Grief is a double edged sword. Yesterday felt like repeated thrusts to the heart. Focusing on what has been lost. That ‘why did it happen to me’ feeling. Everything reminded me of the loss. That video. Sad songs. Radio advertising – anything from where to go for your romantic Christmas meal to the perfect present for your loved one. Her favourite painting. Her favourite cat. That empty bed.

The walk, the wet walk did help a bit. It did help me get focused and ready for our son.

Today I’ve experienced the other side of the grief sword. The positive side. Now the focus is on how privileged I am. Even someone like me was able to experience 16 golden years. Romance. So many happy memories. A beautiful, perfect son. Grief is really everlasting love. That is something which can’t be lost.

69 thoughts on “Today

  1. Ah, the lesson that life is never one thing. I wonder if there is a less painful way to learn this than losing someone you love. Try shifting your thinking from moving on to moving forward. I found that helped me a lot.

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  2. Christmas is a time to reflect on our loved ones no longer to be hold in our arms. Yes, that sweet, bitter emptiness. Wanting to feel their skin. Yes, it’s happening to you, my dear. Then there comes a time to let go. In grief we, us mortal have to surrender to our love one and allow her to pass on to the next dimension. For grieving denies our love one to go on their journey. Your journey is now different – you will never be the same again. You will be reborn and sent on a different path. Stop smelling the roses learn about you, then a bud grows to cherish again. Peace👼

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  3. I’m sorry for your loss. For whatever reason I just saw a follow on my blog and noticed your title blog…it caught my eye and I’ve been reading your stuff for the past 30 minutes….bless you. I’m struggling with depression of which I will write about soon enough and this brought me to tears….and yet, I find myself grateful right now….your ending to this piece was powerful beyond words…thank you. Please keep writing.

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  4. I am sorry for your loss. Grief is indeed a double edged sword, and we all react differently. I don’t see Time so much as a healer, but something that smooths away the rough edges of the pain to make it bearable.
    This is our first Christmas without my Mum. She’s forever with me though, every time I look in the mirror she looks right back. I find comfort in that she is with my Dad now.
    Best wishes for Christmas to you and your son.

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  5. Damn, this was me yesterday, lost in memories of my own childhood and knowing my kids wouldn’t hear my dad, their grandfather, joke and laugh and chase and race until Heaven. Cried in the car and all. But I can share what pieces of him are in me with them, and that is still a beautiful blessing to be thankful for. x

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