Autumn is upon us. Everywhere you look the signs are clear.

The hedgerows are brimming with fruit. Intricate cobwebs everywhere.

Most of the swallows have now departed starting their six week trek to Africa.

Yellows, browns and reds are starting to dominate the foliage. Trees letting go as sad leaves fall to the ground. Soon the fruit in the hedgerows will be gone.

It was the time of year my partner loved the best. She loved the colours and the reflective atmosphere. A time she could walk quietly and just think. Now I walk the same paths. Today I was struck by one thought. My partner would have been looking at these same autumnal sights. Countless generations will have been looking at these sights. As much as you think the world has stopped because of your personal tragedy it never does. Life continues. The never ending cycle of life. The empty branches show the fleeting nature of life. Leaves fall but they will be reborn again. So should you – in your own time. When the time is right – it’s time to live again. It’s time to find a new way of blooming.

For me I’m still in the existing stage. I don’t tend to have personal dreams anymore. For years we had shared dreams. When my partner left us those dreams died. Now my dreams are my sons dreams. I exist because of my son. I live life through my son.

At some stage I will transition into the next stage. When I start to live for me. When I start to dream again. It’s strange how Autumn which is a time of life coming to the end of its cycle has sparked these thoughts. But maybe a better way to look at Autumn is that it’s a time of letting go before you start again. Rebirth. Yes that works better for me. It’s a time just before you live again.

52 thoughts on “Autumn”

  3. Letting go. I haven’t read all your back posts, Gary, so I presume there are a lot of things I have missed. But I always feel peculiar reading about your son, and your partner, but never hear their names, as if you are holding on to them so no one can steal them from you, or you need to protect them either from losing their reality, or giving them too much reality. No, I don’t know your reason for not naming them, but they never seem completely real to me. Just thought I would let you know.

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  5. I am actually looking forward to autumn this year just to get away from the heat🌡😫

    I like how you changed your perspective. Autumn is for shedding the old, worn out and preparing to rest, gather strength for the rebirth in spring. 💪👏💌

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  7. I love fall – not too hot and still enough sun drenched days to enjoy the outdoors. To me it has always been the preclude to long quiet days nestled comfortably at home. Time for one more short trip, maybe. or celebrating the harvest of summer’s fruits. An inner thanksgiving, at times, a time to regroup in other years.

    I love the photos and I love your attitude. You are in the resting place, the healing place. At least, that’s how I see it. Wonderful post, as per usual. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel honored to read them.

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  8. I love fall – not too hot and still enough sun drenched days to enjoy the outdoors. To me it has always been the preclude to long quiet days nestled comfortably at home. Time for one more short trip, maybe. or celebrating the harvest of summer’s fruits. An inner thanksgiving, at times, a time to regroup in other years.

    I love the photos and I love your attitude. You are in the resting place, the healing place. At least, that’s how I see it. Wonderful post, as per usual. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel honored to read them.

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  13. Your skill with that camera phone is definitely improving – great shots today. 🙂

    The thing about changing seasons is – you can rely upon each one coming, being here, passing on to the next, then coming back again one year on.

    Sadly our life is not like that at all; we can certainly keep pace with the seasons, and change according to their dictates, but we cannot rely upon all of the same things being there next time the season comes back again, as you know better than most.

    Autumn should be a time when we are at our busiest, preparing for the hard, dark times ahead that the Cold of Winter brings us. Autumn gives us sufficient warning of what we need to do ahead of time.

    Life doesn’t always treat us with that much respect.

    Spring is by far my favourite season, Winter is behind me and a full year of life and fresh starts begins anew. (And my poppies truly excel themselves showing off their finest apparel.) 🙂

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  15. Pingback: Autumn – A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. – International Badass Activists

  19. Autumn is always my favourite season , summer can be long and we are constantly wishing for warm days that never seem to arrive but autumn is filled with a fresh feeling that is invigorating and the changing of colours is always something to look forward to and enjoy. I hope you have lots of autumnal walks with your son as you both continue to work you way through your loss.

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