Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

Painful

Beautiful walk but why did I do it in shorts. Those thistles are painful on the shins.

I’m trying to work out what’s more painful

The Dentist…

OR

School…

Unusually this time it’s not physical pain with the Dentist. Just pain on the wallet. How much for no work. Here is another thing. When the Hygienist is talking like at a million miles an hour about life, the universe, homeschooling. How did she remember that I’m a single dad with Hawklad at home. When she is firing questions at me about how I’m doing…what’s school doing….. will he go back….have you seen the Bond movie….

What is the protocol for responding. Do I just nod. Do I do someform of eyelash/eyebrow morse code. Do I try to talk as she is prodding around my teeth. Do I wait and save the answers up until she has finished.

It’s all beyond me.

The pain of school……

Hawklad asked a teacher a civil question about some lesson work. The teacher’s response was much less civil. Actually very sarcastic. Basically saying ‘what’s the point answering that if you can’t be bothered to send in any homework’. Hawklad stood his ground and said that he had submitted all the work to date. Teacher came back with ‘wrong, I’ve not seen anything from you all year’. Angry Dad got involved providing screen copies of all the work submitted, in the right location. Sarcastic Dad sensing blood added a screen copy of one piece of homework which showed clearly that the very same teacher had actually marked that piece of work. The words ‘Full Marks’ with the teachers signature next to it. Eventually a sheepish teacher replied ‘I might have been a little quick with those email’s’. Righteous Dad pointed out that the teacher hadn’t bothered to mark any of the other work Hawklad had submitted……

If only it was just one subject and just one teacher that I have had a run in with this week…. Much groaning which actually was probably the sound I made trying to respond to the hygienist while she was scraping around my teeth

Yes definitely today – The pain of school is far worse…….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 45 Comments

Frustration

This week has been frustrating. So frustrating.

It’s been as tough a week that I can remember on this school at home project. Links with a number of teachers have become very strained. I bet the teachers are as desperate for the upcoming week break as we are.

Work has been a struggle. What can you do when so many are off with Covid. Not enough people still standing to cover the jobs. As much as I move the pieces around I’m always going to be short. Oh yes, sorry, apparently the pandemic is over….

My diet is a struggle. It’s a gluten and dairy free life for me at present. Yet those items are strangely unavailable at our local stores. Clearly the gluten free wagons are stuck somewhere trying to get into this brexit wonderland. I guess it’s a week of mostly jacket potatoes. I know what Matt Damon feels like in The Martian now….

Wow I need a break. But that break seems further away than ever. If only I could be Boris Johnson. Tell everyone we are in this together, take £20 a week off the poorest in our country then jump on a jet for a weeks painting and drinking at a Billionaires pad in the sun.

Dreams of a much better life are there. Stronger than ever. Just not this week. Not any time soon. Need to be patient.

Sleep. I find it’s a commodity vastly overrated but actually much needed….

And yet…..

If I just look up it’s amazing what I can find even on a 1 minute walk to the postbox.

There is always something to hold on to. There is always hope. When I focus on what really matters to me. The amazing in my life. I realise actually it’s still a wonderful life. Yes I’m ready to go again…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 25 Comments

Minecraft

The farmer doing his job.

The farmer starting to play MINECRAFT…..

I’m a simple bloke. I don’t have many talents. Not many redeeming features. It’s actually a good job that I look like a cross between George Clooney and Thor then….. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Today one of the lessons Hawklad had to work through was in an area that I’m trained in. I can actually do this. But rather than a rare chance to show off I ended up shaking my head. It was that bad that I had my first real coffee in months.

What on earth are they teaching our children….

Who is deciding on the areas to learn…..

On what planet do they think that this is the best way to learn…..

Does anyone have the faintest clue if any child is ever going to need this information…..

Basically the lesson focused on the wrong areas, was highly selective, contained inaccuracies and was out of date. The potentially interesting and useful areas basically ignored. The mundane and least worthwhile areas most definitely focused on.

Is it the teacher – Maybe, maybe not. It is the national curriculum – DEFINITELY.

