Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Predator

Every year one of the great PREDATORS of our planet makes an appearance here. Forget your Great White Shark and your ‘don’t go into the water’ scream. Here it’s don’t go on the grass and whatever you do, Don’t Stand on one of these monsters.

Great White Sharks hunt alone, these beasts hunt in packs.

It’s not ‘You’re going to need a bigger boat’, its ‘You’re going to need a thicker shoe’.

It’s definitely an angry food….

So another morning of missing lessons and unsettling topics. Finally enough’s enough. That’s more than enough school angst for one week. For both of us. Hawklad was ordered to play on his new FIFA game (surprisingly he accepted that order without much protest). I went outside to change both blown car headlights. I know which task I would prefer to be doing…..

In the old days changing a bulb was an easy job. Open the bonnet, remove the old bulb, put in the new one. No tools required. Bask in the glory of being an official car mechanic. No need for that Mark 1 Escort Haynes Car Manual. People used to give them as Christmas Presents…..those were the days.

All those years later, all those years of technological progress and I find myself outside in the freezing Yorkshire rain. Briefed on the trials ahead via a helpful 10 minute YouTube video. A smorgasbord array of required tools crammed into my pockets. Years of progress mean that to change a car headlight bulb I now need to

– open bonnet

– unscrew and remove the front grill,

– remove the wheel arches

– remove the front bumper

– unclip the headlight unit

– remove the headlight unit

– unclip the broken bulb using a technique very similar to the sixth move of doom

– put on gloves as touching the new bulb will apparently cause a thermal nuclear explosion

– then reassemble the car…..

Unbelievably after two hours the process was completed. Ok the car might be out of diesel, it may well fall to bits the next time it’s reaches 30mph but at least the headlights are working.

Now to venture onto the lawn to pick up next doors dog’s poop. Yes I will be entering the land of the predator. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Anxiety

Today it is wet. Very wet. Zero views. So let’s remind ourselves of what a blue sky can look like….

Two hours later it was raining. And it hasn’t stopped.

Every single day ANXIETY is debilitating for Hawklad. We try to make progress and yes progress is being made in some areas. But we can’t ignore that in other areas his anxieties are getting worse. The ultimate aim we have labelled as rebuilding bridges. To be brutally honest we haven’t even established the foundations yet. Those bridges aren’t appearing any time soon.

So we try to manage daily life. Try to manage the school at home project. Learning has to be made supportive and enjoyable. Hawklad loves History. Sadly he doesn’t love School History. Normally I can ask him any historical question and his face lights up. Why can’t school do this. It’s all in the question. Here’s a question from the test he had to sit today.

The answer was a half of a preserved human kidney. The other half apparently had been fried up and eaten. It kinda sums up the last 3 months of teaching.

There is a thought I can’t get out of my head.

Is school ever going to be compatible with Hawklad’s well-being.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Sky

Red sky at night….

What kinda day will it herald in tomorrow.

Hopefully a better school at home day. Today has not been great but reflective of how things are going this term,

Lesson 1 – PE. Zero communication. Last year tasks were set for those at home. Garden challenges. Fitness videos to try out. Drills to improve sporting skills. It worked. Unfortunately nothing so far this term. So today’s PE lesson was taking the dog for a walk , then eating breakfast…..

Lesson 2 – History. Revision videos to watch, all focusing on the crimes of Jack the Ripper and forensic science. Hawklad’s anxiety levels rising.

Lesson 3 – Science. Exam questions on Disease, Heart Defects and Serious Illness. Hawklad unable to complete lesson due to anxiety levels spiking.

Lesson 4 – IT. Nothing. He ended up wading through the mountains of homework set in Religious Education.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better school day.

T

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 26 Comments

Way forward

Who needs a shower when you can walk through an autumnal Yorkshire meadow. The sun might be out but it’s wet. Very wet.

Who would have thought it. THOR with shorts on walking across that very field 😂😂😂 Much waxing needed 😱😱😱😱

Apparently The Government believes that 100,000 children currently off school as a result of Covid is far too many. Letters are being issued to many parents about the need for children to be in school. If parents don’t cooperate then they will be ‘officially assisted’ in getting their children back. I’m sorry but there is a pandemic on. Maybe if those in charge had made schools safer rather than just remove all the requirements for masks and social distancing, then far less kids would have ended up catching Covid.

So this morning I listened to the Government talk about parents again. They should listen to the official message. Do the decent, patriotic thing and believe in what the Government tells them. Schools are safe, send your kids into class. Even if there is underlying health conditions or covid in the household or a covid outbreak in the classroom, kids must be sent in.

