I know it’s all gone but the field looks better for it….So let’s go back to just before the thaw.

I was sat in my car. It hadn’t moved in weeks so I thought I had better run the engine for a bit. Reverse it a few times up and down the our little drive. Make sure the brakes haven’t seized up. If I was sat for weeks my knees would definitely have stopped working. I was looking at the three peddles and scratching my head. I had forgotten which one was the clutch. After a few test presses I sussed them out again. Clearly driving doesn’t come naturally to me.

That’s probably very like parenting with me as well. I’m probably better at being the kid than the one apparently in charge.

Then a worrying thought. What if I’m getting this parenting lark completely wrong. What if I’m making things worse for a Hawklad. Who knows. I’ve never been assessed. It was easy when there was two parents. Someone would tell me if I was wrong. A quietly whispered ‘tell you what why don’t you go and cut the grass and I will do that’. But then that abruptly stopped in 2016. This summer it will be 5 years of me parenting solo. No checks. No assistance. No manual. Doing this all by myself. Over those years there were many times I would have definitely told myself to go outside and cut the grass.

What if I’ve got this wrong….

Would my partner have done it differently. Probably. We often politely disagreed. Even down to how to change a nappy. She wanted him to go to a different school. Was she right? She had a different view on the approach that should be taken with his Aspergers and Dyslexia. Have I been too laid back on the implementation of his Education and Health Care Plan. Have I done all I could for him. Have I missed something which would help him with his fears and phobias.

I guess the answer is that I will never know. All I can do is my best. Hope I get most things kinda right. Hope I don’t drop too many balls along the way. Maybe even find the time to cut the grass.

93 thoughts on “Cut the grass

  1. Given Hawklad’s desire to learn about all subjects that interest him his quick wit and humor as well as his ability to suss things out and knock them down to size is an attribute to you as a parent. We all worry that we are failing or doing it wrong. As long as neither Hawklad nor T turn into serial killers we will have done very well by my standards. 🙂

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  2. My father (sick) got everything wrong–8 out of 10 children still got it more or less right. Yeah, mistakes can and will be made, but I highly doubt Hawklad hates your guts, dreads the time you come home, or does everything possible to avoid you when you are home. He smiles, a lot, from what you tell us. And he has no hesitation in telling you when you’re not. You’re an alright father in my books, Gary,
    (However, I don’t know how ready you are to hear this, it is probably time to think about finding him a new mother. It cannot hurt him to have a female influence in his life. You may not want or need one, but he probably does.)

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      1. Not support, if you are talking about my assertion he needs female influences, I mean exactly that, influences, sensitivities. He gets to see next to no women in his life, especially now with Covid lock down. You can do a lot of things as a single parent, and you are doing them pretty damn good, but women have sensitivity. It’s more than just empathy mixed with love, but that description touches on it. My mother died when I was eight years old, and while I had sisters, life wasn’t the same after she died. My father, who had always been mean, became even worse after she was gone. I am not implying you are bad, Gary, but you are male, and you cannot teach Hawklad what it is to be around women, not just for a few hours a day, but all the time.
        You listen to female single parents, and most of them will say their children need a male influence. It adds to the dimensions of their personalities, helps prepare them for life after childhood. Children need a female influence, as much or even more than a male influence, in my opinion. Women are, if you will pardon the word, humanizers. (Yes, there are women who do not deserve that accolade, but I doubt you would put up with a dehumanizing bitch.) Children need humanizing.
        I hope some of your female readers will weigh in here. I am talking about enhancing Hawklad’s life. You are doing the best you can and are to be respected for that. It is the parts you cannot do I am talking about. You cannot be a mother, no matter how hard you try.
        As for being pushy, is that something you want to be? I’m presuming you mean not pushing Hawklad to be all that he can be, as the American marines love to say. I have, and I don’t think anyone will dispute this, no complaints with how you are bringing Hawklad up. He is learning, on his own time, on his own schedule. School doesn’t have time for a personal schedule, as you often mention. Make kids into cogs, or bricks, not individuals. Hawklad needs to be an individual, I think. He might not be forced to be civilized the way other children are, but neither is he running wild. From everything you say he is a great kid. Don’t push him to be something he is not.
        But do help him to be even better…

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  3. Give yourself grace my friend~you’re giving what you got. And from my years working with kids, love is the most impactful thing you can give a child. ❤️💚💜 keep on keepin’ on. 🙏🏻

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  4. There are no perfect ways of achieving any task. You can only follow your own best instinct but you should never be afraid to ask for help. If the help you get offered doesn’t seem right, you don’t have to accept it. What do I know. I never had children. Seems to me you are doing awfully well.

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  5. You know, all parents can simply do what they think is best for their kids. We cannot do more and simply hope it suffices. The only important thing is that Hawklad feels loved, and that is definitely the case.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You know what, even all of these questions to yourself and all the worries are saying to me you are good father. Everything you are doing to your son is great because you are doing all that things with love. That is not easy to be a lonely parent, but you are strong enough to fight all the difficulties. Your son is lucky boy to have such good father.
    God bless you both!

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  7. This may be your most Muppet post.😂😂😂
    You absolutely love and support Hawklad 1000% (not a typo) I’ve raised two daughters and now I’m helping to raise Ben. The one thing I’ve learned is that you WILL make loads of mistakes. We are humans, doing the best we can.
    There is no such thing as a perfect parent. “Good” parents love, support and listen to their children. They treat their children like the unique humans they are.

    You’re doing a great job from view. I have a better idea than a lot of people what you go through with school and Hawklad’s anxiety.
    Seriously Gary… don’t question it. Just keep doing what feels right. 💌💌💌💌💌

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  8. I don’t think there is a right or wrong, simply the path taken. I’m not convinced it is any easier with two. Whatever the situation, there is no manual and we imply do the best we can. You are obviously a deeply caring and diligent parent. Take confidence from the amazing things you have achieved with your son.

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  9. I don’t think there’s a single right way to raise kids. Everyone does it slightly differently yet, in the vast majority of cases, these kids manage to grow into well-adjusted adults.

    We all muddle along as best we can and, from what you’ve said, Hawklad sounds both happy and well-adjusted. It seems to me that you’re doing a pretty good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You are absolutely the best parent you can be. We always have doubts. Those of us that care enough do anyway. You have your hands tied at the moment as to how much you can do and you are doing all you can. You are not a trained psychologist and even if you were, the difficulties he is experiencing would not be straightforward (or quick) to manage. You love him. You are his world. That’s better than good enough xxx

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  11. Hawklad lost one parent … don’t let him lose another. He is far, far better off to have you as a father. You, who would give your life for his happiness. You, who have put every last ounce of your heart and soul into trying to make his life the best it can be. Now … stop putting yourself down, else I will have to fly ‘cross the pond on my broomstick and whack some sense into you! You love him … that in itself if THE MOST IMPORTANT thing. Got that? You’ll screw up sometimes, sure … we all do. But you are giving him your all. So, if he doesn’t like the pancakes, he can learn to do them himself. Meanwhile, you are giving him YOU. Got it???? Love ‘n hugs to you both.

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