Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 30 Comments

Secret Garden

Still no snow has shown up at our little hilltop village. It’s getting harder apparently to get the perfect conditions for snow in this part of Yorkshire. But just thirty minutes drive and we can get into the Moors. These Moors do get snow….. So a couple of weeks back we headed over to get some of that elusive white stuff. Night time is perfect, Hawklad gets the place to himself.

It’s only a short drive but you do feel so far from civilisation. No school here. These places are so special and wow the night sky. No light pollution.

This is what this looks like during the day and much later in the season. Perfect.

Perfect location for wonderful literature like The Secret Garden. The Secret Garden’s themes of rebirth and healing, we could all do with some of that.

As we wandered across the snow covered ground with just the light from our head torches to illuminate the way, it’s much easier to forget the trials of the day, well at least for a few moments. The school journey isn’t going well……

Minimal support, so it does feel like it’s a never ending fight against the system. What’s crystal clear now is that school has only given us access to a fraction of the course material over the 2 years Hawklad has been away from the classroom. With just a few months until his final school exams and he has so much to do just to catch up never mind revise. I genuinely fear that there is just too much to do in those few months. He simple isn’t going to get a fair chance in those exams through no fault of his own. He so wants to start college in September, to take the next step. Why is this so hard. Why is the system seemingly so keen to write him off without given him a chance.

Just a few moments walking across the desolate moors, forgetting all this, it does feel good. Sadly that feeling doesn’t last long enough. Two weeks on from that snow adventure and this schooling struggle is just getting harder and more frustrating. We could really use another snow adventure, find our own SECRET GARDEN.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 63 Comments

Fumes

Once again Hawklad was puzzled.

“What is the point of this. Will I ever need most of the stuff I’m having to learn…..”

Not much…..

Not much at all…..

Parrot fashion, trying to cram in formula after formula, memorising orders, big words, diagrams, tables, definitions.

Today it was all about learning how to calculate half-life’s. Memorising the charge, mass, ionisation, equations for alpha, beta and gamma radiation. Trying to force in the ways to calculate SIN, COSINES and TANGENT, apparently learning the abbreviation SOHCAHTOA helps with that 🤦‍♂️😱. Then it was trying to memorise chemical formula for the production of photosynthesis, respiration and I don’t know what. Finally it was trying to have a photographic recognition of the teacher annotations for various random love poems. If I see any more references to enjambment or anaphora then I’m going to scream and I’m not the one trying to learn this rubbish.

What is the point.

So when Hawklad asked, ‘Did you learn anything from school that you could use’, what could I say.

Could I honestly say lots to set me up for life then. NO. Why are we doing this to our children. Is it for them or is it for others.

I remember one glorious Chemistry A Level lesson when we spent a lovely sunny afternoon outside while the science blocked was made safe after a gas fume leak. For some reason the Fume Cupboard had failed as we undertook some mind numbingly boring experiment, so we got the rest of the day off. Bart Simpson would be so proud if some one had pulled that prank off.

So did I learn anything from school, YES.

I learnt how to disable a FUME CUPBOARD. Now that proved really useful, I just wish Hawklad could find something similar.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 47 Comments

Ok…

Thankfully looking in the opposite direction to School

School is school.

School is so school.

School is so 😱😱😱😱ing school

Support from school seemingly dwindling away. A school report that had more gaps and missing information than a Donald Trump Tax Return. But at least I had booked video slots with each teacher on the Year 11 Online Parent Evening. A chance to get feedback, to give an update on how Hawklad is doing, to plan the next few months. Teachers spending time with every parent… well all apart from one parent.

Ok….. 20 minutes from the start of the first online teacher meeting and then an automated email from the booking system…

Our meetings had all been cancelled by School……

The reason from the Head of Year

They (some of his teachers) are concerned that; because they have not seen him in school for a number of years they do not have a great deal of feedback for you.

😱@🤦‍♂️#ing unbelievable

For a start the teachers have made no effort to contact him in two years, it’s been us trying to chase them. Hawklad has been diligently completing every piece of work that appears on the online school system, sending his work in, completing every single piece of homework that appears on the system, completing the tests and papers. He’s been doing that for two years. I’m sorry but the teachers should have more than enough feedback on that. The only conclusion is that most of his work has not even been looked at by school. The blanks on his report, the lack of any teacher marking on his work provide further evidence of that. Plus surely a teacher would want to know how one of their students is doing if they are not able to see that pupil in person. What’s going well, what’s not going do well. Find out if there is anything they can help him with.

