Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Time

Poor Hawklad was trying to do a test paper at home today. Three long questions and 20 short ones in 90 minutes. That’s no fun at the best of times, especially when it’s a subject that he has zero interest in. But it’s so much harder when TIME is a mystery. He just can’t visualise time. He can’t get his head round it. It’s taking years but he can now tell the time from a digital clock but it doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just a number. He even says it as a number rather than an actual time. He can be doing things and he has no real handle of whether he has been at it for minutes, or for hours. That’s a huge problem in exams. Clocks that tell him nothing and so little grasp on how much time might have elapsed. It’s a common issue for many. It’s often cited as one of the most common problems individuals on the autism spectrum face in their daily life’s.

As a child I struggled with this. I would go out and not return home for hours, yet to me it felt like I had only been gone for moments. It was put down to my absentmindedness. But it wasn’t. Even when I tried I couldn’t get my head round time. The only exam I failed at school was in English. I took the subject a year earlier. 3 hours, 3 questions. As I finished the first question, in my head I was on track. 2 hours left…. That’s when the head teacher called out, ‘that’s time, please put your pens down’. Then a year later I had the reverse of the problem. I blasted through every paper and every question as if time was rapidly draining away. As I finished each exam I waited for the ‘times over’ call, but it didn’t come. I think I was finishing each paper within an hour with two hours to spare. I just couldn’t get my head round time.

As the years went on I have improved a bit. Mobile technology has helped. But I still struggle with the concept of time. Its often easier for me to see things in terms of events rather than timings. Thinking ‘just under Two hours’ doesn’t really help me but rather thinking ‘length of a football match’ does. I can feel that, I can visualise that. That is something Hawklad is now going to play with to see if it helps. Rather than thinking 45 minutes to do a question, trying to answer the question during say the first half of a football match.

Problem is that while he’s wrestling with understanding time, he’s not focusing fully on what he should be. Sometimes TIME doesn’t help at all.

I must admit

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 27 Comments

Wet Distractions

It’s a wet Wednesday here in the UK but at least yesterday’s storm has started to finally abate. Even the occasional break in the clouds. That always helps.

Definitely moody…..

Days like this can be a struggle for me. Distractions are always welcome. There are some amongst us who are always distracted.

Now that’s a hole. Giving someone ideas. Think of the socks which could be hid in that tunnel.

That’s some mouse……

Hawklad’s school feels like a mysterious hole somedays. Some things it is really good at doing. It never fails to let us know about kitchen closures, Christmas jumper days, school concerts. Yet the same school seems to find it so hard to get lessons consistently to pupils forced to be away from the classroom. The school gets glowing reviews and multiple awards for teaching quality yet it doesn’t seem to have the first clue on how to provide support to pupils with educational disabilities. I guess with less than two years of secondary education left for Hawklad, we may never get to figure that out. School and the education system isn’t changing any time soon.

Yes definitely a moody day.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Time

It’s carnage on the roads today. Proper gridlock.

The amount of time I used to waste on the roads. Rush hour first thing, then rush hour on the way home. Travelling distances for meetings. Rushing here and there. Grabbing a sandwich while scurrying to my next appointment. Surviving on ever increasing amounts of caffeine. Time I could have spent truly living, doing things that truly matter. It wasn’t until single parenting forced me out of the rat race that I finally managed to see this. Time passed me by and I didn’t even notice. You don’t get that time back. What was I thinking about.

Now it’s a different life. My priorities have changed. Being a Mum and Dad, Single parenting, homeschooling, housework, trying to keep a part time job going. All mostly done without reference to an appointments diary AND NO TIME LOST in the rush hour, work madness.

When the world changed I kinda assumed that it was just about putting my career on hold. Maybe somewhere after 2023 the career would live again. It doesn’t work like that. I now realise that old life has gone full stop…… Other priorities, other commitments, I’m a different person. A new realisation.

Life has to be about making the most of precious time and not letting it slip through my fingers stuck in permanent traffic jams and never ending meeting cycles. Now the stuff I do MATTERS. If I don’t do it then it doesn’t happen. Can’t do that as a parent. Contrast that with the rat race. Do they even know that I quit my career. Did anyone notice one less driver stuck in the traffic queues.

YES, one person most definitely has.

YES my son. I’m there for him when he needs me, that doesn’t happen if I’m stuck on the M1 somewhere near Junction 42. I’m not there for him if I’m chasing my career.

Time really matters…….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

Free

That’s another weekend gone. Feels like I immediately need another one to recharge. Wishful thinking…..

It’s been the usual school effected weekend. Six pieces of homework talking Hawklad about six hours to complete. Why as a society do we have such a problem in letting childhood mean fun, freedom and adventures. I keep saying it….. if our countries so called Leader has to have his weekends off (because he needs them) then why can’t we let our children have the same leisure time. Is it because some people are deemed more important than others….

Hawklad didn’t complete all the work that was required of him but I stopped him. Enough is enough. Time to try and recharge. He won’t ever recharge doing Calculus questions but he just might when he can be outside and free.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 60 Comments

Added

Another dusting of the white stuff. It’s such a wonderful world filled with the best dreams and breathtaking beauty.

