Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 11 Comments

Rush Hour

Stood in the middle of the road, in the middle of the North Yorkshire Moors. It’s rush hour….

Who can spot the vital national security establishment which they haven’t really bothered hiding….. how did they get planning permission for that. Us mere mortals living in these parts struggle to get permission to build even a small coal bunker these days.

Coal bunkers, I remember them. As a child our outside toilet was built next to the coal bunker. The toilet always had a faint hit of black soot covering the seat, the floor, the walls and the toilet paper. Probably not the only things covered as well…

So Hawklad’s exams are fast approaching. In Maths, History and English Literature we have just about made it to the revision stage. For the other subjects sadly we are still scrambling about trying to complete as much of the syllabus as possible. Just need to keep reminding Hawklad that each day, more progress is made. Even if sometimes it just feels like one small step, it’s still helps, it’s still moving forward, it all adds up.

There is so much additional stress and anxiety that’s why it’s so important that Hawklad gets a chance to breathe, to enjoy some of each day. And that’s why we found ourselves stood on an empty Moors road . He fancied a trip out to somewhere quiet, miles from anywhere, miles from the EXAMS.

Job done…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 36 Comments

Farmer

The Farmer has been busy. The Farmer in a seriously thick jumper. The Farmer who was complaining to me about it being so cold for Spring. The village has an annual walk to the Bluebell Wood usually this last weekend in April. This year it is currently on hold as even the bluebells have decided it’s TOO COLD to make an appearance.

Don’t blame them….

The Farmer reckons the plants are at least a month behind where they should be. Hawklad with just a tad of irony, said that he’d would happily settle for just being a month behind schedule. I know what he means.

Hawklad is ploughing on with his exam revision, mostly sat by the fire. So much to do and not enough time. Probably only in one subject, History, will he fully complete the course before the exams. The other subjects he will be playing catch up right until the exams. But he’s still giving it a go, he is trying. So proud of him.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

Butty

Do you think I would get away with this in my garden as a bit of a water feature. You don’t think that it might be a tad pretentious. My current water feature is me walking about with a watering can….. Imagine the fun Captain Chaos would have with this.

We were in the garden (without a water feature) playing table tennis and trying to lift Hawklad’s spirits after a demoralising couple of hours revising. He was frustrated and dispirited because we had picked up that he had been using the wrong method to calculate something in mathematics. He’d apparently been doing it the wrong way for a couple of years but as the teacher hasn’t been looking at his submitted maths work, it wasn’t picked up until we spotted it.

He had an Easter Egg, I had a coffee with a BUTTY.

I came from a family that survived on Butties… Dad would always say only POSH people called them sandwiches. Most items could be placed between two slabs of bread for a tasty meal. Family favourites included

Fish Finger butties

Chip butties (My favourite)

Crisp butties (Mum’s favourite)

Baked Beans butties (don’t wear a white shirt eating this one)

Sausage butties

Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy butties (a particularly messy one)

Mushy Peas and Vinegar butties

Fried Egg and Tomato Ketchup butties

Last nights Pizza butties

Pork Pie butties (Dad’s favourite)

At one stage I even started having Pot Noddle butties

All things butties. I even once remember a debate about whether a slice of bread sandwiched between two other slices of bread counted as a Bread Butty or just three Slices of Bread. Whatever the answer to this philosophical point, we had so many butties as a family for one good reason. Bread was cheap, it was a cheap way of padding out our meals.

Now a thought has crossed my mind. Sitting in our garden, it’s summer, after the exams, next to that giant water feature, having a butty. That works…

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 5 Comments

Time

The Poor Daffs are taking a right weather pounding and yet they are still going strong. Definitely hardy souls. A varied learning/revision day for Hawklad.

Vectors,

UK River Landscapes,

Romeo and Juliet,

Cell Specialisation,

The 1846 Mormon Migration (Revision)

All in just over TWO HOURS…. If you read the blurb that school sends out, Hawklad should be doing a minimum 4 hours revision on every school day and a minimum 7 hours on a non school day.

****some parents might disagree with the next bit****

Learning and revision surely needs to be tailored around the individual needs and characteristics of the pupil. Some might suit the 7 hours of academia each day, others not so. The homeschooling of Hawklad over the last few years has revealed many things, one of which is…

Hawklad has a sweet spot for learning of up to 3 hours a day. Up to 3 hours and things go in, but quickly after that and his learning potential drops off a cliff. He gets rapidly tired and frustrated. His anxiety levels begin to spike. Connections aren’t made, facts don’t go in and they certainly don’t stay in. He even starts to struggle and get confused with the information he had earlier learnt so well.

