Stood watching the sunset. Two thoughts crossed my mind.
One… what a stunning sunset. Developed without warning and only lasted a few minutes. It’s the sort of sunset that would have made my partner so happy.
Two… bloody hell my fingers hurt.
You get towards the end of the school year with the once extensive school uniform reserves drained to drought levels. Down to one of each item and they have seen much better days. Sizing is probably about two sizes to small and really they are just a collections of holes held together by a few resilient fibres. Just got to make them last two more weeks. That reminds me – I had better start saving for next terms uniform replenishment. Bet that’s cheap!!!
It maybe only two weeks but you can almost see what’s left of the clothes disintegrating in the air. It’s time for drastic action. It’s time for emergency patching. Unfortunately sewing comes as naturally to me as veganism comes to Donald Trump. I am useless. Always have been, always will be. Up to two years ago that wasn’t a problem. My partner loved darning and out would come the sewing box with such glee. My mum was also an expert in the dark sewing arts. Those days have gone now.
So now it’s down to me. Houston we have a problem. So out came my partners sewing box. A result a couple of useable patches ready to go. How hard can this really be. So a fine looking needle was selected. Several different types of thread to go for. Helpfully each has a number 60, 70, 75, 80 – what the hell does that mean – is it size, age, weight, tensile strength. Let’s go for 60 as it’s black. We then start to put the thread through the needle eye. T***, f***, s***, b******, buggerations. I might as well of been trying to give a cheesed off Honey Badger a haircut. One hour it took me, one hour of my life wasted on that instrument of torture.
Then I started to attach the patch to the trouser knee hole. The sodding thread falls out of the needle. So we start again. Two coffees later we have a needle and thread ready to go again. Now the needle won’t go through the patch. What is it made of – bullet proof armour. Eventually I punch through but with so much force that the needle eye has embedded into my finger. Blood everywhere. After a plaster has been applied I continue. Not once, not twice maybe six times the needle struggles to get through the patch but once through it passes through my finger skin with such ease. In the end my fingers resembles Spongebob Squarepants’s backside. Holes everywhere.
But finally the job is done. The patch is secured and doesn’t look too bad. Quite pleased with that. THEN. Oh for f*** sake, oh come on!!!!
In hindsight it might not have been a great idea to push the needle not only through the front of the trousers but then through the back of the trousers as well. Great work. Now the left trouser leg is completely sewn tight at the knee. What’s the kid supposed to do – hop to school, pirate style.
Don’t think badly of me. After I unpicked the stitching I decided to stick the patch on with superglue. Let’s hope it doesn’t rain.
So yes it’s a wonderful sunset but my fingers are so much more redder…
Honestly, I didn’t want to laugh, but you told this story with such grit and the details were spot on! I couldn’t help but feel for you.
Here is a suggestion. Look for patches that you can iron on. No needles, no infliction of pain, and your child doesn’t have to hobble to school.
Good luck to you!! 😉
LikeLiked by 12 people
Best solution.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Let’s hope so
LikeLike
I thought so. LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
I shall.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Superglue to the rescue!! Great fix!!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Hopefully
LikeLiked by 1 person
As we say in the American south, “Bless your heart!”
LikeLiked by 6 people
Thank you. I like that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They make cloth glue here. Could I send you some? Couldn’t do with it my self. lol
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yessss! I was thinking the same.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen.:)
LikeLiked by 2 people
🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got some on amazon last night so hopefully here today. It says it’s fool proof. We shall see……
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome.:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my goodness, no thimble in the sewing kit? I’m not “your” mother but I’m sending you a virtual “mother’s kiss” for your ouchie finger. See, all better😉
Great story!👏 Super glue and duct tape, civilization would fall without them.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thimble – yes why didn’t I think about that.
LikeLiked by 2 people
But talk about making the worst of situations into the best of postings..You really do deserve the sainthood, Dad. As for sewing entirely through, I have recently done the same. Hang in there. . . . only weeks to go.
LikeLiked by 4 people
The clothes surely can last one week
LikeLike
I suck at this domestic duty. My partner is better than I, but not by much. Luckily, I have a daughter who is very proficient.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Now that would help so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good try! My husband is better at sewing than I am. I tell ya, it’s an art, and it doesn’t matter what gender you are!