Apparently not……

So where does that leave Hawklad apart from having a school that doesn’t care. A school more than happy to pick up his state funding and then reallocate it to other budgets. A request for external support to be funded from his education funds was turned down just two months ago. The Head deemed that it wasn’t a priority for his limited budget..

So the Award winning School is down to one job now, arrange Hawklad’s exams, exam location and invigilators. That’s a nightmare to organise as a parent in this country. Even with that job school had to be forced into doing that, they clearly were considering not enrolling him for the exams. I’m trying to find out if they have even bothered talking to the Exam Board about Hawklad’s unique circumstances.

His education and exam preparation will be without school support. If school do try to help then it will be a bonus but we are not holding our breath. I will try to find ways to get him a place at a college which does not rely on these upcoming exams. If I can then I will give Hawklad the option of not sitting the exams. He really could do without the additional anxiety that this process is already starting to heap up on him. He is also at such a massive disadvantage in these exams compared to his classmates, almost like he is being set up to fail by school. Set up to fail not because of his abilities or hard work, but because he doesn’t fit the education system.

We are just 5 months from the final exams. Hawklad wants college as the next step forward in September. Maybe college in person, maybe home based. It’s all about helping him get there. Whether that’s via these pesky exams or through a Plan B, we shall see.

School doesn’t matter. They have failed Hawklad.

Hawklad matters. That’s the key.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 25 Comments

Cheese Monster

Just deleted the first attempt at writing this post. A nice, positive, happy post about School – NOT. For some reason I found myself writing far too many words with like #@#!ing or #!¥€ed or #@it. Words probably that would upset even the most relaxed Profanity Filter.

Must think relaxational music and meditational poses.

OK. Talk school another day when I’m just a little less like a seriously grumpy Honey Badger, let’s just say it was almost my Hulk Smash moment as a result of the School Parent Evening.

Time to talk Pets….

I have been conducting extensive scientific experimentation into the eating preferences of a mad dog. Everyday for 2 weeks I have put three types of food on his plate

Dog Food

Mince or Chicken (used to hide his hay fever medicine)

Cheese (used to hide his yucky dog medicine).

The results are clear. Every single time he scoffs the cheese and indirectly, medicine first. Then it’s demolish the mince or chicken. Finally and reluctantly he picks at the dog food. Clearly Captain Chaos has become a cheese monster, maybe he’s been watching too much Wallace and Gromit.

AND watching Wallace & Gromit is way more uplifting and constructively educational than Hawklad’s Useless School could ever be.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 56 Comments

76 months

It’s still muddy.

In fact a bit more muddy.

Very tempting to 76 month old puppy.

76 MONTHS. This PUP was born in the week Hawklad’s mum passed away. Isn’t that a sobering thought. Why does 76 months sound so much longer than 6 and a bit years.

Stuff has changed in those 76 months, yet other stuff is still the same. Still walking these same muddy tracks. Still trying to figure out the parenting gig. Still trying to juggle things while still trying to pay the bills. Still spending far too much time having conversations with myself. Still not get enough sleep. Still fighting the school system. Still getting post addressed to Hawklad’s mum. Still getting those feelings of guilt. Still getting those pangs of anger. Still feeling like life is on hold.

But yes, some stuff changed. 74 months ago a Mad Pup walked in and that is just about the best decision I made in those 76 months.

Any excuse for a puppy pic….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 57 Comments

MUD

Some more rain on the way.

You can never have enough MUD.

Those of a certain age like me think ‘Tiger Feet’ when MUD is mentioned.

Apparently our area is still under a DROUGHT order and we are banned from using hosepipes. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

How is it possible to lose stuff in a small bungalow. Only so many places to look and still things go missing. Maybe one day I might stumble across a goldmine of lost treasures. This time I was looking for some of mum’s cds. Now that would be a musical goldmine. Sinatra, Martin, Cash, Crosby, Davis Jnr. Where had I stored them in this small bungalow back in 2016. Absolutely no sign of them but I did come across my partners cd’s, quietly collecting dust in one hardly visited corner of this little old building. More music untouched since 2016.

Back 6 years ago those cd’s were far too painful to touch. Today I thumbed through them, without pain.

TIME heals.

With TIME things can change.

Going through these cd’s one thought kept crossing my mind. Wow she had some appalling tastes in music, well at least to an old headbanger like me. Yes there where one or two gems but wow, so much nameless dance club music. I had forgotten just how little our musical likes ever coincided.

With zero chance of most of these cds ever getting played, a decision was made to relocate them to the attic until I can get them to the charity shop.