7 hours of revision slog would just be counterproductive for him.

So we made a decision, Hawklad works for 3 hours max each day. Yes it limits what we can cover but surely quality is so much more important than quantity. Surely his well-being has to be paramount. Exams cannot be everything.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 63 Comments

Exams

A few minutes later we got seriously wet….

Hawklad’s final school exams are fast approaching, they start in a months time. School are now providing a weekly one hour teaching assistant session to help with English. Another subject teacher is providing revision instructions which help. The rest is down to us now. The REST means revision and subject learning.

It’s a real mixed bag across the subjects. In History (his best subject) we have just about completed the course and can start to revise. This is the subject which has consistently provided teaching materials for Hawklad to work with and marked his submitted work. But in the other subjects we are still scrambling around trying to cover all the topics. It’s clear now that he has missed out significantly being at home. The school and the national education system isn’t setup for pupils who miss significant portions of classroom teaching on health grounds. On top of that teachers are having to cope with class sizes of up to 30 with increasing pressure from Government to stick to prescribed teaching methods. They just don’t have the time to teach outside the box now.

The end result is that Hawklad is having to learn new material when he is supposed to be revising old material. The dilemma now is do we try to cover all the missing topics which would effectively rule out any real revision in most of the subjects OR do we take a punt on just covering some topics and revising these. Cover everything thinly or cover some of it a little more in depth….

In Geography and Sciences we are going to try to cover the entire subject and see if we can squeeze in some crash revision over the last few days. In these subjects we are dumping all the school material as it is so incomplete. We have bought into an online science teaching site that was recommended by a fellow blogger ❤️. For Geography we are finding teaching videos on YouTube.

We have also largely dumped the school maths materials and I’m reteaching the entire subject. Again we hopefully will get a couple of days to crash revise at the end.

With English and Literature we will cover some of the course using the teaching assistant weekly sessions and by watching teaching videos we find on YouTube. Here we just can’t realistically cover all the required reading content in the time left, so we intend to cover and revise just part of the course (and hope we get reasonably lucky in the exam).

The other factor is the actual exams. School haven’t been able to organise a mock exam for Hawklad, so he won’t have sat any practice exams at all before these main ones. In addition, with the time constraints it’s unlikely we will be able to spend too much time practicing exam questions at home. That is just so not ideal. The knock on effect of no exam practice is that we haven’t been able to test whether Hawklad will be able to write his own answers, or whether he needs to type them or if he needs a scribe. All we can do is have a stab at guessing which way will suit him best and then see who it goes in the first exam. If it doesn’t work out then we will have to switch approach for the second exam.

As Hawklad says ….. what could possibly go wrong ……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

San Siro

I guess the rainbow season has started.

“Ok Dad, if I somehow manage to pass every exam then I think that probably means we should do something special to mark that.”

Absolutely and actually why should it be just dependent on the outcome of some random exams whose outcomes can be far reaching. Exams that are such a poor reflections of real person, their effort, the struggles they overcome, their character, just how amazing they are and just how much they have to offer.

So my mind wandered to what that prize could be.

And once again I was so far away from the answer.

“If I do that then can you look into getting me to Milan. Going to see Inter play at the San Siro. I don’t know how you would get me there, maybe we could try to get there using Switzerland as the base.”

Time to get the thinking hat on but I do know that our old Swiss base has direct trains to Milan each day. How cool would that be for Hawklad.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 60 Comments

20

Sometimes you need to get out to breathe, take stock, maybe even forget a few things for a while.

In less than 2 months Hawklad’s final school exams begin. I kinda gave one of those Paddington Bear penetrating LOOKS to someone from his school when they referred to Hawklad having an easier exam ride than many other pupils.

Some won’t see a problem with what comes next and what do I know anyway.…

When the exams start, Hawklad will have 20 exams and one video assessment to complete in just under 4 weeks.

TWENTY……

And that’s an EASIER ride. Doesn’t seem very easy to Hawklad.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 15 Comments

Parked up

It’s a hard life on the pet sofa. Boys will be boys.

