Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 76 Comments

Growing

Hawklad, does the costume fit?

“Don’t know yet Dad!”

I’m waiting for Jason to appear with his chainsaw.

“You might have to wait a while. It’s a tight fit.”

How tight.

“Well the trousers are now shorts that don’t get over my knees. The top won’t even get over my head. The mask is more like an eye patch and the strap isn’t long enough to wrap round my head. But at least the plastic chainsaw fits in my hand but it’s kind of like a Swiss Army knife now.”

Oh. That’s your fault for growing so much in a year. It kind of fit last year.

“No it didn’t, it was too small last year. Dad does your costume fit. But it’s not even a Halloween one?”

Yes it is number one son. It’s a ghoul.

“Dad it isn’t a ghoul. It’s Dr Who Cyberman mask which is supposed to fit a toddler and a black bin liner with holes cut in it.”

It’s a fantastic ghoul costume which I grant you is a little tight.

“Fantastic is not the word I would use. How tight”

Erm the mask doesn’t even cover my nose and my bum has ripped a hole in the bag. Apart from that it’s good to go.

“Shall we give the costumes a miss this year?”

Good idea Hawklad what shall we replace them with?

“More chocolate.”

Perfect. But with all those calories I certainly won’t get into next years costume.

“Dad who said you were getting the chocolate……”

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 68 Comments

Halloween or not

It’s the end of October and thoughts turn to Halloween. Well most probably if you are a parent. How to satisfy your young ones urge to join in the fun. From the age of about 5 Hawklad has looked forward to the 31st October. He liked to get dressed up. Maybe go to the school party. Definitely watch a bit of spooky TV. But never Trick or Treating. The thought of meeting strangers ruled that option out. So he’s never been. Actually I have never been. As a child the concept didn’t exist in our area. It was all about carving – not a pumpkin, we used turnips or swedes. A bonfire with jacket potatoes roasting in the embers. The dreaded turnip soup. Seeing what TV had on offer (just 3 channels in those days). Then it was to bed to read a spooky comic under the blankets by the light of a torch.

Trick or Treating really started to get going in our area only in the late 80s. In the last city we lived in, it was very popular. But then we moved into the sticks. The village we now live in has few children. Some years go by without a single Trick or Treater.

So what will 2020 bring. Well a full moon, so let’s hope for some breaks in the cloud.

Well for our little self contained world – it will mostly be the usual. Spicy red soup. Too many mini chocolates and sweets. Outside talks about our top ten monsters. Making up horror stories. We have a tradition that each year we invent a new horror computer game. No technical limitations when the game only ever exists in your mind. Watching cartoon halloween specials. Getting dressed up. Finally watching a couple of horror movies. When he was young that would be ScoobyDoo movies. The last couple of years it’s been old Hammer Horror flicks. This year he’s desperate to step up the horror option. Maybe the first Halloween movie.

Not forgetting Pumpkin Carving. Unfortunately our store has not had them in stock and Hawklad won’t let me go out to buy one. So it’s plan b. Well plan c as the store also failed to have a turnip or swede in. Don’t laugh plan c currently is trying to do mini carvings with jacket potatoes and apples…..

So yes 2020 may have some unique features for us. For many. Trick or Treating would appear to be banned in many areas. Luckily some places are trying to set up stuff for the kids (and parents!). Our village is doing a Halloween Trail. Households are being encouraged to put a pumpkin in the window or by the front gate. Families can then go pumpkin spotting without knocking on doors. So we need Plan D. An apple or potato carving just isn’t going to cut the mustard. At present it’s not a great plan. We have some orange balloons. The plan is to draw faces on the balloon with a think black marker pen. Then we will try to put an LED light or small torch inside the balloon. Then inflate it. What could possibly go wrong…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 63 Comments

Do you understand

It’s a dark old day here. This is midday…..

Sometimes it’s hard to tell from a photo but just past those buildings the land drops down quite steeply. Dropping about 150ft to sea level. Then it’s flat for miles. Sometimes it’s not easy to see these big details.

A few weeks back I was talking to my sister on the phone. I remember she said that I sounded ‘Happy’ and ‘was clearly doing well’. That’s odd as that day I was struggling. Feeling really low, down and so unhappy. Definitely not how my sister had seen me. That’s the thing about relationships. Often the people who should know you the best are the ones who actually get you the least. You can care and still not understand. You can care and still not really listen. You can care and still not see the reality.