I’m seriously cheesed off with education. Maybe I should join the farmer and play Minecraft. Hawklad would definitely be better off playing that computer game than wasting his time on that lesson.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

Purple

Still some flower action here in October.

I remember sitting in small meeting room as a Doctor and a Psychologist talked through Aspergers. How would it effect the future and parenting. A word that kept being mentioned was COMORBIDITY. Aspergers frequently co-exists with other additional conditions. It all depends on the individual. Sometimes you can work on one piece of the jigsaw, other times you have to look at the bigger picture.

Dyslexia, ADHD, Dyspraxia, OCD.

But the single most life affecting word

ANXIETY.

Social anxieties, health anxieties, anxieties.

It’s a constant struggle for Hawklad. The struggle is much harder during a pandemic. More anxieties all around him. But it’s not just about focusing on covid fears. As he briefly gets on top of one anxiety, another one takes over. Last night he struggled with

– infection fears,

– wider health fears,

– fears about touching surfaces and objects,

– return to school anxieties,

– anxieties about random lights in the sky,

– unexplained noises,

– eating anxieties,

– pet anxieties,

– school work,

– meeting strangers,

– life in general.

It’s a constant struggle. Reassuring, trying to manage the environment, talking. Some things the parent can help with but it’s Hawklad’s battle. Somethings need input from experts like Psychologist. Somethings just need a bit of help from life. Some fears may come and go, some fears may be overcome, some fears may become stronger, new fears may appear. It could be a life long battle for him. Over time let’s hope he can develop a range of techniques and strategies to help him manage his own anxieties. The parent is getting older. Soon what support he does get will vanish from the experts. In the UK adults are expected to ‘just get on with it’. That’s Britain for you.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 32 Comments

Cat

How am I supposed to exercise with this lump under my feet wanting his tummy tickled. How can one cat take up half of a yoga mat. Scarily that is supposed to be an apex predator. Definitely the heaviest cat in the vets practice and he is proud of it . I guess the only danger he poses to the local rodent population would be if he accidentally sat on them.

They always say eventually owners start looking like their pets.

I’m there already, well it definitely feels that way today.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Questions

Amazingly we got a marked test paper back from school. That’s a first this year.

The score was down on his usual grades for the subject but…..

its a really good score considering that some of the marking seemed extremely picky and harsh. But I guess that’s what happens after you mark so many papers at home, at night. Police Corruption is wrong, Police Detective Corruption gets full marks.

it’s a really good score given it’s a subject where the content has been anxiety inducing madness this term.

it’s a really good score given…..

Exam questions are often vaguely worded but the marking schemes are often precisely prescribed. Misinterpret the question wording and it could be zero marks. Here’s the thing, Hawklad will read a question and see the problem from his point of view. Not wrong at all, just a different interpretation. His take on the world. Teachers have often used the phrase to Hawklad ‘you read that question WRONG’. Which is odd in that I often agree with Hawklad’s take on a question. Happened in this exam, TWICE. Two questions, two zero marks. Hawklad’s answers don’t tick any of the prescribed answers or words. Yet I think Hawklad’s interpretation is completely valid. His answers were really good but dismissed as invalid.

I sometimes think in this country, children are taught how to think, not encouraged TO THINK.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 30 Comments

Morning

A brief bit of blue between the rain.

A time to pause.

This is version 2 of this post. The first was I guess similar in tone to many of my recents posts. I can summarise it in one line

Well if you don’t look at his submitted work then what is the point…..

But maybe I’m missing something. What happens if I look at the issue from a different angle.

Years ago I worked with a guy who was a right pain in the backside. He avoided work, blocked initiatives, sucked the life out of the organisation. But I got to know him. He wasn’t always like that. He was once keen, dedicated, wanted to make a difference. But years of rejection, failures, dead ends and broken promises took their toll. Eventually it changed him, drained him.

