If I don’t look will it go away…

Today in the post we got a Car Tax Reminder. Also the final notice for the House Insurance. That adds to the pile of bills on the desk. If I don’t look at the bills will they go away…

The side panel on the car is coming loose. If I drive over 30mph it starts to knock. The car is covered in a layer of mud – it should have a beautiful complexion when it’s cleaned. The inside of the car resembles a skip. If I don’t look at the car…

Son badly needs a haircut. It’s a combination of Shaggy and Cousin It. His school clothes are a little small for him now. Its the great end of school year parent dilemma – pay for new ones or battle on with the old. If I don’t look at his hair and his school uniform…

The chimney pot has a plant growing out of the top of it. When I say plant it’s big enough to be a sapling. No idea how I will get onto the roof to deal with it. If I don’t look at the roof…

On the desk I have another report to complete for our son. 32 pages. 52 different questions. Health and Education evidence required. If I don’t look at the report…

The garden looks like a jungle. A really unkempt one. The grass is that long the dog now disappears when he goes out for his morning constitutional. At least it hides the fresh mole hills. Nettles have taken over the borders. The weeds under the trampoline are now touching the mat. Could make the next bouncing session interesting. If I don’t look at the garden…

The washing is piling up. I always wanted to climb Everest. Well at this rate I might get the opportunity. Ok I probably imagined a slightly less wiffy Everest and one with not so many sock avalanches. If I don’t look at the washing…

The house is a battleground. Most of the curtains have been shredded by the cat(s). When I say curtains I could say sofa, beds, chairs, wallpaper, carpets, cushions. Most of the wood in the house has been chewed by the dog. Given the amount of wood in the house it kinda makes a dog heaven and a house which is becoming increasingly structurally unsound. Thats before we factor in the agents of doom – the Gerbils. If I don’t look at the house…

If I don’t look will that mad dog stop looking at me…

86 thoughts on “Don’t look

  1. Hi,

    I’ve come across your blog a few times. I know it may come across as meaningless but sorry for your loss. Sorry you are going through this.

    A good point I noticed was that most if not all the things you mention are fixable. I guess the downside is they are all things that need keeping up with. I’m thinking of what Simone de Beauvoir said about housework that no sooner have you done it but you have to do it again. I went in a Buddhist temple today and it was immaculately clean and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they keep it that way.

    Sorry if my comment is unwanted.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Take your life back, one area, one chore at a time.

    About a year ago, struggling with some health issues as well as increasing work, I began to let go of the care and maintenance of the home. While it was still clean and relatively neat, due to my problems, I had begun relegating too much to the BEFORE CHRISTMAS clean up. As a result, last Christmas took the life out of me and most of the joy out of the kids.

    I began to get upset with my increasing ‘laziness’ but couldn’t find the will to do something about it – there was so much to be done and the hours at home just weren’t enough.

    One day, I heard a voice tell me, One chore a day. It meant that in addition to the daily home schedule I keep, I had to discipline myself to one extra thing to be done.

    For me, even as health and work issues chipped away at me, it meant it was time I fought back to take back the life that was mine.

    As the malaise had set in too deep, it took some time for me to get into battle mode. But I’m finally there, fighting to regain my old discipline.

    Even as you grieve and mourn and struggle, every day, you must have those Fight Hours. Get your boy in the battle ring with you over the lawn, the laundry etc.

    Fight Hours are as much for you as they are for your son.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. I clean, hubby walks out with slippers on, and back in. Floor dirty, brings in leaves. Colors his hair, and puts his hands everywhere. Can’t get those stains out. Ribs up the upholstery when getting up from a recliner. He has an electric one $1,000. Cuts everything on the counter not on a board. Leaves everything around him on the floor. Just to name a couple. 🤒

        Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s ok, I’m sure you know, everybody asks that, lol. Doing better. I’ve stopped crying randomly and started trying to focus on the good stuff. And get caught up on blog stuff, house stuff, personal stuff etc…all the stuff 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Nope lol but what the eye dies ‘t see the heart dues ‘t grieve over lol. We do have someone who does the garde. Occasionally but hubby is I. A wheelchair too so not able to do too much. He can cook though so we don’t go hungry lol

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You ever get that feeling there is something horrible sneaking up behind you while you are sitting down all alone?

    Don’t look behind you! 😉

    When do your school hols start??