Please don’t think I’m picking on my sister. We really care for each other but we don’t understand each other. I can think of so many in my life that applies to. Maybe it’s just me. Not prepared to share. Too quick to hide behind my smiling mask. But maybe we don’t often find people who truly understand us. Tuned into our thinking. Can see our pain and anxieties. Maybe that’s a rare gift. One we need to continue to search for.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 75 Comments

Word Press meets Skynet…

If only WordPress was like walking through a lovely wood. Pleasant, enjoyable and with a clear path to guide you along your journey.

No it most certainly is not. Think more Terminator Skynet. A demonic software entity working against the humans. And just like Terminator movies (you think you’ve seen the last one and then another pops up), WordPress works for a bit and then another issue pop ups.

For a few months I’ve not been able to comment or leave comments on a few blogs I follow. Then randomly my scheduled and draft post lists will be published (when I’m not logged in) – often not even as the latest entry. Now some people can’t see my photos when they use the App – but the photos are there when viewed using the www route. The same has happened to me when viewing other sites.

I’ve contacted the fine folk at WordPress but I’m not hopeful. The last few issues I’ve had with the App were nothing to do with the software, apparently down to either my iPad or Apple. Bizarrely the issues are often fixed when an App upgrade is issued (unfortunately they are usually replaced by other issues).

I’m trying some of the suggestions other bloggers have tried

  • Only using the Classic Editor,
  • Making sure the photo is set as the Featured Image,
  • Reinstalling the App frequently,
  • Trying to avoid using too many photos,
  • Avoiding including links in posts.

I’m also trying a few ideas of my own. Avoid wearing pink when I’m writing a post, shielding my thoughts from WP by donning a tin foil hat, trying to talk like Arnold Schwarzenegger and not listening to any 1970s Glam Rock unless I have flowery bell bottoms on. Will let you know if they work.

But sorry if you encounter any issues viewing my posts. It’s bad enough reading them…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 66 Comments

Fake news

I couldn’t sleep last night so I did that dreaded late night hobby. TV Channel Hoping. Normally a channel has about 20 seconds to catch my attention before I’ve moved on to the next televisual experience. Well one channel caught my attention for all the wrong reasons.

An American news channel which happened to be talking about Autism. Basically a so called expert was talking about curing people on the spectrum. The magic bullet was a combination of new drugs and intensive psychotherapy. That way apparently individuals can fit better into society by being cured.

Read that as Reprogramming and squeezing individuals into socially acceptable moulds.

I’m not going to get into the details of this crap but one thing did strike me about the expert. The expert kept talking about those on the spectrum having no empathy and no sense of humour.

Ok…..

Randomly I would like to list some of Hawklads favourite movies and shows. Ones which make him laugh and giggle.

Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Monty Python and The Life of Brian

Fawlty Towers

Red Dwarf

Deadpool 2

Airplane

Ghostbusters 1 and 2

All the Men in Black movies

ScoobyDoo

Penguins of Madagascar

Ice Age

Ant Man

Guardians of the Galaxy

Groundhog Day

Scrooged

Bill and Ted

Any Pink Panther movie

Dumb and Dumber

The Naked Gun

Horrible Histories

Black Adder

Gravity Falls

The Simpsons

Sponge Bob

Johnny English

Any Will Ferrell movie

Ace Ventura

Wayne’s World

The new Jumanji movies

Twins

Kindergarten Cop

Mall Cop

Bill

Yonderland

So many more…. Anyway apparently no sense of humour…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Patchy

Sometimes nothing is better than spending a few minutes kicking fallen leaves randomly around the garden. It’s good to go back to childhood feelings again. Autumn is often a great time for that.

Today’s visit by our son’s health worker has been cancelled. She will try again in a few weeks. It is what it is. At least we are due to get some help, many are not so fortunate. We just have to accept that what support we do get is likely to be very patchy over the coming months. Yep, we will be travelling these roads for a long while to come.

If anything we have just started the journey. Son is still wracked with anxiety and fears. He is most definitely house and garden bound. No sign of progress as yet. Actually no sign if progress in ages. We are not talking a few days here. We are already 7 months into his isolation. We will be adding many more months to that. Realistically his anxieties have become intertwined with the wider pandemic situation. How can he improve, his anxieties ease when the country is still in pandemic mode. If he ventured out he would just end up seeing people wearing masks and frequently looking nervous. It feels like manning the battlements until things start to pick up again.

That’s where kicking fallen leaves comes in. It’s so important that Hawklad still enjoys life. Enjoys his childhood. We find ways to fill our small world with fun. Yes kicking leaves ticks all those boxes. AND it’s fun for his old Pop as well.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 51 Comments

Magical sky

Looking at a big sky opens up so many possibilities. It can fill your heart with wonder. It can fuel dreams and adventures. Bring back forgotten memories. It can also calm the internal raging storm.

