Every single day we have two pigeons who plonk themselves on the back garden fence. It starts off all very civilised then after a few minutes, it all kicks off. Gets a little bit racy.
I like to think of it as two Pigeons practising for their WWE wrestling trials. Clearly what we are seeing is a spectacular flying elbow seamlessly transitioning into a deadly Coup de Grace finisher. Apparently son is not convinced. He is picking up the courage to explain the birds and the bees to me.
After an all too short wrestling match (or something else) the two move apart and refuse to talk to each other. So like life really……
So last week it was the last Terrible Poetry contest. To much celebrations it looked like I had hung up my poetry pants for good. Well….
This weeks sees Chelsea replace her old contest with The Weekly Hilarity Contest. This week the rules are
- Write a short story, poem, song, or really long sentence about Birds.
- Don’t make it too long. We’ve got real life to get back to.
- The goal is to make me, the judge LAUGH ALOUD. Whoever tickles my funny bone the best will be crowned champion.
- As a tip, I generally think and live in a G-rated world. I don’t find crude or profane things very humorous.
You have till 10:00 a.m. MDT next Friday (May 8) to let Chelsea have your entry.
**************
So my poetry retirement lasted 6 days. Sorry to disappoint everyone. Unusually this poem is not aimed at Boris Johnson. However as Boris is a massive BIRD brain, I did find a way to get a little abuse hurled at him – points will be awarded to the first person to find it in this hopefully truly appalling poem. See Terrible Poetry still lives………
Blimey what are those birds doing
Oh it’s such seedy x-rated viewing
Really, on our back garden fence as well
Is it not behaviour best saved for a seedy motel
Surely they are spoiling our gorgeous farmland view
Interrupting our peaceful world with something so taboo
Spending every day exchanging birdie pleasantries
Always trying to make so many more feathered babies
Fooling around as if there is no tomorrow
Oh having such fun and never showing any sorrow
One overriding thought about those feathered huggers
Lashings of rummy pumpy, those lucky little buggers
My excuse is that we don’t use a G rating in the UK. So I assume that G means Generally any word is Good to use.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Oh those photos made my day!
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Very steamy….
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Oh they are!! The last one made me laugh! Done it now, no need to go over the top and let’s not forget about social distancing!!! 😂
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It’s funny after about an hour they are at different ends of the fence.
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Pretending they don’t like each other or even know each other! Ha
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It’s the way they refuse to look at each other. x
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😳😂
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Photos are great. We had two pigeons we nicknamed Portly and Breast, they ere huge and we were surprised boughs didn’t break when they landed or one was catapulted into orbit when the other took off.
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I like the sound of them.
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It was amazing they could take off, they were that big.
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Good poem! And I like that your son was gathering his courage to explain the birds and the bees to you. Made me smile 🙂
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I hope he keeps it simple.
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They’re doing the kind of thing Boris does ..and for a living too. We must have a menage in our garden then.
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Very Boris like.
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Yeah and you wanna see the size of this pigeon too. I think cos the sea gulls have stopped circling overhead… no school kids apart from the ‘hub’ ones along the road so so no grub, this fat lardass has got really bold, Smashed the bird feeder to bits the other day. he mops up every bit of food, chases the other birds and bullies the two hen pigeons he runs with, and won’t get lost when you chase it either. . Yeah it’s a greedy Boris all right. Pity they don’t come out at night cos then the fox might get him. Good meal for someone right now.
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Yes definitely some birds and a squirrel piling on a few pounds currently. x
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I watch a pair of pigeons getting it on, on the lawn, in front of my flat.
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It’s clearly a world wide viewing feast.
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Yes.
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Oh goodness! 🙈 I’ve never seen Mr & Mrs Percy that live at Rory’s engaging in such behavior. On the garden fence too?? Tsk tsk tsk…
I’d love to know how Son finally explains it to you🤣🤣🤣💌
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Hope I don’t pass out….
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Those are some hilarious photos 😄😄
Like your matching poem as well 😄✌️
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Thank you x
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Hilarious. 🐦🐦🐦
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Thanks x
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😂
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LOL – I think you mastered it by combining the terrible with hilarity and throwing in photographic evidence to boot! I think you will take the crown with your “R” rated poem.
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Thank you
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You’re welcome!
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Well captured…in picture and rhyme 😂
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Thanks
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Great pigeon observations and pictures.
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Thank you
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Funny!! Great photos!!
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Thank you
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And you know, it doesn’t have to be a poem!!
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No but I think terrible poetry has to be kept alive. It makes proper poems even better.
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Fair enough! 😉
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🙏
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haha! wow, definitely didn’t expect this. The photo of them kissing is so cute! I wonder if this is why they call us lovebirds !
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Most probably. I’m just watching the two slowly edging closer. Today’s show is about to start.
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Get some popcorn! 😂
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What a fine idea.
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Oh my god, I love these photos!lol
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Thank you. Every single day. Just about to happen. x
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Lol, bless them! They’re only doing what many of us would love to do without a care in the world. 💝 Our elderly cockatiels are even at it just now. There will be no eggs though as Crystal has had the birdie menopause. 😂
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Not sure my back would cope with that now….
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So well done – pictorially and poetically
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Thank you sir.
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Loved this. Thank you! And the pigeons are cute. Surprising to say when I don’t usually like pigeons.
Love, light and glitter
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These two just live in our garden.
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:::::::::::::BLINK BLINK:::::::::::::::
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🙏
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Gary , I must admit I agree with where son is going with this🤷🏻♀️
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He’s probably closer to the mark.
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Those pigeons are hilarious, as was your poem. Very seedy indeed. 🙂
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Definitely adds spice to the garden.
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I think you just witnessed a Bird Shag. LOL! Give ’em some privacy, dude! LMAO!
They are cute, tho…
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They don’t care. We are often in the garden and they just start. They have no shame.
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LOL!
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🙏
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This made me laugh out loud and that’s hard to do. Well done!
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Thank you so much.
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I have seen far too many pigeons in my time, but never seen any put on a show like that!
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Every single day we get this.
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Wham bam, thank you mam! Procreation at it’s best! LOL! 🙂
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It really is
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