It’s a cold, bleak start to the day. Kind of feels like a black and white photo is the way to go.

I was thinking about how a break would be most welcome. Especially today.

We all need a break every so often. Either a change. Or a time to relax. Or a chance to really let the hair down. A chance to experience new lands. Or just a time to breathe.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that I am so fortunate with my life. Far too many have so little and are in such dark place. But today I’m feeling just a little worn out. Tired. Thinking back to my last break back in 2015. A lots happened since then. Some good but some really bad. Since 2016 it’s been single Aspergers parenting, fighting the system for our son and trying to eke out an income to pay the bills. Feels like it’s been non stop. A few concerts with Hawklad and taking him to see the occasional sport event. A few walks and up to this year, trail runs. So yes things to be thankful for. But…

But today I just feel worn out. In need of a break. Even just a night away from the house. A different bed. It’s been over 5 years since I’ve done that. But deep down I know that’s not happening any time soon. Asperger parenting is something that you can just can’t drop. Certainly not for a few more years. Maybe longer. So it’s about finding other ways to feel less worn out. Exploiting the options that are open to me and also being thankful for what I have. There are such beautiful things in my life.

We can do this.

66 thoughts on “Worn out

  1. Thinking of you! I can’t imagine the challenges you’re facing as I know I’ve needed more mini breaks from life than usual this year and have been blessed to enjoy changes in scenery. Maybe find a new way to treat yourself? A bubble bath? A new pillow or blanket to snuggle in?

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  2. Yes you can do this!! But yes we all need breaks and we all need to be able to say when we are worn out too. I have always appreciated your honesty on here! Prayers and a hug! You got this! Remember this quote. “Somedays its Ok if all you do is breathe!”

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  3. I’m very sorry you’re worn out. You sound like you have a lot to carry by yourself. I just discovered your blog so I don’t know too much about your life. But I am hoping there are those in your network who can help provide some respite from time to time. I hope you feel more rested soon. Take care!

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  4. Yep… some days are just black and white with lots of fuzzy grey! Some days are melancholy, some days are endlessly long. The post Holiday, finally letting yourself relax just a little cuz you made it through, uh-oh it’s ALL falling out now, feeling…

    Counting our blessings, of course. Still wanna sleep in, still wanna go to the ocean, still wanna go somewhere, anywhere, alone without worrying.

    And yes, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, give ourselves a pep talk, and continue doing what we do. We can do this! Virtual Bear Hugs!

    We ARE doing this!!💌💌💌💌💌

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  5. I’m amazed that you don’t feel that way every day! You are an amazing man, an amazing dad, but some days you just gotta make time for Gary, too. There are no easy answers, no comforting words, but know that I and many others are sending you big, virtual hugs! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

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  6. I wish I could suggest something wonderful but your post reminded me of a time when my mother was worn out and we went on a screaming expedition. Not far but just far enough not to be arrested. It worked wonders.

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  7. Okay… make your and Hawklad a tent indoors like you said you did at Unic when you couldn’t go somewhere. Get the snacks in and kiddy on. Well it would be a diff bed at least. Everything without change right now,no wonder your need for a break is screaming. Chin up my friend x.

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  8. I admire you and others who manage this special type of parenting on a daily basis. But I can tell you that mental health issues are breaking all of us. This has been such a challenging year…I wish you and your son a great 2021. Not sure what’s coming at us, maybe more of the same, but you can handle it. We all can. 🇨🇦

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  9. It’s so hard when you can’t see the light in the tunnel, easy to get overburdened and ir is so important that you care for yourself, for your feelings as well as for the lad. I don’t know what form that could take, but somehow you must find time for yourself. It’s ever so tiny, but there is light at the end of that tunnel. Wishing you Peace. XX

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  10. Can you turn all the things off in the house, erect a tent in your living room and camp in? Windows open to listen for nature outside, reading by torch light and pretending you’ve forgotten the knives, so you have to spread the sandwiches using a spoon 🥄 and no cups, so it’s drinking out of the bowls.

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  11. I’ve had one night away from the kids since they were born. So that’s nearly 14 years now. So I get you. Though I’m not a single parent and not bereaved and my heart goes out to you. It’s really really tough but I know you’ll find ways to make space for “me-time”. Or at least I hope you will.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Sending a virtual hug. Ever since my son’s mental health tanked about five years ago and I had to take over his education and get him help for mental health challenges, I feel like I’ve had no break. And although I’m very lucky to have a husband that financially supports us, he’s quite uninvolved with our son’s education or mental health care. It’s exhausting and never ending. I look forward to you and Hawklad visiting Switzerland again.

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  13. I can’t imagine how much you must feel like a break. I’m sorry. I know you’re strong, though, and won’t be given more than you can take. Hugs to you.💕

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  14. I’m with you on this. I haven’t been away for a long time either.. It must be much tougher there though the UK is having a really rough time of it.. hoping in time you get some chance to go somewhere, though I am guessing travel is sorely limited there right now.. and yes the worn out feeling possibly this end of the year as a culmination of so many stressed on you.. Sending hugs ❤

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