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aye well, Maybe cat should surprise him by shoving thon mobile denner plate in his gub. (I was awfie polite there, re the word gub here in Scotland.) I hear Everest now costs an arm and a leg to climb before you even put a foot on the lowest reaches there which would induce more stress. But that does not mean there’s not other places where cat can’t climb and just maybe face a few things down. Not for good. Just to get to another day x


      2. A person I know climbed Everest but luckily he got other people to lay for it. Maybe I should build one in my garden and charge climbers for the pleasure. Would be a good use of all that soil the moles keep leaving for me. Another day is always a start. xx


  4. I’m so guilty of that sort of “don’t look” behavior. I believe it’s quite common. Though because I’m autistic it gets pathologised into “avoidant behavior”.
    Not wanting to give unsolicited advice but just concentrate on the immediate “if I don’t pay this, the bailiffs will be round/if I don’t fix this someone will die” urgent things first.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. I’d go with the one chore a day, starting with the washing as the days as dry and sunny and you can get it out on the line…….. er, do you have a washing line?
    Car Tax…… can you pay by installments?
    School uniform…………. for different reasons, I used to get trousers and shirts from a charity shop. I doubt if your school has a second hand cupboard which is how I got my compulsory yellow dress and blazer for the summer as my sister and I overlapped by a year and Mum and Dad couldn’t afford to buy me new. After she left, I had her handmedowns.
    Things can get on top of and away from you, but you’ll get there.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Trying my attempt at rhyming poetry via Rory. And I would like you to pick up the baton please. Hope that you have fun with it and enjoy. And I look the other way all the time. If you saw the cesspool that was T’s room you would feel better I swear. I cleaned out plates and cups from his room yesterday. Threw away a bowl covered in mold and a glass that peanuts had become glued with I don’t know what. There was a peach pit-mold. 2 cups that had mold growing on top of the coffee. Did you know that mold does not disintegrate when you run water over it? No it lays there all slimy and wavy like an eel. I was dry heaving as I was attempting to clean and then I had to pick it up and toss in the garbage because it would not go down the drain. Until the mold takes over you are doing just great. Hugs 🙂


      1. Hence the dry heaving and general shrieking ‘OMFG ARE YOU F******* KIDDING ME? OMG OMG OMG! IT MOVED ARGHHHHHHH!’ might be a tad overdramatic but you get it. 😂😂😂😂


  7. Oh, yes – I can relate to the pile of “Just don’t look at it and it will all go away.” I’m still waiting for it too as well. Especially the cat who continues to just stare at me – ALL NIGHT LONG. It was also very unnerving for me to learn that her wagging her tail means something different than when the dog wags its tail at me. As she stares….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep that spooked me when I found out a similar thing. If you stare at the dog his tail goes into overdrive then he looks away. The boy cat just constantly looks vacant – proper child of the 60s. The girl cat (god bless her) would fix you for hours – definitely the apex predator.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Piles of undone things are only overwhelming when you look away… Cos you can’t live in hiding. Tackle the bills (the house and the car are kind of important to keep functioning). Laundry next… Running out of clean clothes (even if they are a tad small) isn’t fun either. The rest…. Well they aren’t going to affect much if they don’t get done just yet. More important to earn the money to pay the bills.
    Long hair is fairly fashionable these days… Even on boys! 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Our curtains are shredded – damn cat! and we’ve yet to approach Mt. Everest – just come back from a wedding on the other side of the country so missed a weekend of washing and cleaning! And yes the bills, is there any relief?!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Have you ever seen The Burbs? Hilarious movie with Tom Hanks. There’s the Klopek house on the street, the one horrible dive in a street of well-kept beautiful homes.
    That is TOTALLY our house, yard’n’all.
    And yeah, someday it’ll get done.
    But as others have said here, Friend, there’s no point in trying to think on it all at once. Whenever I do that, I just end up in tears.

    One thing at a time is doable, and your son (and my kids) are now old enough to chip in at least a little. Even if it’s just picking up dog poop or putting away the laundry, EVERY little bit helps.

    And I’m trying to focus on one cleaning task a day. I never make it far in one afternoon, but I do make it a few steps, and that’s more than I had yesterday.

    Chin up, Friend. Keep on keepin’ on with hugs from Wisconsin xxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am. Saw some friends yesterday, which was important. They’re in the midst of their own cleaning/fixing flux, too. It did bum me out to see their kids avoid the boys, though, and flock to Blondie. That hurt. But we’ll just keep praying and hoping the kids continue to grow and open their hearts. xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Seeing friends will lift the spirits. That’s all we can do. Bumped into a family from son’s school. They have had a week in the mountains and few days later they are off to a beach hol for 2 weeks. Pleased for them as they work hard:but it was embarrassing when I was asked where we were going and all I could think about was a trip to the local poundstretcher shop.. I must admit I really Really need a break but it’s just not happening. It’s so tough when you see that happen to your kids. You just hope the kids don’t pick up on it. Keep smiling. xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes, we’ll keep smiling. And in the end, our kids will be okay. We survived such words. With our love, they will too.

        And we’ve certainly not done all the crazy trips of some we know, either. My boss takes her kids to Disney once a year–or more. How in Hades she swings it I have no idea. As you say, we just need to be thankful for the time we do have together–like you taking your son to concerts. That’s right special, that is. 🙂


      4. Yep still trying to pay for them…. so thankful for restricted view discounts. But you are right -time together is priceless. Going to have a comp soon. Gathering together all the bits of Lego then splitting it into two and different rooms see what each other creates. xx

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh wonderful!
        Creativity’s such a great break. If you go on YouTube, there’s this channel called Cartooning4Kidz…think that’s the name. Blondie loves it. They show how to draw dragons 🙂


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