A golden sunset produces stunning tree shades.

I’ve talked about how my bereavement journey has moved on. I’m not stood next to that permanently locked door anymore. Life has to be lived. That’s something I didn’t think I would ever say in the early days. But approaching 6 years after the world changed and now I can.

But what about Hawklad.

Losing a mum is devastating. Losing a mum at 8 years old is beyond words. I did what I could but there is a limit to what anyone can do in those circumstances. If he wanted to talk, we talked. If he wanted to forget, then I shielded him. Understandably he found it tough to talk about his mum. He found it distressing to hear references to death in TV shows and Movies. Professional Grief counselling has been slashed by Government cuts, so he is still waiting…. So we muddled through.

Roll on 6 years. He still finds movie references to family death tough, so we still try to avoid. But here’s the thing. Now he can openly talk about his mum. He asks lots of questions about his mum. He wants to learn more about her. He smiles and laughs at the memories. He is getting there.

We are getting there.

48 thoughts on “Golden

  1. I’m very glad to hear that, Gary. I can’t even imagine what such a loss must feel like for a young child (and for the spouse) and you’ve done an incredible job to help him move forward.

    The golden sunset is beautiful too!

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  2. I am so glad. Grief is one of those things that is individual and has to be handled as such. My son just celebrated his 33 birthday. His dad has been gone almost five years now. He just in the last few weeks started really talking about his dad and he still refuses to go to the graveside. So the fact that your son is asking, shows he is healing, as are you.

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  3. It felt so good to read those last few sentences. You have a treasure chest of sparkling memories of a very wonderful lady, and I want you both to feel enriched by the treasure she imparted to you. The pain is there because there was so much love. I am sleepy tired and my words are not coming smoothly….but I was thinking of how special that treasure is.

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  4. This is beautiful, Gary. The Golden pictures are accompanying your hope wonderfully. The sympathy I have for the loss you both have suffered is always there~and I respect you so much for sharing your grief journey. I’m so happy Hawklad and you are sharing memories and smiles. 🙏🏻❤️

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  5. From all that I have read here, you could not have been a better or more supportive dad while at the same time dealing with such a burden of grief. I have said it before…this is a story that should be told as an inspiration to others in similar circumstances.

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  6. I lost my mother at Hawklad’s age. Looking back, I would suggest that while grief has to be processed at somepoint, it affects adults and children completely differently. Children adapt to a missing parent much better than an adult adapts to a vanished partner. By the time I realised that my mother was “really gone for good,” I had adjusted to the new family dynamics. Mind you, I did had numerous siblings to help cover up the absence of my mother, but still my life didn’t stop when she died. My older sibs and other adults around me suffered a lot more than I did, at that time. I was too busy being a kid to really notice, until years later, by which time I was distanced from whatever grief I had had.
    I guess what I am trying to say is, kids really are more resilient than adults, especially if they are given space to not be inundated with messages of loss.

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  7. What a breakthrough! I lost my mom at a very early age and my dad could not talk about her. Every now and then we would hear a reference, but it was rare. He could not bring himself to go there and so, as his children, we missed so much. I am so glad you are able to share those memories with him. They will tide him over for years to come!

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