LikeLiked by 3 people
That’s right one of my rugby team loved doing the kit repairs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t have a lot of words, this aches. I love the idea of iron on patches, though. Hopefully it a more stress free solution.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Really hope so. But the super glue is still holding.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cloth glue! 😊 So funny and ‘A’ for effort 🙌🏽
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you
LikeLiked by 1 person
So funny, I couldn’t stop laughing, yet so sad as it is probably the situation for so many parents, not just dads! Hope you made a video to share on youtube, it would be trending in no time!
LikeLiked by 4 people
Would be an x rated blood slasher.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m hopeless at sewing too. If a button falls off, I may never wear said garment again!
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s me normally
LikeLiked by 1 person
By the way, forgot to mention, what a fabulous photo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you
LikeLiked by 1 person
The top pic is a Top Pic! (the kind of sunset that makes me feel happy too!)
Superb writing, full of humour and pathos and just the right amount of brevity. There is definitely an anthology of your catastrophes awaiting publishing that would outsell James Herriot’s works, I’m certain! 🙂 I’m seeing a working title of “All C@ck Up’s Great and Small – the daily struggles of a single Dad bringing up his son, despite all that the world can throw at them!”
Need a manager/proof-reader at all?? 🙂
Oh, you’ve got the patch situation sorted (assuming your iron actually works and does not burn a bigger hole needing a bigger patch!) but here’s a tip for threading needles – use a needle-threader (cheap to buy) or you can make your own with a couple of inches ( x 2.54 cm if you do metric!) of thin (8 amp) fuse wire. Bend it in the middle to a fairly fine point, push said point through eye of needle, spilt the two sides apart of the wire you pushed through to make a thin loop and place thread through that, then pull wire loop holding thread back out of needle eye – e Voila! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Couldn’t believe it. Iron on patch arrives. But it’s the wrong colour. Bloody hell. So I’ve tried that threading machine … it works. Thank you sir.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yayyy! and you remembered the thimble – rhymes with Mr Crimble?? 🙂
Any chance you can dye the patches? Got any felt tip pens in school uniform colour??
LikeLiked by 1 person
I dread to think the carnage I would cause if I was trusted with dye,
LikeLiked by 1 person
You only dye once!! 😉
LikeLike
Red sunsets and red fingers… what happens with your fingers when it gets black after the sunset? 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fingers are now black with bruises
LikeLike
Oh, I remember all that so well! My bete noire was sewing on all the name tags at the start of term (for 2 children!) Definitely a learning curve – mainly learning I ought to have talked someone else into doing it for me. But the needle-threader mentioned above is a godsend, and a thimble is a must! p.s. staples don’t work…
LikeLiked by 3 people
Don’t laugh but I lost my temper with the name tags and did staple a couple on. They don’t work….
LikeLiked by 1 person
…they really don’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏
LikeLike
Lol… Sorry. I can embroider but I cannae sew for toffee so this made me laugh…
LikeLiked by 2 people
I sent for some iron on patches. But some pillock ordered the wrong colour… can’t even work Amazon. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wouldnae worry. All my curtains are hemmed by that iron on Velcro from Amazon. Man, it’s chronic When it comes to sewing I am minded of the words of my Nannie, who turned herself out in the Depression like a fashion plate despite having sod all to eat, cos her man was a tailor to trade who had no work….. ‘Why have a dog and bark? ‘ Hell, I don’t have a dog, I cannae sew, I certainly don’t bark as such, but I sometimes wish.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That there is life in one quote. Wonderful
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG! This post is by far one of the funniest… My heart goes out to you… all your efforts of sewing, glue, and now the wrong colored patches. I feel so bad for laughing, but I give you huge applause for all your efforts!!!!! God Bless YOU!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Yes not sure school would be too happy with a pink patch on black trousers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You never know, you could start a fashion trend… LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s something that’s ever been put in the same sentence before. Me and fashion.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha!!!😁 😂 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hopelessly wonderful post. Its a cruel world that allows Sod to design school uniform resilience.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Look what came up on my WordPress reader after your post. It’s a sign. And they’re right about self-threading needles. You should buy some.
https://danialexis.net/2019/07/08/stuff-mama-never-taught-you-1-hand-sewing/
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s spooky. Wish I read this first….
LikeLike
I have to confess that I submitted to a slight smile at the stitched up leg
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is a pirate look.