I’m writing this in my so called car listening to a bit of deep and meaningful art, an art form called Whitesnake. Here is a random fact, that band’s lead vocalist worked in a fashion clothes shop which was next to my Dentist torture site. That Dentist was an ex army, old school medic and it showed. The caring nature of Rambo who has just found out that Arnie has much bigger biceps than him. That Dentist practice was horrible. But to be fair to him after every horrible, painful appointment he would make his one allowance to being a member of the human race. It was his attempt to be nice, to be caring. He would let you pick out a lollipop from the sweet jar, I guess it was all about keeping business healthy…

Anyway I’m parked up in a community library parking place. Hawklad is having his FIRST one to one, direct bit of teaching since March 2020. We have been after this since then but school just haven’t been able to free up teaching resources. Well now, two months from Hawklad’s final exams it’s happening. Unfortunately it won’t cover all the subjects due to teaching resource constraints, the sessions if they can continue will be sporadic. After Science, History and Geography were excluded from these sessions the focus was supposed to be on both English and Maths. Unfortunately school have dropped Maths now. Apparently someone has walked out on school and they won’t be replaced until after the exams.

But at least it’s something. Any helping hand is a good hand.

A Teaching Assistant will be providing a short session covering a bit of English and a bit of exam techniques. I wonder if they will cover any of the areas we have requested. I really hope it helps Hawklad.

Looking at Hawklad’s face as he went into the Library he had the same terrified look that I must have had visiting that Psychotic Dentist, just WAY WORSE. This is so not easy for him, he is so close to an anxiety meltdown. It shows just how little contact he has had with school staff, zero relationships have been established. It’s probably also a reflection of just how painful an experience this school has been for him.

Let’s just hope that like my trips to the dentist, he can put this behind him and actually he gets something out of it. In my case with the Dentist at lease I got some dodgy chemical filled fillings and a sugary lollipop. I want so much more for him. I just want him to feel at ease with life and be happy.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Bewildered

A new walk for the two of us in North Yorkshire, we are so blessed to live here. So many places to breathe.

Although I think these shelters aren’t going to be much cop against our tropical weather….

Three days since school returned from a week off and not one single communication from a teacher. Nothing. Maybe School has given up any pretence of supporting Hawklad now.

Deep Sigh….

I was thinking back to how naïve I was just a few years ago. I kinda still assumed that life, parenting, everything, was perfectly logical, straightforward, fathomable.

Did I really think that.

What a monumental muppet.

Now I know. I know how I feel. Tired, confused, battered, walking through life’s avenues seemingly wading through unremittingly thick, bucket loads of treacle – seriously hard work.

Why was all this such a surprise to me, I just needed to look back at my parents. Bringing up 5 children, both parents having to work to try and make ends meet. Trying to maintain an old battered house which had an outside toilet and one coal fire for heating. The only holiday they enjoyed was the very rare day trip to the beach at either Saltburn or Whitby. I’m not sure they ever truly figured out their youngest child, ME, I was baffling to them. My parents trying to do all this while coping with a failed, dysfunctional marriage.

I bet they felt a lot like I do, like many of us do. Worn down, tired, disillusioned, perpetually bewildered.

Yes I understand that now.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 30 Comments

Secret Garden

Still no snow has shown up at our little hilltop village. It’s getting harder apparently to get the perfect conditions for snow in this part of Yorkshire. But just thirty minutes drive and we can get into the Moors. These Moors do get snow….. So a couple of weeks back we headed over to get some of that elusive white stuff. Night time is perfect, Hawklad gets the place to himself.

It’s only a short drive but you do feel so far from civilisation. No school here. These places are so special and wow the night sky. No light pollution.

This is what this looks like during the day and much later in the season. Perfect.

Perfect location for wonderful literature like The Secret Garden. The Secret Garden’s themes of rebirth and healing, we could all do with some of that.

As we wandered across the snow covered ground with just the light from our head torches to illuminate the way, it’s much easier to forget the trials of the day, well at least for a few moments. The school journey isn’t going well……

Minimal support, so it does feel like it’s a never ending fight against the system. What’s crystal clear now is that school has only given us access to a fraction of the course material over the 2 years Hawklad has been away from the classroom. With just a few months until his final school exams and he has so much to do just to catch up never mind revise. I genuinely fear that there is just too much to do in those few months. He simple isn’t going to get a fair chance in those exams through no fault of his own. He so wants to start college in September, to take the next step. Why is this so hard. Why is the system seemingly so keen to write him off without given him a chance.

Just a few moments walking across the desolate moors, forgetting all this, it does feel good. Sadly that feeling doesn’t last long enough. Two weeks on from that snow adventure and this schooling struggle is just getting harder and more frustrating. We could really use another snow adventure, find our own SECRET GARDEN.