There is a physical pain associated with parenting that is off the chart. Excluding childbirth which thankfully I will never have to experience. Standing bare foot on a piece of lego. A weaponised toy. In the garden there is something that comes close to lego. It’s this lovely little thing. A tree which overlooks our garden and likes to drop these little bombs onto the lawn. Accidentally pick one up – agony. Kneel on one – agony. Get one attached to the top of your training shoe – beyond agony. Horse Chestnuts hurt….

Dad I keep hearing that as you get older your body starts to hurt. Is that true. You should know as you are so very old…..”

Yes eventually the body does hurt. Playing contact sport or falling off cliffs doesn’t help. You can do stuff about the pain – mostly. But you do get to a stage when you realise that I’ve used this body up, so can I have a new one.

So when did your body start hurting?”

Everyone is different. At school one of my friends had a Chopper Bike. It had upright handles and a gear stick brilliantly placed right in front of your undercarriage. Chris had a big crash and encountered the pointy gear stick at a frightening rate of knots. His hurting most definitely started when he was 10. It ended his choir signing days. I think my body pain started after I was 30. Playing contact sport on a Saturday and not being able to move on Sunday.

Is that when Dad decided he wasn’t young anymore?”

Yes it was. I suddenly released that being a goalkeeper hurt. I stopped bouncing off the floor so well. There is a brilliant comic from Scotland called Billy Connelly. He says that you know that you are not young anymore when your can’t bend over without making a noise, usually a groan.

I can confirm that. I groaned 193 times during today’s yoga workout.

92 thoughts on “Pain

  1. Conkers! Do kids still play conkers? That was my brother’s thing though. Billy Connelly…definitely brilliant. Aging….only thing you can do about it is try to keep yourself limber and fit, ‘cos if you don’t you going to hurt a whole lot more!

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  2. I catch myself groaning all the time, especially since I’m always picking up random girl toys (little plastic dolls with painful accessories, socks and pet toys. 💕

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  3. Parenting can be agony, definitely. Lego is bad, so is walking on those little dinky cars that a company called Matchbox used to make. Are they still sold? I am not sure I know what a horse chestnut is but pine cones can be painful to step on, especially in early fall when the weather is still nice enough to be out in the yard in bare feet. I think aches and pains begin at different ages and are dependent on one’s frame of mind. A woman I know well has been complaining about aches and pains ever since I met her when she was 12 years old – she’s in her fifties now.
    And Gary, being old is also figurative, depending on the observer. Since I have been on this planet many years (possibly decades) longer than you, from my viewpoint, you are still a youngster. 🙂

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  4. I’d broken my ribs, fractured my collarbone and smashed both kneecaps to before I reached my 20’s mostly riding injuries. Still haven’t had the op to sort out my dodgy knees because weirdly, I worry more about it causing more pain and immobility in the longer term than if I just carry on as I am and have got used to.

    Back in the day there was always at least one other kid hobbling around on underarm crutches with a cast on. Don’t see that nowadays.

    Physical pain including childbirth is the easier part of parenting. It’s mental anguish and emotional pain that hurts like nothing else.

    Why don’t kids get casts and crutches nowadays? :/

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      1. Bending down to put on socks / shoes when you have broken ribs is the worst pain. Being blessed with large lady pillows doesn’t help either and when I’d get stuck bent over in a McDonald’s arches kinda position, Hannah would burst out laughing at how crippled I was and that set me off and oh God that hurt.

        Laughter and broken ribs and bending down and big titties = PAIN 😂😂

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  5. I was about to tell you just how pretty those… fluff balls were…

    Lego is marvellous. Nothing like stepping barefoot on one to release that string of words you never realised you even knew. Great way to teach young kids colorful language.

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    1. I’m improving. Found an online version that works better for me. Much more friendly and fun. I’m working out which poses to avoid and which are best done with a fraction of the movement. But I’m still not very good. Must be funny to watch. This morning I head butted a chair while trying to stand on one leg.

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  6. I seemed to hurt from a young age. A tennis ball punted into the gonads aged 12 and a bike crash scalping my right cheek aged 10 stand out but sitting on a milk bottle aged 7 definitely was the start. So hurt hasn’t been my ‘old’ test but The Dowie Test of Bouncebackability. Can I move the offended part 2 days after the injury. If not, I’ve achieved old.

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