A late afternoon wood walk. School done for the day. We both feel done in. For Hawklad it was unremittingly boring waiting for stuff from school and when the work came it was uninspiring. For me it just feels more and more as if the school system is giving up on Hawklad. More pushing up hill for less and less.
So a wood walk was much needed.
Really beautiful and quiet. Until….
Suddenly out of nowhere, what sounded like a really really big military jet. In the UK, if you have ever stood under one of those old Vulcan Bombers, something like that. The sound quickly got even deeper than a sudden huge bang. Almost felt like the trees shuck and ground shook. Then silence again.
Tonight lead story from the local city paper. The Press.
Definitely a sonic boom. We blamed it on either RAF or US military planes that fly from the local base. But here’s the ironically funny thing. Unconfirmed reports talk of THE SWISS airforce being to blame. They occasionally fly planes from the local base and two of their jets where seen in the skies just before the bang. Of all the countries in the world you would associate being spooked by, Switzerland would not feature on anyone’s list.
At least the extreme noise took our mind off school…
That’s one hardy leaf. Some would say ‘mad’. Coming out now, just before the Yorkshire winter commences. When all it’s buddies will give it another 5 months or so….
Or is that Mr Lazy Leaf. “Sorry chaps, I think I overslept, oh pants did I miss summer. Big pants, missed Autumn as well……. Anyone got a hot water bottle and a warm blanket.”
Must admit I kinda feel like that most days. Kinda feeling out of synch with life. Not been in synch for years. I’ve heard this from quite a few people who have gone through LOSS. Your time slows down (even feels like it stops) while the world keeps spinning without missing a single heartbeat. Initially I found that hard to deal with. If my world has stopped why hasn’t the world stopped, actually does it even know what’s happened.
Over time I realised that life has to keep going. Why should the world stop for one person. But even now that feeling of being out of synch still won’t go away. Maybe the more I live, the more baggage I shed then maybe, just maybe, I will start to find that synch again with the big bad world.
So yes I feel like that little green leaf is a kindred spirit.
A local government politician talking about how the covid war has been won by our brave leaders. Is it won….. When your family gets really sick with covid do you run to the brave leaders for help or to the doctors and nurses. Doctors and nurses who are now being made out to be a problem by our brave leaders.
So if the war is won then why is it that an email incorrectly formatted from a teacher revealed that 7 of the class are currently off school with that vanquished virus. Stopping schools tell parents about covid outbreaks in the classrooms are part of the war strategy which the government is employing. If it’s won then why did I get a group email from some friends with children at Hawklad’s school. An email telling people that both children are now ill with covid.
I think that local politician is either after a knighthood or is a blithering WAZZOCK…… OR Both. Wazzock is a local expression. It’s kind of a term of endearment 😳😳😳😂😂😂 But just in case best not use it next time you speak to your boss or teacher….
A brief bit of sun to lift the spirits of a tree that still stands proud after many years of weather beatings. Stood on an exposed hilltop with nothing between it and the prevailing weather systems heading across from the Atlantic. Countless storms, damaging winds and more than two direct lightning strikes.
When I need a lift, I look across the fields to this friend and it is a friend. A constant reminder of resilience. But also so much more. A reminder of what life can still mean, of beautiful dreams and new memories to be made.
A moody start to the day. Kinda sums up the school week so far. The occasional glimpse of light, a bit of hope. But mainly grey, misty with a distinct whiff of approaching stormy weather…… Best highlighted by a review test sent today covering areas that poor Hawklad had never seen before. So if it’s a review then what did the teacher base that on.
What else has Hawklad been missing out on…..
I keep hearing that companies like Amazon are getting really smart at identifying potential new selling areas. Tailoring them to the individual. Using email and search contents to drill down on what the likes of me would like to spend my money on. To target me. That being the case then why am I getting bombarded by adverts about Scuba Diving Kit. I don’t believe I’ve ever searched the subject. Never trawled through Amazon for it. Never discussed it in an email. I CANT EVEN SWIM…… I guess a diving suit might be just what I need if I go out for a night on the town. Definitely Eye catching. In fact the oxygen task and snorkel mask is also very pandemic practical. Ok actually I might give those marketing emails more a more detailed perusal…..
Soon the autumnal colours will be gone for another year. Time to batten down the hatches for winter. But there is still just about time to get out there, be a part of one of nature’s great shows.
It is a wonderful world, so many adventures still to be had.
But here’s the crazy thing. Why if it’s such a wonderful world, with endless possibilities, have I found so many excuses in the PAST to stay INSIDE so often.
A Sunday in a very quiet part of Yorkshire. A good place to think.
