Whisper it. It almost feels like summer here in Yorkshire. Warm, dry, traffic jams, the shops are sold out of strawberries and watermelons. Yep it must be summer here.
So next steps….
This morning Hawklad mentioned that he is now aiming to return to school at the start of September. If he can’t go back then he will go for full homeschooling.
Today in the summer sun we tried a day time walk. The first day time walk for Hawklad in over a year. A carefully selected walk. Quiet. Rarely visited. Across farm land. It was a success. An hour walk completed. Ok not another human encountered but it is another step forward.
So we have less than 3 months to see if we can build Hawklad from deserted walks to being crammed in a classroom with 30 plus other students and teachers. That’s a tough ask. So little time to take so many steps forward.
The end of the school half term. To sum up the last 7 weeks of school at home –
The support is rapidly drying up.
More lessons passing without much support for Hawklad. His work isn’t getting marked in most cases. Increasingly we are having to decide on the areas studied. Whether they are in line with what his class are covering, we have largely no idea. The year exams start as soon as the school returns from the week off. We still don’t know the arrangements for Hawklad. We don’t even know the detailed exam timetable.
Definitely feels like we are getting cut adrift. The support we battled to get for him a few years back has largely been removed due to wider commission decisions, not on individual case circumstances. He’s supposed to see a paediatrician every 6 months but due to cut backs in service and a pandemic, it’s now been over 3 years since his last review. The local council keep putting off his annual education review, again the last one was nearly 3 years ago. School do not provide any additional in class support p.
Maybe it’s partly single parenting and sometimes I get to feel really isolated – but it certainly feels like our family is being cut adrift. Sadly that’s what happens with the vast majority of Autistic and Asperger teenagers. Cut adrift.
I’m picking up the courage. The courage to go outside and do some gardening. I have pile of seeds that need planting. I’ve kept putting that off for weeks now. To wet, not enough sun, frosts at night. Problem is that April has gone. Now May is almost left us as well. Our short growing season is getting very short. I did plant some stuff at the start of April but even that has struggled. Plants appeared then stopped growing.
The only exception is one solitary potato plant in a bucket. That one is getting on with growing in this cold weather. I have high hopes for that plant. That plant feels like a winner.
It’s just about making the most of things I guess.
Next week is the school half term week off. Then it’s the school’s year exams. At present we just don’t know how they will work for us. With Hawklad currently being unable to get into school, it makes sitting exams problematic. We have no idea what the plan is. Do school send the papers to us. Does he do them online. At the same time as the other pupils. Or does he do them at a later stage. Does he even sit them. From what I can gather some of the subjects have been sitting practice exams over the last couple of weeks. Hawklad hasn’t…..
For Hawklad it’s just about making the most of things. Getting through to the summer and then it’s decision time. Can he return to school. If he can then is it best for him to learn in the school system or go it alone. Getting on with things regardless of the weather.
When I first moved into the village all those years ago I remember going for a walk. No map, no real idea where I was heading. Just went to explore the new locality. Near the farm track in the photo is a path. On that first walk I followed that path. It looked like it was going to take me in roughly the right direction. But with no map I couldn’t check. Guess what. It went in the wrong direction. I got lost and it took me hours to get back home.
Hawklad has been submitting homework studiously all school year. He’s hardly had any marks or feedback returned. He’s been asking me to check his work as he just wasn’t sure how he was doing.
This morning out of the blue he received a very brief teacher comment about a piece of work submitted last week. The first feedback from this teacher in over a year. The comment simply said ‘Spot on’….
Here’s the problem. I had checked that work and it was good but it had mistakes. Some big mistakes. I had sat down with Hawklad to show him where he was right and where he was not so right. We talked through ways to answer those areas better. That’s feedback. I’m sorry but ‘Spot on’ doesn’t help Hawklad. He could end up going into exams doing some things the wrong way. Yes provide praise and reassurance but please also give tips to improve…..
It’s nearly 1pm. I need to pinch myself. Is it really a school day. School at home day. So far absolutely nothing from school this week. No lesson material, no assigned work, no idea what the class is doing. Nothing. That’s three blank lessons so far.
It’s been that quiet we even checked to make sure we hadn’t got the dates wrong and school is on holiday. But no, it’s a full school day.
“What shall I do Dad then….”
Well as we have no idea what his class was doing. No idea even what subjects the class was looking at. It’s a blank sheet of paper. A good chance for Hawklad to set the agenda. Take control of what he learns. So I said what any self respecting Dad would say.
Well Son you can go and wash my car……
“No Dad. What school work shall I do.”
What one subject do you most want to learn about.
“History, definitely history. Second World War.”
Ok spend the morning indulging yourself in the that. And when you finish. You can get off your backside, go outside and clean my car 😂😂😂
***********
And that’s what he did. He studied the Nuremberg War Trials. He so far hasn’t got round to cleaning my car. But here’s the problem. He’s taller than me so I can’t really put my foot down anymore. I might just have to do that job myself.
Couple of burning questions from today’s school at home project.
1) Of all the subjects Hawklad has to take this year, two stand out as the strictest. The subjects in question are Art and Religious Education. Today’s message from the RE Teacher. You have to do your RE homework. If it’s not completed by the start of the next lesson, in full and to a high enough standard, then you will receive the appropriate penalty.
I’m sorry that approach won’t work with Hawklad. Stress him out and you have lost his focus. He ain’t going to learn like that.
