A long and winding road if you can find it.

You kind of assume that your country is geared up to support its young people. That they matter. Well they should matter and countries should be geared up. But this is Britain, where support and mental health services have been under funded and in recent times cut back. Britain which has a Government that wants to return to ‘good old Victorian values’. Britain where children are only seen in terms of future economic value. In Britain where support is frowned upon by those in charge. In Britain where children taking time off in the immediate aftermath of a significant bereavement is described by the Government as ‘extended holidays’.

In 2016 Hawklad lost his granny and mum within 6 weeks of each other. A traumatic experience for anyone but for an 8 year old with Aspergers, it’s an emotional maelstrom. But here’s the thing. Sadly he won’t be the only child in this position. But where’s the support. Schools are not set up to cope. In Hawklads case the school cared but where clueless. The specialised education services in the area had been effectively closed down to meet savings targets. I approached his Doctor who just referred to child mental health services. He warned that they had a backlog of cases. That was all the Doctor did. Hawklad was already on the waiting list for Aspergers support.

That was it for over a year. No support. Left up to me, someone who was struggling already. How do you start to help someone when you are broken.

Finally we got to see the Child Mental Health Team. They worked on anxiety issues but no bereavement counselling, no Aspergers support. Luckily his dedicated worker was wonderful and she did try but it was not her area of expertise.

Fast forward to 2021 and Hawklad still has not had any bereavement counselling. Taking a wider view. He had some help with a physiotherapist but that was cut. He started speech therapy but that service was cut. He has had a few months of Aspergers related support but the specialist retired and was not replaced. He has had no dyslexia support. He does get some support for anxiety but that is patchy.

AND he is one of the lucky ones in Britain….

It has to be better than this for all our children. THEY ARE NOT JUST ECONOMIC RESOURCES. It won’t change here under this Government, it will only get worse. BRITAIN is BROKEN when it can’t care for its children.

45 thoughts on “Broken”

  1. I think I’ve said this before but try Cruse Bereavement- they are free! Not every area has specialist support for children but its worth asking, on Zoom you may even access another area if yours is lacking. Worth doing!

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  2. Where do they get the idea that Victorian values were so special? And in any case this is the 21st century. Everything is different. You can’t apply the same values. They are pathetic. I always loved being British. Now I hardly want to be a human being.

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  7. I’m so sorry. I see that in many developed countries children and others who don’t directly contribute to the economy (people with all sorts of disabilities) are left behind and not supported by anyone other than immediate family. Here in the US there’s such a mish mash of inequity. Here there are many charities who try to fill the gap, but I doubt they cover things like occupational, speech, and physical therapy (all of which my son had when he was younger). What a mess for you.

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  8. Of course I can answer your opening question, as you’ve given me loads of clues over the years: It starts with W. only I won’t type it. Apparently my son says it’s an Internet game people play, finding the places people blog about. I just thought I was being a nosey begger. Maybe you have a guesstimate of some of the places I’ve blogged about?

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  9. With all the turmoil, all the upset, all the worry, Hawklad seems to be turning out to be an awesome individual, with a great sense of humour. BABASP, you’re doing really well, even though at times you don’t think so. What is that expression: The proof is in the pudding.

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  12. I’m so sorry for the losses you have both experienced. I hear, in your posts , the deep love and commitment you have for your son. And, share your frustrations of systems that won’t make the correct priorities ( their children) a priority. We sadly have similar issues here. A true investment in the future ( for all of us) is investing in our children. ♥️♥️

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  13. I’m so sorry. This breaks my heart for you and for your son. At least my son was an adult when his dad died. It was still difficult though. It is only in the last few months that he mentions his dad and he’s been gone a little over four years. Our children are so very important, we as parents know this. Some who are not parents know this. The governments though, are uncaring twits. My son had issues, I won’t share them here for his privacy. It was a constant battle for a long time. He did see doctors, but in the end, it was he and I who brought him to where he is now. I see you as someone, even in your own struggles, who is fighting just as hard as anyone can, for your son and his future. I see people here, reaching out and offering what they know, because I’m sure they too see what I do. I’m sure they too believe, though it is a struggle, your determination and love for your son will see you through.

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    1. Love you RR. You’ve got a good heart. ❤️ I too feel for BABASP (Bereaved And Being A Single Parent) as I’ve had to cope with bringing up kids on my own. Also as deeply for Hawklad, for I was a teen when my Dad died. It was dreadful at the time, scary, weird, mixed up, the deep feeling of being the one that is lost and it had a long lasting effect on me. He was the mild parent of the two and my Mum went nuts. Life as I knew it fell apart really badly. The way BABASP is with Hawklad and Hawklad with BABASP makes my heart sing songs of love. For they love each other so wonderfully and support each other so beautifully. I don’t want to express my feelings towards the government twits and how they are letting everyone down. Right, time to go to work for me and put on a brave face, like so many of us have to these days. We can do this.

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      2. Yes, their love for each other is obvious in his writings. It is difficult on an adult when they have to face and deal with death, much more so for a young person. After my husband died my son acts as if he thinks he has to be here to take care of me. Which I’m thankful, but he needs to have his life out there somewhere. But yes, we can do this, we will do this.

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  14. Oh this tears my heart! Thank God that he has such a wonderful Father like you, but the weight you must feel trying to help him in so many areas, especially when you are grieving yourself! Love, hugs and prayers, my friend! ❤

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