Oh Yorkshire. You are such a beautiful county. Ok a bit cold, wet and windy. But definitely beautiful.

Beautiful, cold, wet, windy and a tad ODD. Look at me… Ok I’m not beautiful but the other 4 things most definitely do apply.

I think the weather has a tendency to make us a little odd here. You can tell by some of the things you here. Let’s go through a few Yorkshire words which stick in my mind. There are others but many spectacularly fail the decency bar.

I remember my school teacher announcing to the class. “Tomorrow 3C you get new classmates joining you. Brother and Sister. They are called Esmeralda and Oscar. With names like that they must be from Lancashire…..”. The funny thing was that they actually were born in Lancashire. The other funny thing was that our class was called 3C, which was ironic as the school only had two classes.

I remember going on a secondary school trip to The Yorkshire Dales. As we got off the bus the Teacher went though the safety rules. No mention of the nearby cliffs, caves or army firing range. “Right you need to climb that mountain and come back here. I would normally join you but I’ve forgotten my boots so I’m going to sit with the bus driver and listen to the cricket on the radio. Don’t get lost. Don’t go further than the mountain cairn as beyond that is Lancashire. Venture in there and you will be a lost soul forever….” Lancashire is our neighbouring county. Yorkshire is on the East and Lancashire is on the West of England. Both counties have been basically hurling abuse at each other for centuries. It has descended into Civil War and bloodletting over the English Throne. Thankfully it’s just verbal abuse and a couple of annual mad cricket matches these days.

I remember hearing a tourist ask a local in York how to get to the train station. The locals response was spectacularly helpful “Well Lad I wouldn’t start from here”. He then walked off….

I was stood on a Yorkshire Train Platform when the station announcer called out the next train to arrive. She finished off with the following helpful words. “The train on platform ….. will be departing in two minutes for London and the South, my thoughts are with those passengers at this difficult time for them as they head off into the badlands. There is still time for you to change your mind.”

As a kid my next door neighbour was a bit of a character. He would sing to his Rhubard patch every day. Usually things like ‘The White Cliffs of Dover’ and ‘We will meet again’. It was an experience as he had a singing voice equivalent to a misfiring tractor engine reversing over a long line of exposed toes. Anyway one day I picked up the courage to ask him why he sang to his Rhubard. His response ‘They have feelings ya know’. Apparently he would wee on them as well. Clearly not that bothered about their feelings.

I remember my Dad often telling me that “this was the wrong type of rain for the plants”. “The rain has far too much water in it….”.

When I was at Uni I had to program a robotic arm. For a joke I decided to change all the user input instructions away from English into Yorkshire slang words. As you do! Unfortunately when I tested it for the first time eckie thump wasn’t the instruction to lower the arm cradle gentle to the table. I should have told the robot to wazzock. Eckie thump basically sent an expensive piece of robotics smashing through the table causing untold damage. Yorkshire was banned from the laboratory, probably still is.

I had been Rock Climbing in deepest Yorkshire and had popped into a remote pub for some lunch. Looking at the meat full menu I asked the Landlord if he had a vegetarian option. This clearly perplexed him. He scanned the menu board for a few moments and then asked “The best vegetarian option will be the Pork Sausages. They won’t have that much Pork in them most days….”. He did deliver as he made me one of the worlds greatest chip butties.

Final mention has to be left with out very own Yorkshire born Hawklad. He had been pestering me to take him to the KFC Restaurant. Finally I succumbed and took him. As the helpful assistant asked him what variant of southern fried chicken he would like. Hawklad responded “Have you got anything else to eat rather than chicken. I’m not keen on CHICKEN…..”.

So yes Yorkshire is most definitely ODD. But it is staggeringly beautiful.

73 thoughts on “Odd

  1. These cracked me up! The train station, the “pork” sausages – your dad with the rain 🙂 And your teacher just sending you off on a mountain for a field trip. That is crazy, but I know how much attention my peers and I got from our parents and teachers back then, which was pretty little. Although I must admit, we were never dropped at a mountain with such cliffs or history!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The wrong type of rain is a common problem here too. Ah we love a chip buttie in the UK. A ‘chip sandwich’ …. chips in two slices of buttered bread with condiment of your choosing. Mine is HP brown sauce. 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay, so this comment is after only reading the first two sentences and yes I will comment more when read the rest, but here it is:
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, best use Optrex”
    ☺️ ~ ~ ~ {{{giggles}}} ~ ~ ~

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tha knows there were nowt any 🧝 Elf & Safety in r day and that there really is a place called [Badlands] obviously shipped over to america now (check Google Earth, but if you don’t believe me ask me), but wait, pray do tell us again of whom your neighbour buried under his rhubarb? Love rhubarb, veggie food and also like yourself I’m a bit veggie. Oh drats though, I’ll have to use a french accent to say the bit about the robotic arm is your “pièce de résistance” as it brought on a fit of ~ {{{GIGGLES}}} ~ remembering this and putting your story into the mix, as this would be an ecky thump, “ouch!” 😬 🚑

    Liked by 2 people

      1. yeah. No more getting turned loose in places like Leningrad with a piece of paper in Russian saying ‘I am a passenger of the British ship Nevasa, please show me the way to dock whatever ‘ either ….

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Lovie Price, it’s nowt ard sayin ecky thump compared teur t’ recipe:
      Fust tha mus cop umpteen goosegogs n add lahl dollop o pobs (dairy free), but NIVVA add chuddy a’ that’d be mingin, add nobbut a mention o belly jabies n int end dooant barm thy cake on eur jenneur. Theur getten orl ‘a’? 🤪

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My favourite cat author, Deric Longden moved from Derbyshire to Yorkshire and wrote many terribly funny books about his life there. Definitely the kind of place that appeals to me. Probably because I’m a bit odd too!

    Like

  5. This part is so me “…he had a singing voice equivalent to a misfiring tractor engine reversing over a long line of exposed toes…”
    love the way you word that!

    I like the slaw & the tater wedgies from KFC. Sometimes the chicken but what on Earth made Hawklad want to go to KFC??? 🤣🤣🤣
    I’m definitely a bit odd myself, I think I’d like Yorkshire. It certainly is stunningly beautiful!
    No rhubarb though… nasty stuff!🤫💌💌💌

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Here’s some more oddness for you… even though my county (York) and the neighboring county (Lancaster) were named after the areas you mention, York county is west of the Susquehanna River and Lancaster county is to the east of it. Opposite of your areas!

    Liked by 1 person

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