Ok…

Hairy Thor can see a slight problem with that. I remember just a few months ago. One Monday morning. The Government was telling parents schools were completely safe. They wrote to schools to instruct them to stay open. Letters were issued talking of the legal consequences of keeping children off school. Headteachers and Parents were threatened that Monday Morning. So schools stayed open. Kids were sent into school. Then just 12 hours later, that very same Monday, after a day of repeated official untruths, The Government CLOSED all schools. Suddenly schools had become a serious vector of pandemic spread. They were apparently not safe after all. How many children, teachers, support staff, parents and grandparents ended up catching Covid needlessly that day…..

I had a long talk with Hawklad. We agreed that regardless of his anxiety levels, he will NOT return until classrooms in his school are safer. That helps with his mindset as well. He was feeling under pressure to return too soon. Let’s see how is mindset is at the end of October.

The path is clearer.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 52 Comments

Reasons

There is something about this time of year. It just keeps on producing the most amazing mist covered skies. Almost as if the sky was an old watercolour art work.

We will ignore the absolutely sodden feet. Something about this time of year and wet socks as well….

The school term is well underway and finally a few subjects are providing some home materials for Hawklad. Certainly not the entire lesson but at least it’s something. One teacher even marked some work he had submitted and provided feedback. That’s a real start. But it all seems pretty disjointed and I get a sinking feeling – he is falling behind those in class. But at least it’s improving. I wonder if there is another reason for that.

Under the new Government Rules schools don’t notify parents if there are any in-class Covid cases. Lessons continue as normal without any additional precautions. Direct contacts with confirmed cases are NOT asked to isolate. It’s out of Headteachers hands now, external officials control the process. Those officials will not intervene until the number of cases escalate beyond thresholds set by the Government. So parents are kept in the dark and apparently should assume there is no news. Schools are completely safe.

Well a teacher accidentally let the cat out of the bag today with a stray email. The email talked about those unable to attend class due to having tested positive. In Hawklad’s class of 30 pupils, 6 are currently suffering with Covid. Those pupils sitting next to a confirmed case (that’s sat for hours, shoulder to shoulder with someone with Covid) are not traced. Mid last week all in the class had been given the all clear after the quick self testing process. A testing process which is not compulsory.

So I guess the reason for the improved home workload might just be that a sizeable proportion of the school are off…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 46 Comments

Longest

You know summer has gone when you return from an evening mad dog walk and you opt for a hot chocolate rather than a cold drink. Tonight was back to back drinks, that’s proper chilly.

“Dad we should go for a really long walk. Take Captain Chaos with us.”

That’s a big call for Hawklad. That might mean lots of gates to navigate without touching, increases the risk of meeting others. Needs to be carefully mapped out and planned. So maybe we could try to walk a bit further on the evening walk. It’s definitely quiet and I know exactly where the gates are.

Maybe he is thinking about building bridges. Getting use to being out in the big bad world again.

“No Dad we need to go much further but definitely when it’s quiet. It’s nothing to do with meeting people again.”

Ok then we might need to get up at dawn. Does he want to go anywhere in particular.

Apparently not. He just wants a long walk. Maybe it’s just a fitness thing. Maybe he thinks the four legged one needs more exercise.

Apparently not as well. So why does he want the long walk. Actually he wants his longest ever walk.

“It’s really about you Dad”

Oh I never saw that coming. Is he thinking I need to get out more. Maybe start hill walking again.

“No Dad. I was thinking this afternoon about my longest ever. Do you remember it. You took me when I had just started school for a short walk on the army land. You got lost and didn’t bother bringing a map because you didn’t need one. 5 hours later we got back to the car. Do you remember it rained and I didn’t have my coat as you said that I didn’t need one. We didn’t have any food or water. At one stage a soldier told us get back on the path”

Oh yes I remember that….

“I was thinking that my longest ever walk should have a purpose and not just be about my Dad being a muppet.”

He knows me to well……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Crime and punishment

The sun sets on another day. Closer to another school at home week. Yes that’s right – no return to the classroom yet. Actually that might not be such a bad thing.

I’ve mentioned this before but I find some of the syllabus just completely baffling.

Hawklad loves History. He really loves History. I’ve never seen him ever find History anything other than awesome. He has a passion for it. Until now. Until the School History Programme. One third of the course is on Crime and Punishment. So far he has spent weeks learning about Jack The Ripper, Victorian violent crime and Capital Punishment. He has months more of this to come.