It’s now over 5 years since I became a widow. Where did those 5 years go. Some days it feels like a lifetime, then there are times when it only seems like yesterday. Whatever it feels like, a lot has changed over those years. I’m a changed person with a changed outlook on life (and death). There were times when I thought that was it, life was over. It was just a matter of survival. But I made it through those times and I’m ready to start experiencing what this world has to offer again. I am dreaming again. Different dreams and whisper it, bigger dreams. Maybe that’s a surprising thought. Grief has taught me how to better LIVE. Looking back, to the run up to my partner dying, my priorities were far too often skewed. Maybe I was just surviving. Taking life for granted. Going through the motions. Not looking for adventures. Already personally hemmed in, struggling. Then everything changed within two weeks. Suddenly life’s safety net was removed. I was a single parent with the established script ripped up. I didn’t realise it but I suddenly had to face up to life. Over those 5 years I had to make changes, reappraise everything. Finally decide what was truly important to me.
So as I stood looking across that peaceful graveyard I could see something which I had missed. Grief was about coming to terms with loss, coming to terms with regrets, trying to be the best parent I could be to a young child who needed me AND a process of coming back to life again.
I wonder what lies in the direction of that rainbow. Is it a pot of gold or just maybe its the best dreams ever.
That rainbow took me back several centuries to when I was at school. School had set off on a school outing. Given the rather robust nature of some of the kids at our school, we should have had a police escort to keep us in check. The trip was described as a ‘Mystery Tour’. You get on the bus and have no idea where you are going. They were popular in Yorkshire and I remember mum going on a few with her bingo chums. Dad would do his own mystery tours but usually always in the local pub for some reason.
Anyway the 4 coaches set off just after the morning roll call. One coach for each year group. There should have been 5 coaches but one complete year group spectacularly all got banned from the trip. Something to do with the Headteachers desk being set alight and the words ‘Year Group 3 waz here’ graffitied in the vicinity.
So the bus convey set off with our rust bucket at the rear. All went well for an hour until we got stuck in traffic and lost touch with the other vehicles. Here is where the plan started to unravel. The young reserve teacher had as much idea of the our final destinations as we did. Unfortunately the bus driver was equally in the dark. Apparently he was a very late substitution as well and assumed the teacher would know. His instructions had been to follow the other buses and if he lost touch, one of the other drivers would wait for him or just ask the teacher……. They BUSES DID NOT WAIT……
So we aimlessly drove around the countryside for a couple of hours. No sign of the other buses. This was an era in human history before mobile phones had been invented. The only Red Public Phone Boxes we encountered were out of order. When we did find one that was working the teacher ran out of coins waiting for the person who had answered the phone to go and locate the headteacher.
Eventually the complete mystery trip was abandoned and we headed back to school. Unfortunately soon afterwards the rust bucket bus broke down in the middle of nowhere. A kindly passing farmer helped fix the poorly bus. But it took a couple of hours. So we all sat by the side of the road and ate our packed lunches. As a rain shower passed through, a beautiful rainbow appeared over the hills. The young teacher asked the year group if they could remember the colours of the rainbow. Unfortunately some of the kids were long since past caring about education. I remember a young angelic voice booming out across the landscape.
‘F### Knows, I’m cold, I’m eff*** bored and Tommy has just tipped Vinnies Tizer all over the floor’
A fight then broke out as the chastened teacher kept his head down and ate his sandwich.
We did eventually make it back. Strangely our year group was banned from the next outing. Can’t say I was exactly upset about that when we found out where that was heading to. The beach in winter. Saltburn, otherwise known as The Yorkshire Winter Siberia…. At least we didn’t have to turn the headteacher’s desk into ashes to get out of that tropical delight.
Some blue sky is always welcome here. Ok it might only last for a couple of hours before the next rain clouds roll in, but it’s still most appreciated. Especially when the days are filled with much frustration and road blocks.
A couple of hours is enough time for a mini adventure.
Been at out home for a couple of decades now. Life has happened over that time. Seen 6 cars, 5 UK Prime Ministers, 2 Pandemics and something like 460 Simpson episodes. And now we can add 1 hidden lake.
Almost from day one the local map showed up an expanse of water on one side of the village. In all those years we never found a way to get to it. Until now. Sometimes you just have to live on the edge. Be a rebel without a cause or maybe without a clue. Time to ignore some PRIVATE signs. Pay back for a tractor dropping mud outside our garden gate over all those years. Jump a few farm fences and finally get to see the Hidden Lake. It might have only lasted for a few minutes but it was worth it. It’s good to have adventures some days.
Too dark inside and out for the old iPhone camera, it did its best…..
Rain, rain, rain with some added rain today.
Roads starting to become streams.
After a super wet walk it’s time for most definitely indoor exercise. Time for yoga. But as I have shown you before indoor, yoga, a yoga mat and a big boy cat don’t really go well together.
First of all, how can one cat take up the whole mat. Second how am I supposed to perform any sort of balletic move with that fella between my legs…..
But today that feline apex predator was distracted. His focus drifted from the ‘funny chubby chap who feeds me’ to the yoga instructor on the iPad. That was it, he was hooked. I think the boy cat likes Adriene. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 