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Purple

Still some flower action here in October.

I remember sitting in small meeting room as a Doctor and a Psychologist talked through Aspergers. How would it effect the future and parenting. A word that kept being mentioned was COMORBIDITY. Aspergers frequently co-exists with other additional conditions. It all depends on the individual. Sometimes you can work on one piece of the jigsaw, other times you have to look at the bigger picture.

Dyslexia, ADHD, Dyspraxia, OCD.

But the single most life affecting word

ANXIETY.

Social anxieties, health anxieties, anxieties.

It’s a constant struggle for Hawklad. The struggle is much harder during a pandemic. More anxieties all around him. But it’s not just about focusing on covid fears. As he briefly gets on top of one anxiety, another one takes over. Last night he struggled with

– infection fears,

– wider health fears,

– fears about touching surfaces and objects,

– return to school anxieties,

– anxieties about random lights in the sky,

– unexplained noises,

– eating anxieties,

– pet anxieties,

– school work,

– meeting strangers,

– life in general.

It’s a constant struggle. Reassuring, trying to manage the environment, talking. Some things the parent can help with but it’s Hawklad’s battle. Somethings need input from experts like Psychologist. Somethings just need a bit of help from life. Some fears may come and go, some fears may be overcome, some fears may become stronger, new fears may appear. It could be a life long battle for him. Over time let’s hope he can develop a range of techniques and strategies to help him manage his own anxieties. The parent is getting older. Soon what support he does get will vanish from the experts. In the UK adults are expected to ‘just get on with it’. That’s Britain for you.

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Questions

Amazingly we got a marked test paper back from school. That’s a first this year.

The score was down on his usual grades for the subject but…..

its a really good score considering that some of the marking seemed extremely picky and harsh. But I guess that’s what happens after you mark so many papers at home, at night. Police Corruption is wrong, Police Detective Corruption gets full marks.

it’s a really good score given it’s a subject where the content has been anxiety inducing madness this term.

it’s a really good score given…..

Exam questions are often vaguely worded but the marking schemes are often precisely prescribed. Misinterpret the question wording and it could be zero marks. Here’s the thing, Hawklad will read a question and see the problem from his point of view. Not wrong at all, just a different interpretation. His take on the world. Teachers have often used the phrase to Hawklad ‘you read that question WRONG’. Which is odd in that I often agree with Hawklad’s take on a question. Happened in this exam, TWICE. Two questions, two zero marks. Hawklad’s answers don’t tick any of the prescribed answers or words. Yet I think Hawklad’s interpretation is completely valid. His answers were really good but dismissed as invalid.

I sometimes think in this country, children are taught how to think, not encouraged TO THINK.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 30 Comments

Morning

A brief bit of blue between the rain.

A time to pause.

This is version 2 of this post. The first was I guess similar in tone to many of my recents posts. I can summarise it in one line

Well if you don’t look at his submitted work then what is the point…..

But maybe I’m missing something. What happens if I look at the issue from a different angle.

Years ago I worked with a guy who was a right pain in the backside. He avoided work, blocked initiatives, sucked the life out of the organisation. But I got to know him. He wasn’t always like that. He was once keen, dedicated, wanted to make a difference. But years of rejection, failures, dead ends and broken promises took their toll. Eventually it changed him, drained him.

I have been hard on some of the teachers at school, as I am frustrated that Hawklad isn’t getting the support that he needs. But here’s the thing. In my country Teachers are undervalued and underpaid. They have become the whipping boys for the Government and the Media. Teachers are not allowed the freedom to teach. They are told by the Government what to teach, how to teach it and what learning sources to use. The syllabus is rammed full. They have to teach often in out dated classrooms with insufficient resources and support. Class sizes are too large often with teachers trying to teach something like 30 pupils. Teacher performance is measured purely on narrow measures set by the Government. With all this, is it any surprise that Hawklad isn’t getting the support I think he needs. Teachers are like pupils, just cogs in the system that is about the needs of the economy. It’s not about the needs and dreams of individual pupils.

No wonder that those kids who need support, don’t get it. That’s modern education in Britain.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

Jam

Traffic meltdown in Yorkshire the other day. Hawklad, Captain Chaos and Muppet Dad had to walk past a toad on the road. Proper Traffic Jam during the morning rush hour. It’s a tough modern life here……

Do you think I miss city life…..

Would I miss school at home parenting…….

Another mad day…….