I have been hard on some of the teachers at school, as I am frustrated that Hawklad isn’t getting the support that he needs. But here’s the thing. In my country Teachers are undervalued and underpaid. They have become the whipping boys for the Government and the Media. Teachers are not allowed the freedom to teach. They are told by the Government what to teach, how to teach it and what learning sources to use. The syllabus is rammed full. They have to teach often in out dated classrooms with insufficient resources and support. Class sizes are too large often with teachers trying to teach something like 30 pupils. Teacher performance is measured purely on narrow measures set by the Government. With all this, is it any surprise that Hawklad isn’t getting the support I think he needs. Teachers are like pupils, just cogs in the system that is about the needs of the economy. It’s not about the needs and dreams of individual pupils.

No wonder that those kids who need support, don’t get it. That’s modern education in Britain.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 34 Comments

Tree

That’s a tree that deserves to be in a Lord of the Rings story.

So does this mushroom.

I wished I was in that Tolkien world this morning. Without any lesson notes or teaching guidance, Hawklad was trying to answer questions about Stoichiometry and reaction ratios. So in stepped Muppet Dad with his College Chemistry. It didn’t go well.

You know that you are seriously old when Atomic Theory has changed at least twice since you were at college.

Yep I like the sound of a world where people drop rings down big mountain holes, all without having to worry about what mass of Propane would burn in 48g of Oxygen.

And to answer your question. No Hawklad isn’t any closer to understanding this part of Chemistry. When I first started explaining I got the right answer. 13.2g. An hour later and I’m doubting my reasoning. What chance has Hawklad got when I confused myself. That is quite easily done these days.

But here’s the thing. Apart from in one exam, how many times will Hawklad come across Propane to Oxygen ratios. I bet Tolkien appears far more regularly. Maybe a course in Tolkien would be on much more use in life. It certainly will be more rewarding.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

Jam

Traffic meltdown in Yorkshire the other day. Hawklad, Captain Chaos and Muppet Dad had to walk past a toad on the road. Proper Traffic Jam during the morning rush hour. It’s a tough modern life here……

Do you think I miss city life…..

Would I miss school at home parenting…….

Another mad day…….

An email from school informing parents that they will need to fork out for a new school iPad which will be used during teaching. Three years ago we forked out for the last one.

More school emails about highly recommended study materials which can be (they probably should say, need to be) purchased. It’s not cheap this parenting lark.

An email from a teacher. The teacher asked Hawklad to stay in touch. That’s interesting as that very teacher hasn’t yet provided any teaching resources to Hawklad at any time this term……

4 remote lessons today. One completely missing. One mostly missing, maybe 5 minutes work provided. One sent a few questions, Hawklad completed them in 30 minutes (teacher sends questions but never marks any work Hawklad submits). One sent a few documents. One very detailed learning materials sent and followed up.

Would I miss homeschooling….. Yes I would

Would I miss school running homeschooling……. Most certainly NOT.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Slope

The long and slightly winding road. It doesn’t look much but it’s a bit of a pull up that slope. Unsurprisingly this little lane blocks quickly when the snow arrives. One day I will pick up the courage to try to sledge this all the way to the bottom. Our very own Cresta Run.

At the bottom of the slope (if I make it that far) I then need to find 2 feet of lift and aim for this gap in the hedge. If I pull that manoeuvre off then I will continue the sledge run across at least one more field. Miss the gap or get no height and it’s going to hurt. Hurt lots…..

As Hawklad points out. He will let Dad go first, clear a path and then if Dad is able to stand without medical assistance, then he will follow. It’s good to know that I still have my uses. 🤪🤪🤪🤪

As the colder, darker months fast approach some of the things that kept both of us going over the warmer months will become harder to keep going. New hobbies and new things to do are really needed. Especially as there is no immediate sign of a breakout from our ongoing family isolation. But we need to keep living. Preferably things that don’t involve pain…

I was looking on eBay for a second hand telescope to help with Astronomy as something we could do together. One to replace my very old small scope. I found a potential option. 4 hours to go on bidding and after 3 bids the price was at £30 plus delivery. That’s great for a £900 telescope. I made the offer. £35…. It was mine…. until 5 minutes before the auction closed. Two minutes later budding was at £300.. Pants. Didn’t bother seeing what it finally went for. Not this time.

But I feel better as I have done something. I’ve tried. Now what other random items can I find. What weird hobbies might open up.