Yesterday Hawklad said that he was finding this all seriously disturbing. It was making him really anxious and stressed out. A few phrases struck home

“I found some of the images really disturbing.”

“Some of the crime descriptions and autopsy details I just can’t get out of my mind.”

“It’s putting me off History…..”

This is school history, it’s not criminology, it’s not a Stephen King Horror Novel. I know history will often have to cover really distressing topics but does that really have to include graphic details about a notorious serial killers crimes. Yes they are graphic….. Of all the history in the world to go for and the Authorities had to pick this. I know the Government has a bit of a fetish about Victorian times. They like to hark back to ‘good old’ Victorian Values. Why… Is it about the unrestrained power of the rich that is appealing or is it the downtrodden lifestyles of those without. Maybe it’s those in charge liking the idea of having Victorian punishment regimes at their finger tips. But whatever the reason, do we really have to suck our children’s education into this area as well.

“It’s putting me of History”. A subject he loves. Not on my watch…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 54 Comments

As good as it’s got

It’s been a funny old summer. Most odd. For some reason the only thing growing here has been weeds and the lawn. Actually it was a spectacular year for nettles.

In terms of garden produce this is about as good as it’s got.

Is this it. Is this as good as it gets.

My hopes and dreams would definitely say NO, so much more to come. The tired mind and body today might give a different answer. Sometimes I feel stuck. Caught in an endless loop. Two steps forward then two steps back. No clear route to my dreams. Lots of effort and then a few weeks later I’m still stood in the same place.

But then I drag my body to the back fence and I look at a particular tree. A tree that had come to represent so much in my life. A tree that is battered and bruised. Storm after storm. A couple of direct lightning strikes to boot. Once accidentally hit by a farm tractor.

Definitely a lob sided tree, stood alone on an exposed hill.

Yet it’s still here. It still stands proud. Every day I can see it in the distance.

One day maybe the rainbow will land on that tree. It certainly deserves that.

So yes I might be tired and frustrated today but that tree has reminded me to keep going. Change might not come today, but tomorrow is not set in stone. It could just happen. Hopes and Dreams most definitely still in play.

Is this it. Is this as good as it gets. LETS SEE ABOUT THAT.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

New

If I keep my eyes open on the mad dog walk, I always discover something new…

So another school at home day. The pattern seems set. For each lesson something appears on the school system which can be accessed remotely. Maybe a one page document to read. Maybe a few random questions. Maybe a link to something on the web but with no signposts about why he is visiting the site. Maybe an unclear project. Whatever it is there are no instructions, no timescales, no indication of what is expected. We don’t even know if Hawklad is expected to return any work. No contact from any teacher.

So if he finishes within a few minutes what does Hawklad do for the remaining hour or so of the lesson. If he submits any work will it be even looked at.

Maybe the teachers are distracted by other issues but it does increasingly feel like school has given up on Hawklad.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 31 Comments

Monday Mornings are a pain

The farm fields are now ploughed. The Autumn School Term has started. So the early alarm calls have heralded even less sleep. Another week of school at home. I had forgotten the frustrations. Hawklad hanging around for stuff to do. The time lost searching for files and waiting for teachers to respond to queries. Trying to find the right colour pen and then one that actually works. Trying to filter out areas that might spike Hawklad’s anxieties. Then watching the online system and Microsoft Teams crash.

Oh how have we missed this….

I needed to de-stress. So it’s time for MINDFULNESS. Somedays it’s works, other days not so. Today’s free mediation video was different. Lie down on the floor. Relax the body. Clear the mind. Slow the breathing down. So far so good. But then the slightly intimidating Hannibal Lector voice tells me to focus on my right foot – how does it feel. Then my right leg. Then my left leg. How is my abdomen feeling. Then my tummy. What are they feeling, what is the sensation. Then my back, my chest, my shoulders, my arms, my hands. Finally my mouth, my nose, my ears my eyes and the top of my head. I should be calm and relaxed now. Well that’s what Hannibal said….

Well to me not so. I remembered stubbing my toe, my toe hurts. I remembered my knee I had overstretched during that morning weight training session. I felt my IBS playing up, I noticed by tummy feeling bloated. My back was definitely stiff. My left shoulder which has been dislocated several times was sore. I could feel the finger I had burnt cooking, I could feel the paper cut on my thumb. I found an annoying bit of food between my teeth. My ear was itchy. AND my left buttock had gone to sleep on the hard floor. Basically my body hurts, pointing that out Hannibal, how is that supposed to relax me. Seriously.

Yes Mondays are painful.