An email from school informing parents that they will need to fork out for a new school iPad which will be used during teaching. Three years ago we forked out for the last one.

More school emails about highly recommended study materials which can be (they probably should say, need to be) purchased. It’s not cheap this parenting lark.

An email from a teacher. The teacher asked Hawklad to stay in touch. That’s interesting as that very teacher hasn’t yet provided any teaching resources to Hawklad at any time this term……

4 remote lessons today. One completely missing. One mostly missing, maybe 5 minutes work provided. One sent a few questions, Hawklad completed them in 30 minutes (teacher sends questions but never marks any work Hawklad submits). One sent a few documents. One very detailed learning materials sent and followed up.

Would I miss homeschooling….. Yes I would

Would I miss school running homeschooling……. Most certainly NOT.

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Slope

The long and slightly winding road. It doesn’t look much but it’s a bit of a pull up that slope. Unsurprisingly this little lane blocks quickly when the snow arrives. One day I will pick up the courage to try to sledge this all the way to the bottom. Our very own Cresta Run.

At the bottom of the slope (if I make it that far) I then need to find 2 feet of lift and aim for this gap in the hedge. If I pull that manoeuvre off then I will continue the sledge run across at least one more field. Miss the gap or get no height and it’s going to hurt. Hurt lots…..

As Hawklad points out. He will let Dad go first, clear a path and then if Dad is able to stand without medical assistance, then he will follow. It’s good to know that I still have my uses. 🤪🤪🤪🤪

As the colder, darker months fast approach some of the things that kept both of us going over the warmer months will become harder to keep going. New hobbies and new things to do are really needed. Especially as there is no immediate sign of a breakout from our ongoing family isolation. But we need to keep living. Preferably things that don’t involve pain…

I was looking on eBay for a second hand telescope to help with Astronomy as something we could do together. One to replace my very old small scope. I found a potential option. 4 hours to go on bidding and after 3 bids the price was at £30 plus delivery. That’s great for a £900 telescope. I made the offer. £35…. It was mine…. until 5 minutes before the auction closed. Two minutes later budding was at £300.. Pants. Didn’t bother seeing what it finally went for. Not this time.

But I feel better as I have done something. I’ve tried. Now what other random items can I find. What weird hobbies might open up.

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Rainbows

One rainbow makes the last 24 hours of rain worthwhile.

One day the dark times my country are experiencing under this charlatan of a leader will be over and a true rainbow will be there. I just want to give you the words of our Rogue Prime Minister yesterday live on TV. Strangely not being publicised by his friends in the media but it’s telling of his character. So telling.

“I’ve given you the most important metric, which is – never mind life expectancy, never mind, you know, cancer outcomes – look at wage growth,”

This man would happily unplug your life support to charge up his mobile phone. One day he will be history, just a really bad memory. Until he is gone then he will continue to destroy and ruin so many life’s.

As dark and as difficult as life can seem, a rainbow might just be around the corner.

Another school at home week dawns in a few hours. How long can we give this. Today Hawklad seems further than ever from a return to the classroom. I am convinced more than ever that his learning lies elsewhere. But is his call. His future. Is it better to stick in this less than ideal course until after his exams in 18 months time or is it better to twist now. On top of his anxieties he is wrestling with these thoughts. My job is to support him and to keep reminding him that as tough as it seems, that rainbow may be closer than he imagines.

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Predator

Every year one of the great PREDATORS of our planet makes an appearance here. Forget your Great White Shark and your ‘don’t go into the water’ scream. Here it’s don’t go on the grass and whatever you do, Don’t Stand on one of these monsters.

Great White Sharks hunt alone, these beasts hunt in packs.

It’s not ‘You’re going to need a bigger boat’, its ‘You’re going to need a thicker shoe’.

It’s definitely an angry food….

So another morning of missing lessons and unsettling topics. Finally enough’s enough. That’s more than enough school angst for one week. For both of us. Hawklad was ordered to play on his new FIFA game (surprisingly he accepted that order without much protest). I went outside to change both blown car headlights. I know which task I would prefer to be doing…..

In the old days changing a bulb was an easy job. Open the bonnet, remove the old bulb, put in the new one. No tools required. Bask in the glory of being an official car mechanic. No need for that Mark 1 Escort Haynes Car Manual. People used to give them as Christmas Presents…..those were the days.