CDs should be played and not just sit there collecting dust.

‘And not just sit there collecting dust’, thinking about it, you can apply those words to people as well. I should remember that.

,

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 77 Comments

COVID easing

At last, some negative COVID tests. Finally the taste of coffee has returned, not fully, but I can taste it now. Spicy foods are still hit and miss, the strongest of curry flavours only produce a bit of a sweet taste but zero spice. With Hawklad his messed up taste is fish related. Prior to COVID he loved fish, now apparently the taste is horrid. Most bizarre. Plus an annoying, never ending, simultaneously blocked and runny nose. But in the scheme of things, luckily a seemingly minor bump into COVID.

As a result a very quiet and isolated festive holiday so far. Hawklad could really do with more social life with friends his own age. Maybe that can come if he gets to College in September. At least meeting with people who can master the rudimentary elements of FIFA23. A game most appreciated by Hawklad during COVID. To me it’s the gaming equivalent of Nuclear Fission and completely beyond my advanced levels of muppetry. How can randomly pressing four buttons and two triggers be so hard…..

In less than a week it’s over and pesky school is back.

That’s such a sobering thought.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 52 Comments

Generosity

A touch of December icy white.

Generosity can make you smile, give you a warm feeling. Sometimes it can actually give you the giggles.

Just received an email from our much loved and very cheap (😱😱😱) electricity supplier who never ever make massive profits by charging too much…. They are running a scheme where they ask customers to cut power usage during peak times so that we as a country avoid running out of this piped electrical gold. In return customers receive a discount on the next bill.

Well the email from them did give me the giggles. See GENEROSITY even from the unusual sources is a good thing and it even took a bit of strain off the creaking GENERATORS.

£1 currently gets you 1.13 Euros, or 1.20 US Dollars, or 1.64 Canadian Dollars or 100 Indian Rupees. Living the DREAM today🤣🤣🤣🤣

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 72 Comments

Ice and virus

Yes it’s been cold here. This cold…

But now a few days of less cold weather. If it’s not going to snow then the weather can keep its pesky ice then….

Snow hasn’t called yet, but Covid finally has. Double whammy, we both caught it. Fortunately so far it’s been just cold like for Hawklad. A weird cold for me. I could almost feel like it was going round the body trying to find a weakness. Throat, then try the nose, then try the head, then the chest, then try the tummy, then try the joints, then back to the throat. Not too bad at all, just annoying.

The other weird thing for me has been TASTE. I can still taste most things but not everything. COFFEE taste missing, CURRY taste missing, CHAI TEA taste missing. It’s bizzare drinking a Coffee and tasting just water. Eating CURRY and getting nothing. I even tried a super strong curry powder I had mistakenly bought one shopping trip. Normally it would have blown my socks off, but now, NOTHING……. But again fortunately, I have started to get the faintest of coffee experiences again this evening, maybe this tasteless period is very temporary. But please tell me ……. why I lost the good tastes like COFFEE yet the horrible Chesty Cough Medicine taste is unaffected…. Maybe this is the time to try Brussels Sprouts and Beetroot, maybe this is the one time I can eat them without pulling a proper face.

So we patiently wait until the tests go negative, at this rate we are going to not get the cards sent off, especially as a two day postal strike is looming. Postal strikes, train strikes, nurse strikes, is there nothing this Corrupt Government can’t purposely screw up.

Stay safe out there, it’s a mad old world.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 40 Comments

Ronald

Still cold…..

Hawklad never fails to surprise me, to catch me off guard.

He was watching The Simpsons – during school time. Oh the bad parenting 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. In my defence, if school sent some work then Hawklad would do it…….

The Simpsons mentioned Vice President Walter Mondale and off Hawklad went, educating his often bewildered Dad. I found out about all things Mondale and then all things President Reagan. Details of Reagan’s landslide and even direct quotes from the campaign. How does he know all this stuff, how can he know the exact number of electoral votes Reagan received. I was so out of my depth with Ronald, now if it was the other Ron, Mr Weasley, then I would be much better informed.

Then the icing on the cake.

“Dad, we need to watch a Reagan movie….”

Wow that would be a first for me. All I could remember about Reagan (prior to my new in-depth briefing) was my mum quite liked him as a movie star but she could never watch his films. Dad hated him, no idea why, but Reagan was banned. So to mums thumbs up and to Dads rather choice Yorkshire scowls, it’s time to go all Reagan.

Never saw that coming on this cold Yorkshire day…….