I accidentally stumbled across a social media post from a parent from Hawklads school. It contained a photo of a trip to the beach whichsome of the families had made last week. Clearly having great fun. It will do the kids so much good to start living again.

I was so happy for the kids and happy for the parents. They are really nice people. They deserve fun.

But the post brought a touch of sadness. Wouldn’t it have been lovely if Hawklad had been there. To be with kids his age. Enjoying himself. Enjoying being a teenager.

Actually it would have been good for me as well. The last time we went to the beach with other families was 2015. I’ve kind of forgotten what the feeling must be like. You get use to the isolated life style. It becomes all consuming. It becomes who you are. Back in 2015 I remember turning up. Watching Hawklad play with the other kids. The parents had a barbecue. We played games and sand cricket. Built sandcastles. We talked, laughed. We hugged.

But that was then. It’s 2020 now. Different world. It was a different world even before a pandemic. The last time I actually hugged someone was at my partners funeral. That’s virtually 4 years ago. It’s 5 years since we went to a meet-up with other families.

It seems like a lifetime ago.

83 thoughts on “Seems like a lifetime

  1. ๐Ÿค—I am virtually hugging you now. I know itโ€™s not the same as an embrace with someone you love and trust. I know this hard for you. I pray that soon someone be put in your midst to give you the best hug you have longed for. Have a blessed weekend๐Ÿ’›

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Reading these comments, you are receiving some serious virtual hugs my friend. You deserve them. I have a good feeling that you will be having a lovely warm loving โ€˜realโ€™ hug one day soon. X

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I must admit that I have to wonder if he’s not right. The more allowances we make, the worse my son gets. I told him he doesn’t have to go back. I can’t make him, he’s nearly 18 years old. Today, he came to tell me he’s decided to go back with gloves and a mask – go figure!

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  2. It is nice to see you broach this subject, Gary, and openly admit how long it has been since you were able to hug someone. Just curious, but do you and Hawklad hug? I know it may be one of those child-parent taboo things, but I grew up in a family of twelve, and don’t recall ever seeing anyone hug, unless it was visiting family from out of town, and even then, seldom.
    Of course, no one really wanted to visit my father, even though he was the oldest male of his birth family, but my mother’s siblings did want to see her, and her kids.
    Still, touching with kindness and love was basically “verbotten”! I think that is why, when I found someone willing to hug and touch me, I would go overboard to be with them. In my lifetime I Jhave had many people tell me I am the best hugger in the world, but that is probably me wanting to make up for a hugless childhood.
    I do hope you find someone to hug, doesn’t even have to be an intimate partner. Just someone. I also hope Hawklad gets hugs from somewhere. In my experience, to not hug is to feel unwanted, and serious lonliness/intimacy problems can develop..
    Give yourself a hug from me, Gary, and also one for Hawklad. Make that at least one hug a day each. Hugs are very rewarding. Take it from a guy who never got his first real hug till he was almost ten. I could easily have become a sexual deviant, had I waited much longer to get my first hug.

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  3. Another virtual hug from New York. My parents weren’t “huggy” at all but I came to live with my mum’s sister when I was 16 and she was not just huggy but cuddly. I loved her so much and I really miss cuddling her. It’s a special feeling loving someone like that.

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  4. Experienced these feelings. In fact, for much of my life, these have more often been my feelings than not. Oh, we have had some connections over the years. A niche or two has been found. Yet, there is not a whole lot of sense of belonging on a regular basis. This year has actually highlighted for me how isolated we actually are as the few threads we had have largely come undone due to circumstances. Hopeful this upcoming school year will improve some of that. Sending out hugs and prayers.

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  5. Awww… Dang it!๐Ÿ˜ข I wish I could wrap you up in a big ol bear hug! I’m taller than you, so you’d probably get smooshed in my chest, but that’s okay๐Ÿ˜‚

    Virtual will have to do… Ben will lean against me, or “spoon” for my warmth in the winter mornings, but he’s not a hugger or cuddler. Older isn’t huge on hugs either๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ Younger will give me a hug and then there’s the virtual hugs we get here on WP.

    Ben also doesn’t really play with his peers. He will play alone, near them… but… I don’t know if he’ll ever really have friends. Hawklad may not want friends. Has he said anything about it? I’ve noticed quite a few autistic people prefer to spend their time alone or with a pet๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ
    ๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’Œ

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That is an extremely long time to be isolated from others. We are social animals and need that human interaction. We need to be hugged! I wish I could physically hug you but am sending many across the many kilometres and across the ocean.

    I cannot even imagine the heavy burden you carry. (Well maybe just a little, hubby cannot do much and cannot go out in public with this horrid pandemic hanging over us all) I hope things improve in the very near future to the point where Hawklad feels comfortable enough to be with other kids his age. My heart goes out to both of you. You really are a Super Dad. May God continue to give you strength. Hugs xo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m sending you and your son big virtual hugs from Los Angeles โค

    Five years without a meet-up with other families. That's tough! I believe that when we face hard times, we are being prepared for even greater challenges ahead. What lessons are you and Hawklad learning through these years of isolation?

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  8. We live our lives day by day taking care of pressing needs. Suddenly a year has gone by. Time to take stock and make some plans that fills the gaps that have been overlooked. I value a spouse who is often looking at filling those gaps that get overlooked and easily missed.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Awww ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ’”

    The reason you didnโ€™t go was because of his fears? Or partly yours too?

    You sound like you are starting to wake? Cause before you had a lot of grief with things… and now while you still have grief, You kinda miss life. Mingling – laughing …

    Thatโ€™s alright … you will get there… all this corona stuff will be over โ€œeventuallyโ€ ๐Ÿคจ

    Do you know anyone you are close to that has maybe also been isolating? Maybe with a child? Or not? To just hang with ? Or socialize for even a moment?

    What about chatting on phone ? Is awesome to chat and laugh even on the phone.

    Iโ€™m sure you could call some old friends or new friends and have a great time / that lifts spirits too

    I donโ€™t know if anyone is hugging right now? Except maybe virtually. Definitely a hug for you ๐Ÿค—

    My real hugs – you would have to be a little gentle lol… do not squeeze – I might pop lol

    When my kids hug me, they are gentle. Those are the only hugs I get also โœŒ๏ธ

    They are gentle not to hurt me… I still have some issues sometimes. I have to be careful.

    Sometimes I miss all my people – but Iโ€™m not ready at all. I prefer the peace right now. Still kinda traumatized by everything so just getting through last of it.

    When I was social before – it was alot… I was well known, well liked, I really didnโ€™t have any peace. It was constant, I couldnโ€™t keep up with everything happening AND that… Everything happened and then I just shut off, like overnight.

    I am still sort of off – half off lol … I can socialize at work… but then when not working I like peace โœŒ๏ธ I just want my space – especially while I handle things. I stay mainly quiet

    So is perspective โœŒ๏ธ

    You will get back there. It will come again. ๐Ÿ˜˜โœŒ๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ahhhh … you are similar to me… your peace became dangerous also!

        You should do the phone calls – I do that with SOME that I do actually trust and can laugh with … it lifts you just a little bit and gives you strength… the laughter, the venting – is ok if only starts with calls.

        When you comfortable then venture โœŒ๏ธ

        Itโ€™s kinda like relearning again. But instead is a little different than once was

        Do what you are comfortable with. You definitely sound like you crave socializing at least a little bit

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Sending virtual hugs from California. Hoping that you encounter the opportunity to connect with a friend or family member soon. I think it would be medicine for the soul to get a genuine hug. ๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

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