All those years later, all those years of technological progress and I find myself outside in the freezing Yorkshire rain. Briefed on the trials ahead via a helpful 10 minute YouTube video. A smorgasbord array of required tools crammed into my pockets. Years of progress mean that to change a car headlight bulb I now need to

– open bonnet

– unscrew and remove the front grill,

– remove the wheel arches

– remove the front bumper

– unclip the headlight unit

– remove the headlight unit

– unclip the broken bulb using a technique very similar to the sixth move of doom

– put on gloves as touching the new bulb will apparently cause a thermal nuclear explosion

– then reassemble the car…..

Unbelievably after two hours the process was completed. Ok the car might be out of diesel, it may well fall to bits the next time it’s reaches 30mph but at least the headlights are working.

Now to venture onto the lawn to pick up next doors dog’s poop. Yes I will be entering the land of the predator. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Anxiety

Today it is wet. Very wet. Zero views. So let’s remind ourselves of what a blue sky can look like….

Two hours later it was raining. And it hasn’t stopped.

Every single day ANXIETY is debilitating for Hawklad. We try to make progress and yes progress is being made in some areas. But we can’t ignore that in other areas his anxieties are getting worse. The ultimate aim we have labelled as rebuilding bridges. To be brutally honest we haven’t even established the foundations yet. Those bridges aren’t appearing any time soon.

So we try to manage daily life. Try to manage the school at home project. Learning has to be made supportive and enjoyable. Hawklad loves History. Sadly he doesn’t love School History. Normally I can ask him any historical question and his face lights up. Why can’t school do this. It’s all in the question. Here’s a question from the test he had to sit today.

The answer was a half of a preserved human kidney. The other half apparently had been fried up and eaten. It kinda sums up the last 3 months of teaching.

There is a thought I can’t get out of my head.

Is school ever going to be compatible with Hawklad’s well-being.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Sky

Red sky at night….

What kinda day will it herald in tomorrow.

Hopefully a better school at home day. Today has not been great but reflective of how things are going this term,

Lesson 1 – PE. Zero communication. Last year tasks were set for those at home. Garden challenges. Fitness videos to try out. Drills to improve sporting skills. It worked. Unfortunately nothing so far this term. So today’s PE lesson was taking the dog for a walk , then eating breakfast…..

Lesson 2 – History. Revision videos to watch, all focusing on the crimes of Jack the Ripper and forensic science. Hawklad’s anxiety levels rising.

Lesson 3 – Science. Exam questions on Disease, Heart Defects and Serious Illness. Hawklad unable to complete lesson due to anxiety levels spiking.

Lesson 4 – IT. Nothing. He ended up wading through the mountains of homework set in Religious Education.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better school day.

T

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Way forward

Who needs a shower when you can walk through an autumnal Yorkshire meadow. The sun might be out but it’s wet. Very wet.

Who would have thought it. THOR with shorts on walking across that very field 😂😂😂 Much waxing needed 😱😱😱😱

Apparently The Government believes that 100,000 children currently off school as a result of Covid is far too many. Letters are being issued to many parents about the need for children to be in school. If parents don’t cooperate then they will be ‘officially assisted’ in getting their children back. I’m sorry but there is a pandemic on. Maybe if those in charge had made schools safer rather than just remove all the requirements for masks and social distancing, then far less kids would have ended up catching Covid.

So this morning I listened to the Government talk about parents again. They should listen to the official message. Do the decent, patriotic thing and believe in what the Government tells them. Schools are safe, send your kids into class. Even if there is underlying health conditions or covid in the household or a covid outbreak in the classroom, kids must be sent in.

Ok…

Hairy Thor can see a slight problem with that. I remember just a few months ago. One Monday morning. The Government was telling parents schools were completely safe. They wrote to schools to instruct them to stay open. Letters were issued talking of the legal consequences of keeping children off school. Headteachers and Parents were threatened that Monday Morning. So schools stayed open. Kids were sent into school. Then just 12 hours later, that very same Monday, after a day of repeated official untruths, The Government CLOSED all schools. Suddenly schools had become a serious vector of pandemic spread. They were apparently not safe after all. How many children, teachers, support staff, parents and grandparents ended up catching Covid needlessly that day…..

I had a long talk with Hawklad. We agreed that regardless of his anxiety levels, he will NOT return until classrooms in his school are safer. That helps with his mindset as well. He was feeling under pressure to return too soon. Let’s see how is mindset is at the end of October.

The path is clearer.