Monster Movies

I’ve just pitched this blockbuster monster movie to Marvel. I think it’s a winner. Works on so many levels especially emotional.

My deepest apologies – clearly I have now lost the plot. Officially cracked now. To such an extent that we are going to build our own movie franchise up over the coming months.

Wrong End

I needed a break from the mountain of rubbish on my desk this morning. So it was time to take the pup for a walk. Partway round I bumped into a hiker with her dog. As we talked the two dogs played. The poor girl dog could hardly keep up with this hyper active Tasmanian Devil.

As my dog started to smell the girl dogs bottom the hiker said.

My girl hasn’t had the operation so she can still have puppies. But she’s never had any luck. When I say luck she doesn’t seem to let boy dogs get too close to her”

Not sure if she was eyeing Captain Chaos up as a potential suitor. I quickly pointed out.

“The vet talked me out of giving him the snip. Basically because he is such an unusual mix. Vet couldn’t find any recorded cases so maybe it’s just him and one brother and sister. But he is unlikely to have any luck. I’ve tried a good man to man talk but he just doesn’t want to listen.”

She smiled “Oh Why”

On cue he started humping the unfortunate girl dog. The wrong end. It’s always the wrong end. One day he’s going to get a sharp nip in a very delicate area.

That look.

Yes dogs stiff their own butts. Chase their own tail. Roll about in poo. They are happy playing with an old sock or even better a new pair of pants. Yes their antics don’t suggest millions of years of evolution or natural selection of the best genes.


When it comes to getting round their human owners – they are off the scale. Nothing on this planet comes remotely close.

This is the face of a dog who doesn’t want to go out in the rain. Guess what. It worked again.

Bath time

Some pets are clean and tidy. Some pets are not. Some pets are dogs…

Captain Chaos won’t pass up the opportunity to roll in any unsavoury object. Mud, cat poo, soil, bird poo, grass, sheep poo, hay, cow poo…. You get the picture. You get the musty aroma.

Cometh the smell, cometh the bath. The dog bath doesn’t last long. Most of the water ends up on the floor, the walls, the windows, the ceiling, on me. Then you do your best to dry him then it’s release the mad one and he’s fully into his even madder 10 minutes of madness. Followed by you have guessed it, some more rolling about…..

It’s the early hours. We need a bit of a lift so in 4 hours son will get up and off we go to see an early morning (and hopefully relatively empty) screening of The Avengers – End Game. A screening starting at 6.30am – how mad is that. Thanos will still be in his pyjamas.

The Booty

  • 5 socks
  • 2 pairs of pants
  • Coins
  • £5 Note
  • A dinosaur
  • Set of keys
  • A brush
  • A ruler
  • A nail brush
  • A flannel
  • A remote control
  • 2 pens
  • 2 Red Noses
  • Seth Rollins (wrestler)

All found during a fingertip search of the garden. Yesterday the dog was running round the garden with my wallet in his mouth – hence the search.

I cannot provide prima facie evidence. But clear signs of chewing and rushed attempts at burying many of the said items would strongly suggest one particular culprit. I wonder who?

The break begins….

One or two patches of Daffodils are making it through to Easter. That’s kinda nice.

So the Easter School Break begins. With a hunt. But not an Easter Egg Hunt.

Dad The Pup is outside”

That’s fine Son because I’ve been at meetings all today the poor boy will be busting.

That’s good. Did you know he has taken something with him”

It’s ok for Mr Crocodile to go outside.

No it wasn’t Mr Crocodile”

Tell me it’s not your socks.

No not my socks”

The little bugger has got my pants hasn’t he.

No not today”

What has he got then.

I think it’s your wallet”

So after a mad 5 minute chase a slightly chewed wallet has been retrieved. Soon will begin a fingertip search of the lawn for the coins and cards with have been scattered around the garden. I’m knackered already and the break is only 2 hours old….

Great Escape

When they get round to making the Great Escape 3 I’ve found the perfect replacement for the brilliant Steve McQueen. Captain Chaos.

I was just going to say Great Escape 2 but apparently that was made in 1988 – completely missed that one.

He doesn’t need a motorbike.

He’s escaped through a gap between the bushes. So I put garden mesh up.

So he ripped the mesh down. So I put up fence panels.

He dug underneath the fence. So I had to put a think layer of stones under the fence.

He climbed over the fence. So I had to put iron wire mesh across the top of the fence. So he pulled the panels of the fence, basically tore his way through the fence. So I’ve had to buy a new stronger fence panel.

Now the little darling has worked out how to climb over the fence and wire mesh He then climbs through the thick bush.

Maybe I should try a really big wall. Donald says they always work. Unfortunately I can’t declare an emergency and secure government money for that plan. Happy Days.