said this as apparently I had a muscle injury normally associated with boxing

– You don’t look like your best pleased

– You don’t look like a single dad … said to me by someone in the village

– You don’t look like someone who plays Pokemon Go

– You don’t look like an XL … No but is it a crime to like wearing baggy tops for training

It’s not just me. It’s a team issue this year

– Your Son doesn’t look like he has Autism …. said by a teacher

– You don’t look like a boy with your hood up you have girls eyelashes … this was immediately preceded by the longest and hardest Paddington Bear Stare by our son.

– Your dog doesn’t look like he’s partly Cocker Spaniel

– Your dog doesn’t look like he’s partly German Spitz

– Your dog doesn’t look like he’s calmed down

– Your cat doesn’t look like he gets much exercise

These were all said very innocently and are rather mostly amusing. Some you scratch your head and think what on earth is a single parent supposed to look like. Some are worrying – too many still assume that if someone tells a joke then they couldn’t possibly be depressed. Then there are the ones which are breathtaking. An educational professional demonstrating such staggering ignorance of Autism. It makes you realise what a long way we have to go as a society.

51 thoughts on “You don’t look like”

  2. I get the statement “you don’t look sick.” Me, the person with multiple sclerosis and a pacemaker. People actually wait outside of Walmart because I am parking in a handicapped spot and attack me verbally saying, “you don’t look sick. I’m reporting you.” As if you can get a handicapped placard by mail order. Speaking out of ignorance is a sad state of affairs.

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  5. I have a handicap that is only visible to medical personnel when I am lying on a surgery table with what guts I have left hanging out of my open abdomen. When people tell me they cannot see my handicap, so therefore I do not have the right to use a handicap placard or a handicap washroom, I ask them if they can see inside their brain. A few actually turn red. The rest have no idea.

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      1. Sad, but very frustrating too. I don’t know about England or the USA, but in Canada a doctor must have a very good reason to recommend you be able to use a handicapped placard, and you must have that recommendation to get one.
        But people only care about what they can see.

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  7. I look really young and all my school kids- when they found out I had kids and my oldest was 25… they were shocked and said – you don’t look like a mom

    Ummm why? Cause I look young and dress nice ? What is a mom supposed to look like? Lol no one had ever told me I didn’t look like a mom before these kids lol … and kids are so honest lol

    So umm – yeah I’m a mom lol

    I loved this post!

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  8. I’ve been told that I don’t look autistic. What can that possibly mean? I wonder. Do I thank them? Say something sarcastic? I just laugh…oh,wait, inappropriate laughter, a sure sign. Oh well, I think people think they are bring kind 😂

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  10. Sometimes people say nonsense because they don’t think before they speak or are naturally prone to make social faux pas out of nervousness, for example. I don’t know the context for each comment – clearly the death metal one was presumptuous and based on that salesperson’s misguided perceptions of who might listen to what. Outside the situation, it occurre to me that the teacher could have been trying to be helpful, even if it was ignorant to suggest that autism has a certain look.

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  14. People are surprised all the time that I like Marilyn Manson,lol. I actually wasn’t that interested in him when we first came out, but then I saw an interview. He was really fascinating, and suddenly everything about him made sense. People are also surprised that I can speak for myself when they make me mad,lol.

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  15. Fun. I don’t look “like I have 4 kids” ( a compliment though). But the funniest comment I ever got was from a parent who read my blog but didn’t know me personally but was in the same parent organization as me, and she came up to me to tell me how much she enjoys my blog and said, “It’s funny because you are so hilarious on your blog, and in person you’re…” where she trailed off in thought b/c I guess she didn’t want to say uptight and quiet. LOL LOL Sometimes, when I feel down, I think about this comment and laugh. 🙂

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  20. Several of those comments caused my brow to furrow in confusion as I tried to picture what a single dad or a vegetarian looked like. The teacher comment definitely caused me to shake my head.

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  21. Ah, one of the stories that runs through my life. I’ve long borrowed and tweaked this idea from Gloria Steinem. In response to you don’t look like…. I reply “but I am. So I guess this what a …. looks like.” And of course I smile and perhaps stifle a small laugh at how incorrect their statements. 😊

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