2) Unusually school has sent work today for Hawklad. But here’s the thing. Hawklad is struggling with severe anxieties relating to health fears. So what was the work they sent….. Research heart disease. Watch a video about someone having a heart attack. Read about other common causes of death…..
Yes it’s another one of those massive, multi lane Yorkshire motorways.
We are a couple of weeks into the start of trying to help Hawklad build bridges back towards the wider world again. It started with us taking the mad dog for a walk at night. Nighttime as it would be quiet with no other people out and about. Small steps in breaking out of walls that surround our little house and garden. The isolation which started 15 months ago.
We quickly realised that actually it’s always pretty quiet here, not just at night. So we started going for the walk a little earlier. Now nearer 7pm. Guess what. We still hardly see another soul. Currently that’s perfect for Hawklad. Very rarely we see a farmer or another dog walker. When that happens Hawklad immediately turns on his heels and heads quickly home in the opposite direction.
The other thing is that Hawklad doesn’t like to walk on the path. Just doesn’t feel comfortable doing that. So we walk on the road. Our massive and very busy road….
Well you can see just how big our road is. Just how busy it really is can be gauged on one fact. We have been walking every night straight down the middle of the road. Not once have we encountered a vehicle. The road is ours….
That’s such a cool feel. Such a cool feel for both of us. I can concentrate fully on talking and in the quiet bits, on dreaming.
The first thunderstorm of the season and wow it was a big one. They don’t often get this close, usually the follow the river out to see. This one headed straight over head.
As a child I loved thunderstorms. Would sit outside and watch the free show.
It’s different now. Hawklad hates them. They add a level of unwanted unpredictability into his world. Something he can do without. So now I wish they quickly pass by but a part of me still loves the excitement they bring. But got to adapt. Have to be mindful.
Sadly being mindful doesn’t seem to be a universal quality. Going back to my childhood I remember a kid in my class who was petrified of lightning. One day a storm passed over the school and he freaked out. The teacher simple dragged him out of class and made him stand in the playground. Tough medicine….. At the same school I was petrified of water. On my first swimming lesson I refused to get into the pool , so the instructor pushed me in. Tough medicine.
A different time but still no wrong.
Sadly it still goes on. I’ve seen it in some teachers and parents and how they ‘care’ for some pupils. How they have reacted to Hawklad. Maybe not as obvious but it still happens. Some children have problems with the texture, taste or look of certain foods. Hawklad just won’t try certain foods. But I still hear the old approach ‘well just let him starve, he will get hungryand he will eventually eat the food item’.
Hawklad struggles with meeting new people. He needs to sit with people he feels comfortable with. Change that and he can freeze up. When teachers become aware of it some work round it, are supportive. Yet other teachers insist on randomly switching who sits next to him as this will be good for him.
When he was struggling to get his head round Aspergers and what it meant to him, he went through a phase of trying to hide. Always have a hood pulled over his head. Hide in corners. School brought in an ‘expert’, a ‘school psychologist’ who recommended that he should do a presentation to the class about Aspergers. Tell his classmates why he was ‘different’. Anybody who spends anytime with Hawklad will know that is no different than just pushing someone petrified of water into a 4 ft deep pool.
As a society we kid ourselves about just how inclusive and developed we are. Some amongst definitely are sadly too many are simply not. Today I heard a Government Minister talk about some children needing TOUGH MEDICINE. The years might pass but certain countries are REGRESSING.
Have we transitioned to home schooling without thinking.
Another week of family lockdown. Another week of school at home. But things are changing. Increasing amounts of the school day being unsupported. Yes a couple of lessons still try to provide good teaching support but…… The other subjects provide support which is at best patchy and often not there at all.
So what are the scores on the school doors this week….
Lessons this week 20
4 lessons well supported
7 lessons providing a little support, enough to allow us to try and fill in the missing sections
9 lessons absolutely NO support, no idea what was done in the class, don’t even know which area the teacher looked at.
So the amount of classroom radio silence is creeping up every week. Some subjects have gone weeks without any feedback or guidance. Without support we are having to do our own thing. No idea if Hawklad is working on the same areas as his classmates in a range of subjects. So increasingly what he is learning is determined by him and his hapless dad, not be his teachers. That’s starting to feel like homeschooling. With no classroom return imminent, maybe we have transitioned to homeschooling by accident.
As part of the long process of helping Hawklad building bridges back to the wider world, we ventured out in the car. Further this time. In to the city. To get a take out burger.
All went well until we hit the city. More car, more people. Even though he was in the safety of the car he was on edge but willing to push on.
Finally we arrived at the burger place. You will know the one. It’s got some whopper burgers. The plan was Hawklad to stay in the car while I ventured out to get the takeout. As soon as I left the car Hawklad panicked. So plan B. The drive through. I’ve never tried one of those but they seem super cool in the movies.
We joined the queue of cars and and snaked our way towards the intercom. With excitement we finally made it to the marked intercom bay.
I started to patiently wait for the helpful voice.
“Dad what are you waiting for.”
I’m waiting for the person to speak to me,
“Dad you don’t wait you just say the order out. Come on Dad the cars behind will start to get annoyed”
####Pants so I blurted out the order. NOTHING. Is that it. Do I drive off now####
“Dad they didn’t hear you, shout the order louder”
#### So I did, really loud this time. This time Hawklad got the giggles####
“Dad you are a muppet”
####And suddenly the intercom whirled into life – ‘afternoon can I take your order’.####
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 