It can also stop you taking a large sledgehammer to the telephone…

I received a letter from the bank informing me that my local branch was closing. I apparently had two options. Start using a branch which is 15 miles further away or set up an online banking option. I opted for the latter as the setup process was fully online and could be completed in just a few moments.

Did have a third option…. switch to another bank.

So I started the process from the comfort of my sofa. Rather than being complete in just a few moments the process was clearly going to be more akin to spending a few hours in the company of the Spanish Inquisition. Three hours later the trial was still ongoing. New passwords, passcodes, PIN numbers, memorable words and identifying questions seemingly required for each screen. The process was clearly not complicated enough so suddenly the iPhone was required to join in with the tablet. Verification codes started flying between the two. I’ve got a degree in computing and the process was still pigging beyond me.

Then at last the final screen. Confirm your new online banking arrangements….. then the sting in the tail.

You will need to go into your branch in person to sign a form before the process can be completed. You can now however view your account balance online.

Very kind of them to allow me to view my bank balance (or lack of it) online. Who needs the other stuff like transfer money, make payments, control direct debits. That’s all minor stuff when it comes to online banking.

Then followed a most enjoyable one hour spent in a call queue listening to a recorded message telling me that I was a valued customer but unfortunately the bank was experiencing high call volumes. Finally a person. Unfortunately a person in a different country who didn’t understand the fine twangs of the Yorkshire accent and also clearly had no idea what it was to live in a country dealing with lockdowns.

So I eventually found myself outside. Trying to calm the internal rage and work out how to pay a visit to the new bank branch. But then the sky caught my attention. Thoughts quickly moved to happier things. Yes the sky is magical.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 90 Comments

Lopsided

I sometimes worry that you think I’m a little drunk some days. The photos might look a little slanted. In my defence I have been tea total for years and struggling to get straight photos is down to living in the hills. Or maybe it’s because I tend to just be one second away from tripping over.

One of the highlights of the week these days is taking the car for a little run out. It doesn’t like sitting doing nothing. It seizes up and battery has a habit of going flat. Sounds a bit like me….. So once a week I take it for a 5 minute drive. Just along a few of our narrow country lanes. Most of them like this one are not wider enough for two cars. No motorways here.

Hawklad won’t currently come with me. Doesn’t feel comfortable enough. No point pushing that. He said that he will try to come with me starting in November. He stays at home hence it’s only a 5 minute trip. When I get back it’s time for full decontamination to keep him happy.

I thought I would take a photo of this one particular stretch of lane. It’s a favourite of mine. I would frequently run down here on my longer pre pandemic runs. Why is it a favourite?

It’s relatively flat. No ups and downs. Here that is such a lovely feeling. But even here I can’t get a truly level picture. But I will settle for this. At least I’m not falling over. Yet.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Mole

My neighbours little tree ready for winter. It’s one of the local mole’s favourite places.

So we don’t feel left out, the Mole has made sure a present was left for us as well…..

Feels like autumn is already passing here. It looks like winter. It most definitely feels like winter. I am trying to get the garden ready for the coming dark months. Hopefully that will be finished this week. Getting ‘me’ ready for the dark months is more of an ongoing process. Needs much work….

Some people think that moles hibernate in the UK. That’s not the case. The underground tunnel structure is far enough down to avoid the frost line here. So they can continue to be active and thrive. The hope is that we(I) can do the same.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 62 Comments

Polar express

A beautiful train line in the distance. Even beautiful at night…

Last night we had a chat about Christmas. This year will be a slightly different one. No family visits and wider family meals. No friend visits. No 50000 spectator football match. No concert. No special trips out. No nice country walks. No carol singers. No Father Christmas riding through the village on a tractor collecting for charity and then handing out sweets to the kids. Basically just us, the pets, the house, the garden and one visit from the jolly big fella dressed in red.

It’s still Christmas. Still a time to make memories. Still a time to live. So we make the best of it. Never forgetting those we love the most.

Last year we thought that we had started a new tradition. A trip out on a Christmas Train. A wonderful night trip on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway. A beautiful illuminated stream train with even some magical creatures in the passing fields.

So we had planned to do the same this year……

Well it’s not happening. So it’s time for plan b. We have decided that on the same day as last year we will head out on our own polar express. I have some really cheap solar powered Christmas lights. The car will adorned with these. A Christmas music cd will be loaded up on the car stereo. Christmas snacks will find their way into the car. Silly hats and reindeer jumpers will be donned. And off we go on our own polar express. A slow drive around a little used country lane route.

That’s a start. What else can we come up with. What new memories can be born. Always remembering to carry those we love in our hearts as memories are made.