LikeLiked by 2 people
“I might as well of been trying to give a cheesed off Honey Badger a haircut.” Oh my! What a tough time! And walking like a pirate – oh dear – I laughed a little. I am sorry about your fingers, and the stress of sewing. But hey, great job trying! Also, not sure if they are still around but I think they have some iron on patches out there. If not, I think the duct tape is perfectly fine 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I can’t even use Amazon properly. I ordered some iron on patches for next day deliver. Some numpty ordered the wrong colour…. Good job we are not neighbours, I would be round every day saying ‘Robyn what do I do ’…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh no, I’d be happy to help 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are too too kind. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I shouldn’t laugh but…🤣🤣🤣
Anyway, please don’t feel bad. I’ve firmly sewn on buttons that couldn’t be buttoned up afterwards for the thick amounts of thread going through them. I’ve sewn name tags onto breast pockets effectively sewing shut the pocket as well. Injured myself on kids’ white shirts by wielding needle minutes into leaving for school. Also sewn clothes to my own clothes.
I’m a woman and I can’t sew.
LikeLiked by 3 people
That makes me feel better.
LikeLike
I looked at your sunset again and wondered if it could speak, what would it say to you.
I think I heard your sunset whisper back,
All will be well
LikeLiked by 2 people
I really hope so.
LikeLike
Love that sunset…
I felt your anguish for the sewing task, hurt hands and determination to repair the last vestiges of your son’s battle dress (sorry, school uniform), but when I came to the bit about you sewing the leg shut, I couldn’t help it. My smirk developed into a full scale belly laugh of bionic proportions. 🤣
Oh, oh, oh, I haven’t laughed so much for ions. I have to thank you for that… It is so good to laugh now and again. The reason I laughed, is of course, because I have done something similar, trying to repair a sleeve. I know the frustration of having to start again from the beginning. Poor you…
💗
Your son might be quite good at hopping, but starting again might be wiser. 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hope the glue holds. 🙏😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just about. Definitely only a one day fix.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pleased it made you smile, that makes me very happy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your not alone, I once sewed my finger to the sewing machine..OUCH! Thankfully I just turned the wheel slowly until my finger was free but it could have been so much worse.
Great Post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I bet that hurt. Thank you.
LikeLike
I am so sorry, but the tears of laughter are streaming down my face. I hope your fingers aren’t quite so sore now, and that is a beautiful sunset.
I hate sewing. Hubby has custody of the sewing machine and sewing box, and I’d rather go out and buy a new shirt than sew on a button. I can darn socks pretty well though.
You might like this https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/carrot-ranch-flash-fiction-5th-july/
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glue is always a good option. So is a thimble. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes thimble next time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That sunset is absolutely gorgeous!! I hope your fingers aren’t so sore today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Getting better
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, dear… My maternal GM sewed professionally for the public. She trained my mother & me. Needle thickness, thread thickness, thread quality and clothing weave can be a battle. Needles should be sharpened, too (ever seen the the red tomato needle holder…the tiny little tomato attached to it has fine grain sand or salt in it…sharpens the needle). Sometimes thread has to be waxed.
Patching holes is difficult, anyway, because the integrity of the fabric has been damaged. Can other, similar pants be substituted? Those that aren’t provided by government funds?
LikeLike
OH MY GOODNESS. I wanted to laugh because I’ve totally done that too with Biff’s sweatshirt–trying to repair the zipper and ended up sewing the sweatshirt together. Gah! And using Bo’s mom’s sewing kit makes me fear I’m doing her wrong somehow as Blondie’s shirt ripped in the washing machine is waiting for me to patch it….eeeeeeeeeeeeeesh…
LikeLiked by 1 person
How can it be so difficult. I remember one person suggesting that I should employ a nanny to do this. Oh yeh. That’s going to happen in the real world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anyone who suggests hiring out has no idea how much that hiring out costs. In other words, morons.
LikeLiked by 1 person
If I had a pound/dollar for every time someone has said just hire 6 hours childcare each day so you can return to your old job. Two things – how much…. AND crucially son deserves better than that. That’s not happening on my watch.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly! Someone brought that up to me once when the twins were born: “Will you put the kids in daycare so you can have some time for you?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh you’re serious.
Um, no.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a different world to ours. I suspect that we probably have to drink more caffeine than them. xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agreed. xxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Coffee machine leaking again so the glue is coming out again. Just can’t find it. xxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you find it! I just stick a towel near mine to catch the leaks.
LikeLike
One day we both will have a house which isn’t full of fixes. One day. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s the dream, isn’t it? Just got measured for a few windows to replace the ones rotting out. Oh, for a fix-free house…
LikeLiked by 1 person
We had to do ours 6 years ago. It makes a big difference but empties the bank account.
LikeLiked by 1 person