It’s bizarre how tiredness works out in practice. Yesterday on a few hours sleep I was a walking single parent zombie disaster zone. Bogged down in the minutiae of life. I couldn’t even make bread……

That was my bread after 3 hours in the poor bread making machine. Not sure if I should butter it or use it as a facial exfoliating rub…..Yet today on even less sleep I feel fine. Feeling like I’m almost competent at this parenting gig. I could even explain Calculus and Ionic Bonds this morning. Definitely NOT at home to Mr Zombie Head today.

So is even less sleep good for me? No not really. What is good for me is focusing on what is truly important to me. Doing that makes me realise just how beautiful this world is, just how wonderful life can still be. All the ingredients to happiness and fulfilment are there, just need to remember to us them.

It’s makes such a difference when you use all the ingredients in gluten free bread making 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Same bread just with added water……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

It’s Cold on page 264

Poor Hawklad was trying to do his school at home lessons. A teacher had uploaded work to be done online. That’s always a good thing and most welcome, unless you are Hawklad. The work kept referring to ‘review the key information on page 264 of your text book’. What text book….. Apparently the text book those in class use each lesson as a key part of the teaching programme. The class share copies so there isn’t one available to be sent home, so Hawklad did know that one even existed. At least we know now.

It’s cold. Not as cold as some countries but it’s cold for us. It’s definitely a two wooly jumper day.

It’s the kinda day for hot chocolate, soups and stews. It’s been a bit of a STEW fest recently. I can obliterate baking but I can do a might fine stew. What’s the secret to my STEWPENDOUS creations. Well I discovered that last night. Out of date herbs. Seriously out of date. We are taking Best Before A Very Long Time Ago. Best before ran out during Obama’s presidency (and not his second stint….). Oops….

The ageing adds to the flavour. As my parents would say when food hit the ground when I was a kid. Days when the food was quickly wiped on a sleeve and handed back for consumption.

“It will put hairs on your back son”.

Now a few millennial later and it certainly has done that….. If only my parents had put all this useful information and knowledge into a parenting textbook. I’m sure it would provide much reassurance on the use of out of date food items. It might even enlighten us to what key information can be found on page 264….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Well that’s something

An oncoming storm. Storm Arwen. The first winter storm of the season. Blizzards for some. 90mph winds for some. Lots of rain for others. Sometimes an exposed northern hill is not the best place to put a few houses. Definitely not the best place to put some plastic furniture in the garden. If anyone sees a flying once white chair with a missing leg, that’s ours and I’ve got the other leg…..

Here’s something. A teacher asking how Hawklad is doing. A teacher who has reviewed his work. A teacher you has spotted areas he needs to work on. That makes such a difference. I know it’s just one subject but it’s a start.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 32 Comments

Let’s go walking

Let’s go walking

An early finish to the school day. A big advantage of the school at home project. Usually if a teacher forgets to issue work then we chase it up. Not this day. If the teacher forgets (and they did) let’s not remind them. Let’s see if they notice (and they didn’t).

An early finish means time for a long walk. I so wish Hawklad could use the time to meet up with friends. But as he is stuck with his gnarly Muppet Dad then the next best thing is a walk. Hawklad’s idea.

A walk from our house which we had never fully done before. 15km and we never saw another soul. Perfect for Hawklad.

Definitely beats school and school never missed him.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 40 Comments

Work

It takes a little bit of hard work to get to this spot but on a morning we can catch a mist covered view of the Vale of York.

Rewarding hard work.

According to those in charge of our countries school system, our children don’t work hard enough. Too much free time. So they are looking to extend the school day, reduce holidays and introduce more frequent, more extensive homework. Already lunch and school breaks have been cut back.

So clearly more hard work is required.

The following is an example of the current (not enough) homework being issued. Hawklad was expected to complete this over the weekend. One piece of work from Religious Education.

On top of this Hawklad had work to complete from English, Information Technology, Design Technology, History and Geography. He caught a bit of a break this time, no Biology, no Chemistry and no Maths homework.

And now the Government wants to add even more work on top of this….

The Prime Minister makes sure he gets weekends off to recharge and relax. Why can’t out children.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 63 Comments

Isolation

Late evening colour from Yorkshire.

It’s been one of those pushing up hill days. School doing as little as possible. A flu jab that ended up being a magical mystery tour around an NHS property – the signs had blown over in a wind storm and countless potential jab recipients were walking aimlessly around a vast site like a scene from ‘Night of the Zombies’ or ‘The Teletubbies’. Then news that Hawklad’s mental health support is getting reduced again. Was supposed to be a couple of yours every week. Then it was reduced to 45 minutes every two weeks. Soon it’s going to 45 minutes every month. Just not enough resources to meet rising mental health needs amongst our young. It’s all about government priorities. Well at least he’s still getting some help, that’s something.

Finally time to relax a bit. Hawklad was watching an Adam Sandler buddy movie. He does make Hawklad laugh a lot. I watch bits of it as I caught up with some housework. Funny how housework doesn’t ever sort itself out.

The movie was all about a group of childhood friends meeting up now they were middle aged. I must admit it got me wistfully thinking about how life has worked out over the last few years. Single parenting, living out in the sticks, a pandemic…. All are the equivalent of the FRIENDSHIP Hulk Buster Suit. Seeing friends has been officially been BUSTED. In over 5 years I’ve had one meet-up with a friend which lasted 2 hours at a so called football match. What I would give now for a few of those Adam Sandler type friend meet-ups. Just his much I would give for just 30 minutes with my best friend. Sadly I bet I’m not the only one feeling this way. These are isolating times.